Promise rings - do guys wear them?

[annie24]

Well.... 7 weeks ago, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me. He told me he thought I was wonderful and beautiful, but didn't feel "the spark." I was (and maybe still am a bit upset at times), but ultimately, I am thankful that he broke up with me 4 months into the relationship rather than 4 years. If he knew that I wasn't the one for him, I am glad he tossed me back into the singles pond, so this way, maybe I can find the man who IS crazy about me, and he can find the right girl for himself also.

 

I didn't get really angry during the breakup. I just cried A LOT. He kept trying to hold me and hug me, but I just kept pushing him away and I just kept crying. No yelling or throwing or name calling. So, all he had to do was really watch me cry.

 

Are you afraid she might go totally nuts and hurt you or hurt herself?

[sirkindirkin]

Are you afraid she might go totally nuts and hurt you or hurt herself?

She will definitely go totally nuts, and though I don't think she would really hurt herself, she has kinda threatened to before (when I tried to break up w/ her previously). She has virtually no friends to rely on to get her through a break-up.

[tylercdurden2004]

Yup! The sooner the better. Imagine how much harder it will be for both of you if it "ends" in 20 years time and childrens are invovled etc. Its gonna hurt her, she may not like it and she may go a bit "nuts" but ultimately it will be better for both of you.

[melrich]

Well I said to you yesterday sirkin...think ahead 2 years...you 2 are still together...how are you feeling?...does she have anymore friends now? ...will she still go nuts?...or are you basically now locked in for the rest of your life?

 

You know I wouldn't post so much to your threads but for the fact that sound like a terrific guy who needs some support to do what's right for himself and ultimately his g/f.

[Jjasonn28]

Promise/engagement/wedding... it doesn't really make a difference. If its given to you by a loved one, then thats just what it is, a symbol of love.

 

If I was in a relationship, where I felt that marriage was in its future, and she gave me a ring.. I would absolutely wear it. Yes, even on my ring finger.

 

I wouldn't call it a promise ring, or otherwise. Simply a symbol of the love we shared, and future intentions.

 

Just my view.

[Scout]

I've never heard of a guy wearing a promise ring. Ever. Never heard of this being a celebrity trend, either. Guys don't even wear engagement rings, as far as I know.

 

This girl...has some insecurity for sure that the two of you need to work together on. She needs to face that, and maybe you can help her.

[kadvati79]

Can I quote some of the link removedSoundboard here... "What the hell are you thinking?".

 

I get this whole "she sees you as property" feeling right now. I kinda feel terrible for saying that, but its what I see and u can hear similar concerns in other peoples posts. Damn dude, you describe your relationship as a cult that you are very unhappy in. I mean, ask yourself... is this really were you want to be in ten, twenty years?

 

You don't want a promise ring, you want OUT. Out doesn't have to be forever - but marraige is. But right now, you need some perspective. Maybe she just doesn't know how to love right. I don't know, it just seems really messed up. Like that song says... "where is the love?"

 

I guess she must love you, but you can't stay with her out of pity or fear she will hurt herself.

[sirkindirkin]

 

I get this whole "she sees you as property" feeling right now. You don't want a promise ring, you want OUT. Out doesn't have to be forever - but marraige is. But right now, you need some perspective.

 

All this rings so true. Thanks for taking the time to respond everyone. I'll keep posting my progress...

[Polypeptide]

hmmm...My bf and I have a pair of rings with our names engraved on them.

 

But it doesn't mean forever or potential to marriage or anything. It's just for the present time. We are together as bf and gf and a pair of rings is like the bond between us.

 

I didn't ask for it. My bf suggested that. Why not? And it's his idea.

 

So he wears his ring 24/7 never comes off. But I can't tolarate the feeling of the ring on me 24/7. I have to get it off as soon as I come home.

 

He doesn't wear the ring on his ring finger. He wears it on his right hand. It's ok. That ring finger is special for wedding band. I don't wear mine on my ring finger either.

 

Other girls do notice the ring and it suggests that he has a gf. But he has no problem showing that he's taken.

[hosswhispra]

I know what you mean - marriage was never a priority for me, and still isn't. I never felt the need to have the state sanctify my love life.

 

I have not read into your prior posted threads, sirkindirkin. But if this girl is treating you as property, that is definitely not a good thing.

 

Blame it on the Cinderella fairy tale that was read to all of us women when we were young girls. Women are kind of brought up believing that they will find their Prince Charming and get married to them, one day. If it does not happen, it feels like the same feeling that one feels when they find out that Santa Claus is not real (to me anyway) I was discussing this with my sister not so long ago. I said out of some frustration on my part, that if I ever had a daughter, I would not read the Cinderella fairy tale to her

[Momene]

My wife and I met and married within 3 months, so never got engaged. I very much agree with the comments that 3 years into a relationship you should have some idea as to whether or not you want to get married eventually and if not, you've got real problems.

 

I remember in my first serious relationship, there was this time when I wanted it to be permanent and it wasn't but felt more secure once we were engaged.

 

Princesses Diana and Fergie didn't enjoy being married to princes.

[Jjasonn28]

I very much agree with the comments that 3 years into a relationship you should have some idea as to whether or not you want to get married eventually and if not, you've got real problems.

My aunt and uncle have been together for 20+ years. They have one child together, and now they have a grand daughter. They are NOT married.

 

I guess I should let them know that they have real problems before its too late!!

 

Sorry for the sarcasm, but I dont believe that statement is very fair... that people have problems if they dont see a marriage in the future. I understand that, in this world we are brought up to believe that marriage, and the 'wedding' is just what must be. The natural progression of a loving relationship. But not everyone believes in marriage. My aunt and uncle have shared their lives without marriage, and are very content. Wether anyone believes its right or not is irrelivant. Its their life.

 

And in case your curious... I do, some day want to get married. By no means do I want a traditional wedding, with hundreds of guests.. I want to declare my love and devotion somewhere up north, in front of a lake, with only close friends and family present. I believe in what marriage means, but I am not a fan of traditional weddings.

[Momene]

Yes, sorry, by "married" it did include people who lived in a committed relationship without a marriage ceremony. It was the "failure" to commit to a long term future after a long courtship I saw as the problem.

[Jjasonn28]

Yes, sorry, by "married" it did include people who lived in a committed relationship without a marriage ceremony. It was the "failure" to commit to a long term future after a long courtship I saw as the problem.

 

Ahh okay.. gotcha. Then yes I will agree as well. And then, infact that acutally hits home. After three years of coursthip, if you cannot see a long term commitment then perhaps you do need to take a step back and re evaluate the relationship. In my situation, I guess she took a step back. In my mind, I am ready for that commitment.

 

I hope given time and space, she will feel the same.

[RayKay]

I don't know why, but this has been one of the most interesting threads I have read today! Partly due to the situation, partly due to the comments from everyone!

 

Sirkin, given that you are not even sure you want to be IN the relationship anymore, and as you were previously advised it sounds like it is time to end things, there is absolutely no way you should be wearing a promise ring of any sort. I too agree it sounds like a way to signal you are off the market and as for her comments that "a lot of men wear them" - well, I would be interested in knowing where her stats come from. The only men I know whom wear rings are married (ring finger), won the Super Bowl, like their college ring, are engineers (pinkie finger) and so on.

 

Not everyone has to get married, not at all. Like Jjasons aunt and uncle, my mother and stepfather (common law) have been together 20+ years and are absolutely committed. He is her biggest supporter through her cancer treatments and they love one another greatly.

 

However, I do think that at this point you should DEFINITELY know whether you see a long term future with her or not. And I definitely advise against sticking around longer knowing you really are not into it...whether you wear a promise ring or not.

 

You should not stay with her out of pity or fear for her reaction. It will not get easier with time. This is part of dating. Sometimes you realize people are NOT right for you. Think of it this way..you said before you had some doubts very early on right, and yet you stuck with it for three years and still have doubts? What is three more years going to prove?

 

For the record, I think promise rings are just another way to convince people there is a "tradition" that requires more money, and for anyone past being a teenager just rather ridiculous honestly. I can see it when you are a teenager, still young, or even still in college and not ready for engagement yet, but if you are serious about a commitment....it just seems odd. What is next, a "keepers ring" to signal your goal to give them a promise ring, to get an engagement ring, to get a wedding ring? Yikes!

[Iceman26]

Yes, I wear one.

[wowowow]

This has nothing to do with promise rings so it seems, it's more that you want to break up with her and you're afraid she will go crazy, hurt herself, etc. Just so there is a bit of clarification on the promise rings, if my woman gave me a ring as a gesture to make it appear I'm off the market, I'd wear it. The very thought of me wanting to flaunt myself as available when I have someone at home that I love and loves me as well is just ridiculous, just screams commitment issues and perhaps a bit of wanting to be unfaithful is in your mind. But back to this issue with your crazy insecure girl, break it off. Obviously you don't want to be with her and you're going online to seek advice, and they were hinting at your age and how you should be only giving engagement rings... Eh, age is just a number. You, yourself will decide whether you're ready to commit to someone or not. A person can be 40 and still have the mentality of a 10 year old.