baddasslegend92 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 This was the best advice I ever took,because of this she realized what she lost and came running back to me..Our relationship now is better then ever.Thanks Dave Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 15, 2007 Author Share Posted March 15, 2007 You are more than welcome badd... -Your Friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
bar35 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Uh. It's all bad. there is no way to cut it clean. I love the original post. I think that it is spot on. Avoid them at all costs. Dave I hope that you are not setting yourself up for a fall. If you are in anyway sexually desirous of her then and you are not having sex, then you are getting the run around. I would recommend that you follow your own advice. Get out. Don't walk, run. I think that it is over. And when i say over, i mean that it is over. We don't want it to be over but it is over. The more that I can say that to myself the better I feel because it is the only thing that makes sense to me right now. It is over. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 Bar, Are you referring to me? I am a bit confused Hope you are well. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 Superdave, can I ask you a question? Do the exes usually at least call some time after the break up? If you leave them alone? I've left mine alone for a few months. I begged etc the first couple of days. But after that I stopped contacting him. Link to comment
bear12 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 as a follow up to kate's question... the indefinite NC theory always confused me too. yes, i get the idea that if you ex wanted you back, he/she could always contact you, but at the same time, if you've come to realize things/have grown and changed during your time apart, how are they ever going to see this if you don't take some initiative to reach out to them? isn' it possible that they're only focusing on what didn't work in the relationship and perhaps assume that things would always stay that way unless you're able to show them that they won't? yeah, yeah, i know, NC is supposed to be about healing and not getting them back, but this thread does seem to be somewhat geared toward getting them back, so?? Link to comment
deelove2010 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 don't contact to your ex! If they want to speak to you they know where you are! Pls stop hoping and start healing! There are plenty more fish in the sea, and do you really think you can really get back together after this break up???? 99% of the time you wont! Let them be and live there life! You start living yours! It took me 40 long days and night to come to realise that my EX isn't coming back! One thing I must add when my ex broke it off with me I contacted her by email a few times and she would reply back but she never made the first move to make contact! So for anyone out there where there ex has broken up with you and does NC to you I'm sorry but it truly means it OVER 100% nothing more or nothing less!!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Kate and Bear, The way you let your ex see how much you have changed...is just to be you. If they choose to see you, they will contact you. The moment you try so hard to PROVE that you are better and have changed is the moment you lose you again. I know we all have heard of the philosophy of "We all want what we can't have"....I disagree with this. We can do or have anything we want as long as we know how to go about getting it. Ex's will usually call after time passes....BUT DO NOT MISTAKE THIS FOR ANYTHING BUT A PHONE CALL. SuperDave71 Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Kate and Bear, The way you let your ex see how much you have changed...is just to be you. If they choose to see you, they will contact you. The moment you try so hard to PROVE that you are better and have changed is the moment you lose you again. I know we all have heard of the philosophy of "We all want what we can't have"....I disagree with this. We can do or have anything we want as long as we know how to go about getting it. Ex's will usually call after time passes....BUT DO NOT MISTAKE THIS FOR ANYTHING BUT A PHONE CALL. SuperDave71 Yes I think you are right about the proving thing. I can remember a certain ex who I once dumped trying too hard to prove stuff to me and me thinking he was pathetic. It was almost as bad as begging etc. I think the dumper will actually TRY to interpret the dumpee as trying to impress them as it satisfies their ego more. It's a cruel world. I hope mine does call. He did call about some financial stuff but I emailed him back as I didn't want to set my progress back. It's so hard to let go isn't it? Link to comment
marusha Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hie, superdave, does it apply to women too? I did all stupidest things like calling, trying to be nice, considered nice E-mail or even a sincere letter, got drunk, angry, listen to my stupid first instincts... And now we are divorced and the guy actively envolved with another woman and I still piss and mourn and struggle with the demons to call and hear his voice and talk to him... God, it's hard, he is happyly dating and I am a mess. Any suggestions??? Marushka Link to comment
andy5128 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hi Everyone and Superdave.. Been reading the posts with interest.. Well been officially split from my ex since end of Jan**addition - were together for 18 months** . We had a months break before that which she asked for, I kinda left her alone during the break apart from the occasional text and email etc. Anyway she finally told me that she didnt want to continue with the relationship. At that point I went through a needy patch could not get her off my mind sent her flowers lots of times at work and at home then about a week later I just had to see her so popped round her house.. I can't even remember what I said now as was in a real state crying etc and asking to give it another go. She asked for sometime to think about it and then she called me a week later to tell me she didnt want to try again. Agreed to be friends though and upto recently have emailed her here and there and asked her in one email about a month ago if she fancied catching up as friends and she told me she was thinking a few months away as she felt i couldnt handle it at the moment but then said will probably see you at a friends party if I was going. Was driving me crazy about this party and limited my contact up to then but decided to go to the party anyway. The party was only last friday, i chatted to her for about 30 mins and was quite upbeat and then she left to take a friend home. She said nice to see you and offered a cheek so I kissed her.. Just want to know what to do now as not contacted her since then and staying strong at the moment.. Would love your advice and thoughts.. Andy Link to comment
jennyjen4291 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 i think i already pushed my ex away. he got all super mad at e and doesnt want me to talk to him for a week. well it went from a month to 2 weeks to one week. i feel so stupid of trying evrything so that i wouldnt lose him, but in the end...i think i did. remember tat love is like an egg...the softer you hold it and the more careful and caring you are with it the less it will break. but when you start to hold on to it and squeeze it, it breaks. dont let your egg break and certainly dont let your love slip away but Be Careful in doing so. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Jennyjen, How is it going today? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
TTSTALEMATE Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 "REMEMBER THIS: If you do nothing....you cannot screw ANYTHING UP" Holy moly Superdave...that is an incredibly scary and true thought....I am going to try to do that right now and I am writing it down so that I remember. WOW....thanks. tt Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 ^ Yes true. Very true. Silence cannot be interpreted. Link to comment
BONO Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 ^ Yes true. Very true. Silence cannot be interpreted. ..... and to add to this, give them the best gift in the world. The gift of missing you. B Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 They don't miss you if they have someone else already...a cushion... And silence cannot be interpreted? Hah! It could be interpreted as 1) You hate them 2) You are too scared to call them 3) You are trying to make them feel bad 4) You are trying NC in order to get them back 5) You are too embaressed to call them 6) You never really liked them and were only using them, and once you realized you couldn't have them anymore you stopped trying 7) You found someone else 8 ) You are dead 9).....I could keep going...forever... The truth is that silence CAN and IS interpreted, and the only reason why I am sticking with NC is because a lack of words can be MIS-interpreted...so thereforeeee they will never be quite sure. Anyway, even if you give them the reasons why you are doing NC, it seems like NC is the only real option out there. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 No silence cannot be interpreted. The list you made covers the possible interpretations but the ex will not be able to work out which one applies. They could never be certain, and as you can see from your list, the possible reasons for silence are vastly different and range from being dead, to hating them, to having moved on. That's pretty wide ranging. They may not miss you if they have someone else that's true. But you never know, after the glitter and gloss has faded from the new relationship they may start to think about what they had with you. Who knows. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 The fact is,....you shouldn't wait until they figure it out. If they do...they do..if they don't ...it's not on you. You are only left to figure YOU out and what you can tolerate as loving behavior...as for me...ONLY 100% will do. Never wait for something that is not 100% guranteed to return...Live your life...if they choose to stay ...let them communicate with you and let them show you that there is nothing more they would rather do than to spend the rest of their lives with you making you both happy. Nothing else will do....until this happens...you are only settling for what you BELIEVE love is. The sad truth is...NOT seeing it for what it is....rather than what you believe it to be. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 The fact is,....you shouldn't wait until they figure it out. If they do...they do..if they don't ...it's not on you. You are only left to figure YOU out and what you can tolerate as loving behavior...as for me...ONLY 100% will do. Never wait for something that is not 100% guranteed to return...Live your life...if they choose to stay ...let them communicate with you and let them show you that there is nothing more they would rather do than to spend the rest of their lives with you making you both happy. Nothing else will do....until this happens...you are only settling for what you BELIEVE love is. The sad truth is...NOT seeing it for what it is....rather than what you believe it to be. -SuperDave71 Yes you are right. It is better to move on and if they come back, bonus. Is this what happened to you? Your ex came back wanting to be there 100%? Link to comment
Cyprian Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Doesn't really matter if thats what happened to SuperDave because he is in a league of his own...a master of his own being and his love life, at a stage that if I can ever attain by the time I die, I will have accomplished a great feat. Saying this, I am interested in his answer too Dave, you truly are inspirational. Reading your posts have helped me tremendously... Although I am in horrible pain each day, and every day I want to call the ex, I stick to NC because of reading your posts, MajorD's posts, and FriscoDJ's words of wisdom (along with everyone else here at ENA). Without you guys I would still be calling her and crying on the phone, searching for answers that aren't there. Thanks Dave. Link to comment
andy5128 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 This is such a great thread.. I myself are going through the early stages of NC and it is so hard! Some days being easier than others and so on. I wish I had came accross this site and this thread earlier before I did all the needy things!! You just go through that WHAT IF stage and then the over analysing everything but as mentioned sometimes it's best just to go NC sort yourself out and make yourself a better and stronger person. If they then come knocking then great and if they dont well you have learnt from it and are a better person and ready to move forward.. Come to realise life is too short, you have to make the most of it while you can.. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 Cyprian, You can achieve anything you want if you try hard enough. Thank you for the kind words. SuperDave71 Link to comment
bar35 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 BUMP! on ward an upward, this is an essential post. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 Thanks Bar35... How are you holding up these days? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now