What is worse? your partner falling in love or having sex w/ someone else

[bobo85]

What is worse?

 

Imagining your partner having sex with someone else

 

or

 

Imagining your partner falling in love with someone else

 

?????????

 

Why?

[ElektraHere]

Why is this something that is happening in your life right now?

[annie24]

If I had to choose, I'd rather have neither!!!!!!!!

 

But... I would say that I would rather my partner have a drunken night while on vacation, than to fall in love, or have sex that's meaningful with someone they love. Everyone can make a drunken mistake, but I would be really hurt if it was more than that.

[Dako]

Both would be the same to me, because it'd be the end of the road.

[goddess23]

although it would end it, it would be easier to move on knowing he made a dumb mistake or simply let his biological side take over for a night than to know he has connected deeply with someone on a level that i thought was sacred. i dont know, it would just hurt to know he cared about someone like that.

[bobo85]

For me its worst thinking that my SO is falling in love with someone else.

 

I created this post because i believe most of the girls will say that falling in love w/ another is worse than sleeping w/ another.

[itsallgrand]

Both are 'bye bye' moments.

 

But carnal sex is easier to deal with than knowing the other person has fallen in love with someone else while you still love them to pieces. Yes, the emotional intimacy is worse.

[jchan]

you can't really weigh the differences between the two. they are both just as bad. if the fell in love with somebody else, all the love you have for them is going to waste that will hurt you psychologically. if they had sex with someone else, same thing. Unfortunately they're both different paths that lead to the same destination.

 

i'm having to deal with realizing my ex "falling in love with someone else" before it ended situation. I wouldn't be surprised if the sex part had already occurred

 

true on the sex part because actions speak louder than words. there is no trickery. you wont be in despair when you find out. instead it will be anger. still not healthy though.

 

it's a definite deal breaker.

cut it off before the cancer gets worse.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i think it would hurt most if they had an emotional connection, however, definitely the end of the yellow brick road if either were to occur. =P

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Neither is terribly good, but I think its a lot worse for someone to fall in love with another person - theres an emotional connection there and an intimacy, whereas sex can just be physical gratification, and shallower.

 

Ultimate worse case scenario is love AND sexual fidelity..yeuregh.

[CharLit]

Wow, I'm a complete minority in my opinions on this!

 

For me, sex with another would be worse: you can't really help falling in love, whereas having sex with someone else is a conscious act of betrayal.

 

Maybe it's because I've been in love with someone else while in a relationship and know what that's like: I still loved my partner just as much as before, but I had a crush on someone else, the two feelings are completely different and unfortunately can be simultaneous. I never acted on my crush in any way, just tried to avoid the guy as much as possible, as I wasn't willing to risk a 5 year relationship with someone I loved for a silly crush. I couldn't help it and just waited for it to go away.

 

If I had acted on it, unlike the crush that would have been a choice to betray my partner.

 

Though there've been a good few divorces in my family, a lot of my uncles and aunts are still together, a lot of them for 30-40 years now. Almost all of them have at one point or another been in love with someone else during their marriage (i know this from my parents), but all have chosen to stay with their partners without acting on it. To me, that is real love.

 

As for drunken mistakes, well, as someone on this forum pointed out: if you kill someone drunk-driving, it's still your fault. And for the men: if you're sober enough to get it up, you're sober enough to know what you're doing!

[Dako]

And for the men: if you're sober enough to get it up, you're sober enough to know what you're doing!

 

thereforeeee drunk women, who don't have to get it up, are blameless?

[novaseeker]

Wow, I'm a complete minority in my opinions on this!

 

For me, sex with another would be worse: you can't really help falling in love, whereas having sex with someone else is a conscious act of betrayal.

 

This is actually I think the more common view among women, at least in my experience. The "falling in love" is more understandable than the "falling in lust" which many men experience ... or at least is something that more women can relate to, perhaps.

 

Either way, if it becomes a fully-blown emotional or sexual affair, there's some choice and action involved either way, even if it is the choice to give in to your feelings instead of deciding to stifle them and let them go.

[CharLit]

thereforeeee drunk women, who don't have to get it up, are blameless?

 

LOL no unfortunately there is no such indicator for the level of sobriety of women

[yeawutever]

Your partner having sex with someone else aftercourse, disgusting, think about STD's. Hope no guy does that to me.

In the other hand your partner falling in love with someone else is just emotional, no physical contact involve and that can be fix. Unlike sex, one can NEVER recover from that betrayal.

[SLMitchell918]

Falling in love...............knowing that there is an emotional level is worse than anything at all. Both are still bad though.

[moonunit]

my ex cheated on me within a week of each other. the first one was physical - one night stand - the second emotional...the emotional one has screwed me up more than anything.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey,

 

Well to be honest neither is good! It's unforgivable to me.

 

Although I would say your partner falling 'in love' with someone else is the worst option. I say this because there is that actual love connection between two people as well as the intimate part.

 

Having sex with someone else? Well thats just as bad, however sex can be meaningless. Love never is meaningless.

 

I have no room to talk on this thread though really.

 

Miya xx

[AwdreeHpburn]

hmmmmm.......

 

right, I'm with the majority I think. They'll both lead to the same place. Whether they have sex straight away or fall in love first. They'll eventaully have sex, won't they?

[yeawutever]

Sex being meaningless?????? I really don't get it, that's really the worst thing one can do. In falling in love, liking someone else, you're not acting on it, it's in your thoughts.

But sex, please anything but sex, that' s so low. Then again, I must also be different from all you girls. Sex isn't meaningless, it's serious, you cna get infected from it.

[tylercdurden2004]

Wow, I'm a complete minority in my opinions on this!

 

For me, sex with another would be worse: you can't really help falling in love, whereas having sex with someone else is a conscious act of betrayal.

 

 

Well I think the actions that lead to falling in love are the hurtful and conscious betrayal part. Sure you cant help falling in love with someone else but you can control the actions taht lead to it. Eg if a guy gives you his number at a night club while you are "taken" and you phone him. This is a conscious act. Alternatively if you know you are in love with someone else you should end your current relationship ASAP.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Sex being meaningless?????? I really don't get it, that's really the worst thing one can do. In falling in love, liking someone else, you're not acting on it, it's in your thoughts.

But sex, please anything but sex, that' s so low. Then again, I must also be different from all you girls. Sex isn't meaningless, it's serious, you cna get infected from it.

 

In my defense, I said sex can be meaningless - not actually saying it's meaningless all the time. I think sex can sometimes be meaningless on different levels.

 

Also, I was referring to the emotional effect of getting hurt not the physical. I guess you have to take both of those in to account though.

 

However I do agree that falling in love isn't something you act upon, but your right, it is in your thoughts. However if you feel you are falling in love with someone else, then obviously the decent thing to do is end your current relationship before anyone gets hurt.

 

Miya xx

[itsallgrand]

In falling in love, liking someone else, you're not acting on it, it's in your thoughts.

 

I view it a little differently. We are in control of our thoughts as much as our bodies. Actually, how we choose to manage our minds seems to be the most important part to me.

Thoughts are actions.

 

I don't believe in 'falling in love' being out of our control. It's no more out of our control than any other aspect of our being. We make choices every step of the way.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I view it a little differently. We are in control of our thoughts as much as our bodies. Actually, how we choose to manage our minds seems to be the most important part to me.

Thoughts are actions.

 

I don't believe in 'falling in love' being out of our control. It's no more out of our control than any other aspect of our being. We make choices every step of the way.

 

I see where your coming from, but it's not as though you wake up in a morning and think "I wont fall in love today - I have complete control over it"

 

I think love just falls on you randomly and when it happens and you realize it's happened, theres nothing much you can do about it. It tends to play on your mind.

 

By the way I aren't trying to cause trouble here!

 

Miya xx

[doyathink]

I view it a little differently. We are in control of our thoughts as much as our bodies. Actually, how we choose to manage our minds seems to be the most important part to me.

Thoughts are actions.

 

I don't believe in 'falling in love' being out of our control. It's no more out of our control than any other aspect of our being. We make choices every step of the way.

Oh yes Grand, You always have the right words. It's all been said right here!