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You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

SuperDave71

By SuperDave71
in Getting Back Together

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unstuck Newbie

unstuck

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I feel ok Dave, thanks. It was a short term thing, under six months, not all that serious. But she got under my skin real deep. When I decided I didnt need to put up with her ambiguity any longer I implemented NC after an argument almost 1 1/2 months ago. I needed to let go. Of course I hoped she would see the err of her ways (lol) and call but...nope. When we did talk almost a month after she seemed VERY anxious at first but after she chilled she was her old self, complained about being so busy and tired, life sucks yadda yadda. Then threw in something about being interested in someone but no time to date. I was cool, no bad reaction (I kinda expected her to say something like that, to try to hurt me of course)

I kept it short and said I had to go, see you around. Then the next week she approached me and reminded me of some money she owed and paid me, also bout a shirt of mine she had, how am I doing blah blah blah. At first I thought it was her trying to regain contact and whos knows what else and felt good about it like I said. I aint biting, I'm letting go, shes a game player, and I aint the toy in the toybox! I DID grow during NC! I deserve better! It was VERY hard for the first couple weeks but I held fast, and I grew.

She on the other hand was exactly the same. Like I said, I could have seen her the other night, acted cool, aloof, kept her interested, maybe more contact.....screw it! I'm done.

 

 

BTW I'm seeing someone else now, shes nice. I'm moving on ( I'd say "moved on" but if I had I wouldnt be here right? lol). NC is the way to go, I HAD to let go no matter how I felt about her, VERY hard, but I'm doing it. I dont know what the future holds, but it will NOT be up to her with me waiting like some shmuck! My life is up TO ME!

Thanks Dave, lurking got me through this, posting might help someone else.

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macgyver4ever Enthusiast

macgyver4ever

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My ex and I were together for 4 fairly happy years. We both loved each other and wanted nothing more to get married, but the night before I was taking her to pick out a ring, she kissed my roomate. I was devistated, but was set on making it work and forgiving her. I held her at a distance for awhile, until she couldn't handle the guilt and the way I was treating her and broke it off with me about 5 months ago. We got back together and I found out she had feelings for a guy she worked with. She said she was going to end it, but never did.

In December, while we were celebrating our 4 years together, she told me she needed her space, because she no longer felt we were right together. This actually meant she really liked this boy now, and wanted to figure out if it was right. I broke up with her because I couldn't handle this going on when I was in the picture. I started NC and she called me Xmas day crying about how much she missed me and needed me.

I came back but she never stopped seeing the other guy. We tried to make it work, with her dating both of us, but I couldn't handle that, and cut ties, and started NC again, telling her not to call me until he was out of the picture. She called me 6 days later, telling me how much she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life me. I tried not to buy into it but did. The next day she told me she was going to spend the coming weekend with him, as a last time with him and her friends. I was hurt and angry about this, but really had no choice.

After that weekend, I called her to see when we could start working on this and if she had ended it with him, and she basically told me she changed her mind. We started counseling together last week, and have another session tonight, but things are not looking good. She feels like I am smoothering her even though I only talk to her a few times a week. She WILL NOT forgive herself for kissing my roomate 10 months ago, and has been pushing me away instead of dealing with the guilt. She feels sad and guilty around me, and associates this sadness with me. The is always drinking and partying with the other guy, so she has happy feelings when she thinks of him.

If tonight goes bad in counseling, I am going to start NC but not tell her I am doing it. Just stop calling and make her worry about me, and think about me. She knows how I feel about her and I know she still loves me.

 

Does this plan sound like it will work? As much as she has hurt me I still want to be with her forever. I know she needs me as well, but needs time on her own to realize to forgive herself, and make some mistakes. She's still very young (24).

 

Thanks

MK

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macgyver4ever Enthusiast

macgyver4ever

Posted
Posted

Not especially.

 

I wanted to start NC without her knowing, but she made the decision last night in couples counseling that she did not want to be with me anymore. I am going to keep with NC because I know she expects me to be weak and call her, but I won't.

 

She's still young and immature for her age, and will need to figure out what she has lost before she can realize what she has lost.

 

Hopefully she will keep going to counseling and figure out some of the issues she is having. As for me, I need to just keep busy, and keep dating. I may start therapy soon as well, because I am not perfect either.

 

Thanks for your concern.

MK

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Zaphod Community Regular

Zaphod

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I second guess that my ex is sure I'm going to phone her or something when she doesn't want me to. Little does she know that I have no intention. We agreed not to talk for a while, she said to me "I'll contact you or you contact me" - I have actually not that much to say to her even if we were to speak!

I think we were talking about being friends.

 

I figure if she really wants to speak to me she'll phone me. To which I shall remain friendly and neutral. I am actually quite enjoying not speaking to her atm because she used to phone me three times a day.... !!!!

 

Not being particularly impressed with your partners recent behaviour and not having that much to say to them atm anyway sure does help you get through the NC thing!

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Zaphod Community Regular

Zaphod

Posted
Posted

 

My question is will it b ok to contact him now as I have gone the full period we decided on?? Just by txt message to let him know I miss him+that I am here waiting for his call, so he knows I still want to talk about us??

 

IMHO - what I'd do is wait until mid week or next weekend, I mean you could be really really busy or something right?

Then I would just send a message saying "hi, just saying hope ya doin' ok!" or something similar.

I'd just give it maybe 150% or 200% of the original time you said. Gives it more chance of him contacting you

 

That's just my opinion.

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baddasslegend92 Enthusiast

baddasslegend92

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wow@hol234 not sure what you should do.Since you know him better then we do it actually up to you to make the decision.My ex called me after two days.Mine ended just like yours did,LD and we was a plane ride away.I been home since thursday and she contacted me on Sun.The funny thing was I was not that happy to hear from her since she broke it off with me before I had to fly back.Me,as much as I love her I will keep the NC because this is what she wanted.

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HDD Collaborator

HDD

Posted
Posted

thats a great post Superdave. i am having the same problem with my ex. he said he needs his space and he wants to date other girls. i said go for it. if he needs his space, i'll give it to him. i want to move on and stop hoping for US to work out. i know in my heart that he will regret this decision someday, and it will be too late then for US to be together. its just sad that things had to end this way. giving someone the space they need is so hard specially like you said, when you Love them so much. but from reading all these posts, i guess the less you talk to them, the more they miss you? how weird, i had no idea thats how it worked. I hope i meet someone cool soon and get my mind off of him for a change. even though it hasnt been that long since we broke up, it sure feels like a years have gone by.

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HyruleGuardian Rising Star

HyruleGuardian

Posted
Posted

This really is a great post. My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday (I posted about it), and I had a horrible day. I cried for hours and I talked to her later that night. I was pretty much quiet the whole time because I was an emotional mess, and I didn't want to say anything I'd regret. She said I'll talk to you tomorrow if you want.

 

Well, last night and today I did a lot of thinking. The best thing to do is to not call and let her get her life sorted out. If she wants me back, she'll eventually call me. But for now I'm going to move on. I've been able to get her out of my head and get on with my life.

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