Going Insane!

[floridaguy]

Does anyone else feel like they are losing it after not having sex for awhile?

 

Hello everyone. I am 37 and my wife is 43. We have been married for 4 years with 2 small children 2 and 3. Our sex life was fantastic the year before we were married but soon after she became pregnant and things have been steadily worse since then.

 

After our first was born we had sex for a few weeks and she became pregnant again. Since our second child was born our sex life is almost non-existant. She keeps telling me its not me and it is something medically wrong with her desire to have sex. She keeps putting off going to the doctor for one reason or another. Her latest appoiintment is in June if she does finally go.

 

In late march we went on a week long cruise with just us together. She told me it would be a great time to rekindle our marriage. We had sex a few times and it was very awkward and then she said it was that time of the month. She has had problems with dryness and she didn't let me please her with my hand or orally. Since then it has been back to normal. I have had sex 4 times with my wife in the last 2 years. After our trip she said I didn't perform very well sexually. No kidding since I haven't had sex in so long maybe I was out of practice.

 

I have become very depressed because of this and keep my feelings and emotions locked up inside. I have told her I want to be more intimate and I miss holding her and kissing her not just the sex but she doesn't seem to care. I find myself like I am going to lose it any day now. I made a doctors appointment to get some medication for depression. Hopefully this will make me feel better and take some of the pain and anxiety away. I should be on med by wednesday this week. I think she is depressed as well but doesn't do anything about it.

 

If it wasn't for our kids I would have been gone long ago. I have thought about cheating just for sex but haven't yet. Sometimes I feel so desperate and lonely. Our communication is a big problem we both don't share our feelings very well. We usually have sexual conversations through email. We argue sometimes over stupid things. She refuses to even give a hand job anymore. I don't even try to make a move on her because whenever I try its always an excuse. Usually the tv is on and she is busy watching it.

 

We moved to florida 3 years ago and we haven't met anybody at all. My wife works at home and I just work with a few people at work. We haven't met any true friends yet.

 

I have read all the posts on this website for sexless marriages and it has helped me greatly to see i'm not the only one or to suffer through this situation. I guess I'm just venting since I don't really discuss this with anyone else. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. I feel like i'm going insane.

 

Thanks everyone.

[Dako]

It has to be tough.

I have a close friend in the same situation, and we talk about his frustration and guilt quite a bit. He sublimates his feelings through home improvement and obsessive behavior. He is slowly getting weirder and knows it. His wife just doesn't want it anymore.

I'd bet sexless marriage isn't all that uncommon.

 

What does your wife suggest? Does she not realize the stress you're under because she's forgotten or dismissed the urge herself?

 

Anti-depression drugs sometimes reduce your libido.

[floridaguy]

What does your wife suggest? Does she not realize the stress you're under because she's forgotten or dismissed the urge herself?

 

Anti-depression drugs sometimes reduce your libido.

 

My wife ignores the problem. I think she doesn't even care about our sex life at all anymore. I have told her to see a doctor and shown her websites that discuss similar problems but she acts uninterested. She doesn't think a lack of sex as that big of a problem.

 

I hope the drugs will reduce my libido so this will help me with my constant frustration I feel.

[Day_Walker]

If you staying only for the children then I think you need to rethink your approach to this problem. You have to reach some kind of arrangement with your wife how you two will solve this problem in your marriage. There are different resources out there, see what your wife is open to.

[floridaguy]

If you staying only for the children then I think you need to rethink your approach to this problem.

 

I still love her and don't want to lose her. We both need to work on our communication issues but it is difficult getting started. I think she would be willing to go to marriage counseling if we could find a babysitter.

[Dako]

One of the problems when one loses interest in sex, is ther dismissal of its value, since they don't care anymore, you shouldn't either.

There's nothing noble about silently suffering through a sexless marriage to prove you love her. If you both seek help, she may one day thank you for reviving her interest.

 

I sure hope you can find a sitter.

[floridaguy]

One of the problems when one loses interest in sex, is ther dismissal of its value, since they don't care anymore, you shouldn't either.

There's nothing noble about silently suffering through a sexless marriage to prove you love her. If you both seek help, she may one day thank you for reviving her interest.

 

I sure hope you can find a sitter.

 

I will try and bring up marriage counseling again. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. Sometimes I think about our sex life I wonder if she really ever was happy with our sex life. I thought she was and seemed to enjoy as much as me but sometimes she would make comments like I could do things better. I know there is always room for improvement it was just the way she said it like she was almost trying to ruin my self esteem or something.

[Day_Walker]

Well I dont know your situation but you want to encourage communication from her. You may realize that you are doing things that are keeping her from communicating with you. Even before you try a marriage counselor try to have some dates with your wife. Make them interest for BOTH of you. Work on communicating intimacy and stay away from the physical element unless it comes to that point.

[Dako]

From what my friend and others have told me, when their wives lost their interest, they blamed their husbands for not being good enough.

Maybe it's a natural way to explain the loss of interest, yet most people get hornier if they're unsatisfied, not less.

 

Sometimes menopause brings some change in interest.

[Tigris]

My Fiancee is a Natural Therapist and tells all her clients who lack sexual libido to take 'Horny Goat Weed'. Men and women can use it. It heightens the sex drive. Oh BTW it makes a woman lubricate more.

 

In England we buy it at 'Holland & Barretts' which is a health supplement shop.

[floridaguy]

My Fiancee is a Natural Therapist and tells all her clients who lack sexual libido to take 'Horny Goat Weed'. Men and women can use it. It heightens the sex drive. Oh BTW it makes a woman lubricate more.

 

In England we buy it at 'Holland & Barretts' which is a health supplement shop.

 

Never heard of that. I will look for it.

[melrich]

I have had sex 4 times with my wife in the last 2 years.

 

That is a major problem. You are right to be concerned. communication is important but if your wife won't engage in that you really need to get her attention.

 

In my opinion a relationship won't survive for long with taht level of intimacy. You have already stated you'd be out of there but for the kids (I too do not agree this is a good reason for staying) I think you have to let your wife know that this is terminal for you. That may shift her current complacency about this issue.

 

She needs to understand that it is about far more than the physical act of sex alone.

 

PS...don't cheat. It will just compound your feelings around this issue. Sort it out (or don't) with your wife first.

[agent1607307371]

My 2 cents on a subject that I completely admit I have no first hand knowledge of.

 

Many women do lose their libido after giving birth as they shift from a sexual being to a nurturing being and it takes a while to balance it out.

Add to the fact that childbirth can be a very traumatic experience for some (and create a fear of sexual intimacy) and that you've moved away from your friends and family, stress could be playing a large part of your wifes loss of libido.

 

A visit to the doc and some therapy are most likely your best bet. However it'll require you and your wife to put the work in.

I'd hazard that your wife would like to sort out the problem but is suffering embarrassment and anxiety over it.

[floridaguy]

 

Many women do lose their libido after giving birth as they shift from a sexual being to a nurturing being and it takes a while to balance it out.

Add to the fact that childbirth can be a very traumatic experience for some (and create a fear of sexual intimacy) and that you've moved away from your friends and family, stress could be playing a large part of your wifes loss of libido.

 

A visit to the doc and some therapy are most likely your best bet. However it'll require you and your wife to put the work in.

I'd hazard that your wife would like to sort out the problem but is suffering embarrassment and anxiety over it.

 

She had a csection on both of our kids. She has told me in the past that sometimes she has nothing left to give me because she is getting and recieving so much love from the kids. She has a doctor's appointment in June. Hopefully she won't cancel it again. I haven't ever thought about her being embarrassed about talking to the doctor about it. She could be.

[DN]

She has told me in the past that sometimes she has nothing left to give me because she is getting and recieving so much love from the kids.

Does that mean she doesn't love you in any way as well as not having sex with you?

[floridaguy]

Does that mean she doesn't love you in any way as well as not having sex with you?

 

She tells me she loves me but i'm not sure she does. She might love me but isn't "in love" with me. I don't feel love from her most of the time.

[DN]

i think maybe you should have a 'make or break' relationship talk with her. Not an ultimatum as such but a statement that you can't continue like this and that something has to be done to repair the marriage or end it as amicably as possible.

[floridaguy]

i think maybe you should have a 'make or break' relationship talk with her. Not an ultimatum as such but a statement that you can't continue like this and that something has to be done to repair the marriage or end it as amicably as possible.

 

I am afraid to do that. I think she might just want to end it. First I want to be happy with myself and on my medication for awhile before I could have a 'make or break' conversation. So she knows I did all I could to make our marriage work.

[floridaguy]

We have all weekend to our selves. Her parents are going to take the kids. Hopefully we will have time to talk about things and MAYBE have sex. Except I think its about that time of the month.

[MacGyverRI]

read this page about Aphrodisiac Aromatherapy, it works. Thats why women love scented candles and Potpourri

 

link removed

[floridaguy]

read this page about Aphrodisiac Aromatherapy, it works. Thats why women love scented candles and Potpourri

 

link removed

 

I have tried using candles before. No luck.

[MacGyverRI]

I have tried using candles before. No luck.

 

they must be heavily scented w/ "real" oils of Jasmine, Ylang Ylang, rose, ginger or Patchouli and a few others work great for women.

 

Another info source;

Female Sexual Enhancers, Reviewed 2006

link removed

[sir sirloin]

I'm going to copy this thread to add to my growing pile of examples as to why I will NEVER EVER get married.

[floridaguy]

I'm going to copy this thread to add to my growing pile of examples as to why I will NEVER EVER get married.

 

For me having kids is worth putting up with some turmoil. However I'm about to reach my breaking point. The only part that is missing in marriage is the sex for me.

[MacGyverRI]

I'm going to copy this thread to add to my growing pile of examples as to why I will NEVER EVER get married.

 

 

Just remember these translations if you decide to get married;

 

 

Words Women Use

 

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up . Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

 

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

 

NOTHING

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'

 

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

 

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care"

You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

 

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

 

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

 

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

 

GO AHEAD

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

 

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

 

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

 

THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"

when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"