I know why my gf dumped me... blows my mind

[bsp_kjm]

i was gonna type out a huge post explaining my entire relationship, but im too tired and stressed to do it now.

 

Backstory, my g/f (ex now I guess) and I are 21. Yes, young I know. We met at 17 and became a couple at 18. Relationship was great, lil rocky at times, but it was so awesome! Sex was plentiful and memorable. we shared everything together, we were each a part of our families, everything was fine. we just had attended two parties this last 2 weeks and had a blast together.

 

than on her bday, she told me she was going clubbin with two of her coworkers, one of them being a lesbian, who she has only known for a couple months. my ex is a huge super catholic and homophobe so i didnt care that she hung out with a gay girl. well i told her to be safe and that i was worried bout her, since she had never gone clubbin and there are a lot of weird people out there that could do something to her. she went off on me out of nowhere, saying i dont trust her and im questioning her intellect. then she slammed the phone on me and wouldnt pick up her calls for an entire day.

 

i finally got a hold of her and she told me how she got wasted, blacked out, and couldnt remember what she did. she told me she just woke up in her room the next morning and that was that. she also told me she could never forgive me for not trusting her that night and thats the reason she got drunk and doesnt remember what she did. she also said that she feels im coming in between her friends and she wants space. almost 3 years together and she feels im coming between these girls shes only known a couple months?

 

for the past 5 days, she has been so cold to me. she said she was busy with community service friday night, so she couldnt talk to me. i saw her yesterday because it was her bday and she wanted me to be there at her home with her family to celebrate it. the whole time, she seemed to be putting on an act. one moment, she would be all over me, then the next minute, she wouldnt even want me to look at her.

 

i finally laid it all out on the plate in her room. i asked why she was being the way she was, she told me she was trying to find herself and that i was getting in the way of her career and education. she has always put education first, so i understood. i asked her why she didnt tell me this before i got accepted to the school she is attending so i could be with her. she couldnt give me an answer. she was always honest in our relationship, so i never second guessed her. i totally believed that maybe i was getting in the way of her education. so we agreed to take a break. we'd still be together, still be faithful to eachother, but we just wouldnt have any contact so she could work herself out.

 

this morning, for some reason, and i know its morally wrong, but i hacked into her email. in it, i found love letters between her and the lesbian coworker. i also found pictures of them in scantily clad clothing, all up on eachother, with other almost nude girls, all of them drinking, laying together in bed, etc. she was telling this lesbian girl that she loved her and missed her and had a great time at the party. and the pictures had dates and times on them, which just happened to be the date and time she told me she was doing community service.

 

my mind is blown. this catholic girl, a homophobe, who believed that gays should die and rot in hell, is a homosexual. and it just blows me away because i always have been very acceptable of homosexuals and their rights, and she would always tell me how homosexuals shouldnt have any rights and should die.

 

i dunno, but im glad i found this all out, because anger feels a lot better than sorrow. and im glad i found this out before i moved up to where she's at. im gonna do what ive always wanted to do and **** what she thinks.

 

thanks for reading. comments appreciated

[heloladies21]

Drop her. No Contact even if she calls you. When girl starts lying it's a done deal. Best to leave the situation behind and do your best to move on. Start talking to other girls.

[SeaBisquit]

i agree with above. stop talking to this girl. she lied to you.

[Twinkle_]

Wow. That's a shocker. At least you are now 100% sure where you stand. NC, from now, even if she contacts you, ignore her.

 

All the best x

[Dregnought]

Good Luck, but defently No Contact.

[melrich]

Soory to hear of your situation. Doesn't really sound like there is much you can do here except look after number 1. She may just be going through a phase, the excitement of the new etc., but that obviously does not help you.

 

I agree with the others, remove her from your life for now.

[RandomAdvisor]

The biggest homophobes are often homosexuals themselves. It sounds counter intuitive at first, but it makes sense. The root of homophobia is the fear that you are yourself gay. When someone actually feels an attraction to members of the same sex, their need to denounce homosexuals to reassure themselves becomes even greater. I'm remembering an incident a long time ago in which an extremely anti gay Congressman was found to be homosexual himself....

 

I also agree NC is best.

[bsp_kjm]

i just feel soooo bitter now. we shared soooooo much in these last 3 years and i just feel like she's given that all up

[bsp_kjm]

i have this feeling... this need that I need to tell her that she hasnt been honest to me and most importantly, herself. i want to keep NC, but this is eating me away

[RandomAdvisor]

If it's eating away at you and you want give her a piece of your mind, I think you should. Tell her what you want about what she did, like the fact it was wrong of her to make you feel bad when she had other reasons for dumping you. She might try to deny it, so you'll have to mention the pictures you found. Yes, it was wrong of you to hack into the e-mail but I think you still have the moral high ground.

 

After you give her a piece of your mind, make it clear you never want to speak to her again and then go to the strict NC.

[beanpaper]

Are you sure she's gay? A lot of girls tell each other they love them and miss them, and get all up on them at parties.

 

No to say "no contact" is a bad idea... just you may be jumping to conclusions.

[bsp_kjm]

Are you sure she's gay? A lot of girls tell each other they love them and miss them, and get all up on them at parties.

 

No to say "no contact" is a bad idea... just you may be jumping to conclusions.

she was never like that before. she never told any of her friends that she loved them or missed them. she was never a very physical person with others... she didnt even like being around more than 1 or 2 people. she also never trusted people so easily. she also hated drinking and now thats all she seems to want to do.

 

and the thing that hurts most is she has kept so much from me and lied to me when before, we were so open to eachother and told eachother everything. to find she has been hiding things from me (people, activities, etc) is what hurts the most. if i even forget to tell her that i saw an old friend at the store or i bought a book, she would flip out on me, and to find now that shes hiding so much more from me, it just fockin hurts.

 

but u know what, maybe i am being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. doesnt matter though, the fact that she has made me feel that i need to be suspicious of her after 3 years of trust and honesty hurts me so bad that i need to move on

[beanpaper]

Fair enough. But just because she's different now doesn't mean she's gay.

[bsp_kjm]

Fair enough. But just because she's different now doesn't mean she's gay.

i dunno... the way her emails are written to this girl... the words they contain... they were the way she wrote to me. that was the unique way she wrote to me. she even calls her some of the same cute nicknames she would call me...

 

gawd, maybe i am just jumping to conclusions... i dont know if ill ever know...

[RayKay]

Whether she is gay or not is irrelevant here (though I think she definitely is....not all girls get all up on other women naked and half naked and send love letters to one another when they are straight... ).

 

What is the real issue here is she lied to you, is treating you poorly, is changing as a person that you cannot accept, and more so, is at the very least carrying on some sort of emotional affair with another person (be they female or male, she is clearly from your description having an emotional affair).

 

Drop her, and go into No Contact. You deserve better.

[bsp_kjm]

Whether she is gay or not is irrelevant here (though I think she definitely is....not all girls get all up on other women naked and half naked and send love letters to one another when they are straight... ).

 

What is the real issue here is she lied to you, is treating you poorly, is changing as a person that you cannot accept, and more so, is at the very least carrying on some sort of emotional affair with another person (be they female or male, she is clearly from your description having an emotional affair).

 

Drop her, and go into No Contact. You deserve better.

thank u, thats exactly how i feel. even if they are not physically doing something, the emotional feelings and words she is expressing to this girl hurts just as much.

 

it doesnt matter to me if shes gay or not, itd still hurt the same if it was another guy.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also think her sexuality is irrelevent. If she is curious, or gay, and wants to move on and experiment - that's fine. More power to her. She should have been responsible, dumped you and let you know it was nothing your fault, and done whatever she wanted to do. Instead she cheats on you, and dumps you with a pack of lies. That's just wrong.

[Dregnought]

She could be wanting to expirment, but be with you at the same time??? i guess it is possible...

[bsp_kjm]

She could be wanting to expirment, but be with you at the same time??? i guess it is possible...

fock that i could never be with her... she'd cheating on me