Should I ask her for a relationship now?

[Alokinga]

I'm going out with a girl on Monday. We went out one month ago (didn't have time in between), it was great, she asked me tons of questions about the smallest details of my life. We texted a lot in the meantime, I also sent her a song I like and she replied "where have you been all my life?" (referring to my taste, but still not an everyday message). We've known each other for 3 years and we were always close, but this is our second time going out 1 on 1 just for the sake of it. I've liked her a lot even before, but didn't know if she felt the same and I also had two (unsuccessful) relationships in the meantime so I haven't tried anything. I really like her and I'm thinking about telling her about my intentions on building a relationship together, but I'm a little scared. I don't know how to read girls. Will it seem like it came out of the blue if I do it on our second date after not seeing her for a month (even though we've known each other for long)? I don't want to lose our amazing connection, she has invited me to an important event for her coming very soon and I wouldn't want to make it uncomfortable just before. How should I proceed?

[Batya33]

Since  you already know her for awhile what I would do is ask her out for a third date while on the second -have a day and time in mind and an activity- make sure the date is within a week this time.  If she says yes with enthusiasm or says - I would love to and I just have to make sure I am free because ___ or I can't that day how about (she picks a day soon after) then say -that's great - and how about we agree not to date others for now -I'm really enjoying getting to know you and would love if we just focus on each other. 

Barring true emergencies or you are out of town -not "having time" for a whole month means your motives in wanting a relationship are not because you're interested in her as a person but some other motive - and in that case I wouldn't ask.

[Andrina]

If you haven't been flirtatious in the past, maybe try a bit of that on the second date and look for her reaction. Compliment her on her hair or what she's wearing. Break the barrier of touching if you're not in the practice of hugging by touching her arm for emphasis when you're telling a story or something. Or even hold out your hand to see if she's willing to hold it while walking. Her facial cues and body language should give you hints if she's welcoming to something more or not. If not, you can back off. If welcoming, you can progress to more communication, such as bringing up the fact you're interested in taking it from friendship to dating.

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Alokinga said:

Will it seem like it came out of the blue if I do it on our second date after not seeing her for a month...

Yes, it would strike me ^^^this way. We all need to explore crawling and walking before we can run.

Instead of aiming for commitment so early, I'd express that I'd like to see her more often. See how she responds to that and if she accepts another date within a week or so.

If she starts to date you regularly, she's opened her door. If she agrees to the 'concept' of 'more often' but puts up more barriers to seeing you, then she's not serious enough for a commitment.

[TeeDee]

Spend a bit more time with her before you propose exclusivity & a relationship.  

Despite knowing each other for 3 years this is new.  Let it build some more 

You can ask general Qs about how she feels about relationships etc. 

[Alokinga]

3 hours ago, Andrina said:

If you haven't been flirtatious in the past, maybe try a bit of that on the second date and look for her reaction. Compliment her on her hair or what she's wearing. Break the barrier of touching if you're not in the practice of hugging by touching her arm for emphasis when you're telling a story or something. Or even hold out your hand to see if she's willing to hold it while walking. Her facial cues and body language should give you hints if she's welcoming to something more or not. If not, you can back off. If welcoming, you can progress to more communication, such as bringing up the fact you're interested in taking it from friendship to dating.

I've given her ample thougthful compliments last time (not too many, of course), but I'll do that again. We didn't touch that much but we did try each other's ice cream last time. Maybe I'll move it up a notch now. Thanks.

[Alokinga]

49 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

Spend a bit more time with her before you propose exclusivity & a relationship.  

Despite knowing each other for 3 years this is new.  Let it build some more 

You can ask general Qs about how she feels about relationships etc. 

I've spent a lot of time with her over those 3 years and I think we know each other pretty well, and I wouldn't literally ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend, I'd just tell her that I like her and I would love to move in the direction of dating if she feels the same. Thanks for the feedback!

[Alokinga]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Yes, it would strike me ^^^this way. We all need to explore crawling and walking before we can run.

Instead of aiming for commitment so early, I'd express that I'd like to see her more often. See how she responds to that and if she accepts another date within a week or so.

If she starts to date you regularly, she's opened her door. If she agrees to the 'concept' of 'more often' but puts up more barriers to seeing you, then she's not serious enough for a commitment.

Thanks. I didn't mean literally asking "do you want to be my girlfriend?", only letting her know that I like her and I'd like to start moving in the direction of dating if she feels the same. The thing you said about seeing her more often seems good too. 

[TeeDee]

Expressing the desire to date is fine.  Subtly is your best approach initially 

[DarkCh0c0]

47 minutes ago, Alokinga said:

I've given her ample thougthful compliments last time (not too many, of course), but I'll do that again. We didn't touch that much but we did try each other's ice cream last time.

Aww 🩷

Definitely wait until the end of the second date and let her know your intentions.

6 hours ago, Alokinga said:

, I also sent her a song I like and she replied "where have you been all my life?"

That says she is interested indeed! 

Have fun on the date, and if all goes smoothly, you can pop the question 🥰 It will take some courage, and you got it! 

[Kwothe28]

Is it the same girl?

if it is, please dont. Its dead on arrival and she probably just invited you to her event as a friend.

Also, typically you dont ask the girl for the relationship because its "dry" thing to do. You may express that you like her, maybe even kiss her if there is an opportunity for it, but you never ask her if she would be your girlfriend. Its lame and women dont like that.

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Have a discussion with her.  I think it would be better to wait a month or two more though.  However, I'm not you and you'll ultimately decide what type of timing is right for you. 

Also,  don't over do it with compliments and flattery otherwise it will appear as if you're trying too hard.  No one wants to catch wind of being fake,  phony,  pretentious,  charming and the like.  Be careful with trying so hard to be well liked because it could backfire.  Pump the brakes and be genuine meaning don't over do it by piling it on thick. 

As mentioned previously,  don't be too eager.  Be gradual.  Get to know her better including her personality and character before getting involved in a relationship. 

[ShySoul]

Don't try anything. Don't proceed in any specific way. Don't attempt to read her or analyze the situation. Just go where things take you. She thinks enough of you to be friends for years. She's wanting to spend time with just you. She's complimenting your tastes and sharing ice cream. You are doing fine, so no need to overthink it. Just focus on having a good time together. When the time is right to say something, you'll feel it. You'll see it in her face, hear it in your voices. When the time comes, seize it. Until then, simply enjoy.

11 hours ago, Alokinga said:

I also sent her a song I like and she replied "where have you been all my life?"

Bonding over music can be a very positive step towards something more. Had someone say something similar to me before. Feels good, doesn't it?

[smackie9]

Isn't this the one that said...you don't have any friends that do what we are doing? Pretty much sending you into the friends zone.

[Voyatic]

It sounds like you have a strong connection with this girl, and it's natural to feel a bit nervous about expressing your feelings. Since you've known each other for three years and have already had a great first date, it may not seem too sudden to share your intentions. Just be honest and genuine about your feelings, and give her the space to respond in her own time. Communication is key in any relationship, so expressing your feelings openly can strengthen your connection even further.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Alokinga let us know how it went! 🤞