Why do girls only choose losers and refuse a wonderful man like me?

[Bene20]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I've found the best way to get what I want is to ask.

I read this somewhere: "A winner is just a loser who tried one more time." Just because one young lady said no doesn't mean ALL of them will say no.

Are there any young ladies you've seen recently that you like? 

Well, if I had a dollar every time a girl said no to me I'd be a millionaire by now. It feels like all girls say no to me, even at school when I try to approach a girl she just ignores me or she says she has a boyfriend. There's this girl I've noticed recently, she's really pretty but she's always in a group with other girls and when she's alone I'm afraid that if I go after her I'd get rejected and humiliated infront of everyone.

[Bene20]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Nope. I can’t give more input. You seem focused on venting. I’m not comfortable responding in that way. Definitely don’t wait. Be proactive and do the inner work to change your mindset as I suggested. What activities do you do? Do you do any volunteer work ? You never responded to my other questions. I’m not going to validate your anger. Sorry. 

I'm not focused on venting. I've tried everything and nothing has worked, I've been lonely for far too long and I'm just tired of this situation. It frustrates me to be 20 without a girlfriend, without love and without sex. I don't want to change my mindset because my mindset is the one who's realistic. I do some volunteering work at a pet shelter. I also play a sport I won't specify. What are those other questions you want to know?

[Seraphim]

I met my husband when he was 20. He was truly sweet and humble , intelligent, just incredibly sweet and had gorgeous blue eyes. I could tell he was a good person . Where the outer qualities considered ? Yes. He had to have the inner qualities though. 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

 Should I keep waiting and waiting and getting zero results?

That's exactly what you're doing by expecting girls to ask you out.  And engaging in an incels pity party. 

[Bene20]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

I met my husband when he was 20. He was truly sweet and humble , intelligent, just incredibly sweet and had gorgeous blue eyes. I could tell he was a good person . Where the outer qualities considered ? Yes. He had to have the inner qualities though. 

You're just proving my point. You only noticed your current husband because of his gorgeous blue eyes and good-looking face. You never would've noticed your husband if he was ugly.

[Seraphim]

Just now, Bene20 said:

You're just proving my point. You only noticed your current husband because of his gorgeous blue eyes and good-looking face. You never would've noticed your husband if he was ugly.

No , his sweetness stood out to me the most . Now we are later 50’s and do we look like we did at 20, well, no, but there is an enduring love there . 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Bene20 said:

You're just proving my point. You only noticed your current husband because of his gorgeous blue eyes and good-looking face. You never would've noticed your husband if he was ugly.

But you're not ugly. You said you're a perfect physical specimen.

I met my husband when he was 20. He had never kissed a girl and he was in a rock band.

[Bene20]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's exactly what you're doing by expecting girls to ask you out.  And engaging in an incels pity party. 

Well, if I have to make the first move then what do I do if she says no? Keep asking girls until one says yes? This seems pathetic.

[Bene20]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

But you're not ugly. You said you're a perfect physical specimen.

I met my husband when he was 20. He had never kissed a girl and he was in a rock band.

I am the perfect physical specimen but girls still don't want me for whatever reason. Girls rather go for men for are clearly not as good as me. 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Bene20 said:

Well, if I have to make the first move then what do I do if she says no? Keep asking girls until one says yes? This seems pathetic.

Yup, you ask other ones . My husband asked me out . He was so nervous he could barely get the question out but I said , yes. 

[boltnrun]

It's ironic that you state you don't know why girls don't go for you, then immediately follow that with an off-putting statement. 

You also ignored that my husband was 20 years old when he got his first kiss (from me). But that doesn't align with your narrative.

Oh, it's "anecdotal". 

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, Bene20 said:

I'm M20 and have had absolutely no luck in the world of dating and women, even though I'm the perfect guy with very good qualities. Girls should desire me and want me. I am the epitome of perfection! I am absolutely fabulous yet somehow, I still find myself on the sidelines while other guys who are not as good as me have more girls and are doing very well in the dating world. I can’t understand why girls are so blind and always choose jerks and losers? I’m such a nice and respectful guy, I treat everyone with kindness and I treat women with respect! Why they never choose me? I’m better than all those losers and jerks. I always ask myself this question and don't understand why I'm not successful with girls. I'm 20 and I know younger guys who have lots of girls while I've never had one. It's really frustrating. I need advice and maybe someone who understands me or is in the same situation as me.

I am going to be brutally blunt - the moment I read the first three sentences I was immediately put off, big time.  I can see exactly why you have no girls going after you, and by the way you continue bragging and thinking you're god's gift to women, you'll be alone for a very very very long time.  No amount of your perceived "perfection" will work if the personality doesn't match.  Humble?  I see zero of that.

Try an attitude change and you might get lucky, eventually.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Bene20 said:

 my family asks me every week if I have a girlfriend and the answer is always NO. You can't expect me to not be furious when I'm all alone 

Do you live at home? Why are your parents involved in your dating life? 

Therapy could help you deprogramming from incels brainwashing, self-pity, entitlement and also provide some insight into your frustration. It may help with self esteem and the compensatory conceited boasting which in itself explains why girls recoil from you. 

[Andrina]

Have you ever had a woman or several women as platonic friends, such as in high school, or college, or in present day? If not, perhaps something you're doing that you're not aware of is off-putting. Perhaps you stare too intently or have a scowl on your face. If you do in fact presently have any female friends, ask them to be honest with you about what they think is the problem--constructive criticism. If you have any male friends, ask the same. If you don't have any friends, perhaps you can find ways to practice social skills. Behavioral cognitive therapy. The Rotary Club. A masonic organization. If you have no friends, that would be a red flag to a woman, so work on building some friendships and if your hobby is male-centric, also choose an extra hobby that women gravitate towards.

Being envious of others builds nothing but bitterness. Think of the goals you need to achieve and concrete things you can do to achieve them. As said, ask others of your age their opinion because you're too close to the situation to be objective.

[yogacat]

Eegah.

Judgmental of others while placing yourself on an impossible pedestal. Why do you think nicer guys finish last? Being "nice" is the bare minimum, and it’s not enough to make someone want to date you.

As you may have already learned, being a "nice guy" doesn't guarantee success in dating. In fact, the term "nice guy" has a negative connotation in the dating world because it often refers to men who are only nice to women as a means to an end. Women can sense this insincerity and often find it unattractive. 

Try to understand what is so frickin' awesome about you if you are awesome.  

Actually, let me rephrase that. You ARE awesome in your own way, but you don't have to be everything to everyone. Try to dial down the chutzpah and focus more on building genuine connections with people. 

[Bene20]

1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

I am going to be brutally blunt - the moment I read the first three sentences I was immediately put off, big time.  I can see exactly why you have no girls going after you, and by the way you continue bragging and thinking you're god's gift to women, you'll be alone for a very very very long time.  No amount of your perceived "perfection" will work if the personality doesn't match.  Humble?  I see zero of that.

Try an attitude change and you might get lucky, eventually.

Well, if that's your opinion.

[Jaunty]

You don’t need a woman.  You’ve already got the perfect person for you - yourself.  

[Bene20]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you live at home? Why are your parents involved in your dating life? 

Therapy could help you deprogramming from incels brainwashing, self-pity, entitlement and also provide some insight into your frustration. It may help with self esteem and the compensatory conceited boasting which in itself explains why girls recoil from you. 

My parents aren't involved in my dating life, they ask me because they are interested in whether I have a girlfriend at the age of 20 like all the others I know. My cousin has a girlfriend and he's 18. Damn I wonder how he did that at the age of 18! It's really frustrating because my cousin also often accuses me of being gay. He is joking most of the times but it really makes me hate him and his girlfriend.

[Bene20]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

Have you ever had a woman or several women as platonic friends, such as in high school, or college, or in present day? If not, perhaps something you're doing that you're not aware of is off-putting. Perhaps you stare too intently or have a scowl on your face. If you do in fact presently have any female friends, ask them to be honest with you about what they think is the problem--constructive criticism. If you have any male friends, ask the same. If you don't have any friends, perhaps you can find ways to practice social skills. Behavioral cognitive therapy. The Rotary Club. A masonic organization. If you have no friends, that would be a red flag to a woman, so work on building some friendships and if your hobby is male-centric, also choose an extra hobby that women gravitate towards.

Being envious of others builds nothing but bitterness. Think of the goals you need to achieve and concrete things you can do to achieve them. As said, ask others of your age their opinion because you're too close to the situation to be objective.

I have few male friends but no female friends at all! I honestly don't see what's wrong with being envious, especially when everyone's doing what you wish to be doing. It's easy for others to give advice when they got what you want. I am see myself as magnetic charm. Maybe I am too much for girls to handle? I guess it's the natural consequence of radiating such magnetic charm. 

 

[Bene20]

11 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

You don’t need a woman.  You’ve already got the perfect person for you - yourself.  

Is that supposed to be a joke? I don't want to be with myself, I want to be with a girl that appreciates me and loves me for who I am.

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

It's ironic that you state you don't know why girls don't go for you, then immediately follow that with an off-putting statement. 

You also ignored that my husband was 20 years old when he got his first kiss (from me). But that doesn't align with your narrative.

Oh, it's "anecdotal". 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

2 hours ago, Bene20 said:

Well, if I have to make the first move then what do I do if she says no? Keep asking girls until one says yes? This seems pathetic.

Ask yourself 'how do I get to Carnegie Hall?"  There's your answer...

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

Ask yourself 'how do I get to Carnegie Hall?"  There's your answer...

Also such a fabulous date place lol.  And an amazing venue.  Been lucky to be there several times.  But yes -practice.

And practice by meeting people and hopefully making female friends.  Making male friends starting as a teenager -and still am at age 57 - was a great addition to my happiness in life and the side benefit of helping me find a good husband with a lot more insight and wisdom and perspective.

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

. I am see myself as magnetic charm. Maybe I am too much for girls to handle? 

Maybe that's the problem? 

 

[Seraphim]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe that's the problem? 

 

Hahahaha loved Right Said Fred back in the day.