Am I entitled to be upset?

[Süsser Tod]

Last night I talked to my gf on the phone, we agreed to go to the movies today, but she wants me to pick her up at her house.

 

She said she misses me picking her up at her house...

 

Last sunday we went to this part of the city that is like a cultural center, I picked her up at her house, then on Tuesday, we went to Friday's for a friend's bday, I picked her up at her house, and on Wednesday, I went to her house to watch a movie...

 

 

What drives me mad is the fact that "she misses me picking her up at her house", can't she remember I've done it the last two times we went out, that were this week?

 

I think she may be not appreciating what I do.

 

I'm at work, and I always commute on my motorcycle. I'll have to go home, peak hour traffic, drop the bike and take the car to go to her house. All that during peak hour traffic.

It will take me about 45 minutes to get to her house, then, 1 hour and a half, or so, to get from my house to her house!

 

On the other hand, she is on vacations from college, sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. I'm willing to bet that she is still sleeping at this time, she'll probably get up at 12 or 1pm and do nothing until I come pick her up.

 

 

Is it right from me to at least expect her to drive to my house, where we can take my car to go to the movies? Usually when she goes to my house I don't let her go alone back to her house, so I take my bike and ride with her to her house.

 

Sure, on a weekend, when I'm not going to work I have no problem picking up at her house, but come on, she should be at least willing to make things easier on me!

[Dako]

I'd be upset, too.

She must not appreciate what it takes to play chauffeur so she can feel pampered. Does your bike have a passenger seat?

[RayKay]

Have you explained to her what your commute is like to do that?

 

I really don't see why she could not meet you either there, or at your house and go from there. Especially if she does not have a commute and is at home anyway!

 

I really think there needs to be some compromise on things like this. When my boyfriend and I were not living together, it seemed only right to take turns on things like that (even though I did not have a car, I was willing to ride my bike for example over to his place regularly).

 

You are not her chauffeur. Sure it's nice to be picked up now and then and "treated" but it really is something that should not be expected everytime, especially when it's kind of ridiculous and senseless given the process you would go through to do that everytime!

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Have you tried explaining to her what a hassle it is for you to do that? Hopefully that would be enough of a reason for her to understand and take driving matters into her own hands.

[avman]

What person wouldn't love to be picked up and chauffeured all the time? Maybe she doesn't realize how much of an inconvenience it is for you. You might try just telling her "Hey I really love picking you up and all but it's a really long commute for me to do that so I can't do it all the time."

 

See what her reaction is.

[Vert]

I run into this same phenomenon a lot with my significant other... I'll get the "you never hold me" or "you never this" or "you never that" even though I'll have done it 100x that week. IMO it's a woman's way of trying to drop hints that she wants it more and more and she really likes it. Unfortunately you and I both have a sig other that uses this form of manipulation, and it feels like unappreciation, doesn't it? Instead of "I love it when you pick me up because it makes me feel loved" she says "I miss having you pick me up"... It's just another form of communication and female/male thought processes. I wouldn't place too much stock in it as it might just be her personality.

 

Also, women love to be paid for, picked up, carried over the threshold, doors opened, chairs pulled out, etc etc. It's "chivalry" and although most women love to be independent they truly love having you do these things for them (even though the appreciation comments might not be so good).

[tylercdurden2004]

Tell her shes fired! Er I mean tell you quit and look for another chauffeur job!

 

Seriously let her know how much of a hassle it is fro you to drive through traffic at rush hour etc. If she is at home doign nothing is it not possible for her to drive to see you or catch the bus.

 

What if she was waiting for you when you get home?

[Vert]

Tell her shes fired! Er I mean tell you quit and look for another chauffeur job!

 

Seriously let her know how much of a hassle it is fro you to drive through traffic at rush hour etc. If she is at home doign nothing is it not possible for her to drive to see you or catch the bus.

 

What if she was waiting for you when you get home?

 

I don't think it's wise to tell her how much of a hassle it is... I would routinely travel to the city (I live in a 'burb near my job and my wife lived in the city, at the time) which was 30 minutes each way to see her that night. When I mentioned how tough it was for me it made her feel guilty, but at the same time I loved doing it because I wanted to see her. Like I said above, sometimes people don't appreciate something you do routinely because it's always there. Trust me, if you take it away she'll see what she's missing.

[Arielle]

Everyone should realize that cross-town driving in heavy traffic is a pain.

 

I'm curious, is she a bad driver, or does she seem to have any phobias about driving?

[DN]

Is this the only way in which she takes advantage of you or are there other examples. Such as paying for dates equitably?

 

Does she drive her car much when you are not there? I am wondering if there is a problem she is not telling you? - such as problems paying for gas, or maybe she has had her licence and/or insurance suspended and doesn't want to admit that.

[Süsser Tod]

Is this the only way in which she takes advantage of you or are there other examples. Such as paying for dates equitably?

 

Does she drive her car much when you are not there? I am wondering if there is a problem she is not telling you? - such as problems paying for gas, or maybe she has had her licence and/or insurance suspended and doesn't want to admit that.

 

No, she likes to be driven everywhere, if she can avoid driving, she'll avoid it. Maybe her parents spoiled her, she is 22, but has only been driving for the last year.

 

Dating, well, I always pay, as she is a student without any income other than what she gets from her parents. Once she paid for the pizza.

 

But I do think that once she gets a job, that won't change, as she is kinda selfish and seems to think she deserves it... I won't say anything about it at this point, as I'm just assuming, but when the time comes...

 

I don't think it's wise to tell her how much of a hassle it is... I would routinely travel to the city (I live in a 'burb near my job and my wife lived in the city, at the time) which was 30 minutes each way to see her that night. When I mentioned how tough it was for me it made her feel guilty, but at the same time I loved doing it because I wanted to see her. Like I said above, sometimes people don't appreciate something you do routinely because it's always there. Trust me, if you take it away she'll see what she's missing.

 

I like doing it, but not when it means that much trouble for me. I do want to see her, but I don't want to spend 2 hours wasting my life on my car.

 

Seriously, I just don't feel like spending two hours on the car after work.

[Iceman26]

I don't see any problem with you telling her the truth.

 

I see where picking her up on the weekends would be cool, but after you've been at work all day, while she has been hibernating in bed for the better part of the day, she should be considerate enough to drive to see you.

[DN]

Why are you with somone you think is selfish?

[itsallgrand]

I would speak to her about it. And then follow it up with consistent action.

Right now: she is being Princess. Maybe that is a role she won't be willing to give up; but maybe she will loosen up on a bit with some straight talk and action.

If you treat her as an equal, rather than a little girl, she *possibly* will respond in kind. Just my opinion, but I think you're giving her too much slack. She's 22 for gawdsakes.

Not being able to see the boyfriend unless effort is made can be motivation for some.

So can the respect one feels when one knows they are being treated as capable of giving equally.

 

Then again, you could always keep it to yourself, continue to pick her up and allow yourself to be manipulated by her. I feel that would lead to a steady build of resentment in you, until you find yourself thinking 'selfish bioootch. treats me like crap. i'm done'.

 

I think you deserve to be treated well, and to get that feeling 'hey, this is really nice, being picked up and taken on a date!' , at least somewhat as often as she does.

[Süsser Tod]

Well, I talked to her about it yesterday. She didn't liked it very much, but she agreed it would be fair to drive to my house sometimes.

 

I've tried to tell her everytime I feel bothered by something she does. For example, at some point I thought she was being a little bit unfair about sex, she would get off and stop the game. Talked to her about that and how I felt sex, or whatever you can call making out and oral sex, was being one sided.

 

I'm her "third" boyfriend, her first one was when she was 17, they lasted two weeks, and year and somethign ago she had another boyfriend for 3 months and somewhere in between that guy and me she had something with one of her friends. So she doesn't have a lot of experience with relationships, and she has no clue about what it takes to make one work.

 

Hope she learns, if not, I can't see a future together.

[itsallgrand]

That's a great update, SusserTodd. Best of luck with everything.

[AwdreeHpburn]

counter with how you miss all the oral stuff she used to give, even if she just did yesterday.

[Daddy Bear]

yes, now that women have the vote they are free do half of the driving, half of the paying for dates and half of the chasing after the opposite sex (or the same sex, as the case may be), or should at least be willing to.

[teacup]

gas prices here are through the roof. women still frequently hit the glass ceiling at work. women are paid 75 cents for a dollar men make in the same positions.

 

so i dont buy into the we are all equal stuff. when women get paid the same as men for the same job..........

[Dako]

That glass ceiling keeps those VPs from the CEO spot, so life's not fair to women,thereforeeee Tod should chauffeur his girlfriend?

Is that a syllogism?

[RandomAdvisor]

gas prices here are through the roof. women still frequently hit the glass ceiling at work. women are paid 75 cents for a dollar men make in the same positions.

 

so i dont buy into the we are all equal stuff. when women get paid the same as men for the same job..........

 

The points you make are true, but I think what is more important in this situation is that his GF is not even making an effort. Maybe she could offer to drive if he could help her with gas, or some other such arrangement. Instead she is letting him do all the work when she can and should be doing more herself, which isn't good for the relationship.

[DN]

gas prices here are through the roof. women still frequently hit the glass ceiling at work. women are paid 75 cents for a dollar men make in the same positions.

 

so i dont buy into the we are all equal stuff. when women get paid the same as men for the same job..........

The point isn't whether men overall make more money that women overall. By that standard if an immigrant farm labourer making miminum wage dated Paris Hilton (there's a thought!) he would have to pay for the date.

[Süsser Tod]

gas prices here are through the roof. women still frequently hit the glass ceiling at work. women are paid 75 cents for a dollar men make in the same positions.

 

so i dont buy into the we are all equal stuff. when women get paid the same as men for the same job..........

 

 

WOW, your hatred for men is amazing! At least where I work, a female is paid exactly the same, cent by cent, as a male, and most of the management positions are taken by females... So, eventhough there are less females here, they have the best positions...

 

But go on, keep hating men. I have an aunt, that hated men after a failed ltr relationship, she has been living happily with a female friend for the last 20 years.

[Dako]

Teacup,

My sister hates men, and lives alone in the desert.

Any man that gets near her receives severe emotional trauma.

She was hurt by a man so now all men are weird, and if they aren't, she'll make them weird.

 

She's miserable.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm glad that most everybody sees that comment made by Teacup as Teacup's opinion and possible issue. Not as a representation or opinion of women kind, cuz really, as a woman, I vehemently disagree with the logic, the statement and the over all tone of that opinion.