Can't Cope...

[ComputerGuy]

I seriously can't cope anymore, I really can't. I'm depressed 24/7, I'm lonely, I feel hopeless, like a complete failure at everything I do and a generally worthless human being. I've lost all my friends as they can no longer handle me how I am, I've literally got nothing. I have no one to talk to, no one to ask how my day was, no one to share stuff with. My real life has gone down the drain. I feel like my birth was a mistake..something that shouldn't have happened, and often I wish it hadn't.

 

My parents are forcing me out despite me out for whatever reason even though I only make enough to cover expenses with around $5 to spare, I'll never be able to make or maintain any sort of friendship even if I had one once I'm out.

 

I am single and absolutely hate it, words cannot describe how much I hate being single and alone. I am fat, ugly, worthless and no girl would ever date me even if you paid her, I've had girls flat out tell me "Damn you're ugly" and my ex (who was a horrible person but that's another story) was told by her friend (I overheard) "Why are you dating him, he's so ugly". Most mornings I can hardly even get out of bed because I just don't see the point, what does it matter? I can't stand being around people and I can't stand being alone.

 

I just can't do it anymore, I am so close to just giving up on my life altogether, because everytime I try and do something to help myself, things just get worse. I'm sitting here typing this silently and inside my head I am screaming at the top of my lungs in pure frustration and hate for my life. I just want to scream and smash everything around me until I physically can't even move.

 

I am too broken, there is too much wrong with me

[keenan]

Hey! Hang in there, ComputerGuy. I'm really surprised to read this from you, because I think of you as one of the smartest, funniest, and calmest people on ENA. Maybe I just haven't been paying attention lately, but I had no idea that you felt this lousy, or that you were shouldering such a heavy burden. I'm so sorry that you're in such a negative spiral right now, but really--you're great! I don't mean that to sound flippant, I'm just being honest.

 

First of all, it's obvious that you're really lonely and depressed. It's scary how much these can feed off of each other: When you're feeling like crap about yourself and don't have the energy to get out of bed and tackle the world, you inadvertently end up isolating yourself and driving people away. It's a terrible positive-feedback loop. Have you told your friends how depressed your feeling, and are you letting them help you--or are you pushing them away?

 

Second, are you seeing a therapist to talk through some of these negative self-image issues? It would be useful to see somebody for a lot of reasons, actually: general depression issues and coping strategies, the self-image stuff, tips for dealing with stress, talking with your parents, and having the energy to keep going when you're feeling low.

 

Third, you aren't ugly at all! That's your picture, right? I don't even know where those comments are coming from. You're very cute--you have a very nice face (honestly!) and I love that intellectual 'physics guy' look. You don't have to be a he-man model to be appealing to a whole lot of girls--you mostly just need to be funny, sweet, friendly, cute, smart, and interesting, and you've got all that. I have a hunch that the depression is just eating at you, and making you sink into yourself so much that you're not projecting any positive energy.

 

Fourth, what is going on with your folks? Why are they kicking you out?

 

Lastly, you seem really down about money, too. Are you in school, or are you working in a 'career' type job? In my experience 'computer guys' do pretty darned well, financially! Maybe you're just in a slump right now and things will get going for you soon.

 

Sorry for the list of questions, but your post really caught be off guard. Take care, hon--you've got ENA people always. We're real. Hug.

[Daddy Bear]

Keenan is right, guy. i'm no expert judge of males but it appears that you are absolutely in sellable condition. it sounds to me like your operating system has merely been infected with the virus known as iB.Worthless.21.

 

cut yourself some slack! you know, i see much plainer and fatter people with their spouses every day, so what's the problem? there is every reason to believe that you should have no trouble with the females if you take Keenan's advice and have that virus removed.

 

ouch, it's 2 AM here now so i'll check back later. think it over and let us know what you make of our suggestions.

[Stray Cat]

You're still really young. You have years ahead of you which you'll spend with someone who really appreciates you. You need to give yourself a big shake and concentrate on making yourself happy. If you can't bring yourself to visit a therapist, read self-help books or post on many forums. You sound like you have serious self-esteem issues and you have no need to. You're as valuable and special as everyone else out there. You just need to realise that for yourself.

 

I really do thing you'd benefit from a doctor though. You're showing major signs of clinical depression and anti-depressants may be what you need before you end up on a serious downward spiral.

[Blue Skittles]

I'm sorry that you have experienced so much pain and hurt in your past. It is definitely effecting how you are feeling now. Just please, hang in there, your birth was not a mistake. Sorry to get all religious on you, but God has a plan for you, and you need to be assured that something GOOD will come out of life. I hate too, how life throws these curve balls at you and you feel like you just can't go on, but you just gotta keep on truckin and get through it because it makes the good things feel that much better when they do come along. and believe me, things do get better. All the pain and suffering helps you to be a stronger and better person. Hang in there.

[arwen]

I seriously can't cope anymore, I really can't. I'm depressed 24/7, I'm lonely, I feel hopeless, like a complete failure at everything I do and a generally worthless human being. I've lost all my friends as they can no longer handle me how I am, I've literally got nothing. I have no one to talk to, no one to ask how my day was, no one to share stuff with. My real life has gone down the drain. I feel like my birth was a mistake..something that shouldn't have happened, and often I wish it hadn't.

 

Ok, first of all, your birth was no mistake. Your life may feel purposeless at some moments, but there is a reason for every person. You are much appreciated here, and although we are but digital friends, that does not make us non-existent.

 

My parents are forcing me out despite me out for whatever reason even though I only make enough to cover expenses with around $5 to spare, I'll never be able to make or maintain any sort of friendship even if I had one once I'm out.

 

You are now assuming that friendships costs money? I am absolutely broke, and living far away from my friends IS a problem in that respect, but there are ways to meet them without having to spend really that much. Or are you assuming that meeting people is impossible without money? If you will live on your own, and have no money, you will have to share a house. In my first house, my housemate became my best friends. We have been best friends for 8 years now. If you find a place to rent, put up an add and receive people for a first meeting. God knows you might meet a good future friend, or at least someone whose company you might enjoy. It doesn't sound like you have a great relationship with your parents, I think it might be better to live on your own.

 

I am single and absolutely hate it, words cannot describe how much I hate being single and alone. I am fat, ugly, worthless and no girl would ever date me even if you paid her, I've had girls flat out tell me "Damn you're ugly" and my ex (who was a horrible person but that's another story) was told by her friend (I overheard) "Why are you dating him, he's so ugly". Most mornings I can hardly even get out of bed because I just don't see the point, what does it matter? I can't stand being around people and I can't stand being alone.

 

This is a pic of you, right? You are a goodlooking dude. You seem very honest, quiet, trustworthy and smart. I know you are intelligent and you have a great sense of humor. All are virtues in the eyes of a woman! The women you describe sound like rude types who project their own insecurity by making nasty comments about others. What is 'ugly' in the eyes of one person, is very attractive for another person. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said this first, and I think it is true. If I were to take every comment that I heard about my lack of boobs, my length, my short hair seriously, I'd have no life. And, as you might know, I had no life for a long time.

 

People saying things like that about you, in fact say something far worse about themselves.

 

I just can't do it anymore, I am so close to just giving up on my life altogether, because everytime I try and do something to help myself, things just get worse. I'm sitting here typing this silently and inside my head I am screaming at the top of my lungs in pure frustration and hate for my life. I just want to scream and smash everything around me until I physically can't even move.

 

I am too broken, there is too much wrong with me

 

So go to a isolated place and scream. Run. Get the energy out, it helps. YOu will feel different after it, but please don't hurt yourself (or anyone else, but I think you are more destructive to yourself than you'd ever be to anyone else).

 

Next to having a girlfriend, what would really change your life for the positive at this moment? Something you can obtain yourself (meeting someone is better when you are already in a better place in life yourself).

 

Take care, and I hope this helps.

 

Ilse

[I need help]

I am so sorry that you feel this way. Please do not give up. YOu have to be strong and you have to beilieve in yourself. Stop using "fat" and "ugly" terms about yourself. And no one has a right to tell you that you are not attractive. i am sorry that people around you are not nice but world is not all that bad. So please go out look for nice friends and most of all believe in yourself.]

 

Take care!!!

[RayKay]

Hey sweetie,

 

I know this is a real cliche thing to say - but never give up.

 

I know exactly what kind of pits of despair you are in, but there IS a light ahead of you, and it may take work, but I have absolute faith you can do it.

 

You are such a kind, generous soul, that I think sometimes maybe you take the burden of the world onto yourself, and it is too much to bear at times. Your birth was not a mistake - none of us our. We are all human, with our own flaws and weaknesses, strengths and talents. None of us is perfect.

 

Stop talking down to yourself, you are only propagating the way you feel about yourself, and that is not healthy. If you want some things to change and to stop feeling "fat and ugly", well get out there and work out to build that confidence and do the best you can with yourself - I guarantee it will make you feel better about yourself. It's about more then physical change, it also introduces and emotional change to yourself.

 

Trust me I spent a good part of my life feeling horrible about myself and self conscious and not "pretty" in what I thought "pretty" was meant to be. It's not worth it...we are all beautiful in our own way, and you know what, we can really feel good about that, and do the best with what we have.

 

Can I say that people whom feel the need to comment on your appearance in that way are not worth your time, and only insecure in themself. I have never known someone whom truly felt good about themself and who they were as a person to feel the need to put others down. Don't listen to them - consider the source.

 

Another cliche but...until you find love for yourself, and pride in yourself, you will struggle to find a healthy relationship, because people can't see what is in you when you are ashamed and hiding it. You have lots of friends here, even if we are virtual, but your biggest friend right now has to be with YOURSELF.

 

You are a wonderful person, and you do deserve the very best, but that also means you have to learn to believe in yourself too. We already do, so it's up to you now!

 

RayKay

[kellbell]

Hi there Computer Guy!

 

BIG HUGS!!! I am so sorry you have been feeling this way.

 

There is no way your birth was a mistake. The only time I ever feel anyone's birth was a mistake was people like Hitler, Ted Bundy, or John Wayne Gacey. You are NO WHERE NEAR like these people!! You are a kind, sweet, witty and caring guy. There is no way that is a mistake. We need more people like you around.

 

May I ask why your parents are forcing you out? Are you working now? Maybe you can check around for a roommate?

 

You ARE NOT fat and ugly. No way dude! I like that picture. And when people say horrible things like that about others means they are insecure themselves. Like RayKay pointed out, no nice, kind or caring person would ever say cruel things like that about others. They are not even worth your time.

 

Is there any way you can talk to someone about your feelings? Maybe a helpline or something? And like Isle suggested, go out and scream. Get a punching bag or pillow and punch it with all your might. Get out those frustrations....do not bottle it in.

 

I feel you are beating yourself up here. Cut yourself some slack. We all go through rough patches in life and wonder, "why bother." But there is so much out there for us to experience. We just have to go and find it. You are wonderful and caring person. You deserve nothing but the best life can offer.

 

(((hugs)))

[avman]

ComputerGuy,

 

I too am worried about your condition. I also encourage you to talk to someone directly. A pastor/minister/rabbi, a crisis line, a therapist, anyone. I don't want to see you head down a path that there is no turning back from.

 

Depression is a terrible liar. It tells us we are ugly, unworthy, nobody loves us, and we should just go die. I have learned to hate depression and I want you to come to that place as well. I still have it and it still lies to me, but I have learned ways to not listen to it. You need to cut yourself a break and forgive yourself for things you feel you have done wrong. Don't let those things consume you and destroy the good person that you are inside.

 

Keep talking about things. Get it out so it doesn't eat you up inside.

[yeawutever]

Had no idea how exactly you're feeling now. But it's a good sign to get all your emotions out and write here, you're not alone. Depression is something normal, when I was in elementary through middle school and had hardly any or no friends, kids teasing me everyday, at one point I was thinking of what it would be if I never existed. Thought I never consider suicide, I was having a bit of second thought of how it would feel if I wasn't born. Some people hide their feelings, which isn't good, that's one of my weaknesses. I was told my times by mother to cry out when I feel like it and I don't, nothing comes out, instead I would tend to get mainly angry and go on slamming the door.

 

As of now, thought I'm happy, have my friends, good education (study at a university) and a current b/f, I feel very bore around my parents, esp. dad. Arg, sometimes I just wish I would just blow up and tell dad to stop restrainning like I was a banana and that I'l already 19, so I should be trusted more already. Don't get me wrong, I do go out, lots of occasions, but he's still with rules. One of them is not going to a guy's house, which I have two times, without him knowing off course, and not get involved with that guy while my parents think it's just a friend (LOL, I'm already I'm) and then course off, if dad caught me and him making-out/kissing, he would freak out, and had stupid rules over at what times I should use the internet while I'm taking classes.

 

Those girls who have say that to you, either need glasses (and if they do have glasses, then they must be having vision impairment) or they don't have an education on proper manners. Byt he way, you're not ugly. I believe I stated that a while ago, long time when I first got here. Even if someone was indeed not appealing, they have no right to tell this that flat out. Not everyone seems to be listening to the "treat others with respect as you would liek to be treated" rule. I would never tell someone straight out "Oh you're ugly". The only I would ever do that ever is if they start getting all snob and attacking me, or trying to take advantage of me and acting superficial. That I would have a reason, but other than that, I see no excuse. What really matters more is how someone is on the inside.

 

As for your ex that cheated on you, that's her loss. You have nothing to blame there. Like you say it early on one of my post on infidelity, that anyone who shows you disrespect, may as well lose you. And also stated that you give unconditional love and don't expect anything more or less. I'll copy and paste that post.

[Diggitydave]

Dude, you aren't all those bad things you said about yourself, so stop sayin them. Let me tell you something i have learned in the past 5 months. Being single is not a death sentence. Having a girlfriend/boyfriend is not a determination of value. Being good looking and having all the "props" in life are temporary materialistic carnal things that can dissappear in the blink of an eye. You are not important based on what you have/do. You make what you do/have important. I once thought a lot like you and i still struggle with it sometimes, yet I am slowly learning to overcome my need for things to feel important, and you can too.

 

If you take a 50 dollar bill and frame it up in a gold frame and put flowers around it, it is still the same value if you spit on it and crushed it on the ground with your dirty shoes.

 

Also, i agree with everyone else, i think you are depressed. Please talk to someone professional. Don't be ashamed either. If you really that way then you should.

 

David

[Relationship Coach]

CG,

I've come to know you pretty well over the last 7 months and I know the struggles in which you have been through. Those struggles would test anyone's drive, self-image and thought process in general. As for your looks, I think you look great and I showed your picture to My wife and she is trying to think of which actor it is that you favor but she said you were certainly attractive and far from ugly.

 

You have had some tough times which will cast a haze over your mirror, you see what you feel not what you see. As for your weight, well let's just say exercise is free and a sensible diet can change one's composition. Do you want to make changes in your life? The changes have to be by you and for you, no one else. I know that you like your job and boss and you have a real passion for your car. Focus on those things right now which you know you are good at, attack the other issues one at a time.

 

Many of us here have been depressed at one time or another, even me. Money does not make problems go away, your attitude does. Make the changes in your life that you can control and let the other ones fall in to place. You're a great guy and anytime you need to talk PM or email me.

 

RC

[ComputerGuy]

Thanx for all the support guys and the kind messages...I am waiting for a healthcare card so I can afford to go see a doctor and get some antidepressants. I just wish I had something in RL, it's not that I dnt value anyone online or anything, but it's different in that I cant call you guys up and ask you to come out for the day or something....the only person I had who could do that wont talk to me anymore because they cant handle how I am.

[Daddy Bear]

well, best of luck, CG... email me any time you need dating tips with your next girlfriend!

[arwen]

I know how difficult it can be to maintain friendships when you are depressed. You feel like a burden to people, while in fact, the people who truly are your friends, will not see it as a burden. They will be worried because they love you and want you to be happy.

 

I hope you can find help soon. The system in Australia seems to be different than here, everyone here has insurance, and we all pay the same (it's a lot, but this system takes care that all people can get the same healthcare, it's the typical Dutch idea of a 'care state'). I wish this were true for you as well, I can only pray that soon you will find someone who can guide you through the darkest moments of depression. You can overcome depression, I am a living proof for it. IF you need to talk, feel free to pm me, ok?

 

Ilse

[yeawutever]

Right on, true friends are always there during the good and bad times. True ones will help you out with your depression and not isolate from you. If they don't talk to you again, then they were never real friends.

[Cassie]

Aww, Computerguy. I just wanted to give you one of these ... *warm hug* I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties right now. We're all there for you. And I personally don't find you ugly at all. I think your photo is very attractive, intense and almost dreamy. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

[hexwrench]

Hang in there !! I'm going through some depression of my own - I'm on wife 3 and went from bad to worse to worser... So from my perspective, being alone is crummy. But being in a dysfunctional relationship is infinitely worse.

 

Going on a 2 week vacation to try and sort things out; I'd like to compare notes with you when I get back. Maybe we can assist each other in coping with our situations.

 

Briefly, I just turned 61, and 11 years into 3rd marriage, which is more pain than pleasure, constant friction and stress, not looking for wife #4, just want to be able to cope and have some peace.

 

If I forget to get back here to post, if you would please email me at email removed and jog my memory I'll pick up the thread.

 

- Bill

USA

[langford]

I also thought when I first saw your picture "that guy is really attractive",but people will very much take you at your own estimate so you need to start believing you are valueable and worthwhile if you want others too.

 

I also agree with everyone who has said true proper friends will honour your feelings good or bad and will not abandon you,find these type of people and lose the ones that don't.

 

I live in Australia and know there are plenty of free Mental health care centres around that provide free counselling and help,look them up in the white pages.I don't know if anti depressants are the answer but that is something for you to decide in the long term.

[eleanorrigby1]

You know with regards to physical attraction, everyone is different.

 

I have had people compliment me on my legs for years telling me how great they are, but one night I was walking down the street and a bus full of guys drove past and one of them shouted out of the window "TREE TRUNKS!!" I was devestated.

 

My boyfriend says I have a great figure, he says he loves my curves (English size 14) and other men have said what a perfect hour glass shape I have. HOWEVER, I have overheard men say "she wouldnt be half bad if she lost some weight" or one guy even shouted in my face "BURGER!!!" and then laughed! mature!!

 

One guy will look at me and think "urgh!" another will think "mnnn"

 

These people who insulted you, werent for you. Is that your picture on your avatar? because if it is then I have to say this, there is no way you are ugly!

 

People's words hurt us, sometimes more than any physical pain. My ex boyfriend broke up with me and told me he didnt find me attractive, he used to say things all the time like "My ex was so little (meaning thin) I could lift her up with one arm" he was always going on about how slim his ex was and how his usual 'type' was skinny. Made me majorly insecure.

 

He broke up with me and then ended up marrying a girl who was twice my size! lol!

 

Reading your message sounded a lot like me a few years ago. I suffered with mild depression, I would have days where I would look at my life and not see the good in it, everything was crap and what was the point and i was going to end up alone anyway?!

 

It did pass. when people say 'this too shall pass' they are telling the truth.

 

You are only young, a baby and you have so much ahead of you, so much change to go through and make. There is so much other stuff to do, if you fail at one thing it doesnt mean you are a failure, it means your talent lies elsewhere.

 

If this feeling continues you should visit your GP, you may just benefit from some counselling. Sometimes just talking to someone and having them listen, to have someone listen, means our opinion and what we have to say is important, and this should help take away some of the worthlessness you feel.

 

You are worthy.

[GottaLetItBurn]

Chris Rock once said, "you can be single and lonely, or married and bored...AIN'T NO HAPPINESS NO WHERE."

 

I guess the point is you are thinking that a relationship will make you happy. You have to get yourself there and carry yourself better before you can get into a meaningful relationship though.

 

My cousin use to do this thing where he said "I'm so good looking" then 5 minutes later say "I'm ugly no one wants me". The thing is he was shooting up in down in confidence level like a lot of people are. He saw a therapist and relieved a lot of stress, but managed to get his first girl friends this year. He is overly excited about it, but he is probably very happy.

 

You are only 21, soooooooo young..I am 18. We are young guys. I don't know if you can work your way out of depression. I know I have been in it though in my younger years.

 

I think if you choose to get help you will get better. I think that if you start to think more about getting a job and getting out there you will meet people and feel better. You sound like a intelegent guy and I don't know why you say your ugly.

 

I have never been called ugly before, but I am 100 percent sure there must be some girl out there who thinks I'm ugly. DOn't sweat it, it's nothing but a small thing. Your confidence is low right now, just work through it though.

 

Things will get better, they always do. You have to go through hard times to really appreciate life. Ok dude stay up peace.