shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 well I posted at the beginning of this week about having a condom break on us the first time me and my boyfriend had sex on New Year's... well, he came to pick me up at my work yesturday to take me to planned parent hood, and I just broke down. I have no idea why I'm so upset over this, but I just couldn't stop crying. He took me there and I got the MAP and took it... and then he dropped me back off and said he'd call me, because his friend had just broken up with his girlfriend and needed some guy time. The whole way home I couldn't stop crying and I just felt like I was in a dream the whole night. I don't know why I'm so upset over this.... I can't put my finger on it, but I cried all night, and was so worn out I was asleep by 9:30 and didn't get his call when he called me at 10:00... how can I be so upset over something like that?? I mean... he was trying to convince me that I have nothing to feel guilty over... that there's only a small chance that I was even pregnant in the first place and that even if I was it wasn't even a baby yet... that I wasn't pregnant yet but I was just making sure I DIDN"T get pregnant.... but i still feel horrible. I don't know.... anyone that can help me out with this i'd really appreciate it, because I hate being like this.... I'm not myself anymore. Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 shorty, We spoke about this yesterday. What do you believe to be 'a baby'? Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 I don't even know... I don't think I should feel bad about any of this. The chances are I wasn't even pregnant.... I just feel horrible. I have felt on the verge of tears ever since yesturday and I can't stop it. I don't know whats going through my head or why i'm so upset..... can't explain it. I tried to with my roommate last night, and I got no where... Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Let it out. It was an emotional time, even if the chances are that you weren't pregnant. Also, your hormones will be All Over the Place right now! Give it time, and be with friends, family and your boyfriend. Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hi Shorty! (((hugs))) I can imagine your fears and agony at the moment...I have had similiar experiences. But everything worked out for the best and I am sure things will be ok with you. You did everything you could, you took the MAP when you were supposed to. You have had awesome support from your BF. I commend him for that. There is not much you can do at this point other to try to relax...take some deep breaths, maybe take a long hot bath...drink some tea. Because exessesive worry like this may delay your period. I know it is easier said than done...but you are doing yourself no good getting crazy over something that has been already done. You have to cross those bridges once you get there. First, find out for sure whether or not you are pregnant. I am sure you are fine but it never hurts to know for sure. Have you thought about going on some kind of birth control as an extra precaution? I don't have any more words of wisdom except find out for sure and take it from there. From the time being try your best to relax. Hugs to you. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 It's emotional to be going through a pregnancy scare, even if you turn out to not be pregnant at all. Yes, it was "preventing" a pregnancy, but that does not mean you are not going to be upset about it, it's a mixture of fears, perhaps concerns or moral issues, doubts, lack of support or empathy for how you feel. Your hormones won't be helping as the MAP will just make them all over the place! And, something else I thought of....some women do "know" when they are pregnant and conceive. Doctors and many others will tell you impossible, but I know of cases (friends etc) where it was indeed the case, they knew almost IMMEDIATELY when they conceived, and I mean they REALLY know when they are, before a test is ever done. It's different then a fear. So is there a possibility you may have felt this way, and that is why are you so upset? You'll be okay, talk here whenever you need...HUGE hugs to you. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 thanks kellbell and darkblue... I'm not worried about being pregnant... I think it's like a 1% chance that I could be now, and I've been pretty lucky so far. I just dont understand why I feel like this. Yes, my boyfriend has been there for me, which is good. I couldn't have gotten through it without him.... but things are different now. I dont' know if it's good or bad. He's not all over me anymore, like trying to hump me (lol) or always trying to be sexual. In a way, I kind of like it but I'm scared of the change.... scared it's just him having a change of feelings or whatever. I went to his house on monday... met his dad for the first time. We ate dinner, and watched a movie, and he didn't even try to kiss me that much. he just held me... I needed that from him, but I'm scared his feelings are changing... I don't know I'm just so confused and drained and messed up right now, and I have no where to go, no one to turn to... and for some reason I just can't stop crying. I seriously HATE this... I hate the fact that I'm reacting like this, and nothing I do makes me feel any better... I'm in a dark hole and can't seem to find my way out, no matter who's trying to help me.... maybe it's just me..... has anyone else felt anything like this after taking MAP before??? Link to comment
Avalon23199 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Shorty, I am soo sorry to hear you are going through this. Right now, you might be feeling that if you were pregnant, you ended your baby's life. But like it was said, what do you consider a baby? An embryo takes more than 72 hours for implantation in the uterus. Hence the reason you have to take the map within 72 hours. I myself say if it's not implanted yet, then it's not an embryo yet, more of a "fertilized egg" so to speak. You didn't end a life. You make the choice that was right for you. It doesn't mean you won't be able to have children in the future. It just means you did what was necessary at the time. Like you said, you most likely weren't pregnant, and you played it safe. Take heart in knowing that even in the first few hours of an embryo's life, there is no heart, lungs, brain..etc. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 and thanx RayKay... I don't know if that's how I felt... it could be... and the fact that I couldn't really tell ANYONE about it... and we had sex like the day after I got off my period, so that made things worse cuz that's your most fertile time... at least thats what I've been told... so I was just scared and worried and emotionally drained, but now everything should be back to normal and fine, because I took the MAP and I'm NOT pregnant.... but I just still feel horrible... like i've been hit by a truck or something Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 You are drained, and have wild hormones due to the MAP. The best thing to do is get some rest and keep yourself occupied in the company of people who care about you. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Shorty - don't forget your bf may be going through some downs right now too, even if he brushes them off, it may have increased some big thoughts in his head now, that about coming close to getting you pregnant, what if you ARE pregnant, is he ready. It's NOT just the women who feels awful during a pregnancy scare or after making these decisions! Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 I understand this... which is why I want to be with him so much right now... but we both agree that it's not healthy to spend every day with each other, and we don't want to get into the habit of doing that... we want to be able to miss each other once in a while... but for some reason, I can't find comfort in anyone else's company but his... the only time i felt safe yesturday was when I was in his arms... Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 my roommate... thats it... and I made him promise not to say anything to anyone. We have lots of mutual friends, that are in a certain group of friends that just LOVE to talk... it's why it didn't work out the last time we tried dating... stuff got around, rumors got started.... so I made him promise not to say anything to any of those people.... and the only person I told was my roommate because she was there when it happened... Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Maybe that's why it's hard to find comfort with other people. Because there are few people who know what you are going through. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 i spent all night last night with my roommate and still couldn't stop crying... she knew about everything and was trying to comfort me and be there for me.... i mean of course it helped, but I still couldn't stop beating myself up or feeling like complete crap... Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 You have nothing to feel like crap for. You did nothing wrong. Bear with this, it will pass. I am adimant that the hormone fluxuation has a role to play in this. Keep busy and be with people you feel comfortable with - your boyfriend, if possible. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 well thankyou all for the encouragment and kind words... I might try to call him after I get off work to see what he's doing. You're probably right, it's probably just hormones, but I really hope it passes and soon... thanks again to all who replied. I'll keep y'all updated. Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Anytime. And if you are feeling down, or need the encouragement - you know where I am. Take care. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 I am adimant that the hormone fluxuation has a role to play in this. Listen to this man. He knows what he's talking about here. While I haven't taken the MAP, I have had occasion to take other female hormones (progesterone) in pill form to take care of menstrual cycle problems. After just 10mg of progesterone a day for 5 days, I'm weepy, depressed, and inching toward suicidal--even there was nothing going on in my life to warrant that mood. 2 days after I stop taking them, I'm fine. So, it doesn't take much of a hormone to get you messed up emotionally. Put that on top of the fact you DO have a situation that's bringing up emotional stuff anyway. Cry if you feel like crying and so forth, but understand that the intensity of what you're feeling is very likely being amplified by the hormones in your system. Link to comment
amanda004 Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 It's not an easy thing to do, and it's normal for you to feel overwhelmed about going to planned parent hood to take the morning after pill. You may feel guilty because you feel like you're "killing" a baby by taking the pill, but you shouldn't feel bad because you did what was right for you. And especially because it wasn't even a baby yet. In the first week of pregnancy the seed is just getting fertilized, and i don't care what anyone says because it is not an actual "baby" with a heart beat yet... it's a fetus!! And it's not your fault the condom broke, atleast you were responsible enough to wear one. I hope you feel better, don't be too hard on yourself, because i was in your position once, but luckily the test came out negative so i was safe. Link to comment
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