ADVICE! Tampon receipt passenger side of boyfriend's car

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I don't mind the drinking and stuff. He may have been sober at that time.

I just think it's super messed up to send a photo of an escort card in your room and caption it "want an escort" to your gf who was basically trafficked, is super involved in charity for trafficking, is nervous about cheating with escorts and just had a relationship with someone who cheated with them and has asked you not make jokes about the sex industry.

No, he explained it. He said he would avoid triggers in the future and has been but he said that before this occured too. Then when it really mattered he dropped the ball. But he did not technically apologize. But changed behaviour is good but it may be too late. I'm on meds again as a direct result of this event. 

Well no he had done this sort of thing before, right? Look -I used to get very very triggered by any mention of - sorry if TMI -vomiting.  Now I still get slightly triggered but not as bad.  So my husband who I've known many years knows not to do that and also in the distant past used to warn me if a movie or show had that reference -if he knew.  Obviously this was a trigger based on -a phobia of many years -and I own that it was a phobia -an extreme reaction -more than the average person -but since it's not a pleasant topic of discussion anyway I felt comfortable asking him not to talk about it if at all possible - so if he'd joked about it or made the -noises - I mean sure I'd have felt completely disrespected. 

I realize your trigger is based on a real and traumatic experience (where mine started from being sick a few times but obviously most people experience that and are not traumatized) or experiences and I am very sorry you went through that - awful!. 

 

But give me a break is it too much to ask a man who cares for you not to mention those sorts of subjects - it's not like he needs to to function in daily life! Sorry the whole thing you described really upsets me -on your behalf.  

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Edit: he is going on another trip to Japan and said he is shaving his body in case he goes to a bath house. He's going with a newly single friend who drinks heavily and very sociable when doing so. I am extremely nervous about this next trip and I find it hard to share in his excitement but I try.

I must be culturally ignorant - why is body hair is not ok for a bath house?  If you trust him it doesn't matter what his buddy does.

[Tinydance]

OK so there is a lot to unpack here....One thing that's really important in a relationship is dating people who match you very well and who align with your own beliefs and values. Some people whose beliefs and values don't align with ours aren't good or bad. They are just different to us. For example, I'm female and I don't have a problem with my partner going to a bachelor party or going to the strippers. I don't have a problem with my partner watching porn.

However I haven't been sexually assaulted per se or been a victim of sex trafficking or cheated on and things like that. If your partner going to a bachelor party is a big trigger to you and you would prefer a guy who declined going to the party, then your boyfriend is not that guy. I have been to a bachelorette/hens party where a bunch of women went out to bars to drink and went to a male strip show. I was a guest at the party so I went to those things. But I didn't have sex with a stripper. I think just because your boyfriend went away for the bachelor party doesn't automatically mean he cheated. Maybe he was just drinking and getting high. Again I don't know what he was doing there because I wasn't there. But if you prefer a guy who wouldn't drink or get high, again this guy is not it.

I understand you've been through past trauma and that's good you are doing therapy. However you actually do sound really suspicious and like you're constantly looking for reasons that your boyfriend cheated. I don't think it's normal that you look at his credit card numbers, I have never done that! I've never looked at anyone's credit card numbers. It never even crossed my mind. I've never looked at anyone's receipts either. That's because I was never suspicious so I didn't care what my partner spent their money on. 

The way you're going about this situation is really bizarre. You're checking receipts and credit card numbers but your boyfriend isn't a criminal and you a detective. This is meant to be your partner so you could just ask why he bought tampons. Or maybe it was someone else who bought them like his mother, sister or friend. If he was cheating I doubt he'd just leave the receipt in the car. Cheaters usually try to hide the evidence.

You're saying he just denies things or gets defensive. But in your post and comments you sound accusatory. If he hasn't done anything and you accuse him then I would get defensive too. Like, if he went to Vegas for example and you were like: "You had sex with a stripper/escort" but he hasn't, isn't it a natural response to get defensive?

It really seems to me that you're already looking for evidence that he's cheating to begin with. That's why you're checking receipts and credit card numbers. That's not normal behaviour by the way. And if you're always looking for evidence of something then in your mind everything IS evidence.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Cian_Symbol said:

So this whole thing really started when he went away for a bachelor trip to Vegas. 

He was drunk/high and sent me photos of those escort cards and said his friend were collecting them. In general he makes a lot of escort/stripper jokes...

1 hour ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I just think it's super messed up to send a photo of an escort card in your room and caption it "want an escort" to your gf who was basically trafficked, is super involved in charity for trafficking...

^^Oh my lord, @Cian_SymbolI was hesitant to point fingers at your boyfriend but make no mistake, he is a bona fide GOON.

In addition to that, he does not sound like a man who has a whole lot of respect for you, or even a little.  Does he think you're a frat buddy or something?  Is he on the autism spectrum?  I mean come on!

I struggle with understanding why and how two people of such opposites extremes seem to attract each other.  It's uncanny how often it happens.

But him being the way HE is and you being the way YOU are, this is not going to end well, you are the very definition of "oil and water," and DO NOT mix.

And in the meantime, due to this mis-match, your toxic past experiences and his utter lack of awareness (social and otherwise) and inability to see beyond his own shadow, your anxiety will continue to exist and skyrocket.

Please consider just walking out, forever.  He is not good for you.  For another woman without your history perhaps, but for you with your anxiety and history and who actually wants and needs to be loved, cherished and respected, NO.

Not in my opinion anyway....

When your own boyfriend causes you to seek medication for anxiety, it's time to get rid of the boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cian_Symbol]

46 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I must be culturally ignorant - why is body hair is not ok for a bath house?  If you trust him it doesn't matter what his buddy does.

I think the idea is that he doesn't want to be stared at? But I just have this really bad ick feeling I can't shake. 

Yeah but the company you keep sort of gives a hint of who you are when the ladies aren't around to spoil your fun. It's very evident that the wives aren't allowed at boys night. That's not a thing I have much experience with.  

21 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

You're saying he just denies things or gets defensive. But in your post and comments you sound accusatory. If he hasn't done anything and you accuse him then I would get defensive too. Like, if he went to Vegas for example and you were like: "You had sex with a stripper/escort" but he hasn't, isn't it a natural response to get defensive?

It really seems to me that you're already looking for evidence that he's cheating to begin with. That's why you're checking receipts and credit card numbers. That's not normal behaviour by the way. And if you're always looking for evidence of something then in your mind everything IS evidence.

Whoa I never said I accused him of anything in vegas.

When he got home I said him sending me the photo triggered a trauma episode and I needed some time to calm down. That's it. I was very reassuring and tender about it. I asked if he remembered a few things i told him and he said yes and I told him how it made me feel. I was very non accusatory but I did stand up for my boundaries. I don't think I ever suggested anything like being worried he cheated with an escort. Theres a reason for that though I can't share. I feel like I could have been a lot harsher in my approach but I'm proud of how I handled it.

As someone who has had close stripper friends, and it being a terrible time, I'm not just worried about him cheating. He was informed I was actively against the sex industry (not all things but most things). It was up to him to then decide if he wanted to pursue a relationship. All my partners are told this before we even have sex.

 

[Cian_Symbol]

11 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^Oh my lord, @Cian_SymbolI was hesitant to point fingers at your boyfriend but make no mistake, he is a bona fide GOON.

In addition to that, he does not sound like a man who has a whole lot of respect for you, or even a little.  Does he think you're a frat buddy or something?  Is he on the autism spectrum?  I mean come on!

I struggle with understanding why and how two people of such opposites extremes seem to attract each other.  It's uncanny how often it happens.

But him being the way HE is and you being the way YOU are, this is not going to end well, you are the very definition of "oil and water," and DO NOT mix.

And in the meantime, due to this mis-match, your toxic past experiences and his utter lack of awareness and inability to see beyond his own shadow, your anxiety will continue to exist and skyrocket.

Please consider just walking out, forever.  He is not good for you.  For another woman without your history, your anxiety and who actually wants and needs to be loved, cherished and respected, NO.

Not in my opinion anyway....

 

 

 

 

Yeah, exactly!  He started to, as you astutely observed, sort of talk like a frat boy to me. He's stopped though but I still know he's that guy. He goes into that mode when his friends are around. They have raunchy humour which I do like, but it just feels like it isn't all fun and games when it comes to women. Again, I'd be ok with it if I didn't associate being "that guy" with being untrustworthy. 

I think this whole talking about our business is actually a worse betrayal than looking at the receipts. So I should stop while I'm behind. Thanks everyone. 

[Tinydance]

9 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I think the idea is that he doesn't want to be stared at? But I just have this really bad ick feeling I can't shake. 

Yeah but the company you keep sort of gives a hint of who you are when the ladies aren't around to spoil your fun. It's very evident that the wives aren't allowed at boys night. That's not a thing I have much experience with.  

Whoa I never said I accused him of anything in vegas.

When he got home I said him sending me the photo triggered a trauma episode and I needed some time to calm down. That's it. I was very reassuring and tender about it. I asked if he remembered a few things i told him and he said yes and I told him how it made me feel. I was very non accusatory but I did stand up for my boundaries. I don't think I ever suggested anything like being worried he cheated with an escort. Theres a reason for that though I can't share. I feel like I could have been a lot harsher in my approach but I'm proud of how I handled it.

As someone who has had close stripper friends, and it being a terrible time, I'm not just worried about him cheating. He was informed I was actively against the sex industry (not all things but most things). It was up to him to then decide if he wanted to pursue a relationship. All my partners are told this before we even have sex.

 

Yes that's fine and you are allowed your boundaries but he doesn't HAVE to follow them. When people set those boundaries, the boundaries are about them. For example if I don't want to date a smoker and I start seeing someone who is a smoker. I can't say to them: "Hey you know my boundary is no smokers so you will have to quit". They were already a smoker so if I don't like it I shouldn't date them. If he has single male party boy friends then do you expect him to dump all those friends? This is his life, these people are his friends. If you're worried about the "company he keeps" then don't date him. You have particular standards of who you want to date due to your past trauma. If his friends or lifestyle don't match what you want then don't be with him. You are acting very high maintenance expecting him to tiptoe around the fact that you have certain past traumas and expectations. It's not his fault and it's actually up to you to work on it in therapy.

[Cian_Symbol]

6 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Yes that's fine and you are allowed your boundaries but he doesn't HAVE to follow them. When people set those boundaries, the boundaries are about them. For example if I don't want to date a smoker and I start seeing someone who is a smoker. I can't say to them: "Hey you know my boundary is no smokers so you will have to quit". They were already a smoker so if I don't like it I shouldn't date them. If he has single male party boy friends then do you expect him to dump all those friends? This is his life, these people are his friends. If you're worried about the "company he keeps" then don't date him. You have particular standards of who you want to date due to your past trauma. If his friends or lifestyle don't match what you want then don't be with him. You are acting very high maintenance expecting him to tiptoe around the fact that you have certain past traumas and expectations. It's not his fault and it's actually up to you to work on it in therapy.

Yes it is. But I informed him before we dated all that stuff. I was extremely explicit about the sex trauma. 

If you say no smokers and they *conceal* they are smokers until after you fall in love with them, and then begin to smoke in front of you, that is deceptiveness and fraud and they are hoping to leverage your feelings to keep you with them hoping that you will change. You can't shame someone like me then to be different. I can be high maintenance all I want, I'm very up front in my beliefs.

If I say no smokers and they know they smoke, but I don't, and they date me anyways that implies they aren't smokers. It's up to them to either tell me or walk away.

[Jaunty]

You just keep adding more examples of why it's quite strange that you have chosen to be with this guy.  You are so incompatible.  He needs to be with someone who is okay with his traveling, clubbing, hair removal, tampon buying, etc.  You need someone who is not into that stuff.  

[Cian_Symbol]

3 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

You just keep adding more examples of why it's quite strange that you have chosen to be with this guy.  You are so incompatible.  He needs to be with someone who is okay with his traveling, clubbing, hair removal, tampon buying, etc.  You need someone who is not into that stuff.  

Lol yeah, you right. I didn't know though.

[rainbowsandroses]

7 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

If I say no smokers and they know they smoke, but I don't, and they date me anyways that implies they aren't smokers. It's up to them to either tell me or walk away.

Would not it also be up to YOU to walk away once you discovered they were, in fact, a smoker?

I understand you love him, but self-love is equally important.  And when a person loves themselves first (which imo they should), upon learning they have been lied to and deceived, it's up to them (the deceived person, in this case YOU) to walk away.

Do you agree with this?  Or not agree?

 

 

[Tinydance]

2 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Yes it is. But I informed him before we dated all that stuff. I was extremely explicit about the sex trauma. 

If you say no smokers and they *conceal* they are smokers until after you fall in love with them, and then begin to smoke in front of you, that is deceptiveness and fraud and they are hoping to leverage your feelings to keep you with them hoping that you will change.

If I say no smokers and they know they smoke, but I don't, and they date me anyways that implies they aren't smokers. It's up to them to either tell me or walk away.

Well what exactly are you expecting him to do? Like I'm just trying to understand what behaviours you expect from him? Like for example if he's out with friends and they talking about strippers or go to the strippers, he's not allowed to mention it? Like, he needs to censor sexual subjects of that nature? I'm genuinely just trying to understand what the expectations actually are and in what way you believe he violated them.

I could be wrong but to me it seemed like the escort thing was a stupid comment like: "My buddies want to get escorts" when he was drunk and high. I understand you thought he was insensitive but maybe he accidentally didn't realise? I mean, I don't think he was saying HE wanted to get an escort? 

I'm actually not seeing signs that he's doing something specifically wrong except he has single friends who talk crudely. But I mean, they are guys. And before you jump on the whole don't excuse it on "boys will be boys." I do talk to my best female friend like: "Ooohh check out that hot guy." It's a natural thing to do that and if his friends are single they're allowed to talk like that. Do you want him to just leave so he's not part of those conversations?

[Tinydance]

7 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Lol yeah, you right. I didn't know though.

I don't think he deceived you. You told him that you have trauma about cheating, sex trafficking and so on. He isn't cheating on you (that you know of), he isn't using escorts. He has single friends who are horn dogs or whatever but he's got no control over what they're saying or doing because they can do whatever they want. He didn't deceive you. You want a guy who is very "straight laced" and he's not. That's not to say that when you met him, he was like: "Hey I'm a good boy who doesn't go out, drink or get high." He didn't lie to you. This is just who he is and you don't like it.

[Cian_Symbol]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

Would not it also be up to YOU to walk away once you discovered they were, in fact, a smoker?

I understand you love him, but self-love is equally important.  And when a person loves themselves first, upon learning they have been lied to and deceived (for their partner to gain leverage of all things), it's up to them (the deceived person in this case YOU) to walk away.

Do you agree with this?  Or not agree?

 

 

That's what this thread is part of the process of doing. He said a few weeks ago he would try harder so I decided to give it a chance. But I am worried it's a mask and he may be a cheater.

 

Just now, Tinydance said:

Well what exactly are you expecting him to do? Like I'm just trying to understand what behaviours you expect from him? Like for example if he's out with friends and they talking about strippers or go to the strippers, he's not allowed to mention it? Like, he needs to censor sexual subjects of that nature? I'm genuinely just trying to understand what the expectations actually are and in what way you believe he violated them.

I could be wrong but to me it seemed like the escort thing was a stupid comment like: "My buddies want to get escorts" when he was drunk and high. I understand you thought he was insensitive but maybe he accidentally didn't realise? I mean, I don't think he was saying HE wanted to get an escort? 

I'm actually not seeing signs that he's doing something specifically wrong except he has single friends who talk crudely. But I mean, they are guys. And before you jump on the whole don't excuse it on "boys will be boys." I do talk to my best female friend like: "Ooohh check out that hot guy." It's a natural thing to do that and if his friends are single they're allowed to talk like that. Do you want him to just leave so he's not part of those conversations?

They are allowed to be however they want but I am also allowed to not date them.

I'm not going to justify why sexual content isn't the same as sex industry glorification.

I expected when I told him explicitly my beliefs that he, knowing himself, would decline to be involved or would be authentic in his behaviours so I could make an informed decision about if we were compatible and not wear a mask for months and then actively do things to trigger me when he knew they would and were. It may be hard for you to understand but yes any mention of prostitution triggers ptsd for me and it is automatic and not my fault either. There's a reason I was single and not looking. 

 

And most guys I've dated don't behave how you described and therefore don't trigger me. 

[Cian_Symbol]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I don't think he deceived you. You told him that you have trauma about cheating, sex trafficking and so on. He isn't cheating on you (that you know of), he isn't using escorts. He has single friends who are horn dogs or whatever but he's got no control over what they're saying or doing because they can do whatever they want. He didn't deceive you. You want a guy who is very "straight laced" and he's not. That's not to say that when you met him, he was like: "Hey I'm a good boy who doesn't go out, drink or get high." He didn't lie to you. This is just who he is and you don't like it.

Uh...he definitely augmented his behaviour and admitted to doing that. 

I'm allowed to want a straight laced guy. I said the type of guy I can't work with before we dated. 

You don't seem to understand how ptsd works.  

I told him a scenario that upset me and a week later did the exact same thing. That is still a betrayal of trust. You have a responsibility not to hurt people you get close to. 

If you date someone who is a war vet, and they tell you fireworks trigger them, if you then set off fireworks in front of them, which is a normal behaviour for most people, you are still betraying their trust. 

There's nothing herently wrong with lighting fireworks. 

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Uh...he definitely augmented his behaviour and admitted to doing that. 

I'm allowed to want a straight laced guy. I said the type of guy I can't work with before we dated. 

You don't seem to understand how ptsd works.  

I told him a scenario that upset me and a week later did the exact same thing. That is still a betrayal of trust. You have a responsibility not to hurt people you get close to. 

If you date someone who is a war vet, and they tell you fireworks trigger them, if you then set off fireworks in front of them, which is a normal behaviour for most people, you are still betraying their trust. 

 

I do understand how PTSD works. I have a psychology degree and I worked as a mental health and disability worker for ten years. I truly am sorry that you have PTSD and I know it's very hard. However you are making your boyfriend walk on eggshells in case you get triggered. It's not your fault you have PTSD, I would guess it's the fault of the cheaters and people who abused you. But he is not the person who abused you and yet he's being very heavily projected on from your traumas.

He isn't cheating on you or using sex work but you expect him to heavily sensor everything he says or does. He also has zero control over what his friends say or do. If you expect him to dump his friends then that would be a stupid move on his part. You are already thinking of ending it with him so if he got rid of them, he'd lose both you and his friends.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but your PTSD is about YOU. He doesn't need to alter his life or watch his every word for you in case he accidentally says something about strippers or something along those lines. I don't think he lied to you. You explained your triggers to him and he's not trying to trigger you deliberately. This is just his life and that's his friends and what they do. I really don't think he's the right guy for you. You're dating the wrong person. By the way a lot of guys will watch porn or discuss sexual things. Women do too.

[Cian_Symbol]

13 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I do understand how PTSD works. I have a psychology degree and I worked as a mental health and disability worker for ten years. I truly am sorry that you have PTSD and I know it's very hard. However you are making your boyfriend walk on eggshells in case you get triggered. It's not your fault you have PTSD, I would guess it's the fault of the cheaters and people who abused you. But he is not the person who abused you and yet he's being very heavily projected on from your traumas.

He isn't cheating on you or using sex work but you expect him to heavily sensor everything he says or does. He also has zero control over what his friends say or do. If you expect him to dump his friends then that would be a stupid move on his part. You are already thinking of ending it with him so if he got rid of them, he'd lose both you and his friends.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but your PTSD is about YOU. He doesn't need to alter his life or watch his every word for you in case he accidentally says something about strippers or something along those lines. I don't think he lied to you. You explained your triggers to him and he's not trying to trigger you deliberately. This is just his life and that's his friends and what they do. I really don't think he's the right guy for you. You're dating the wrong person. By the way a lot of guys will watch porn or discuss sexual things. Women do too.

Yes, I am also very sexual in my humour. Idk why you're bringing porn up at all because sure I didn't.  You are exaggerating my behaviours. I specifically told him about *those* escort cards in vegas. I told him my dentist brought those cards up and was joking about it and it upset me. Then a few weeks later he does the exact same thing. It was so specific so this idea that my requirements are these wide ranging nets I cast over everything he does is false. And it doesn't matter whether what he did was "wrong" it matters how it made me feel in terms of my trust in general. I have said I am in therapy, and I have begun to take medication. 

I haven't actually said he does anything "wrong" once except for maybe the vegas thing. Just that he possesses traits that cause me, with my speific history, to feel unsafe. And as others have said, it's just a compatibility issue and no one is to blame...including me.

What a silly thing to argue about.

Agree to disagree. I think if you get close to someone who has been hurt by prostitution, cheating, whatever it is, you shouldn't make jokes about those things to them directly.

They are *trusting* you to not take advantage of your close proximity to them emotionally in a way that sets them back in recovery. He knew I was actively in recovery and vulnerable.

It doesn't matter though I feel how I feel and I felt I had placed trust in him to be sensitive during that trip, which I asked for, and he let me down.

 

Again, as a trauma specialist, if i love a person with ptsd from combat, and they say specifically that setting off fireworks triggers an episode, if I care about them I won't set off fireworks around them like a week later. If that person then starts to mistrust you in general partially because of that AND because of their heightened trauma induced response, that is perfectly understandable. But the person who set off the fireworks is still responsible for their own behaviour as well. They could have also gone and set off fireworks somewhere else.

 

Edit: and I *have* caught him in white lies. I didnt point them out so he's not "walking on eggshells" but they happened. But that's not a huge deal in itself it just another trait of his that causes me to feel unsafe.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Yes, I am also very sexual in my humour. Idk why you're bringing porn up at all because sure I didn't.  You are exaggerating my behaviours. I specifically told him about *those* escort cards in vegas. I told him my dentist brought those cards up and was joking about it and it upset me. Then a few weeks later he does the exact same thing. It was so specific so this idea that my requirements are these wide ranging nets I cast over everything he does is false. And it doesn't matter whether what he did was "wrong" it matters how it made me feel in terms of my trust in general. I have said I am in therapy, and I have begun to take medication. 

I haven't actually said he does anything "wrong" once except for maybe the vegas thing. Just that he possesses traits that cause me, with my speific history, to feel unsafe. And as others have said, it's just a compatibility issue and no one is to blame...including me.

What a silly thing to argue about.

Agree to disagree. I think if you get close to someone who has been hurt by prostitution, cheating, whatever it is, you shouldn't make jokes about those things to them directly.

They are *trusting* you to not take advantage of your close proximity to them emotionally in a way that sets them back in recovery. He knew I was actively in recovery and vulnerable.

It doesn't matter though I feel how I feel and I felt I had placed trust in him to be sensitive during that trip, which I asked for, and he let me down.

 

Again, as a trauma specialist, if i love a person with ptsd from combat, and they say specifically that setting off fireworks triggers an episode, if I care about them I won't set off fireworks around them like a week later. If that person then starts to mistrust you in general partially because of that AND because of their heightened trauma induced response, that is perfectly understandable. But the person who set off the fireworks is still responsible for their own behaviour as well. They could have also gone and set off fireworks somewhere else.

But the problem is everything seems to be setting you off. You are very suspicious. You have no idea at all why he has that tampon receipt in his car and if it's even his receipt. You are memorising his credit card numbers and looking at his parents' receipts. I find it hard to believe that his parents have all these receipts lying around. You must have gone looking for them? I don't think it's acceptable to go through his car or his parents belongings. Also you said you've been together for a few months so it's not like he's your husband. So you actually don't have an entitlement to know his spending history, see his receipts, why he bought something. Your behaviours and thinking patterns aren't healthy. You're saying he has responsibility to respect your triggers but what about your responsibility to be working on your issues? It goes both ways.

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

 I am worried it's a mask and he may be a cheater.

Why worry about cheating?  He's already shown you he's an immature insensitive jerk. That's not a mask, it's who he is.

Yet you stick around allowing yourself to be "triggered". Why are you doing this to yourself? 

[Cian_Symbol]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

But the problem is everything seems to be setting you off. You are very suspicious. You have no idea at all why he has that tampon receipt in his car and if it's even his receipt. You are memorising his credit card numbers and looking at his parents' receipts. I find it hard to believe that his parents have all these receipts lying around. You must have gone looking for them? I don't think it's acceptable to go through his car or his parents belongings. Also you said you've been together for a few months so it's not like he's your husband. So you actually don't have an entitlement to know his spending history, see his receipts, why he bought something. Your behaviours and thinking patterns aren't healthy. You're saying he has responsibility to respect your triggers but what about your responsibility to be working on your issues? It goes both ways.

Omg lol

Yes it does go both ways. When I met him I was in therapy 3 times a week paying out of pocket. When I was being actively beaten I was in daily therapy because I chose to be for my "paranoia" and they told me I wasn't crazy, and that I was being abused lol I have done way too much "taking responsibility". All I have ever asked of him was to not bring up prostitution in an insensitive manner. I'm being very vulnerable in sharing that with you guys too.

I didn't go through his car. It was under my feet when I was going on a road trip.

His parents had a pile of receipts on the counter. Idk why. I glanced at one.

I do not remember his credit card number. I remembered 4 digits of the one on the receipt

 

I suspect no one who said I was accusatory is going to say anything about literally being called a liar. But it's OK, it's fine. 

 

[Cian_Symbol]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why worry about cheating?  He's already shown you he's an immature insensitive jerk. That's not a mask, it's who he is.

Yet you stick around allowing yourself to be "triggered". Why are you doing this to yourself? 

Probably because I care too much about what people like tinydance say.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Omg lol

Yes it does goes both ways. When I met him I was in therapy 3 times a week paying out of pocket. When I was being actively beaten I was in daily therapy because I chose to be for my "paranoia" and they told me I wasn't crazy, and that I was being abused lol I have done way too much "taking responsibility". All I have ever asked of him was to bring up prostitution in an insensitive manner.

I didn't go through his car. It was under my feet when I was going on a road trip.

His parents had a pile of receipts on the counter. Idk why. I glanced at one.

I do not remember his credit card number. I remembered 4 digits of the one on the receipt

 

Yes you do have to take responsibility! You can simply ask him why he has this receipt. At this stage you have no idea at all why or how he has it. You just don't trust him by default to begin with. Maybe you don't trust any men, I don't know. Your feelings are valid because you've gone through trauma but you are taking it out on him. Why assume he's a cheater when you literally have no idea! If you're accusing someone of something you need evidence. The tampon receipt isn't evidence. It's not like you found women's panties there.

[LootieTootie]

So I read this and it's painful.

If a relationship is this new and there's already a strong undercurrent, its just not worth it. 

When a grown man still acts like a frat boy and has little regard for your feelings, please know he does NOT hold you in high regards. 

Kick him to the curb and keep working on you. This guy isn't good for your mental health. & I am so sorry what you went thru. 😟 

 

 

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, LootieTootie said:

So I read this and it's painful.

If a relationship is this new and there's already a strong undercurrent, its just not worth it. 

When a grown man still acts like a frat boy and has little regard for your feelings, please know he does NOT hold you in high regards. 

Kick him to the curb and keep working on you. This guy isn't good for your mental health. & I am so sorry what you went thru. 😟 

 

 

 But she actually said she has sexual humour too? It's just very confusing because she has very specific requirements like "don't mention sex work" but sexual humour seems OK? It's difficult when someone needs to be careful and sensor what they say. He did go on the trip to Vegas because it was a bachelor party. If he goes to Vegas all the time then that would be different.

[Cian_Symbol]

1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

Yes you do have to take responsibility! You can simply ask him why he has this receipt. At this stage you have no idea at all why or how he has it. You just don't trust him by default to begin with. Maybe you don't trust any men, I don't know. Your feelings are valid because you've gone through trauma but you are taking it out on him. Why assume he's a cheater when you literally have no idea! If you're accusing someone of something you need evidence. The tampon receipt isn't evidence. It's not like you found women's panties there.

I've heard all this logic before when I was with the guy who literally ruined my life. I feel I've already covered this stuff.

There are men I trust. It isn't a sexism thing but im not surprised youre playing the misandry card based on the other things you said. The women who participated in the affairs I've seen are pretty bad themselves.