Sex problems??

[TiredMan]

Ok I had a dream last night after seeing the 3242342343th erectile dysfunction commercial on tv last night and it made me have this question.

 

During sex, sometimes things come up for some people. For men, it could be whether they have erectile dysfunction, penis isn't big, premature ejaculation etc.. Seems for every one of these, it's seen as a problem and there is either a pill or a surgery for it. Some women turn away from guys but some women work with the guys through this. But seems like the general consensus is if the guys do have any of these, they should make up for it in other ways for the women, which is fine.

 

But there are many women who can't orgasm from sex alone. There are women who become way too wet where there is no friction. But it seems that it isn't seen as an "illness" like the things above. You don't see pills or operations for women being commonplace for not being able to orgasm. In those cases, the guy is still expected to alter the way he has sex to accommodate for this. Now my question is, if the women can't orgasm through sex, why isn't SHE doin something about it like the guy does if he has premature ejac, size problems or erection problems? I didn't even get into the "iffy" subject of odors down there.

 

Seems like yet another ridiculous double standard going on.

 

I'm sure I'll get people mad at me but I feel these are valid thoughts and questions.

[MetalGuitar]

Wow... bro, I completely agree with you! I never even thought of it like that.

[RayKay]

Um...I am not so sure this is a double standard. I think there are some big flaws in how you try to relate the issues, making the conclusion rather flawed itself.

 

Women DO try things to orgasm, now not all women can orgasm through penetration but there are other ways to do so and most women I know very, very much like having orgasms and will try very hard (often hard enough that they don't!) to get there. It's no different then how some men achieve orgasms through certain positions or a certain friction/speed. It's not a disease or disorder to need to be rubbed a certain way.

 

As for things like lubrication, dryness - normal hormonal changes are not an illness, and it's normal these can affect women through their cycle.

 

Part of their inability sometimes to get there is often also related to fact they are taking hormonal birth control - the irony of of it of course being it also affects your lubrication, libido and as a result possibly your orgasms. Women do it for the men, for peace of mind, and often end up sacrificing their libido as a result, and their orgasms.

 

The reason it is not considered an illness is not because WOMEN don't believe it's a problem, it is because DOCTORS tell them "it's normal" or related to their hormones, or the way women are. Even the media constantly pushes this idea "women don't like sex so much" which is BS. This is changing though a bit, and there is more awareness of women's sexuality and orgasmic response. Women can get testosterone creams for example now, or they are advised to change their birth control. Some women try out different herbal remedies to get it going.

 

There are women whom even go and get labia reductions for example due to being self conscious or it interfering with their ability to enjoy it. This is double for young women whom are self conscious about their odour...which I am sure is not helped by all the tasteless "fish jokes" that they hear through their teens.

 

A large reason many women have trouble orgasming is not due to something that can be corrected via surgery, it is mental and emotionally related. I have heard of a certain trial surgery with the spinal cord...but not many people want to risk messing with their spinal cord. Physically, most women can orgasm unless they have had nerve damage for example or other things that can cause loss of feeling, however even a women whom is highly orgasmic can have trouble if her emotional and mental health & fulfillment is absent.

 

If you saw how many boards there are with women whom lament the loss of their libidos or orgasmic potential and are trying everything, you would see they do indeed try.

 

Men don't HAVE to get surgery or anything or take pills. They choose to do so. Viagra was not something pushed by women. IF you compare how long it took to get female birth control on the market compared to Viagra, it's pretty ridiculous. In some countries where the pill is banned, Viagra is perfectly legal. There is a pill or surgery for it due to the demand from those whom want it. Many women DO say size is not a huge concern...unless apparently if you are a man. It's just like with breast surgery...most men say "I don't like implants", but women still choose to get them for themselves, or for other women, whom knows.

[Dako]

Great post Raykay.

When I see what women go through with their various parts and cycles, I feel pretty lucky to have the less troublesome equipment. Pap smears, infections, breast scans, monthly cycles and menopause don't look like a lot of fun, and that's not even a part of the sexual considerations of hormonal swings and the pill.... or just not being able to pee upright.

[southerngirl]

I dont seee why a woman not having an orgasm would be a problem for anyone but her. If she is allowing you to stick your member in there and do your thing and as long as it is an enjoyable experiance what difference does it make. There seems to be this great quest for alot of men to have their women have an orgasm. I think its all overrated. Sure its nice to have one but if she doesnt its okay too. Like I said, be happy your getting your member wet.

[Starfall]

lol... I'm not mad at you tired man.

You're venting.

Women that can't orgasm with men... actually do.. do something about it.

They turn to gadgets, vibrators, all kinds of stuff, where it comes to a point a man is no longer needed. lol

But like Ray Kay said, for me it has to do with positions. There are certain positions I can and ones I can't. No biggie.

[eimono]

Ok, while you had a very good point, it got lost in most of your rant.

 

First, it's very unfair that men are labeled with titles such as "minute-man", made fun of on TV, in jokes etc... But I don't know of a single joke or title about a women who can't reach orgasm. That is a double standard there.

 

However, that are infact, very few drugs on the market for women and their sex drive. They are there, but from what you and I've seen, it's 1/50th of the ones for men. I would guess that might be because traditionally women's sexual side hasn't been embraced. That is society, not just women, who are to blame there.

 

There are side effects to birth control, sometimes they even reduce sex drive and sensitivity. So the very thing women take to have sex could make them not want it as much.

 

I think there are double standards on both sides. Why is it still mostly seen as the women's responsiblity to take birth control? Why do men get tormented if they can't perform?

 

Hopefully your point isn't going to be lost in the fact you're ranting and generalizing women.

 

P.S. I'm a man.

[RayKay]

They actually are closer to getting a male hormonal birth control (through implants or shots) on the market. I have seen recent articles indicating within the next 5 years.

 

But guess how it works? By blocking the production of sperm, and also lowering testosterone. So men need to get testosterone injections as well or else they will be having bad side effects according to the study (sound familiar for those women on hormonal birth control?).

 

My prediction...not many men will be keen on getting it done given this.

 

But for years and years women have been led to believe the hormonal birth control is "perfectly safe", but more and more evidence is coming out that is not entirely the case at all. I can see how warning labels on the packets have changed in the last few years since I started taking it. It really does interfere with your endocrine system and increase risk of certain cancers. For women the pill binds testosterone, which lowers the sex drive, increases estrogen levels which increases risk of certain cancers, weight gain, and mood swings. I know women whom took Depo and still months and years later are suffering from whacked out cycles and can't conceive.

 

I have seen more statements in the past couple years by researchers saying the pill/hormonal birth control, is the world's largest human trial.

 

I by the way stopped taking the pill last month (mostly due to breast cancer risk in my family) and switched to a copper IUD, and am now seeing how much it (the pill) affected me.

[Dako]

I never saw sex as a battle. In fact, I see it as quite the opposite. Admittedly, I've only been present when it's on the pleasant side of the scale, and never saw it as a chore or unfair burden.

 

Us against them? Only in regards to proximity.

[eimono]

Here is a link to the durgs for men...

 

link removed

 

I've also read before they have had drugs out there, but the problem with men is they tend to forget to take it... or didn't care enough to remember.

 

P.S. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. -- Henry Kissinger

[novaseeker]

How about this one ... is it acceptable (to women) to have "sex" without the man reaching orgasm?

[RayKay]

How about this one ... is it acceptable (to women) to have "sex" without the man reaching orgasm?

 

Yes, it has happened, especially when the guy is really tired, stressed out, or worn out from previous rounds. Now if he said it was because I did not turn him on, THAT would be an issue!

[renaissancewoman101]

One time while my ex and I were still together, we had sex and he was tired and kinda drunk and while he was trying to cum, he got way too exhausted and fell asleep while he was still on top of me.

 

That made me feel bad for him and like I was at fault.

[BellaDonna]

TiredMan, I agree with you that there is a huge double-standard in the pharmaceutical world in regards to creating drugs that can enhance male sexual performance.

 

However when I look at this phenomenon as it exists in the bigger social scheme of things- I cant' say I'm surprised.

 

One well-known writer and reporter who constantly talks about this double-standard is Trish Wilson.

 

"she notes the success of link removed and the widespread, open support it has been given by men. She notes this is true despite how "[Viagra has] been misused in a recreational fashion", that "Men had voluntarily given sexual performance priority over male health, including the one issue that concerns many men and men's health groups -- prostate cancer". She continues, "Stockholders, pharmaceuticals, advertising companies, and the health care community stand to make much more money from drugs like Viagra than they ever will from pouring money into prostate cancer research". A pharmaceutical rep in fact recently stated the technology exists to create an oral contraceptive specific to the needs of men, however nobody is willing to put money out as link removed. She notes neither women nor feminists can be responsible for the actions men do not take or where their priorities are."

 

The following online ariticle is another interesting read on the topic of this double standard, and offers another take on it:

 

link removed

 

I especially find this to be the most valuable thing the author said in that article:

 

 

 

I have always viewed the constant emphasis on sexual performance and making pills to "correct" them very problematic for both men and women.

 

I have always had a problem with the fact that some health insurance companies elect to cover Viagra- but won't cover drugs like birth control pills for women. I have viewed society's fixation on Viagra as evidence that there is really a fixation on the "sacred male penis" and how me might make it last longer, work better, etc- and how so much money is invested into this cause. I have wondered how many rapists who became impotent later in life were allowed to re-victimize people now that they had a new blue pill to help them do so. To me, all of the emphasis on Viagra reveals a double-standard of a different kind.

 

BellaDonna

[Scout]

There are women who become way too wet where there is no friction. But it seems that it isn't seen as an "illness" like the things above.

 

I've noticed you've complained in another post about women getting too wet. To be honest, I had never heard a male complain about this before, much less seem to think it should fall under the category of "illness." Wow.

[TiredMan]

Wow, I was gonna reply to people who replied to me but my arms would hurt pressing the quote button lol.

 

I personally don't think a woman being too wet is an "illness". But do they call it vaginal dysfunction? Erectile dysfunction is a common word used in medicine, pills, by docs, commericals, etc.

 

My point was that if a guy has these "problems", to satisfy most (not all) women, he has to be good in other areas which is fine with me. But if a woman has her own "problems", the guy usually has to work harder like positions where his pubic bone rubs up against her clitoris to get her off (and let me tell you, that doesn't feel as good at all for the guy compared to the reg in and out).

 

In terms of birth control, I think that is different. I mean MOST guys wear condoms which pretty much only takes away the feeling for him. But no one seems to mention that part of it. Many women tell me that they don't notice THAT much of a difference with or without condom, though there is a minor one. For the guy, it's a huge difference in feel. There are female condoms but I have NEVER met a woman who has worn one.

 

In terms of breast implants, not all women do it because they are self conscious about what their men think or how they feel themselves. Many do it because a good looking women with an incredible body can get ANYTHING she wants. This is just a fact. She will get men throwing money at her in many different ways. I can't tell you how many times i see that. A man getting surgery down there is not the same in that no one sees the difference until after they are nude.

 

I think it's all a double standard and I have a lot of them that come to mind.

[RayKay]

In terms of birth control, I think that is different. I mean MOST guys wear condoms which pretty much only takes away the feeling for him. But no one seems to mention that part of it. Many women tell me that they don't notice THAT much of a difference with or without condom, though there is a minor one. For the guy, it's a huge difference in feel. There are female condoms but I have NEVER met a woman who has worn one.

 

Oh, women notice the difference, I definitely do. But it's worth it when the risks of not using it are considered, and you can have fun trying thinner ones that may be a suitable tradeoff for both of you.

 

And if you had ever tried a female condom, you would see why they aren't very popular - for the men OR the women

[RayKay]

My point was that if a guy has these "problems", to satisfy most (not all) women, he has to be good in other areas which is fine with me. But if a woman has her own "problems", the guy usually has to work harder like positions where his pubic bone rubs up against her clitoris to get her off (and let me tell you, that doesn't feel as good at all for the guy compared to the reg in and out

 

Well, in my experience, and those of friends, we often will do some positions that are less "great" for us too to allow our partners to get the friction they need as well.

 

Like I said, I don't think needing certain positions or preferring certain types of friction for EITHER sex is a "problem". They are things you work out together as partners.

[RayKay]

I personally don't think a woman being too wet is an "illness". But do they call it vaginal dysfunction? Erectile dysfunction is a common word used in medicine, pills, by docs, commericals, etc.

 

No, because being lubricated is not a "dysfunction". Unless we can say ejaculating too much is a dysfunction as well??? Lubrication is part of the body's response to sexual stimulation, to allow for penetration. It can also be part of the orgasmic response. Some women get more lubricated then others, but this is still a natural and desired function (for most people!).

 

Excessive dryness however is in severe cases considered a dysfunction, or a result of hormonal changes (especially in menopause) and is often treated in various ways.

[RayKay]

In terms of breast implants, not all women do it because they are self conscious about what their men think or how they feel themselves. Many do it because a good looking women with an incredible body can get ANYTHING she wants. This is just a fact. She will get men throwing money at her in many different ways. I can't tell you how many times i see that. A man getting surgery down there is not the same in that no one sees the difference until after they are nude.

 

It's a "fact" only in that people keep perpetrating that it is a "fact". Life is not easier just because you have full breasts (fake or not).

 

There are a lot of things I want in life, but they aren't just going to happen to me by flashing my boobs. Even if men were to throw money at me (which they don't!) it would not make my life "better".

 

Just because people recognize you as the "girl with great breasts" (and yes, it does happen to me....even my ex's new gf first met me a couple weeks ago later said to him "her boobs are huge" (they really aren't that big!)... does not mean that you get "anything" you want. There are many other ways I would like to be described other then my body parts!

[TiredMan]

Sure, ideally, both partners are caring and loving and all these things go smoothly and if not, they work together to make it happen.

 

But that is just not the way it is, in the practical world. In many cases, if a woman can't orgasm from regular sex and the man isn't doing all the other stuff regularly, she might cheat or leave. Men don't cheat for that reason usually. They usually cheat because they are just constantly horny, their woman isn't into sex enough, want new "meat" or they can't stand their SO. You won't really see a man cheat because her vagina is too wet or other things like that.

 

Trust me, while you think you can feel the difference with condoms, it's not the same. You almost don't feel anything from the guy's POV. Sure the thinner ones and all that are a bit better but it's not even close to without.

 

The fact thing is a fact, not just because people say it. You think Anna Nicole Smith didn't get that guy because of her body? An attractive woman with a great body does have it easier.

[RayKay]

But that is just not the way it is, in the practical world. In many cases, if a woman can't orgasm from regular sex and the man isn't doing all the other stuff regularly, she might cheat or leave. Men don't cheat for that reason usually. They usually cheat because they are just constantly horny, their woman isn't into sex enough, want new "meat" or they can't stand their SO. You won't really see a man cheat because her vagina is too wet or other things like that.

 

Um, I am not even sure what your argument is? So it's okay to cheat because you are horny, but not if you are not satisfied? I don't think cheating in ANY case is okay, but I really think you can't decide that women cheat because they can't orgasm from regular sex, or that men don't if their partner is too "wet". If you looked more into it, women whom do cheat aren't doing it just for great sex, they do it for the emotional fulfillment they are lacking as well.

 

I don't think cheating is every justified, but I don't see how wanting new meat or not being able to stand their SO is any different then a woman not being satisfied and wanting to cheat or leave either.

 

Trust me, while you think you can feel the difference with condoms, it's not the same. You almost don't feel anything from the guy's POV. Sure the thinner ones and all that are a bit better but it's not even close to without.

 

Alright, well, considering you are not me, you don't know what I feel either. When you have a vagina, you can tell me that I don't notice a difference. I definitely feel a difference. I definitely prefer without. But I also am not going to risk my life for it. There is a difference in the warmth, in the texture and so forth. I have nerve endings too, and DO feel a difference. It's not like you can just "insert anything" and get the same reaction from it.

 

The fact thing is a fact, not just because people say it. You think Anna Nicole Smith didn't get that guy because of her body? An attractive woman with a great body does have it easier.

 

Sure, they get made fun of because they have a great body. Are dismissed as intelligent. Are considered gold diggers. Not taken seriously. Other women laugh at them behind their backs and take bets on whether they are "real" or not. When they develop early, they are the butt of the school jokes, and rumours. They are automatically "sluts" because they have big breasts. They are taught all they have is their body and once that is gone, well no one will give a damn.

 

Sure....that's much easier.

[TiredMan]

I never said cheating is ok no matter the reason. What I said was about the differences. None of it is good.

 

Believe me, ask most women if they would rather be "hot" or not, they'll take the former. A guy who looks like a jock is thought of as dumb too but I'm sure they'll take it over looking out of shape.

 

But a condom on your finger, then put it in your mouth. Where do you feel it less? I'm sorry but while I concede there is some loss for the women, the condom is ON HIM. He is the one trading the more feeling for the safety.

[annie24]

I personally don't think a woman being too wet is an "illness". But do they call it vaginal dysfunction? Erectile dysfunction is a common word used in medicine, pills, by docs, commericals, etc.

 

I'm not sure why you are so bothered by the wetness, as the solution is simple enough - take a towel or kleenex, and wipe off the excess lubrication! Problem solved!!!!! No medication or doctor's visits needed.

[annie24]

I have DD breasts. Where are the men throwing money at me??? That's what I want to know!!! TiredMan - Please introduce me to these men you speak of!