You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[dtman85]

damn it....i went to subway today and drove back home cross path with my ex driving the other direction it killed me seeing a guy on the passenger side seat....

 

we both drive the same kinda car... mine is 04 celica suit up and her 01 celica bright yellow...

[dtman85]

hey superdave...

i been reading many of your post of late....

 

I want to thank you, i wish i found your post sooner...you're healing my heart faster by the advice you give up...

 

I am really please that you're so wise about relationship...

 

thank you so much....

[SuperDave71]

dtman85,

 

 

Thank you so much....I was in your shoes years ago....Stay strong...focus on you...let yourself know its going to be ok....and learn to forgive yourself for silly mistakes.

 

 

I wish you the best and I am here if you need me.

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

[dtman85]

I made a mistake today...it been a week with no contact with the ex...but i heard from one of my friends that she's trying to sale my gift i bought her...a $600 dollar DVD Deck, which i was really heart broken. I called her and ask for it back, if she's going disrespect me like that...we argue the whole night over text msging and phone calls.

"One of her msg was just leave me alone for good and this time don't break your promise and stop being a stalker i know it"...i don't know where she get that idea from because her work is a block away from my house and i drive by there everyday to go places and i guess she always see my car and assuming i am stalkering her......well i told her i only bugged her was because the thought of her selling it, would hurt me..so she decided to keep it to her self now....So i promise her on my life that she'll never hear from me again and never see me again.....her response was i don't want to hear that * * * *...i jus don't want you to call me over stupid * * * * or call me ever but i'll see you around...

 

My friends talked to her and said just give the * * * * back, if u want to be done with him because this the only thing that keep him in ur life still is that deck, he think you might sell..she's like no she's keeping it...

 

i feel like a moron.....

 

Honestly, this week i felt happi without her for once...but all this emotion crash back down on me...

 

 

I also say things, i shouldn't said to her...Like fake a bitc* a * * * * and etc...

 

superdave give me ur thought or anyone else please

[b2761]

you know what you have to do, dt. Keep walking. It's hard, but you know that it's what has to happen.

[SuperDave71]

I couldn't agree more....

 

 

-SuperDave71

[astrobaby]

Hey SuperDave, here's a question for you.

 

Do you think NC is a good idea in my situation? As this isn't a typical break up, with her coming to this realisation about her sexuality. What i mean is, i can't be angry with her, it's a (seemingly) insurmountable obstacle, we both love each other, and there is no bitterness on either side. Which is very unusual in a break up, i've never been in this position before.

 

The lines of communication are open at the moment, and i would like to be her friend to help her through this difficult time, even though that is obviously quite tough.

 

Also, as she's from the other side of the world and will be moving on in a year or so (i would have gone with her), our time together is limited now.

 

I just dunno. I'm pretty confused.

[dtman85]

it been another week of NC..i haven't see her or talk to her....try my best to avoid her by going very different route, so i wouldn't run into her....i am better now happy without her but still miss her....

[queenofvalidation]

so, I finally found some one I could get close with. he called several times & seemed really into me...last time we spoke he said he wanted to get together soon & said he would call me later to nail down a time/date. the call was nice. well, unexpectedly he called later that night, about 11pm. half-asleep, I didn't pick up or call him back-he had been calling me sometimes at 1 or 2 am-I would only pick up before 10pm. that was a week ago, nothing since. yesterday, i texted: r u ok, i miss u... but he hasn't responded, so guess you can move over & make room for me on the nc bandwagon, too.

[b2761]

queen, it sounds like he only calls when it's convenient for him- a red flag, certainly.

[SuperDave71]

Astro,

 

 

I think NC is perfect in your situation.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[sandyv]

Yep I'm back in the saddle again too guys...... really fell off the wagon in a BIG way...............

[HugeHeart]

Thanks, Dave. I just went into NC with my girlfriend (only been a day). I am already questioning whether I should have done this (I don't know if I have overreacted about txt msgs or if I am justified-- for those who are curious..see thread in relationship conflicts)

 

Anyway, your post has made me feel a little better for the time being.

 

-HH

[Pending]

Hello SD,

Honestly man-how you can keep helping us all is truly amazing.

 

Guys what he says about not rushing back to your ex until she is truly ready to get back togather is 100% true. Athough it took 5 months, eventually me & my ex have went our ways, and I can't help but think it was because I never gave her the time she needed durning the first breakup(tried NC-but just failed completely, bagged her back half dozen times, made progress-one night she realized she missed me and kicked her rebound away...)

 

 

Anyway 5 months later:

Cheated on me, is going out with this same guy(told me she didn't love me and planned on breaking up with me after the summer..). Now I tried NC from the start, but broke it a few times in the first few weeks(I msg her once, responded a few times)-but now its been a soild NC for two weeks.

 

Now we have been physically away from each other(14 hours...3 hours apart in a week), and shes been with the other guy pretty much since. I've been able to do NC since she just hasit bothered to contact me.

 

Think I should take this all as a big "its completely & utterly over" and give up completely? I mean I plan on staying with NC, and frankly until/if she ends it with this little rebound, I don't expect her to bother.

 

Or have some hope?

(Of course i've been working on myself durning this time, and well spend the summer doing so)

[dtman85]

I been doing NC...and i haven't seen my ex since april 13th, when she walked out my house and we both stare at each other well she walk away....she has seen me around, but i haven't seen her...so it been a long time at least seen her.....But it for the best, i love her with all my heart and miss her a lot but i guess she already move on with someon else and i am doing good without her.

[FRISCO]

I applaud you my friend for your example! You inspire me to work on my situation right now.

[SuperDave71]

All you guys need to do it take the focus off your ex and put that energy into YOU and trust me......life will get better.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Pending]

Your right SD.

 

I keep posting-hoping somone well tell me what I want to hear. I think alot of us are just doing that-we know what we have to do, we know we must do NC and move on(even if getting back togather is possible), its just a desire to know that there is a easy/simple soultion to all of our problems.

[Aldo25]

Three days before my ex broke up with me she tried to do it in a restaurant. I didnt realize it at the time it was over at the time. In fact after the talk I felt like we worked out some issues and we were on the road to recovery. But that was me being naive, I should have realized that she wasnt telling me what I wanted to hear it probably meant we were no longer on the same page.

[SuperDave71]

Most times....we refuse to move forward because of time, vested emotions and its common....

 

 

Stop looking at the negative and look forward to the next person like a vacation...rather than a "Ohhhhhhhhhh no...not again!!!" event.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Torchbearer]

That's my biggest problem/fear. I look at it is "oh no not again". I'm not good at dating right after a break up. Don't think it's physically possible for me.

[dtman85]

Just got back from work....

My ex came in to visit me tonight; I was in disbelief and stun,all those emotions that I kept buried inside and let go for weeks now, one moment bought it all back, I was so nervous and felt so weird. On my mind at the time I was like why’s she here, why did she come and stop by.

 

Me: woah, I am surprise that you’re here but it nice seeing you

Her: I wanted to stop by to say hi and I would have come more often but I never see you work. So tonight I saw your car and just wanted to stop in.

Me: I thought you wanted me out of your life and done with.

Her: You know I only said it because I was mad at you for listening to your friend bull****.

 

We talk probably for 15 min and she left.

 

We broke up March 23 and we haven’t seen each other since April 13 because she told me to stay out of her life and never come in contact with her anymore. So I been trying to respect her wish and avoid her.

 

I don’t know if I made the right move tonight, I think I did show her that I still care for her and think about her. I was acting really jumpy…

[SuperDave71]

dtman,

 

 

You did ok man....Just hang in there and BE YOU ok?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[SuperDave71]

AnonG,

 

 

To answer your question,

 

**Remember this...

 

You can't make someone love you...but you sure can make them NOT love you.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[quing]

Hello Everyone.....

 

Alcohol, drugs, or anything like this is a big no no!!!! You end up making them RUN AWAY!!!. They will not feel sorry for you, they will usually look at you patheticly and say "Thank gawd we are broken up" or you get drunk and decide to call because your numb and a mystery "someone" answers the phone. DO you like to torture yourself? Well I don't whatsoever.

 

SuperDave71

 

 

Drink and drugs etc are fine if that's what you want to do, it has got nothing to do with them what you get up to!, in some cultures drink and drugs are not about feeling sorry for yourself but for more recreactional use but when your at a low it is best to avoid them for a bit, you don't want to lose or look like you have lost the plot; breaking up is a time to stay focused and see things with clarity, a time to hold your chin up with self pride, a time to do things for yourself. The best thing to do is to disappear off the face of the earth for a time and if you do see her nod and smile and carry on about your business. Both disappearing and not talking will create great mystery and curiosity. If she stops to talk to you be polite and indifferent, if she calls don't return straight away, you don't want to look like you have been sitting by the phone. Don't mention you two and the past; she will then see you as stronger and feel she has lost control. They want you back as soon as you appear over them and the best way to get them back is be over them, by this time you will probally be 'over them'.