You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[cocamojr]

Thanks Dave for the posting, I really needed that also. I am a new user and came accross this website by a fluke today, I was looking for symptoms of Bipolar and it sent me to this site. I am glad I did becuase I got to see that I am not the only one who goes through some of the most crazy things in a relationship. I think my BF or exBF (depending on what he wants to be this week) has bipolar or something because he flips out for reasons that don't even make sense.

[cocamojr]

Flyguy, what exactally did ur GF do? I may be able to give u some advice from a girls point of view?

[flyguy23]

hello cocamojr, sadly to say i did nothing wrong. I treated this girl like gold. she broke up with me because before she met me she was in a relationship. they were supposed to be engaged and everything and she loved this guy! she went back to her country for a few months and when she came back he cheated on her and had a baby with some new girl. we met back in april and she was everything to me! then one day she lost feelings for me and still loved him. all the time we dated she talked about him once in awhile but how much he broke her heart and this and that. but she was sooo happy with me! i cant believe she wants to go back with him. i thought she was so strong. now im being strong by not talkin to her and everything. i dont know its just so hard right now. she keeps sayin im her friend and she doesnt wanna use me. i told her the other maybe its best if we dont talk and go our separate ways yet she still text me sayin i know u told me not to talk to u but ur my friend and no ones ever gonna change that. i mean in a way its good this didnt happen years down the road but it just hurts sooo much when i think about all the good times we had and how crazy she was about me and how she made me feel. im trying to be strong. its only been a few days and i havent called her yet. i just keep saying how could she do this to me? how? how? i loved her soooo much too! now im just happy alittle bit cuz i got to say what i was holding inside of me since we broke up. i told her i didnt care if she never wanted to get back with me, i just felt she never truly acknowledged my feelings. how could she go back to him?? i take better care of her. i told her shes losing out on a nice guy and one day, maybe not today or maybe not tomorrow shes gonna realize what she had in cuz i treated her like a rose.

[Dan629]

Well lets see if anyone can help my situation. Here it goes....

 

Me and my g/f were together for 2 1/2yrs and we were so happy together. We did anything for each other and always said we would never be apart. Even up to a week before we broke up. She broke up with me on Dec. 28th. It has been really hard for me. I called her and sent her flowers and love letters and everything else. Hoping she would realize what we had and come running back. Nothing even came close to working. I then thought about suicide recently but I am getting over that. My head is in a million places. Anyway me and her saw each other the other day when she came over to get the last of her things. She acted and seemed like she was happy now being able to hang out with whoever she wants and do whatever she wants. So I didn't call or attempt to contact her all day yesterday. I decided to go NC. Then today she sends me a text asking me how am I doing. I know it makes it worse to talk to them but the text made me feel so good. Making me think she still cares about me and that there is still a chance. So I invite her to come over tonight which she did. We talked and laid together. Then she starts talking about how she is thinking about getting a apt with her two friends in april. It killed me because I then realized AGAIN that she really is done with us. One of these friends happens to be a man too. Anyway I was fine tonight until I heard that. She left after being here for a little over an hour. And I did not sleep with her but I did kinda try. I know this is a big mistake to try and be like friends with benifits. Which she kinda agreed to be. I know it's probably going to make it harder on me if I sleep with her but I don't know what to do. I kinda want to go completely NC but I have a terrible feeling that she will end up with someone else if I don't talk to her. What should I do? Should I keep seeing her and talking to her? Or should I tell her I don't wanna talk for a while and let her do her own thing?.. The thing is I still want to be with this girl so bad but I just know it isn't going to work right now. And I'm afraid I won't be able to find anyone else as beautiful as her if I let go. I am confused right now...

[endeavour33]

Great advice!

 

My ex bf of 5 years broke up with me about a year ago but we dragged for quite a long time afterward and only about half a year ago we talked about starting things over again. Until recently he began to distance from me and I found out that he's seeing someone. (We're on long-distance). I was completely devastated. I felt betrayed. We've been through a lot and I thought he was the love of my life. He cheated on me some years ago but I forgave him and we had happy times together since then.

 

Since then I was determined to cut him out of my life, yet from time to time he still calls to check on me and tells me how much he misses me. I was so confused. Yet, I'm still very much in love with him. In x'mas, I sent him a small gift and I know deep inside it's stupid for me to do that, especially he has a gf now. I spoke to him on the phone recently and asked if he received the present. He casually acknowledged and didn't say much afterward. This totally backfires me and I couldn't feel myself anymore stupid. I still don't understand why he does that. Has he moved on already??

[galaXyGyrl]

You sound like you are doing good & this guy needs your advice , the statement he said is similar to what I have heard & it truly scares me. In my situation I found the person had Lied & lied some more to cover up those lies (living with mom) etc.../ constantly wanted to be forgiven/ make up etc & will never go away, sometimes you can forgive over & over again, but just aren't going to feel the same again.

 

It was online only & I have had no desires to ever meet him so NC for a year has still made NO DENT, he constantly emails and found a new email he was NEVER given to spam & I fear will pop up unannounced any day. He did try that once & was removed and will be again if it happens again.

[MightyBoosh]

Last week, I was visiting my old University, the one the ex is at still with a group of friends (one of the decided thats where she wanted to go for the weekend for her birthday, so thats what we did.) He'd found out a couple of weeks before that I was going, and asked me to meet him for lunch in a place we'd always go to when he visited me when we were together still-struck me as a bit strange!After having to meet up with him on the Friday night -we've got the same group of friends so was inevitable id have to meet him at some point- and after a few drinks. we went our serparate ways, only for him to text me ten minutes later asking if he could come meet me at my room, to which I said no, but Id meet him in the reception lodge. we sat and atalked for a while, during which-yes, in know ti was stupid before anyone tells me!!- I agreed to let him come up.He initiated the kissing, but then said to me that he didnt want to do anything more, just wanted to sleep in the same bed, then telling me that, on the night he ended it, when hed told me that he didnt love me anymore, he was lying, and only said it as it was the only thing he could think of saying so that I wouldnt try and argue and convince him to change his mind....Now, I can almost hear all you men screaming at me that he was only saying it to get something more from me, but, typical female here...I cant help but think theres somethign more, because hes really not that type of person. He's not gotten together with anyone else in any way since we split up, which I have to admit is a comfort to me. The next night, one of his housemates, who used to be my closest friend at uni, but I lost him in the "divorce" to the ex, told me that all the boys still at uni with the ex who know us both are convinced hes in love with me still, and that its just a case of bad timing, that the ex is so focussed on becoming the next big comedian that he's just not got the time for a relationship. This friend also said that he'll put money on the ex finishing uni, going home for the summer, and realising what hes done. Meawhile, the ex has asked that I dont tell anyone about the weekend, as he's not told any of the boys eh lives with, who are all boyfriends of my best friends.

Now I'm having to try REALLY hard to stop my heart ruling my head here...its almost impossible though. Now the ex has almost disappeared this week, barely talking to me. It was his birthday yesterday and just finding it a bit difficult not speaking to him as much as I want, trying not to text him and push him away, especially as Ive spent the last 4 birthdays with him.

 

Im just finding it a bit hard working out why hes freaking out, and why he does disappearing acts on me whenever we start to get a bit closer

[MightyBoosh]

would be reeeeeeeaaaaally good to get some peoples opinions, as Ive seen a lot of people reading this thread in last few hours but had no replies....running out of steam now knowing what to do!

[need2bme]

Is it possible that he has someone else? Also, are you chasing him? How old are you guys?

[MightyBoosh]

i doubt very much he has someone else...but theres always the possibility...ive had conversations with friends over the last few days who say hes not seeing anyone, and hasnt gone near anyone since we split...but theres always that irrational thought there that takes over sometimes....and were both 22, and got together when he was 19 and i was 18...and when you say chasing, what do you mean?ive never asked him to reconsider, or asked him why were not together or anythign like that if thats what you mean...

[need2bme]

That is what I meant. I meant that if you chase, sometimes people run, just because they feel they have to. Plus, if they are seeing someone else, it makes it real easy for them to think the new romance is a dream and why stick with you, because you cause the hurt. My ex before this one, broke up with me and then tried to come back and I would not take her back, because she had hurt me.

 

It was easier, because I was already with the current ex. So, what is it that you want?

[MightyBoosh]

ultimately, i want him back...i just find it hard to completely ignore him and get on with it when theres all these different things flying round...i cant help but think the usual "if i stop talking to him, hell forget about me and move on". I just feel that by being there in his life he cant forget about me! I just get frustrated when i hear from him constantly for a few days and then get nothing back...i feel this physical frustration building inside of me and just want to keep texting or sending I.M. messages until I get replys....which, being reasonable, i know is possibly the worst thing I could do.

 

Sorry feel like Im hijacking this thread here...trying not to, just helps to get some responses from others who have/are going through the same thing.

[christalix]

well, my ex broke up with me after l discovered a number on her cell phone and when l approached her , she lied to me.

 

After this she broke up with me.

After the break up, My God, l was callin her everyday , but she was shouting on me asking me not to call her anymore, even not picking my calls, asking me what l want from her,all bad words that one could use on an enemy were named after me.. I texted her, she did not reply. I sent her a sorry card, she did not accept it. so, l decided not to call her .

 

since 1 week now l have not call her. today, l was on icq and she text me saying: Hey, long time you did not call, do you have another girl?"

I did not reply to her and just logged off.

 

I love her very much , but how long should love make Man to be like a doormat?

 

Well, if she comes back l will take her warmly back, but l think, she got to learn from this.

 

Is she only wanna know whats going with me that´s why she asked me if l am already dating someone else?

Or is she trying to trap me into calling her to make her ego raise up?

[need2bme]

Christalix: She nails you to the flloor. Calls you all kinds of things. Treats you as if everything is your fault and lies to you. Unless I am missing something here, I would think that she does want an ego boost.

 

It amazes me, and my ex has done it too, how people can just want to go away and then simply call you as if nothing has happened.

 

You need to do some serious soul searching and figure out why you want her back or figure out what happened.

 

Keep posting.

[christalix]

yes need2bme, l was nailed to the floor. I was the last dirt on earth.

She told her friends that l raped her and that was why she broke up with me. When l told her friends that , she lied to me, they believed her. She also told them she lied because l was jealous. Actually, she told me, she loves God and she loves me too. She is faithful to God and me. After her, l even hate christians relly! I trusted her but ....yes, l have learnt a lot.

 

I saw her at absoluteagency last nite, with her pictures saying she is single and ya, she was there chating with all males. Well, l was happy l did not reply to her when she asked me why l have not called such a long time and if l got another girl.

 

I swear, it would have been a mistake if l would have replied to her or fooled my self to call, l would have regreted forever. Now l am doing this NC stuff, but l am praying to meet a more attractive lady than her who will be more open minded. I miss her much , due to the fact that l was/am used to her, but l have had many dates with many ladies , well were not for me!!!

 

Well, how can we love again when people treat us like this?.

She is from ukraine, and we had more telephone calls since l am from other country. I was callin her everyday during our together because she wanted me too. I was then used to it.

 

When she broke up with me, she asked me to NOT TO CALL HER ANYMORE!! Yes, was hard for me, but l am happy l am out , l am trying to mend my heart together, maybe stay single for the rest of my life or just have sex around or maybe ...l do not know.

[cantexplain]

I think it is great that you are not with this person.

 

The important thing is to recognize the abusive things she did to you.

 

I am a Christian and have done some bad things. Many Christians have done bad things to me. The Bible is filled with bad behavior - it is all a part of the story.

 

Just hang to the important stuff - like free will and the golden mean...

 

Anecdotes for these are "if you love something set it free, if it loves you it will come back" & "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you".

 

I am trusting that you did not rape her or anything remotely like that.

 

If so, accusing you of this is so bad you should not even be considering a future with her - nor should you be wondering about a hopelessly lovelost future. Alls you gotta do is make sure you set your standards a bit higher and attract better people, I'm thinking.

[christalix]

l learnt today that, she is pregnant , but will not let me know.

[need2bme]

Christalix: Do you believe these bad things about yourself? Are they true? Did you do any of them?

 

I once saw a Dr. Phil show where this girl had all of the girls from school, calling her a w***e and it was destroying her. When Dr. Phil asked her what she thought of herself, she replied, "I don't know".

 

He told her, "Isn't it amazing that you can tell me exactly what they think you are, but when I ask you what you are, you don't know."

 

Something to think about...

[SuperDave71]

Christalix,

 

Do you have boundries with yoru ex? What I mean is, what do you feel is acceptable behavior and what can you NOT tolerate?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[christalix]

Is ok, l will save the best for last.

 

 

 

Save The Best For Last - Vanessa Williams

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

I see the passion in your eyes

Sometimes it's all a big surprise'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish

You'd tell me this was love

It's not the way I hoped or how I planned

But somehow it's enough

And now we're standing face to face

Isn't this world a crazy place

Just when I thought our chance had passed

You go and save the best for last

All of the nights you came to me

When some silly girl had set you free

You wondered how you'd make it through

I wondered what was wrong with you'

Cause how could you give your love to someone else

And share your dreams with me

Sometimes the very thing you're looking for

Is the one thing you can't see

And now we're standing face to face

Isn't this world a crazy place

Just when I thought our chance had passed

You go and save the best for last

 

Sometimes the very thing you're looking forIs the one thing you can't see

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

Just when I thought our chance had passed

You go and save the best for lastYou went and saved the best for last

[houdini]

Hello everyone!!

 

I'm new to this forum and I'm glad that I've found it, I've read alot of threads on the NC rule and what's the purpose and my final opinion is that it's a way to heal and also a way to "pull" rather than "push" your ex away. But the thing I keep reading is that if and when your ex begins to want to pull you closer after initiating the NC rule and you turn around and continue with the NC rule what good is that doing? If you love them and you're healing yourself with the NC rule and it works and they want to come back or try again but you continue with not giving in 100% what good is that going to do and is it healthy for the relationship? Why can't a relationship with two people pull together towards eachother at the same time? I'm on my 3day of applying the NC rule after a week of crying, beggging, pleading with my ex that broke up with me almost two weeks ago after a 5yr relationship. We have a son together so the NC rule is going to be difficult, I will call her mother to check on my son. I will be posting my story soon but wanted to know when does the NC rule come to an end?

[Stereohead]

Hello, my relationship ended the other day…I made a lot of mistakes during the final two months, trying to get him to speak up since he was getting distant. But of course, it failed. And he wrote basically a goodbye and refuses again to speak to me. I love him with all my heart, and I’ve been reading this thread because of the NC rule. I know if I left everything alone, he probably wouldn’t go looking for a way to contact me; he made it clear he didn’t want to go down “that” road again. So I lost my love, and a great friendship in the long run.

 

Now the only issue is healing and wondering if I could win him back. The main reason of the break up was because the relationship was basically online or over the telephone. And he had been neglecting his responsibilities for his family; he has a little girl… Well, he stopped contacting me, and despite my attempts, he won’t tell me it was because he fell out of love, just that he changed his priorities to being his little girl now, and won’t be glued to the keyboard like he was when we were dating. So the only chance of getting him back, would be to stop contact I assume, until I can be there physically for him.

 

I have planned a trip before I met him, to the UK (where he lives…) next year during the summer. I have been thinking, that if I acknowledged the no contact rule this year… and next year if he still loves me, I can be there physically for him and hopefully win him back… which is rather a far fetched idea… but right now, all my contacting has pushed him further away, and If this NC has a chance of pulling him back…then I’ll do it. I’ll work on myself for a while, and regain more control… but still, I’m a little shaky about what I have planned if I still love him when the time comes.

 

I’ll try anything to win him back… I agree with other post I’ve seen on this thread… if I stopped talking to him, would he forget about me and move on by then? Would he even want to hear from me after months have passed? The soonest I can be there for him in person would be next year during the summer… by then he could have found another girl friend and moved on with his life… I’d hate to imagine that… but I guess if I apply the NC rule, maybe I’ll just move on too. And he’ll remain a pleasant memory…

 

I’m at a total lost of what is the best thing to do. Or if there is even a chance that he’d still love me after all that time as passed. I wish we could fast forwarded time and see the results… I don’t know. I probably already lost him for good. Should I hold onto that small bit of hope that he’ll still love me…? Even if I somehow managed to hold true to the NC rule…? Bah. Love is complicated. ](*,)

[Wandering_Sword]

Love is beyond complicated. No love is more like Mount Vesuvius, beautiful to look at and breathtaking, but when it blows up it kills everyone in range

Back to your question, NC is not about trying to get the ex back, there's a chance it may happen but until something is said, it is best to just assume the relationship has ended and continue on with your life. NC is to heal, regain your focus on life and to allow the mind to see the truths about the relationship. So its always best to assume the worse; that is the ex has moved on and forgotten about you, forcing you carry on your life without them. And if they do wind up calling you up one day, great, then you'll hopefully be healed enough to look at the situation objectively and decide if such a rekindling of the relationship is in YOUR best interest.

[SuperDave71]

HA HA HA HA A...

 

 

I love the quote:

 

 

"Love is beyond complicated. No love is more like Mount Vesuvius, beautiful to look at and breathtaking, but when it blows up it kills everyone in range

 

 

 

GREAT ONE WANDERING SWORD!!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Wandering_Sword]

It's good to hear some laughter in this place