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Everything posted by HDD

  1. i have a question.... how many of you out there have kept in touch with an ex but at the same time dated other girls. Were you upset when your ex found out and stopped talking to you? Did u finally tell them about your current interest or did you just slowly stop calling once you figured you were into the new fling? and why were you holding on to your ex? as a backup? i am just trying to figure this situation out that I am in right now. I am just hurting and trying to give myself the strength to let him go COMPLETELY with no anger or resentment.
  2. i am not looking to a man to fulfill my need of happiness and love but it would sure help if i met some cool guys just to be friends ... but it hurts really bad to know that he is talking to other girls and then lying to me about how much he is having a hard time and all. Why? i cried for like 2 hours today becuase i felt hurt, betrayed and just really replaced is it so easy to find someone just 2 months after a break up of a 6 year relationship? i know we have been thinking about breaking up for a while but to move on so quickly just shocks me... as if what we had meant nothing to him. i just need to vent because i am seriouisly having a hard time with this. i was talking to myself today, pretending as if i was talking to him and just yelling and letting everything out. i told myself to stop answering his calls... let him move on be with the girls he is talking to whatever, i could care less... but i am praying and trying to make myself strong to get through the next few weeks... which are going to be very hard and long. i need you guys more than ever right now.
  3. i felt like that too last week. for some reason my instincts were telling me that my ex was up to something. something didnt feel right. And lo behold, i found out he is seeing someone, not sure if its serious or not, but its another girl. My instincts were right. I couldnt sleep two nights ago, had the worst night ever and woke up with the worst headache. so, dont expect for anything good, expect the worst so you wont be disappointed or HURT!!
  4. Ok, so I have been back in the dating scene now for about 2 months. I've been on a lot of dates and have become comfortable with dating and asking women out. I've gotten much of my self confidence, charm and flirtatious nature back. Dating no longer scares and I am able to be interesting, outgoing and genuinely entertaining (if I say so myself I've been frustrated recently. I remember the feeling I had when I met my ex. She had so many qualities I look for in a woman. There was just something about her. When we talked, we were both engaged in the conversation and genuinely, truly interested in what each other had to say. She was pleasant, made eye contact and while I made sure to focus on her and her life, she did the same thing. The meeting, the conversation, even the goodbye was textbook romance. Each day we IMd each other, called each other and our times together were truly romantic...there was a genuine connection. Then, she said to me something that made me sure I wanted to be with her. She said "Orlander, I want to know everything about you." I totally understand how you feel Orlander! I didnt know you were feeling these things, i thought your dating life was going great and from the sound of it, it is. my ex and I felt the same way you did. we had that special connection and I know that it will be hard to replace him, infact he used to always tell me how perfect i was for him and that he wont be able to find anyone like me. And i felt the same way about him, but thats all history now. In your case, these dates dont mean it wont happen again. You need to keep trying and from reading your para above, you sound like you WILL succeed because you are one hell of a catch! Where is that? I'm so tired of meeting women who are SOOO wrapped un in themselves, who talk only of themselves or who dont even show a phony interest in wanting to get to know me. I can't tell you how many emails I sent out to women on Match and have gotten back replies that basically answer the questions I wrote but didnt ask me anything. I think i am all but convinced that online dating services only work if you are looking to hookup or on the rebound. Maybe you are going for the wrong ones. If you get the idea that they are not your type, just move on. But sometimes, they might surprise you, who knows. I didnt think girls were like that thought. I am the type who always wants to know everything about the guy before i say something about myself. I feel like there are 100 guys trying to nail each single girl. Hell, even my ex managed to find someone almost immediately after moving back in town from college and I was SHOCKED when i learned that. Seems like these guys are coming out of the woodworks like cockroaches. I'll admit that I'm a little picky. I am looking for someone in her mid to late 20's, who isnt involved with anyone, doesnt have children but wants a family, is cute, who is active and is open to falling in love and being in a loving relationship. I admit that I tend to go for women on the slender side. I wont totally agree with that statement! I wish that was true in my case. i dont see any cockroaches anywhere and its been over 2 months already!! on the other hand, my ex managed to find someone, not sure if this is a rebound or something special but i feel like there are tons of girls out there trying to snatch him. I am also picky like you which is probably why i dont just date anyone that comes up to me (so far, just went on one date). but being picky isnt a bad thing orlander. You have certain expectations and its good to have those otherwise you end up just being content or just satisfied with what you have... rather than being extremely lucky and fortunate to have found that special someone! The type of girl you want sounds like a lot of girls I know ;-) me being one of them... so trust me, they are out there!! I've tried to remain positive and have faith that when I am ready love will find a way. To be honest I was not in a good place to receive the love of a woman prior to recently, but now that I do know I am ready for it...where is it? It's been over a year and a half since I became single. I really hoped I would be engaged or married by now and my ex would still be looking. Now, I am sure she has the man of her dreams and the perfect relationship and I have nothing. Just venting, I guess. Be patient and it will happen. Dont rush into anything just because you have to. you might regret it later. I hate to admit that most of my adult life I was surrounded by women who were eligible, cute and potentially loving and who wanted to get to know me, but I either blew them off or treated them badly. For so many years I was looking for the perfect woman. I thought I even found her once and after a few months discovered that I had lost interest even in her, just like the rest. I dont think i really understood what love was until recently. So, is it Karma? am I being punished by God for my past actions? It feels that way sometime. Everything happens for a reason, but I'm ready for love and would die to hear a woman say to me again "Orlander,I want to learn everything about you". i dont think karma has anything to do with it. i think karma will work for you becuase you have been a good person. you loved someone with all your heart and someone out there is waiting to find that love again and spend the rest of her life with you! just keep trying and you will find her. So, this is part of the healing process? Am I just supposed to keep pursuing someone who may not show much interest in me initially in the hopes her level of interest will change? How many people have relationships that started out like the one I described with my ex? It seemed perfect. When we finally feel ready to be in a new relationship. I want to fall in love and get to know everything about someone and ive never felt that way before. Guess I just need to be patient and keep trying. like i said, my relationship seemed perfect but its over now and I am afraid just like you are about finding someone whom i can connect with so intimately and in every other possible way. I cannot wait for the day when you find someone and are happy Orlander It WILL HAPPEN!!!
  5. thanks orlander. i just feel really hurt right now and i cant believe he would do this to me after all those years. i mean, he doesnt have any reason to tell me if he is seeing someone or not, but man, show some respect please. what is the best way to show him that i dont give a rats A** about him anymore? NC? i feel like telling him, " please stop lying to me and leading me on and using me as your backup. stop calling me and let me move on... if you have moved on then I am happy for you but dont drag me along. you lying son of a ***^*!" i really love him and care for him and i know he still does too but why torture ourselves! of course i wont tell him any of this but man, i just feel so tired of this healing process. i am exhausted! i just want to meet the man i am supposed to spend the rest of my life with and just live a happy loving life. is that too much to ask!
  6. hi gokings, welcome to enotalone. i am in a similar situation as yours. my ex and i were from two diff religion which is why we didnt end up getting married. but unlike you, we were together for 6 years. so i understand how you feel. you did the right thing of letting go. it was your decision and you have to be strong now and try and move on. I dont think your ex has fallen out of love with you but she is engaged, so i think you should let her go for good and find a new love. I know how it feels to be in love with your ex and how painful it is to know that they are with someone else, but its over and she has moved on. so should you! you made a good decision by telling her not to contact you and she is respecting your request. take this time and try and let go. you will get through this. we are all here for you.
  7. it doesnt bother me that he wants to date other girls, but dont feed me BS and tell me you havent made any friends, this is hard, whatever crap. and why call me? why say stupid things to me. what does he want from me? i am so mad right now + i also lost my apetite. i feel sick to my stomach just the thought of him being with someone else. i do want him to be happy, but dont get me involved in it. i know this is my fault for allowing him to call me, and boy did i learn my lesson. thanks beec for your kind words... so you're saying that it is normal for an ex to date someone and also try and pursue their ex at the same time? why? i just wish i could find someone so quickly to get my mind off of him... ugh! if he can move on so quickly, why am I hurting so bad.
  8. thanks LadyFace... that gives me hope about my future love life. Its been 3 months since my break up and i am still having a hard time... I am scared actually about finding someone new out there and starting all over again.
  9. i am at a point rigth now where I am just so mad and angry at myself for believing what my ex said. he called me last weekend to tell me he missed me and this was hard for him blah blah (i posted about this earlier)... He called me yesterday to chat because he was leaving out of the country so he wanted to say good bye before he left. we didnt talk about whether or not we were dating anyone or anything, but he kept saying how he hasnt made any friends and how he is having a hard time. He has a puppy that I adore and he kept saying, he will be your dog one day! i was thinking to myself, are you stupid, i dont want your dog!!! the whole time we were talking i felt like he was hiding something from me. i didnt want to ask him, so i just ignored it. Today morning, for some odd and scary reason, i was checking my voicemail on my cell phone, i dont know why, but i accidently dialed his number (cause i havent checked my VM in a while an I am used to dialing his number, which is an easy # to dial) and it went to HIS VM and i found a message from some girl saying how she missed him and hope he is having a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was shocked, and i tried it again, and it didnt work. I mean my ex and i used to share a plan together, but this never happened .... what is this? Was i meant to hear this to give myself a kick in my A** to let him go? Why is it so easy for a guy to move on so quickly, is this a rebound? Why does he keep CALLING me then!!! I am so mad at myself for believing him. I had a slight array of hope that maybe something will change in him and he will want to give this another shot, i wasnt counting on it though ... now i dont even want think about him anymore. I mean, WHY call me and tell me those things when you are out there trying to meet girls!!!! I dont want to be his friend, at least not right now and i just dont know what to do about myself. Why am I so weak when it comes to him, i feel like he still has control over this situation and it is killing me. i dont want to loose him and I hope that someday we can be friends or even better work things out, but i cant believe him right now!! I want to move on from this, its so hard for me to let him go completely. i am not upset at the fact that he is trying to meet new people, but it would be nice if i met some people too.. i dont even know where to start! I pray every day for god to help me get him out of my mind, but its taking so long!!! help me out here please. What should i do other than strict NC ... i didnt think he would do this to me so soon. I just want to tell him to STOP CALLING ME and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
  10. elaborate please! u mean to say if I keep thinking that i WILL give him another chance, i will not be over him? So i need to believe that this is OVER for GOOD and move on and just totally let go! Which i think i am doing, but i guess somewhere in there, i have a small ounce of hope boy, this is harder than I thought...
  11. thanks Orlander. I agree with complete NC. And i am surprised my ex called me because he is the type who usually doesnt break the NC rule. and even though it didnt set me back any days in my healing process, i realize that it didnt help either. i have decided that when he calls next, i will have to tell him to stop calling me until he wants to give US another shot and work on our relationship. I cannot be his friend (not now, not for a while) and i need to stop thinking about him to try and move on. it just amazes me when people think you can be friends with an ex afterwards. I know he is doesnt want to be friends either, and he probably had a moment of weakness and called me, but whatever his reason was, it doesnt matter because we arent together. He is going to be buying a house soon and i want nothing to do with that, dont want to know ANYTHING about his life. I am glad that i have been good and havent called him, becuase usually i am the one that gives in. This healing is sure a long process (i think i said that way too many times in this thread lol)!!!!! but with help from you all it makes it a lot easier than just dwelling in my thoughts and being depressed! hugs to all!
  12. thanks guys!! i agree healing is a very long process. I cannot even imagine what the day would be like when i am free of all these thoughts. i am in no condition for a relationship right now but talking to a few guys here and there doesnt hurt just to get my confidence back. I dont even know what its like out there, been out of that scene for 6 years now. U know why i feel kind of OK with this break up, i think its because I have hope that the future looks bright and that good things will happen to good people. i cannot control other poeples actions but only mine and for now, I am all i have to look after (other than my family and friends of course). But i just have hope, u know. I am reading this interesting book about how to start investing your $$ and building assets, so thats keeping my mind busy for the time being. I am a financially independent woman and I would like to understand more about how one can make their money make money! that to me is just the key to early retirement my ex and I did love each other a lot... and probably still do. I just dont want to think about it because it makes me angry to see us apart. so, i try to think of happy thoughts and let go of him and all my anger, pain and frustration. I come here when I need to vent and let it off my chest (like you do me and myself) and it also helps me to give someone who is going through the same thing I am some comfort that hopefully things will get better. I am not 100% sure how true that statement is, but from what everyone says on ENA, i believe it is true and I will take their word for it and hope for the best Me and Myself, everyone keeps saying, dont look for love, it will find you lol I cant wait for that to happen again (not right now though but hopefully soon)!!
  13. Hi everyone, its been a while since i posted here (days perhaps as opposed to every day ) but i realized that it helps me when i dont come on ENA every day because reading everyone's posts and stories makes me sad and sometimes hopeful which i dont want to feel. i come here when i need some motivation and some encouragement from great people with great advice. I really love you guys and dont know how I would get throught this without you but i feel like i need to be strong and get through this on my own as well. I have been trying to stay busy and keep my mind preoccupied and I have accepted the fact that this is over and we both need to move on. I am OK with the fact that my ex could possibly start dating someone, and it doesnt bother me as much as it used to. Because i just want to move on and live MY life. i am so sick and tired of hoping and wondering if he will change his mind, i told myself, ENOUGH! Like most people say, say a prayer and let go, if its not meant to be, it wont be, and if it is, then someday we will be together. but for now, I want to completely heal myself and try and meet new people, start dating, hopefully lol. On a different note, my ex called me yesterday. We havent talked in over two weeks and u know what, when the phone rang, and I saw his name, it didnt excite me or make me nervous like it used to before. I am not sure if i am stopping myself from feeling anything, but it felt good to know that i am not letting it bother me. he was visiting his friends and went to a little league soccer game that his friends kids participate in. he saw a couple (indian wife and an american husband, which is what we would have been if we got married) with their son at the game. he called to say he missed me and that this is really hard for him. i said i missed him too and think about him often. I didnt want to say much or hope for anything. we shared a special love and i just want both of us to be happy either way. he asked me what I have been up to etc and i said, just staying busy with work and friends, u know the usual. He said he will call me later this week because he is going out of the country and he doesnt want to leave without talking to me. its his first major international trip so i guess its pretty nerve racking lol (been there done that a zillion times). I guess what i want to say is, i am not hoping for anything... maybe i am healing in some way, i am not sure what i feel right now. But the conversation didnt bother me and I felt that i didnt make myself look like an idiot. I do care for him a lot and still love him but i wont hold on to the past. I look forward to the future and hopefully meeting someone amazing and falling in love again. its just scary right now because i dont know where to start, and I guess i am not ready for a relationship yet. Still trying to figure ME out. What do you guys think? u think i am healing or somehow getting over things/my ex slowly?
  14. awww i am happy for you Orlander!!! have a great time! good luck
  15. i am so sorry to hear about your dog!!!!! I can understand what you are going through. When i was with my ex, we had to put his dog down because he was getting old and had tumors all over his body! it was probably one of the saddest days of my life. he was our buddy and we loved him more than anything! Please take the time and spend it with Shadow... you are fortunate that you can prepare yourself for this and say your goodbyes. We are here for you when you are ready to talk. Always! HUGS HUGS HUGS and take care of yourself dear!
  16. dont worry about it too much and dont try and listen for the name as well. i am in the same situation as you are, but i am kind of used to it because my ex's name is probably the 3rd most common male name in the United States and 5 of my colleagues at work have the same name and its everywhere, on TV, books, work, coffee shops, etc. you'll get over it one day... you are probably still healing so dont sweat it too much. its normal!
  17. i started my journal today. just writing whatever comes to my mind. i feel better after writing in it. becuase no one has to read it and i can say whatever i want. we'll see how it goes. thanks for all the input on this! i really appreciate it.
  18. trust is very important in a relationship, also being honest with each other. if he was hiding things from you and talking to other girls behind your back, you did the right thing by breaking up with him. I feel that if they are flirting, calling, trying to hook up with girls (even on myspace) why be in a relationship! You should feel relieved now and know that this wasnt healthy! Trust and honesty are like the backbone of any relationship and without that, there isnt much to build on and look forward to because it will soon fall apart! dont feel bad for him, he hasnt done anything to show you that he truly loves you and wants to be 100% exclusive with you!
  19. Communicate about everything, just say whatever is on your mind, get it out there, specially coming from different backgrounds. People change, you have no control over it, it just happens. if its real love that you shared, you will always have a part of you that will miss him/her in some form or the other, specially when they were your best friend. if you think you found the love of your life, DONT WAIT!! get married, get engaged, whatever and hold on to them. If its NOT meant to be, then its NOT meant to be. no use in wishing things could have been different. No more coulda-shoulda-woulda. Just do the right thing and be honest with yourself.
  20. i totally understand how you feel want_his_love!!!! I just dreamt about him last night and it felt very real! i wake up and realize it was just a dream... i have been actually dreaming about him A LOT for the past few days and i dont know why? Sometimes i wish that i never see him in my dreams but other days I am glad that I get to hold on to the special memories we had, even if they come in forms of dreams. Sometimes i like to think that he is dreaming about me at the same time I am, which is of course very silly! I cant stop the dreams, i just have to deal with it and hope that one day, it wont affect me as much when I wake up and realize i am alone now. is it true that you pretty much dream about what you think about the entire day! So, as time goes by and as we start to think less and less about our ex's the dreams should automatically stop!
  21. hey everyone, i am thinking about writing my thoughts on my computer in a journal or something but i dont know if it helps or what exactly to write in it. do you write pretty much anything that comes to your mind? what if it makes you cry? does it help in the long run? i am just trying to figure out ways to help me through this, some form of healthy constructive way to deal with my emotions. I am not sure whether to address the journal to myself or who. i have read online that break up period is a good time to write your thoughts out, but everytime i try to write something, it brings tears to my eyes. so i stop writing. does that eventually stop? obviously i havent done this before, so any advice would be helpful.
  22. link removed hope this answers your question
  23. DO IT!!!! Trust me, you will LOVE IT! I still kick myself in my A** for not doing it sooner. I was scared too and thought it would hurt like HELL! and to be honest, it wasnt so bad at all. the trick is finding the RIGHT person to do it. my lady who I get my brazilian from is AMAZING and i mean, AMAZING!! she has over 20 years experience and she is so quick that it doesnt hurt that bad at all. the only part that will hurt is the strip in the front, everything else will feel like you're getting your legs waxed or something. and my wax lady told me that all the bf's LOVE her cause their gf's get their brazilians done from her. so good luck and give it a shot. You will LOVE it and so will your bf... trust me remember, find a GOOD Experienced waxing person, thats the trick!
  24. NC does help. it helps you move on with your life and not think about your ex too much. some days are good while other days are just horrible and lonely as hell. i realized that i cant be friends with my ex, at least not for a long time. its just so hard to not pick up that phone and dial his number, but it gets easier as the days go by. i hope. Just like u hockeyboy, i told myself last week that i was going to call him on the first week of march because he is going out of the country for 10 days and just wanted to wish him a safe trip. i guess also because he called me before my hawaii trip and told me he loved me anyways, now this week, i dont feel like calling him anymore. i figured, why does it matter? will he even care? he doesnt want to hear from me.
  25. this is why i want to see a therapist because i dont know how to focus all these feelings of mine into a healthy process. i dont want revenge and i want him to be happy with whatever he decides, i mean, i love him and still care about him a lot. so, that isnt driving me to move on. its just my evil side wishing bad things for him. but i really want both of us to find happiness. i just want this pain to end SOO bad, i want to be happy and free again, like i used to be before i met him... a free spirit. i analyzed our relationship a lot in these past couple of months and realized what i did wrong. i am not perfect and i have many faults, and i am working on not making those same mistakes again. i dont really care about what his problems are, like you said, focus on YOU/ME, because i dont have the power to change him, i can only change myself. i know he is hurting but he is a very strong minded individual and i know i am taking this way more worse than he is. he also had a history of drug addiction issues, parental divorce issues, etc (before i even met him a long time ago) but he turned out to be a very successful well rounded kind and loving man, and I feel like i helped him with that. its just makes me so mad that after all those years, it has to end. that he changed by the way, i need you all to be hard with me and straight forward... i need all the help i can get.
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