Guys - how long are you prepared to wait?

[InaneCathode]

Gah, when people write "I MADE him wait" its kinda insulting.

Men arent puppies you hold a treat away from them until you're ready. Tell them why, when, who, how much. Dont have sex with him until you're ready, but dont lead them around without telling them why, they'll understand.

[Cardinal]

Thanks for the explanation PittItaliano!

 

It clarifies one big point. Individual differences play a big role here. And each situation is very different. I understand why you chose to wait longer with your current situation now given the context and trust issues. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

 

For what it may add to the discussion, I will give a little more detail on why my g/f and I ended up waiting 4 months to have sex (it was her call on that).

 

From my perspective, I tried to initiate more physical intimacy staring at date 3-4 (3-4 weeks in). It was her first time and she let me know how far was too far kindly.

 

It became obvious about 4-6 weeks in that she was just plain afraid of having sex for lack of a better explanation. She was so unsure of herself, she started blatantly lieing to me when I would even try to spend more time with her (no pressure to have sex in particular, if there was any at all it was very mild hints).

 

She was scared almost as bad as she is scared of heights. By then I had come to the conclusion that she was definitely a virgin and we had a nice conversation about it outside of the bedroom.

 

For awhile there I was quite confused thinking the relationship was turning in a very bad direction. I could tell she was blatantly lieing to me and I couldn't figure out why. She was sending all the wrong signals. Once I took the pressure off of her and essentially firmly intiated better communication, she started b/c a month later and by 4 months in we started having sex.

 

I think opening up communication channels early on is crucial and would have made the relationship progress better.

 

I still think we should discuss life issues more often than we do. It can only help.

[Cardinal]

Gah, when people write "I MADE him wait" its kinda insulting.

Men arent puppies you hold a treat away from them until you're ready. Tell them why, when, who, how much. Dont have sex with him until you're ready, but dont lead them around without telling them why, they'll understand.

 

The "I made him wait" comment also got to me. You aren't the only one. Relationships imo should not be so one sided.

 

Rather than, "I made him wait"...it should read, "we decided it is best to wait until..." or something like that. Input should come from both parties and definitely good reasons should be given when problems arise and you have to take a firm stance on an issue that you don't agree with your partner about.

[PittItaliano]

Well, he was ready, and i wasn't... he told me not to do anything until I was ready, so it was a decision we made together. It's more or less like I felt like I was making him wait. He was ready... and a part of me felt bad that I wasn't.

[TiredMan]

Gah, when people write "I MADE him wait" its kinda insulting.

Men arent puppies you hold a treat away from them until you're ready. Tell them why, when, who, how much. Dont have sex with him until you're ready, but dont lead them around without telling them why, they'll understand.

 

Truer words have never been spoken.

 

Here's another interesting tidbit. I was talking with a female friend of mine recently about the subject about how in many relationships/marriages, the amount and clearly the quality/duration or BJ's goes down and her response was because the girl already has the guy. But at the same time, they still want be given flowers and all that "dating" type stuff. hmmmm lol.