Jump to content

evy38

Members
  • Posts

    231
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

evy38 last won the day on April 23 2006

evy38 had the most liked content!

evy38's Achievements

Collaborator

Collaborator (7/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

2

Reputation

  1. Good point. People don't let go of the one's they really love. They let go when they think they can find better. Many relationships are disposable, these days, so we need to be aware that there may be a hidden price for loving. It doesn't mean we stop loving all together, but it might teach us to be less reckless with our love lives. It may make us all choose a little more wisely, be a little more picky about bad behavior and work out minor problems, BEFORE they become major ones. I think refusal to accept the possibility that you might get hurt is unrealistic, fantasy and the act of burying your head in the sand. I think you can love wisely or recklessly. Which you choose to do, depends on how well you know yourself and your own needs and goals, and it depends on how much you respect yourself thus how much bad behavior you are willing to put up with. Knowing that you can get hurt should make you expect the best from your lover, because you are worth the best. It shouldn't make you stop attempting love, altogether.
  2. I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell a woman. Back way off and let her miss you and work to keep you a while. Never give more then you can afford, to a lover, and never give if you are getting nothing in return. If she wants you, the changes you make will force changes in her behavior. If she doesn't want you, this will end before you get more badly hurt.
  3. Dako, you sound like a guy who I'd like to get to know.
  4. Dump this cheating loser. And, I wouldn't worry anymore about what you did to his cheating looser girlfriend. No one deserves to be treated like this. You can bet he was doing more then sitting in her apartment all night, and she knew he had another girl friend. Take comfort in the belief that, what goes around comes around. Soon they'll be cheating on each other.
  5. Sorry my friend, she didn't "trick" you to do anything. You talked to her on line because you wanted to and you phoned her because you wanted to. NC means NC, that includes everything. Doing it half measure will acomplish nothing except making you feel lonely as you count the days until you allow yourself to talk again, hoping she will miss you enough to come back.
  6. I am beginning to think this isn't that complicated. Is this a deal breaker for you? If yes, time to end it. If no, time to let go of 15 years of this obsession, on both your parts, and start patching up this marriage. But, if you decide to try to fix it, you HAVE to get over this. This marriage won't survive if you can't. I'm sorry and wish you well.
  7. When a guy is really interested, he leaves a woman, in no doubt, of his feelings. If you are questioning what he feels for you, then he's not feeling enough and I would start making plans to move on. Too many women accept tepid feelings from a man, thinking it will be enough or he'll love her more later. It never is and rarely happens.
  8. I think you deal with, in dreams, what you are afraid to deal with awake. Remember it's just a dream, based on your fears and not real. Your fears aren't real, unless you think they are. Just keep telling yourself that they are just fears and not always reasonable or logical.
  9. Being popular is High School is a double edged sword. For whatever reason, early on, you seemed to be the guy everyone wanted to be around. While that is great fun, it didn't allow you to really develop your friend making skills. What I mean is they came to you, you didn't go looking for them. I don't think you will see that kind of behavior again, unless you become a famous movie star or a star athlete. So, now you are a little behind and it might be time for a little, "Making Friends 101". You may want to check out the bookstores or college library for some books on the subject. If you really want to learn to make friends, might as well learn everything you can and develop the skills you need for life. I also think all the above are excellent suggestions.
  10. I think you need to point it out, when she does this and tell her it is not an effective tool to get her way. Then don't let her have it. She can only learn when things are pointed out.
  11. No, you are right. We can't turn our love off like a light switch. But, I don't think we can turn it into friendship either, at least not until we are far enough away from the relationship that the love has died. I'm just afraid that your continuing this with your EX is preventing you from forming bonds with new guys. The reason old guy knows you so well, is because you let him get to know you so well. As long as you continue to have him to meet these needs, what motivation do you have to allow other guys in? None. So you rely on old guy to meet your emotional needs and don't allow new guys a chance to build relationships with you, what happens when old guy meets a new girl and devotes himself to meeting her emotional needs? You are left out in the cold. Don't do that to yourself. It's chilly out there!
  12. Wow, why did he even tell you this? If he wasn't cheating then what was going on in his head should have stayed in his head. It seems you suspect that he was actually having sex with her, at least on the two Christmas party drives. I think the chances are good that you're right. It sounds like he's giving you the truth in layers. Who knows where it will end. I think you need a professional to talk to about this, alone, at least at first. You need to get this out to someone who may be able to help you with coping techinques. It has been going on to long to try to solve alone. Even if this marriage ends you need to deal with this.
  13. I'm a big believer in moving on from an EX and part of that involves meeting and dating new guys, but that happens in CONJUCTION, with letting the EX go and not continuing an emotional relationship with him. This would be especially true if I was seeing a new guy exclusively. At the very least your behavior, with old guy, is disrespectful to new guy. How would you feel if either of these guys were having the same kind of relationship with another girl? If you know the relationship, with old guy, won't work then it is pointless and painful to drag it out like this. You guys are using each other, for reasons of your own, as well as people who care abot you like new guy. Equally important, hanging on to this is preventing you from developing feelings for the new, equally deserving, guys you are meeting.
  14. I'm sorry but I didn't understand the middle portion of this post.
  15. Almost everyone of us, male or female, young or old, have some fear of rejection. We are all a little weary about dating, talking and being accepted for who we are. Even the girls you are hesitant to approach are feeling the same way. So, do both of yourselves a favor, and next time you see one you like take a deep breath, sadle on up and have a chat. If she disses you because she thinks she's so much better, consider yourself lucky to escape. Because her head is so far up her but, she will be stunned when she pulls it out and sees the real world, after HS. You know, the world you are learning to live in now. You will feel sorry for her then. Because I'm an equal opportuntiy poster, this applies to the arrogant young males, of the species, as well.
×
×
  • Create New...