ADVICE! Tampon receipt passenger side of boyfriend's car

[Cian_Symbol]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Your post says you need to find at least two, maybe three CREDIT CARDS used by his parents.  

Sounds pretty shady to me.  They better keep a close eye on you.

I realize that's how it sounds. I meant hypothetically to fulfill the burden of proof and that I was referring to receipts left in the open, where only the last 4 digits are present.

By your logic, I have already done the deed by looking at the receipt in the car because that belongs to a parent. 

[Jaunty]

I'm kind of joking around with you.   To be blunt, you are coming off as paranoid and that's not a good place to be when you're trying to function in a relationship.   Yes, you have already crossed a bunch of lines. You also already think the guy is a loser.  He might be - or maybe not - either way, this is a no-win situation for either one of you.   

Please move on and try to get to a point where you won't feel compelled to look at all the details of every receipt you might find a vehicle.  Especially if it doesn't even belong to the guy you're dating.  It's not healthy.

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

 

 

37 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

. He just seems like the type of guy who casually cheats while acting like everything is fine. It's vague things, like seeming secretive about us being together, how he talks to his male friends, snapchats from the same couple women, little white lies, the look on his face and mannerisms during those lies showing up in other contexts, seeming a bit nervous about certain questions, grooming behaviors before going on trips.

Unfortunately your relationship seems quite toxic if you think he acts shady and you're playing detective. 

[Cian_Symbol]

3 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I'm kind of joking around with you.   To be blunt, you are coming off as paranoid and that's not a good place to be when you're trying to function in a relationship.   Yes, you have already crossed a bunch of lines. You also already think the guy is a loser.  He might be - or maybe not - either way, this is a no-win situation for either one of you.   

Please move on and try to get to a point where you won't feel compelled to look at all the details of every receipt you might find a vehicle.  Especially if it doesn't even belong to the guy you're dating.  It's not healthy.

Coming off a certain way in such a limited capacity isn't really a basis to assert anything. 

His cards are used in front of me, I very quickly make note of the last 4 digits. The receipt in the car I thought was mine until I read it. And the receipts on the counter were open and left there. The lines I've crossed are just reading and remember things and having thoughts.

Definitely paranoid as hell though.

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

 

Unfortunately your relationship seems quite toxic if you think he acts shady and you're playing detective. 

Yeah, the relationship is great in general but how I feel isn't and it has recently began to change my behaviour. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

3 hours ago, Cian_Symbol said:

A bunch of things that wouldn't make sense to someone unless they experienced it. Some people give off certain vibes and I've never been wrong so I guess I'm overly confident. I apologize for needing to be vague. I've experienced this sort of thing before and it's just not helped by communication especially when the person seems manipulative. It mostly just signals to them to be more careful. 

 

Nothing wrong with this response, many people have very valid reasons for not trusting someone. You should never trust blindly, trustworthy people are well… trustworthy. 
 

if you’re picking up weird vibes in this relationship and there isn’t a transparent place of safety for the two of you to confide within then I’ll echo what @boltnrunsaid: why be in this relationship? 
 

So long as this isn’t you projecting unrelated trauma onto this guy, you should leave someone who has given you valid reason to not trust them. If he’s gaslighting  you, that’s reason for you to leave. You’re right to not expect an honest answer from a gaslighter and a liar. So again, why are you with him?  Has he gaslit you before or are you just taking extreme measures to avoid a situation in which he could? If the latter is the case, then part of this is on you not being able to trust yourself. 
 

 

[NighttimeNightmare]

Ok I’ve just read through all of the comments and responses

 

So you’ve been cheated on in the past and have a history of being with men who cheat on you, lie, obscure things, and gaslight you into feeling crazy, feeling like your reality is a lie, and when you try to converse with them, they lie to your face. So you’ve learned to (a) not trust people, (b) not communicate, because it gives them a platform to deceive you, and (c) play detective 

ok, did you ever consider that maybe you really do, on some level, have an ability to sniff out liars and cheaters? Maybe you aren’t just “paranoid”? Maybe you are picking up unspoken nuances that reek of cheating and lying and your red flag alarms are going haywire; but because you can’t communicate as there’s 0 trust, you go into detective mode 

the thing is, people who’ve been cheated on are exponentially more likely to be cheated on again, than those who haven’t. So just statistically there’s a good chance that you connected with another cheater. Doesn’t make him guilty, but there’s a chance. And there’s a chance your paranoia isn’t totally unfounded based on your patterned history of being with cheaters. Your picker is broken. 
 

with that said… you need to learn how to trust yourself, and when to walk away.  Again, this guy could be totally innocent, and you could be self-sabotaging, but until you learn how to cultivate relationships where you both are honest and capable of trusting, you’ll keep running into this same dynamic with these same personality types. I think he very likely is doing something shady, not necessarily because of the tampons but based on some other comments you’ve made… and your red flags are alerting you but because you don’t know how to navigate this situation in a healthy way, you are behaving in an equally “red flag” fashion that’s almost making you look paranoid and unreasonable 

you could  try talking with him about it and if it doesn’t feel or sound right you can verbalize that “sorry, this isn’t making sense to me. Because I feel unable to trust I need to step away from this relationship.” 

[rainbowsandroses]

@Cian_Symbolmy read on this is that in your mind, he doesn't need to prove he's trustworthy, you have already convinced yourself he is NOT, now all you have to do is find the "evidence" proving that so you have justification to leave without appearing like a paranoid distrustful *****.

The problem is you CANNOT prove a negative.   As such, if he's innocent of whatever you've convinced yourself he's guilty of, you will never find that evidence nor ever be happy because in the forefront of your mind, you will always suspect he's a cheater....  It's a never ending cycle of suspicion and distrust that does NOT lend itself to anything good or positive.

And the extent of investigating you're doing to "prove" whatever you've convinced yourself of is so toxic and unhealthy, I cannot imagine anyone being happy in a relationship like this no matter how much you "love" him.

Which imo is NOT love, it's something else because you don't treat those you love the way you do -- snooping behind their back, looking for receipts, credit card numbers, "evidence," -  that is SO intrusive and disrespectful, I am wondering how you don't understand or realize this?

The only thing to do at this point, regardless of whether he cheated or not, is end this relationship, there is nothing good or positive there, none, nada, nothing.

No trust, no love, just this crazy obsession to prove something you have conjured up in your own mind due your toxic past experiences.

You would be wise to seek professional help to avoid continuing with this extremely unhealthy mindset and pattern.

Good luck.

 

 

[boltnrun]

If you're reluctant to discuss your concerns with him because you're convinced he'll just lie or gaslight, again...why are you choosing to remain in this relationship?

I can't fathom ever again choosing to remain with someone who causes me to feel anxiety, fear or distrust. 

[Cian_Symbol]

2 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Ok I’ve just read through all of the comments and responses

 

So you’ve been cheated on in the past and have a history of being with men who cheat on you, lie, obscure things, and gaslight you into feeling crazy, feeling like your reality is a lie, and when you try to converse with them, they lie to your face. So you’ve learned to (a) not trust people, (b) not communicate, because it gives them a platform to deceive you, and (c) play detective 

ok, did you ever consider that maybe you really do, on some level, have an ability to sniff out liars and cheaters? Maybe you aren’t just “paranoid”? Maybe you are picking up unspoken nuances that reek of cheating and lying and your red flag alarms are going haywire; but because you can’t communicate as there’s 0 trust, you go into detective mode 

the thing is, people who’ve been cheated on are exponentially more likely to be cheated on again, than those who haven’t. So just statistically there’s a good chance that you connected with another cheater. Doesn’t make him guilty, but there’s a chance. And there’s a chance your paranoia isn’t totally unfounded based on your patterned history of being with cheaters. Your picker is broken. 
 

with that said… you need to learn how to trust yourself, and when to walk away.  Again, this guy could be totally innocent, and you could be self-sabotaging, but until you learn how to cultivate relationships where you both are honest and capable of trusting, you’ll keep running into this same dynamic with these same personality types. I think he very likely is doing something shady, not necessarily because of the tampons but based on some other comments you’ve made… and your red flags are alerting you but because you don’t know how to navigate this situation in a healthy way, you are behaving in an equally “red flag” fashion that’s almost making you look paranoid and unreasonable 

you could  try talking with him about it and if it doesn’t feel or sound right you can verbalize that “sorry, this isn’t making sense to me. Because I feel unable to trust I need to step away from this relationship.” 

Oh my god, thank you so much for this. Thank you for reading and for responding.

Yes, all that is really great. But just a couple notes; I do communicate my feelings a lot, at least at first. I have communicated very specifically to him my past and what has occurred between him and I as well to make me no longer trust him. I wanted his full informed consent to what dating me may be like. He has expressed wanting to work on it with me. I just find how he reacts to those specific things a bit frustrating. He has selective memory where he claims to have forgotten things I told him were triggers as soon as I express to him my needs in terms of sensitivity. Like, forgetting 2 days later fast. There's only so many times I can express my feelings. I used to tell the person my observations about their behavior but it just lead to conflict. 

 

And I do think I am good at sniffing them out and have proven that and it IS hard for me to dismiss myself as just projecting trauma. Like my alarm bells are going off like crazy but I don't have anything definitive so I almost hope for it because then I can escape without guilt or regret. They always went off in the past too but I gaslit myself. I used to be able to "watch and see", and then live my life but now I can't regulate my nervous system. Because the last time I waited and saw and expressed my feelings, my entire life was destroyed with intent.

I don't think I have a picker problem, because these guys do seem really nice at first. I have a premature attachment/guilt problem. I think other people just leave a lot faster. They always have facades. and a couple I knew who they were and it didn't ever get that serious. "you need to learn how to trust yourself, and when to walk away" Exactly. I don't think I'm quite ready to walk away yet but if this doesn't improve internally, I will. 

 

The thing tripping me up here is that he's a very typically masculine guys guy. So a lot of the red flags I see can be excused as just being sort of immature and doesn't translate to actually betraying me.

I just don't feel like when I have spoken to him about my feelings he has fully been present. There's sort of an underlying defensiveness and avoidance and what exactly is bothering me gets warped, and I find the whole process exhausting, upsetting, and a lot of people do something akin to this.

To me it's impossible for anyone to not project trauma because it also functions to keep you safe by applying what you've already known and tested in the past. 

I can't know if he gaslights me if I don't even know the truth about things lol otherwise it's just normal dismissiveness. I didn't know in the past I was being gaslit until the truth was discovered.

He knows the things that have happened between us that have eroded my trust in him but I don't think he really gets why it would do that.

 

[Wiseman2]

It seems you're more suited for private eye tasks than relationships. Are you happy living with the level of paranoia (vibes)? 

It seems like you feel everyone is out to screw you over and you feel you need to take these investigative steps to protect yourself. But they seem as effective as a tinfoil hat.  

 A tampon receipt doesn't prove or disprove anything. It just seems to feed your anxiety going through these bizarre investigations. 

Have you been checked out by a physician for your physical and mental health? Often mental health issues can manifest as anxiety and paranoia and preoccupation with trivia like receipts.

[Cian_Symbol]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@Cian_Symbolmy read on this is that in your mind, he doesn't need to prove he's trustworthy, you have already convinced yourself he is NOT, now all you have to do is find the "evidence" proving that so you have justification to leave without appearing like a paranoid distrustful *****.

The problem is you CANNOT prove a negative.   As such, if he's innocent of whatever you've convinced yourself he's guilty of, you will never find that evidence nor ever be happy because in the forefront of your mind, you will always suspect he's a cheater....  It's a never ending cycle of suspicion and distrust that does NOT lend itself to anything good or positive.

And the extent of investigating you're doing to "prove" whatever you've convinced yourself of is so toxic and unhealthy, I cannot imagine anyone being happy in a relationship like this no matter how much you "love" him.

Which imo is NOT love, it's something else because you don't treat those you love the way you do -- snooping behind their back, looking for receipts, credit card numbers, "evidence," -  that is SO intrusive and disrespectful, I am wondering how you don't understand or realize this?

The only thing to do at this point, regardless of whether he cheated or not, is end this relationship, there is nothing good or positive there, none, nada, nothing.

No trust, no love, just this crazy obsession to prove something you have conjured up in your own mind due your toxic past experiences.

You would be wise to seek professional help to avoid continuing with this extremely unhealthy mindset and pattern.

Good luck.

 

 

Good read on the situation at the start.

But again, I don't see how it's intrusive, as the receipt was right there. I read his credit card numbers passively as they are taken out to use, and I looked at one receipt on the counter that was open. That is all I have currently done. What I would have to *do* in the future, however, would be those things and that's very true. And since I can't ethically do that, I either have to wait for more evidence to fall into my lap and choose either to dismiss it as unimportant or important. Either way, I'd have to remain calm and true to my own standard of conduct. 

There's definitely love there lol. I have regular therapy.

 

[Cian_Symbol]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems you're more suited for private eye tasks than relationships. Are you happy living with the level of paranoia (vibes)? 

It seems like you feel everyone is out to screw you over and you feel you need to take these investigative steps to protect yourself. But they seem as effective as a tinfoil hat. 

I'm actually a pretty great gf outside the current context. 

[Cian_Symbol]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems you're more suited for private eye tasks than relationships. Are you happy living with the level of paranoia (vibes)? 

It seems like you feel everyone is out to screw you over and you feel you need to take these investigative steps to protect yourself. But they seem as effective as a tinfoil hat.  

 A tampon receipt doesn't prove or disprove anything. It just seems to feed your anxiety going through these bizarre investigations. 

Have you been checked out by a physician for your physical and mental health? Often mental health issues can manifest as anxiety and paranoia and preoccupation with trivia like receipts.

(responding to your edits)

this seems oddly personal to you...wanna talk about it?

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, yogacat said:

This could be from anything.

Just say "hey babe, I was going through some receipts and found one for tampons in your car. Is there a reason for that?" Don't accuse him, just ask.

It's obviously weighing on your mind, so might as well ask. 

I agree with this but if me I would have asked in a playful teasing way, something like "hey babe why is there a tampon receipt in your car"???? 😍 LOL  

I mean when you think about it, it IS quite funny, I mean given he's a guy and all.....  why automatically jump to the negative?   Yes you've been cheated on previously but you can CHOOSE to not allow that to infect your current relationship.

If he gets antsy or responds defensively THAT right there might suggest he's hiding something, but you won't get an opportunity to gauge his response if you DON'T ask, again in a playful non-accusatory way.

Sure beats what you're doing -- paranoid, distrustful and waiting for evidence to prove something that may not even be true.  

That is how I conduct my relationships anyway, no walking on eggshells, when something troubles me I SPEAK UP!  In a non-threatening, non-accusatory way.

His response will tell me everything I need to know....

 

4 hours ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I just don't think this would actually stop my anxiety about it and may even feed my compulsive thoughts about it. I should be able to make myself feel better without burdening him, if it's nothing. I think I should just tuck it away at the back of my mind for now. 

See my above response, I fail to see how seeking clarification in a non-accusatory way about something legitimately questionable is "burdening" him.  It's called communicating and it's essential in any healthy relationship.

No judgment but I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a man where I had to squelch my words and feelings like that, no thank you.

In any event, I truly hope you can work it out (within yourself) on your own and with the help of your therapist.

[Cian_Symbol]

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

If he gets antsy or responds defensively THAT right there might suggest he's hiding something, but you won't get an opportunity to gauge his response if you DON'T ask, again in a playful non-accusatory way.

This has previously happened when asked. He comes off very nervous or defensive and what he says has often not made sense. The conversation has to be dropped because it'll stop being lighthearted. He gets defensive when I ask him about innocent things I'm not even suspicious of.  Also, he's not a dummy and he would know why it's being done. You could say that putting on a playful non accusatory affect intentionally is a form of manipulation because then you can deny you're fishing. He presumes I'm thinking he's being shady even when I'm not, which actually makes things worse lol Unfortunately it's too late to do this anyway. edit: also, being defensive doesn't really mean anything to begin with. I used to get defensive in my 20s with someone and it was because I knew he had nothing to worry about, so it made me less supportive. Which was the wrong thing to do and I wouldn't do that again but the point is that hasn't been my experience. My experience has been the best cheaters are the most reassuring and patient. It's more so that something about what they say just doesn't add up or lands flat. They rehearse what they are going to say. I find it more shady when people preemptively feed you something.

 

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

See my above response, I fail to see how seeking clarification in a non-accusatory way about something legitimately questionable is "burdening" him.  It's called communicating and it's essential in any healthy relationship.

My therapist wouldn't agree though. I should be able to regulate myself and to ask your partner for reassurance actually reinforces the habit to where your body craves that feeling of relief. Even him being weird when asked doesn't prove anything anyway so it functions are nothing more than a bandaid. 

 

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

In a non-threatening, non-accusatory way.

I've done everything perfectly here in the past and got clocked anyways, cheaters do not have chill.

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

No judgment but I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a man where I had to squelch my words and feelings like that, no thank you.

You have a really valuable skill not everyone has, unfortunately.

[rainbowsandroses]

27 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

You could say that putting on a playful non accusatory affect intentionally is a form of manipulation because then you can deny you're fishing.

I am not "fishing," I am "communicating."  I am being playful and teasing him because like I said it IS quite funny - that he, a man, would have a tampon receipt in his car.  And I would assume his mum left it or something, I mean it's not like you found a used condom wrapper under the seat or something, it's a damn tampon receipt!  LOL 

I am laughing because IF you trusted him, none of this would be happening in the first place....  and the way in which you ask him makes ALL the difference in the world as to how he responds.

In your case, you said whenever you have asked, he always acts defensively well yes of course if you ask with a suspicious distrustful tone, YES he is going to respond defensively, anyone would in that situation. 

The difference between your approach and mine is that by virtue of my being in a relationship with him, I already trust him. Otherwise I would not have chosen to be in a relationship with him. 

I DON'T need him to "prove" a darn thing.

I 100% disagree with your therapist about this.

Entering into a relationship with someone you do not trust and feeling/believing that they have to "earn" that trust or "prove" to you they are trustworthy is an extremely unhealthy mindset, I am shocked your therapist would recommend this.

When I choose to enter into an exclusive relationship with a man, I trust until and unless he gives me reason not to.  I don't go looking for it, snooping around looking at receipts and credit card numbers, nor am I suspicious waiting for the ball to drop.

And I have been hurt too, I have been cheated on, I have been through hell and back over the years, but I have taken steps and still taking steps to work through it and don't allow whatever has happened to me in my past to infect my current relationship.

Again it IS a choice.

I was going to say "but if you're happy...." but it doesn't appear you are happy, at least not in my opinion from what I have read.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

37 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I should be able to regulate myself and to ask your partner for reassurance actually reinforces the habit to where your body craves that feeling of relief.

I have probably said enough but where did I write that I was seeking  "reassurance"?  The thought never entered my mind.   I already trust him, remember?  There is nothing for me to seek reassurance for.  

 

 

[Cian_Symbol]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I am not "fishing," I am "communicating." 

It can be perceived as fishing what you described.

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I am laughing because IF you trusted him, none of this would be happening in the first place....  and the way in which you ask him makes ALL the difference in the world as to how he responds.

Most people perceive things through their own subjective lenses. If his reaction makes sense based on how I'm behaving to him, then that also applies to how I am reacting to him as well.

But this is a perfect example of why I don't approach him. Because being a stranger on the internet interacting with me through text and without even seeing how I communicate you already assume I have a tone lol 

 

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

The difference between your approach and mine is that by virtue of my being in a relationship with him, I already trust him.  I DON'T need him to "prove" a darn thing.

I 100% disagree with your therapist about this.

Entering into a relationship with someone you do not trust and feeling/believing that they have to "earn" that trust or "prove" to you they are trustworthy is an extremely unhealthy mindset, I am shocked your therapist would recommend this.

I trust until and unless he gives me reason not to.  I don't go looking for it, snooping around looking at receipts and credit card numbers, nor am I suspicious waiting for the ball to drop.

And I have been hurt too, I have been cheated on, I have been through hell and back over the years, but I have taken steps and still taking steps to work through it and don't allow whatever has happened to me in my past to infect my current relationship.

- You probably went through a courting phase where you got to know a person before forming a full attachment to them, whether or not you were conscious of it. That's what my therapist and I am describing. You should not give full trust to a stranger and it doesn't make a person virtuous to do so. It's not just the one therapist, it's many, and many self help groups say this as well. Every person "proves" they are trustworthy. You don't tell your deepest darkest secrets to just anyone right away. It's not appropriate or smart behaviour. You wait until you get a sense of who they are. I have a problem where I trust people and attach too fast and then discover who they really are *after* attachment. You're confusing that process with "snooping". That's a completely different thing. Yes, everyone should wait until someone has demonstrated they are a person of integrity until giving them the ability to hurt them. I thought he was a person of integrity. I have started to see signs now he isn't. My anxiety is traumabased, but me actually believing he may not have integrity isn't.

- I do have reasons for not trusting this person that are specific to him. There are other people in my life currently who I do trust. Both my own projections and legitimate reasons can coexist. 

-Your life experiences are not interchangeable with mine, there may be other invisible factors that impact how we react. Biologically we may process trauma differently. Your way of doing things isn't inherently better, smarter, or more virtuous. 

 

[Cian_Symbol]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I have probably said enough but where did I write that I was seeking  "reassurance"?  The thought never entered my mind.   I already trust him, remember?  There is nothing for me to seek reassurance for.  

 

We were speaking about my situation with my partner. I interpreted something you said as to give me advice to talk to him about it presumably so I stop worrying and you don't understand why I didn't just talk to him. 

[rainbowsandroses]

26 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

You should not give full trust to a stranger and it doesn't make a person virtuous to do so. It's not just the one therapist, it's many, and many self help groups say this as well. Every person "proves" they are trustworthy. You don't tell your deepest darkest secrets to just anyone right away. It's not appropriate or smart behaviour. You wait until you get a sense of who they are. 

I wholeheartedly agree with this!

But if I may ask why are you choosing to be in an exclusive relationship with a stranger?  Someone you don't have a sense of who they are?

Have I missed something?  Surely I must have.

In any event, @Cian_Symbolwe can go round and round until hell freezes over, we are clearly on two entirely different wavelengths, which you know what?  Is OKAY!

Different strokes and all that.

Again, I hope it all works out the way you want, and wish you all the best.

Nite.  😀

 

 

[Cian_Symbol]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I wholeheartedly agree with this!

But if I may ask why are you choosing to be in an exclusive relationship with a stranger?  Someone you don't have a sense of who they are?

Have I missed something?  Surely I must have.

In any event, @Cian_Symbolwe can round and round until hell freezes over, we are clearly on two entirely different wavelengths, which you know what?  Is OKAY!

Different strokes and all that.

Again, I hope it all works out the way you want, and wish you all the best.

Nite.  🙂

 

 

Yeah the sequences of which certain things were said seems to be jumbled and it's hard to circle back to the context within which they were stated.

Take care and thank you for the feedback. 

[Cian_Symbol]

I think there's no real way to properly express what our relationship dynamic is over the internet.

I really appreciate the responses (the ones in good faith, at least) and you've helped me organize my thoughts.

I'm going to continue to try this anxiety medication to take down the emotional aspect. If I can't trust him, I will have to say that his natural personality just triggers my sense of safety, and no one needs to be blamed. I don't need proof.

For the receipt thing, I'll just remember it and make a note to myself just in case but try not to think about it. I can just tell him I've been worrying about it a lot if I feel it's an appropriate time. If anything else shows up, it'll happen organically and I'll deal with it then.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Cian_Symbol said:

.My therapist wouldn't agree though. I should be able to regulate myself and to ask your partner for reassurance actually reinforces the habit to where your body craves that feeling of relief. Even him being weird when asked doesn't prove anything anyway so it functions are nothing more than a bandaid. 

Does your therapist know about the anxiety, obsessions and paranoia? It doesn't seem like a happy healthy way to live. Even though you were cheated on and now you believe your BF is acting shady, this receipt episode won't prove much. 

[Maurie Smith]

I think the best thing to do is talk it out with him and ask him to be as calm as possible. I would confront my man when I had doubts about things, and it actually worked. I hope you can settle that. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

3 hours ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I just don't feel like when I have spoken to him about my feelings he has fully been present. There's sort of an underlying defensiveness and avoidance and what exactly is bothering me gets warped, and I find the whole process exhausting, upsetting, and a lot of people do something akin to this.

This would be a deal breaker for me. If I’m trying to ask questions or explain myself and my partner is being dismissive… c’ya. 
 

Maybe you need to do the same. Stop making this out to be some Sherlock Holmes investigation, and instead maybe it’s just a guy who isn’t emotionally available and that’s a deal breaker for you.