Cheating and Lies AGAIN

[destiny2009]

Hi everybody, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reading my posts, its greately appreciated.

 

Im in a long distance relationship and this New Yrs i went to see my bf on and off of 5years. One night we had gone out to eat and he had gone to McDonalds to get something to eat while i waited in the car. While in the car I made a decision to look through his texts. What i had found was that he was seeing 2 girls for the past 2 months.

 

I had confronted him and he admitted that he had been seeing girls but had not been physical with any of them. He also admitted that he was seeing girls a year prior when we were just seeing each other prior to breaking up. There had been a lot of crying and begging and he had admittted of buying me a ring and he really wanted to make a change and make this work.

 

I decided to make a choice and give him another chance.

 

2 weeks later Im obviously still in pain and its eating me up. I can tell he is trying his best to make this work.

 

Just this past weekend my bf gave me his password for his job because he needed me to do something for him. I took that password and tried to get into his account and it worked.

 

I went through it and I saw that he had deleted all of my emails but he had a folder for his ex's. In this folder i saw that these girls had really loved him, and they were obviously intimate. It pains me sooooo much.

 

Of course it doesnt end there, i went on his msn and earlier that day he had told me i had my own folder that said 'Baby'. But when i looked at his msn list im actually under a folder named ' * * * * *es' were he keeps all his female friends at. And i saw a folder that he named 'Potential' that had a single female account under.

 

Please help me with this..I NEED SO MUCH HELP..im in a lot of pain.

 

I need to know if im overreacting...Ladies what would u do if u were in my position.

 

I dont know what to do...I really want to comfront him but i dont know if i should admit that i snooped.

 

Thank u for your time.

[DN]

I am not a lady but if I were and I were in you shoes, I would dump him. You already know all you need to know. Not a good time for you - you have my sympathy.

[Relationship Coach]

There will never be an acceptable level of trust in this relationship, it would be pointless to give him anymore chances. He has lied, deceived and concealed probably much more than you have discovered. I'm very sorry but I doubt he can change who he is to play it straight enough to be faithful to you. Best Wishes.

[destiny2009]

Should i admit that i looked through his msn list and confront him?

 

And thank u so much for responding

[DN]

I suppose you can tell him that since he cheated before you were suspicious, checked and found all that stuff. I would not do it as a 'confrontation' merely as an explanation as to why he finds himself kicked to the curb. You don't have to discuss anything - just tell him what you found, dump him and end the conversation.

[Tigris]

I'm sorry but this relationship is not going to work. In my opinion he's not the sort of person that can be trusted!

 

There's someone better for you out there, I hope he comes along soon.

[charliek]

i have been in your shoes. . .but my ex only was doing this with one girl and not two. . .if you don't put your foot down now, he will continue this trust me. . .Just saying ok I forgive you. . .Just b/c he's trying, he's trying to distract you and trying to make it seem as if you have no reason to ever check up on him. . . TRUST me. . . I went through this. . I was w/ a guy for 5 years lived w/ him for the last 2+ of our realaitonship and it only got worse. . .Every time I would catch him w/ a new txt msg or email. . .he would tell me he didn't know why she was emailng/txting him or that he'd put a stop to it. . .I'd forgive him and trust that he was telling me the truth b/c for the next few days after he'd get caught he would "try". . . .but every few weeks I'd find something new. . .and another lie, another I'll try etc. . . .

 

Needless to say I couldn't take it anymore. . I could not stand the lies, the feeling that I constantly had of not feeling good enough for him, etc. . .I could not deal w/ it AT ALL ANY MORE. . .I had more self respect, dignity, and pride to let that happen to me anymore. . .And I am passing the same advice onto you. . .put a stop to it. . .b/c as soon as he knows he can dangle a ring, or do a good deed to make you "trust" him again. . .he will dance that dance the whole time you allow it. . . PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE for yourself put an end to it. . .you give them an inch they'll take a mile. . .TRUST ME!!

 

you're strong enough to not put up w/ this. . .to not let anyone do this to you. . . .no one should ever make you feel this way about yourself. . .

 

hugs

[Itsok]

Drop him flat, no details needed. I feel so sorry for you, you must be hurting a great deal right now, but that will pass and leaving him now is the right thing.

 

If you feel the need to snoop, there's normally a valid reason and you definitely had one. If he really wanted to make it work, he would have deleted all those women, potential and otherwise, from his MSN and wouldn't be dumb enough to keep text messages from other women on his cell.

 

Tell him that you don't trust him, never will and that you can't continue the relationship. He will definitely continue to pursue you, so I would suggest keeping your distance as much as possible. He's a player, and always will be.

 

Leave him now and don't look back. It will be hard, but not as hard as another 5 years of wondering if he is seeing someone else while you are totally devoted to him.

 

Good luck, and it will be ok

[kellbell]

I agree with everyone here....drop him. If you have to snoop..it's nerver a good thing. It was your gut instincts kicking in that prompted you to suddenly check his texts messages. Your gut is usually correct. Like relationship coach pointed out...there is never going to be an acceptable level of trust in your relationship....definitely not marriage material.

 

Do not tell him you snooped...just walk away because if you confront him it will give him an opportunity to tell you more lies and tell you want you want to hear. I suspsect you are depserately wanting to believe he is not really doing this and none of this is true...so confronting him now MAY make you back down and give him another chance. He will not change...he has no reason to...he has all the attention he could ever want from all kinds of women....why would he change?

 

Once you accept the kind of person he truly IS and not what you THOUGHT HE IS...detaching yourself from him will be a bit easier. Surround yourself with friends and family..let them guide you...do the thinking for you...let them be your intuition for awhile...your emotions are all in a jumble at the moment.

 

I am so sorry this happened to you...something very similar happened to me...I snooped and found stuff out that was very painful. I felt more anger than I have ever felt in my life, betrayl, humiliation...it was awlful. I just walked away...stopped calling him...total shut off...I used those negative feelings as way to be strong enough to shut him out of my life for good and with the help of my friends and family. Many hugs to you. come here often, there is so much support here. Take care.

[Becks23]

Trust plays a very big part in a relationship and it's kind of an important issue.. I would honestly say dump him.. Get on with your life and you would meet someone who can give you everyone you deserve..

Becks xx

[coollady1957]

Hello, I am sorry that you have a BF that has done this to you. I have been through the same type thing. Coming here and posting my problem and getting the thoughts and opinions here from every one gave me the support to do what i already knew i HAD to do, and that was to dump him and move on. The trust will never be there in my opinion, no matter how hard you try. They lie, cheat and deceive, and then when caught, promise to stop and never do it again. Most times than not, the promise to stop was also a lie, because they continue to hide it and lie and cheat.

I have broken up , and kicked my BF to the curb. ITs over and never to go back. If you read just my first original post , which i sent below, you will get an idea of the scenario of what my EX BF was doing. I hope you move on with your life and let this guy go. Let me know if i can help any further.

 

[RayKay]

I need to know if im overreacting...Ladies what would u do if u were in my position

 

No you are not overreacting!

 

If I am in a committed relationship with someone, I don't expect the commitment to be just going one way! It sounds like he has been using this long distance thing to his advantage, it makes it easier for him to hide his indiscretions and to be able to juggle more then one woman.

 

Apparently these are his true colours, and knowing that, it's time to drop him. No explanation needed about snooping, you can just tell him you want someone faithful and honest, and walk away. All that telling him would do is get him either angry, or trying to explain it all away, or learning to hide it better.

 

The trust is broken, so is the relationship. It sounds like this is more then a one time thing, and honestly, you deserve better. Don't excuse this behaviour or accept such scraps for yourself.

[evy38]

I suppose you can tell him that since he cheated before you were suspicious, checked and found all that stuff. I would not do it as a 'confrontation' merely as an explanation as to why he finds himself kicked to the curb. You don't have to discuss anything - just tell him what you found, dump him and end the conversation.

 

Exactly. Don't try to justify your behavior because you don't need to. All he needs to know is that he's a cheater, you know it and he's outta there!