loners-ever met any ,are u one-what htey like

[joe45]

you guys ever meet the loner guys or girls- they always by themselves -no friends or if so very very few-more like aquitances, they very shy, and quiete. after class they go right home, they eat lunch by emselves, and when it comes to group projects they -always have to have the teacher assign em into a group b/c everyone has already have had a group. their faces get all red when they are assigned to read a chpt in the text.

 

this guy is in college around his 20's why is he such a loner. he doesn;t speak much eitehr -ah yes and ah no- just doesn;t speak or say much- you have to come and talk to him or else he don;t talk to u.

 

anyone here met or is or now any pure loners-what are they really like and what are they hiding

[krissbrown]

Maybe their just shy, could be they were hurt in the past by people- as kids, so their afraid of rejection, afraid to socialize.

Some people are just very shy.

I say when someones quiet, talk to them ask them about themselves, They'll probably be relieved when someone talks to them.

 

I always get confused with these types and think they may be snotty cause their so shy but alot of times their just shy.

[Deveryn]

I'm what you would consider a loner.

Most loners, like krissbrown said, could have went through hurt in past, or been raised to have a low self-esteem, afraid of people etc.

 

For me, though, I just don't like to socialize with people and when they do come around I don't know exactly what to say, or what to contribute to the conversation. Thats probably why they say "yeah" a lot, because they don't know really what else to say. I do that.

 

Sometimes when I'm not even shy around someone I still don't like to socialize.. I was born being quiet and to myself, which a lot of people are.

 

Believe it or not, some of the nicest people on the planet are also the ones that keep to themselves. You'll never really know until you go up to them and be nice, and show that you care.

[easyguy]

A lot of it goes back to childhood; how you were raised. For some, change is a life long struggle because it has been so much a part of you that it almost seems inseperable. Perhaps he wasn't ever really accepted as a child except for a select few who were close to him. I never have had a gang of friends around me. Rather, I have one great friend, and all others who I associate with are more of aquaintinces.

 

I used to be exactly like him -- quiet kid in class, back of the room at social events, shy to read in front of the class. I still have those tendencies, especially when I am put in new environments, such as the first day of a new class, or a new school. Sometimes it is a matter of getting warmed up. It's not that I don't want to put myself out there, I just don't care sometimes. Some people are extroverts, some are introverts.

 

It's only when your social state begins to have negative effects on friends, family, and relationships that you begin to realize that something needs to be done for the betterment of yourself.

[Kevin T]

May I ask, why are you asking about pure loners? Is there a specific reason or...?

[ShySoul]

Shy loner here. I think a lot of it isn't hiding things or afraid of being hurt. It's really just a natural personality. Some people need to be in a large group in order to feel comfortable. Others are more at peace by themselves. There really isn't any mystery or anything to figure out, its just the way some people are naturally inclined.

 

Shy people do tend to be the nicest people often. They can have the most to say, they just choose the right moment to say it. And they often have the biggest hearts.

[musicguy]

I used to be a loner in high school, but now I'm a talker and I get in trouble for talking too much but yeah I've met some loners

[italianstalian]

i used to be exactly what u described up until i was 16 years old.......my ex gf changed my life completely...........and now im the most outgoing person

[RIPDIME]

And its so sad how the shy people are the ones who always get picked on. I dont know why but anyone who is really shy always seems to be the target. You see if your shy you dont fight back, so people make fun of you, its so sad how subjective our society is to the different. Anyways I guess you could kind of say im a loner but things have changed. A while ago I never really would have conversations with anyone and I had few friends and they werent really good. I would always blame the fact that I was new in my school or that I didnt look all that great but really I looked above average it was just that I was shy. So how did I change this? Well one day I just told myself that I was better than this that I could do it and out of pure anxiety I started talking to people. Now I was talking to more people and my fears seemed to disappear. Now I am even losing my fears of talking to girls I am attracted to, although these first tries have been horror stories. But I know how this blackhole is, everyone ignores you and you feel like * * * * every day. The worst part though is the fact that when you are really shy you just feel worthless and you dont feel like telling anyone your feelings or the deprevaties of being shy because you just feel like it isnt worth it. What I really would like to know is how this all starts. For me I know that my dad was an alcoholic and all of these horrible events happened, I had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and then I moved away with my mom to a whole new place. I also wondered why when I used to be really shy I would always flinch whenever someone did something, could it be contributed to my childhood? I dont know...

 

Anyways I think it would be cool if all the shy people here could compile a very big thread outlining shyness such as how to get rid of it or how it all started, I think that it would help a lot of people and if anyone would like to help me than that would be great.

 

Thanks for your time

[shyandconfused]

Yes. I am what you'd call a "pure" loner. The description in the original post is of me i think. The general feeling in the "pure" loner community is this....

 

"What's so good about me that anyone would want to hang around with me. What have i got that's so special that i deserve to talk to anyone else."

 

"What so special about me that i should be anyone's friend".

 

Again, even if someone acts friendly to us.... we are afraid that if we act friendly back that the other person will be thinking...

 

"Who does this guy think he is, acting like we are friends. What's so special about him that he feels that anyone would want to be his friend. What's the point of him?".

 

Even if we know someone, we still wouldn't sit beside them in class, just in case thay have turned against us.

 

And yes. The reason they feel bad about themselves is because usually they *are* hiding something. There is something about their personality that they are ashamed of, and that they don't want anyone else to find out about.

[krissbrown]

A little off topic

 

One thing I hate is when people used to ask "why are you so quiet"? Like its a disease. I was very quiet as a kid. One time i drank too much at a cousins wedding when I was 11 years old -became chatty and I remember his wife tellling me "now your acting like a normal kid, you should act like that all the time".. She said it when my parents werent around. But it gave me a complex.

 

I think its just a personality trait as well- being shy and quiet. I was very shy and quiet myself as a child, I got picked on, beat up, made fun of, abused by my family,,etc... Alot of the kids I went to school with were bad kids because it was a bad neighborhood.

 

When I became 14 my mom sent me to a new school in a different area.They were nice kids. Everything changed for me, I made alot of friends and was finally happy. I always hated going back home, I would be at my friends house, bfrnd house by my new school everyday, never came back home till the nighttime, And i felt sick.

 

I only wish she moved as well because I still had to see those same kids from time to time who made me feel misreable. I used to beg her to move, my sister at the time was being beaten every single day by bullies, for 7 years she was beaten and humiliated.

Its never good for a kid to live in a neighborhood where nobody likes them/wants to hurt them. My mother still lives there, I hate going there, makes me feel sick.

[ShySoul]

kriss,

 

I've felt the same way. I was told when I was young I needed to be more active and talkative. Always wished they would leave me alone and just accept me for who I was. And with the people who do that, I can be an extremely talkative person. Being shy and quiet isn't a bad thing, its not something abnormal or something to change. It's just who we are.

 

And yes. The reason they feel bad about themselves is because usually they *are* hiding something. There is something about their personality that they are ashamed of, and that they don't want anyone else to find out about.

 

I think that what they are ashamed of isn't really anything they have to fear, its more of the way other people have made them feel. They have been told so much that being shy, quiet, and a loner is bad, that they believe it. They get frustrated with themselves, thinking they are weird or bad, and thus retreat even more. Think what helps is to see that there is nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of. If that is who you are, then its ok. In being comfortable being quiet and shy, you can actually make it so you are less quiet and shy.

[krissbrown]

Shysoul I totally agree with you, i dont know why people give other people a complex because they feel they dont talk enough. My cousins made fun of me thw worst, as soon as they saw me theyd go "oh you never talk, so quiet, HAHA" but they never tried talking to me.

Now that Im older I realize what morons they are. None of them have a college education. I notice stupid people talk alot and babble.

I always find smart people tend to be more quiet.

When I got older, i started talking alot about myself just to annoy them and then they started telling me stuff like "your stupid" or "you'll never be anybody so stop bragging".

Funny!

[pchellak]

Whats wrong with being a loner? Some people are extroverts and others are introverts. Similarly some people draw energy from others whereas others like to be alone. But for heavens sake dont try to change him for your own benefit. I can assure you he is going to hate you for it.

[ShySoul]

"It's the quiet ones that change the world. The loud ones just take all the credit."

 

Nothing wrong with being a loner or being shy. It gives you a unique outlook. People like that tend to observe things more and understand things better. So when they do speak, they have more to say.

[Caldus]

I happen to be alienated from most people. But aren't we all to some extent?

 

I just don't have much to say to people. Not because I'm stupid or scared, but because they are talking about some mundane/trivial topic that I don't even want to bother contributing to. Figures that I talk the most when I am around certain rare kinds of people at my school, which is 1% of the time. I can talk a lot if I wanted to, but it would be a bunch of repetitive blabbering that doesn't really say/mean anything.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I happen to be alienated from most people. But aren't we all to some extent?

 

I just don't have much to say to people. Not because I'm stupid or scared, but because they are talking about some mundane/trivial topic that I don't even want to bother contributing to.

 

 

but who's to decide if it's trivial or not? garbage to one is paradise to another. however i can see your point here

[ShySoul]

but who's to decide if it's trivial or not? garbage to one is paradise to another. however i can see your point here

 

Agreed. What one person considers trival, another may not. I have no interest in fashion or clothes other then to wear them. So to me, that is trival. But to a designer, it's not. I have an interest in wrestling, something most would consider trival. But I can argue how its not. So it's all dependent on the person.

 

Though we do get along better and are more comfortable around people with the same interests, who have similarities to us. In different environments, we can all by shy and loners, or we can all be talkative. It just depends on what suits our personality best.

[Caldus]

Of course. It depends on the person. Just saying that I happen to come accross trivial conversations (for me) pretty often.

[ShySoul]

As do I Caldus. Can be really annoying at times.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i'll third that. especially when your my age, you tend to run into conversations that are incredibly drama prone and just overall meaningless to me. so i tend to stray from being around people of the same age group.

[renaissancewoman101]

I can be considered to be a loner. I do have an outgoing personality but I tend to be shy and it takes me a while to open up. I dont have a lot of friends right now and I dont want that many friends. I like living alone, doing some things alone, etc., and I realize, after having a 2 year relationship, it is hard to share things with other people because I am so used to being alone and doing things alone.

 

Being a loner is not a bad thing, but it can be awful lonely at times too.

[ShySoul]

i'll third that. especially when your my age, you tend to run into conversations that are incredibly drama prone and just overall meaningless to me. so i tend to stray from being around people of the same age group.

 

I just laugh to myself. Some of those things are so rediculous that you can't help but scratch your head and wonder what people are thinking. Either can be annoyed, upset, or laugh and let it roll.

[a2000]

I think shyness has a lot to do with energy... I have read that introverts get energy from being by themselves and sometimes social situations are actually physically draining. For me, being alone is actually draining and can lead to depression. It's not that I'm lonely when I'm by myself as much as I just feel tired. So I assume it is the other way around for introverts? (What do you think?)

I agree to an extent. I am an introvert and being around lots of people drains me and sometimes I have to get away for a bit maybe to the toilet or outside, then I can go back with more energy to socialise.

After a long day of socialising I breathe a big sigh of relief

[emptychipbag]

I totally fit the description of a "pure loner".

 

I know how I turned into one too. I remember up until about 3rd grade I had warts all over my hands up to my elbows. I was a total freak and all the other kids treated me like I was diseased and would stay away because they thought it was contageous. I would have kids staring at me and giving moans of disgust and stuff all the time. So at that early age I was already self consious and didn't want to be seen. I had managed to make maybe one or two friends at best,.. but eventually they would stop hanging out with me because people would tell them they would get what I had. I remember I used to always stab and cut the warts until they bled with a pencil or pen because they were causing me so much shame.

 

I do remember the warts all went away over night one night, but that didn't matter anymore. Because of the low self-esteem I had developed I turned into an easy target for bullies. I never fought back because if you did, you'd get in as much trouble as the bully. So in order to stay out of trouble I'd just let them hurt me. I remember getting beat up was almost a daily thing and I couldn't do anything about it but try to disappear and hide. Other kids would make fun of me for getting beat up,.. I'd go to a teacher and they'd actually talk to me with a dismissive attitude about it,.. like I was just supposed to just get over it or something. Like I was being a whiny baby or something.

 

So basically I didn't trust people. I thought all people were cruel. I was ashamed of myself. I never developed important social skills at that early age. I would always be nervous around people because I always felt that I was being stared at and ridiculed and laughed at. I avoided drawing attention to myself because I ALWAYS felt like I was a worthless freak.

It wasn't until high school that I started to open up just a little. But in highschool I was still a target. By that time I had it down to an art. I had trained myself to just take it and not feel anything. Hell,.. I almost felt like a martyr or something half the time. I'd walk around with bruises proudly and smile and laugh when I was being harassed. The rougher they'd get,.. they more I'd laugh. If I got a busted lip or if a few spots of blood got on my shirt,.. I'd leave it there.

And no,.. no faculty ever seemed to care. Everyone knew what was happening,.. or everyone was just ignoring it,.. or they were all just incredibly stupid.

 

But I graduated damn it. All without going on a killing spree or anything. yay me. (I'm a pacifist.)

 

And now I'm so totally starved for all the social stuff I missed out on.