Kyoshiro Ogari Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 When I was in college, there was this girl in my astronomy class. I was really taken by her, because she was quiet and shy, and she had a mysterious raven beauty about her. It was like she was dark and cold on the outside, but shined so brightly on the inside. She had a sour puss look on her face and seemed to want to be left alone, or maybe she wanted to be approached. There was a definite shyness about her, like she was so desperate to show the world the real her, but so afraid of what the world might think about the real her. One day our teacher was asking us what our biggest goal was and what our biggest fear was when it came to traveling into outer space. I said that my biggest goal was to one day soar through the clouds of Jupiter but that my biggest fear of being stranded in Uranus. When she laughed, and when she smiled, I nearly fainted. It was the first time I saw her smile and my God, it was bee-yoo-tee-ful. I wanted to talk to her, but I was too shy to approach her. Meanwhile there was this other guy in our class who also took a liking to her. He was not scared away by her sour puss. I remember my jealousy when I saw him constantly sitting next to her and talking to her as I did nothing. He was trying to make her laugh as I would have tried to. I specifically remember the day we went on the roof to look at the stars. I remember she was walking off to the side to be alone and I was *this close* to walking up to her and starting a conversation. But naturally, my shyness and low self esteem put me in a headlock and yanked me away. But lo and and behold, "he" was there a few minutes later, trying his best to make her laugh (which he apparently couldn't do.) I even overheard him asking her out, but I never heard her answer... A few weeks later, the class ended. I never thought that much of it. Then, last night, thirteen years later, I am on the train and who do I see? Her. And him. And their son. And their daughter. As soon as I saw them I said, "Well I'll be damned. He asked her out and now they're married with children." Funny thing is, she still had that grumpy sour puss on her face as she was fixing her daughter's coat, but then her son said something and she cracked up. My heart jumped out of my chest, put a gun to it's head and pulled the trigger. She still had the same quintessense of a smile that I had ever seen. And he was still happy go lucky, smiling as if it was crazy glued to his face. And their kids were absolutely adorable. And I am alone. So this message is for all of you hesitators out there. Just remember, someone else might be there to scoop him or her up. You can't wait forever, because if you do, he or she will be gone. And you're wondering what their kids would look like with your eyes instead of his... Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 KO- That's insane! There is a song by James Blunt (You are beautiful) and it's a somewhat similar story (except he dated the girl and was seeing her with her new boyfriend on the train). Wow..... hosswhispra Link to comment
Kevin T Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Ugh. Damn, that's rough. I see what you're trying to say, and it's an important lesson to learn. Link to comment
Süsser Tod Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Been there, screwed up that chance... And basically lost the girl I've loved the most. She gave me all the signs, she even tried to push me into having a relationship with her. I was too scared, I didn't wanted to ruin what was perfection. She got tired, she was honest, told me everything, and I still dind't reacted. She "dumped" me for another guy, if I can say that, as I was too scared. 4 years later, I still miss her, think about her, and here I am, crying. Link to comment
smilelikeyoumeanit Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 I've been putting asking someone out off for the past year and a half, because i'm so scared of the answer being no. I really like this guy, and i just don't want that feeling to go away. But I know if I do ask him out, and he says yes, then the feeling will be that much greater. *Smile*......... I just don't know what to do. That story just made me think so deeply about what is going on with me right now. I know that I should, I just don't know if I can...... Why did you keep putting it off? Maybe it's the same reason that I have. I just don't know what to do....... Link to comment
filmraven Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 that's quite the story...I totally didn't expect it to turn out that way! I'm going to add to this because I too think it's very important to go after what you want in life and I think that includes the person you are longing to be with. About a year ago I went through this terrible break up where my ex-bf was really mean to me in the end. He was far from civil to say the least. The very following day after he broke up with me I was feeling incredibly down and very sad. I got a phone call from a friend who asked me to come down to watch a film at an arthouse (which just happened to be on the Rawanda genocide....mmm, something light!), I refused, she begged and I finally said yes simply so that I could get out of the house. Anyway, that night she brought three guy friends and one of them she had considered setting me up with months earlier before she knew I was already with someone. Anyway, I met him, thought nothing him and kept my distance. Somehow as fate would have it, we inadvertantly started hanging out as he was friends with a friend of mine. He turned out to be a SUPER nice guy but incredibly shy. It wasn't before long that I developped a serious crush on this guy that wouldn't let go. The problem was, that despite me totally fawning over him I had no idea if he liked me at all. He'd send me an email and it was always very professional and conservative. He even started calling me each day but would have an excuse for every single time he called! So I believed him! Finally...he asked if I wanted to come over on Friday for a movie...I still didn't know what was going on...and... He sat the entire night at the other end of the couch-and didn't so much as make the slightest move. Of course we talked all night and that was great-but no signs, nothing! It wasn't until 5am that I realized I really had to go and had been stallling the entire time. So I spent about an hour putting my shoes on, stood up, took a deep breath (bc by now I was reeeally nervous) and said, "So...what was all this??" He looked awkward, mumbled something about wanting it to be something else...which still didn't tell me anything. I told him I had to go, he got really quiet, nodded his head and just as I was going to go out the door (bc I figured the night was a bust and all he had intended was to be friends) I turned around and asked if I could at least give him a hug. He grabbed me and squeezed me so tight I thought I was going to turn blue And we've been very happily together ever since... point made: as hard as it is there's nothing you'll regret more than if you don't say something. And if that doesn't work...try asking for a hug. I'm forever grateful that I did. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 KO, you are still in your young years and even if you weren't I am sure there is another raven beauty waiting somewhere for you to be triggered into a smile. You're story really captured my heart. I am currently seeing a guy who is very very shy. He had the nerve of telling me about his feelings, and now we are a couple. This whole thing happened because there was something in it for you to learn. Now you have. And you shared it with us. You wrote this post in such a light-hearted manner, you are really a good writer, did you know that? Ilse Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Ditto--KO you are a writer Link to comment
arwen Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Haha, filmraven, I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! My guy and me were the same the first nights, and since we were friends first, it is still awkward at times! KO, just a note at the sideline, I know there are many discussions here on the forum about the allegedly dangerous 'friendzone', keep in mind that I am now dating someone that I have known for over 2 years, and share a house with! It CAN happen, and I am sure you can't be as shy as he is. I mean I have seen shy people. And they don't compare Ilse Link to comment
DN Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 It just goes to prove that old cliché "He who hesitates is lost'. It does not apply to all situations in life but it does very often apply in pursuing a romance. Link to comment
sweetheart230 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I made the same mistake. On a train once. He was perfect, and I don't think anyone is perfect. It was a midnight train. There was an instant connection. He was handsome, sweet, funny, kind, genuine. Everything any girl could want. I was too nervous to give him my number (he didn't ask....but I think he was trying to as I suddenly ran off the train)...and to this day am really pissed at myself for not taking the initiative. He might not have called, but the fact that I didn't give him my number guaranteed that he wouldn't. Link to comment
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 Thanks guys. it sucks when you miss the opportunity and live to regret it, doesn't it? Yeah, out of all my crushes that I've seen married (4 of them), her's was the most shocking about how it turned out for the two. I was actually happy for them. They both got what they wanted, which was each other, a loving relationship, and what seemed like an awesome family as the kicker. It just goes to prove that old cliché "He who hesitates is lost'. It does not apply to all situations in life but it does very often apply in pursuing a romance. I thought it was "He who hesitates, masturbates." I may be lost but I sure do... well, you know. Link to comment
Miss M Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Wow KO, what a story. And you really do have a talent for writing. And the responses in this thread are interesting, and ... well, can I persuade any of you to take a look at my thread?... "He's interested, but shy..." I'm trying to get a new perspective on these types of guys who hesitate. What should a girl do to give a guy a nudge? Thanks all. Link to comment
kiwifly Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 KO, first off, I have to agree with the others that you have quite the talent for writing. Reading your story gave me goosebumps! It really hit home, as that has happened to me so many times before (maybe not exactly like that, but you know what I mean.) Actually, just last week, this wonderful guy who I have been speaking with once in a while in one of my classes came and sat right next to me, and because I was so shy, I couldn't speak a word to him. I felt so bad afterwards, and after reading your story, I am now inspired to do something about it this coming week. Thank you for sharing your story. I'd also like to add that I have read a few of your posts, and I must say that you will definitely find someone out there for you. You sound like a great guy, and I think one day you're going to find someone who is going to make your long wait very worthwhile! Don't lose hope! Link to comment
tomservo Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Been there, screwed up that chance... And basically lost the girl I've loved the most. She gave me all the signs, she even tried to push me into having a relationship with her. I was too scared, I didn't wanted to ruin what was perfection. She got tired, she was honest, told me everything, and I still dind't reacted. She "dumped" me for another guy, if I can say that, as I was too scared. 4 years later, I still miss her, think about her, and here I am, crying. Man, that sounds exactly like me. Only it's been about six months since I was "dumped" and it still hurts. Especially since we're still "friends". Link to comment
yelloemail Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 ohhhh, that was the sweetest story i have ever heard in my life! will you marry me? i loved it! honestly, i feel for you - that is a really sad story but it had a sweetness to it. if you didn't live in new york, i would definitely date you because i just loved the way you wrote that. Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 dang KYO..after reading that sad story I'm now in a super depressed mood (thanks ). Now I'm sitting here thinking about events in the past and "what if' that girl thta I thought was looking at me really was, and was interested. Man how different my life could be right now!!! Link to comment
easyguy Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 A friend of mine wrote a poem a while back that had the same lesson to it. I have learned a lot after reading his poem. It sort of hit immediately me after reading it that I have to always take risks and go through with it if I am interested in someone, rather than be hestitant and not do anything. Link to comment
Orlander Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 kniqt007, you could probably benefit from reading and/or listening to some Tony Robbins books and tapes. You aren't going to find anyone with your mind in that negative state. Regardless of how you look, I see ugly people, fat people, short people, and dumb people with beautiful mates. It all starts with confidence and love for yourself. Go grab yourself a copy of Awaken the Giant Within, laugh to yourself for a moment that you are actually reading one of "those self help books" and enjoy. A couple of weeks ago I saw a girl at a restaurant. We said hi to each other, then glanced at each other again while sitting at our tables accross the dining room. I excused myself and went to say hi to this girl when her friend went to the bathroom. She had a boyfriend and I didnt really feel that spark anyway, but at least I tried. Whenever I think about approaching a woman to ask out, I think about that moment and how I did not faulter. It makes all the difference if you just do it once and you dont have that nasty "why didnt I say something to her" taste in your mouth for the remainder of the day. It just takes practice. Orlander Link to comment
leeroybrown Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 All I can say is wow and that I've been there before. There was this girl in college, all I can say is she was absolutely my perfect girl. She was beautiful, smart, witty, funny, sweet, liked alot of the same things I liked, and so on. Well too tell you the truth, she made me so shy around her and I was afraid if I asked her out it would ruin our friendship, which I liked. She was also roommates with a girl who liked me at the time and I didn't want to cause any problems in their roomie relationship. So guess what, I never asked her out and she's with a guy who she will probably marry. I don't have too many regrets because I'm really optimistic and the guy she's with is great and all. Yet sometimes I wonder about her and if I'll ever meet someone like her again. It doesn't cause me pain or anything like that and I'm so happy for her, but I always compare other girls to her qualities. But that's not a bad thing, I'll find another girl like her and maybe one possibly better one day. The most important thing is to not regret the things you did in the past and just learn from them and sieze the opportunity the next time. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Maybe not asking out someone we want to ask out isn't a mistake? Maybe it is a necessary experience to help us learn and guide us to the eventual person we are meant to end up with? Each event in our lives happens for a reason. They all lead up to the moment when we meet the right person. So don't feel too bad about missing out on one opportunity, there are plenty of others in life. And when it is right, it will work out. Link to comment
drum4god Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I feel your pain KO. I had sort of a similar situation. In high school I was in love with this asian girl Lilly. It was strange it wasn't that I was shy, but I always saw her with a guy. Now that guy could have been her brother for all I know. There were plenty of other times I would see her alone, but I never had the courage to talk to her. Years later I would think about her. I would wonder if she was married, and why I never had the courage to talk to her. Fast forward about 10 years later, I am going home from work and on the train platform I see this beautfiful Asian woman with straight black hair. I look closely, and its her. My heart skipped a beat. It would have been a no-brainer to talk to her, but I was in a committed relationship. I didn't even love the girl I was committed to, but I am don't believe in cheating or tempting myself to cheat. As much as I wanted to talk to her, I didn't. To this day I still regret it. I should have at least said hello. I guess I am loyal to a fault, because I endend up breaking up with my girlfriend a month later. Link to comment
Cody Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Amazing story, and sad too. I really beat myself up when my shyness gets the best of me and i make a mistake like that. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now