Best friend behaving weird, saying my gf's name, more to it?

[widdL97]

Hey guys, quick background, so me (26, M) and my GF (24 F) have been dating for about 2 years now, for the most part everything has been very smooth and it is has been a great relationship so far. I do suffer with relationship anxiety and trust issues, which I am actively working on, but still find myself thinking negatively sometimes. Just for privacy, I've used fake names for this story, I'll say my gf is called Chloe.

Something has been bugging me a lot lately, a few instances early on in our relationship (~3-6 months into dating) which, for whatever reason I'm struggling with right now. The instances actually involve a good friend of mine, and I just wanted some outsider opinion on if these situations are as concerning as I think, or if this is a storm in a teacup (i.e, not an issue). 

So firstly, this friend, who I'll refer to as B, has always given me a weird vibe early on around my gf (always asking me about her, how we are going, etc), I think because he is the type to be very flirtatious, even with women in relationships, I don't think he would ever do anything that actually crosses a line, but I'm also not certain on that. He is into open relationships and is a bit of a 'womanizer', and seems to fall in love with any girl he talks to. The first thing that he did that really made me feel weird is when I was talking to him about what he was up to one weekend, he told me he had a few dates coming up, so I asked him about them, like who they were etc. He told me that one of the girls was called Chloe (same name as my gf), I replied 'Oh what no way, actually? So we will both be seeing a Chloe haha.' He replied, 'Yeah dude, weird hey haha.' (or something along those lines, but essentially confirming it). I then asked what they were going to do, what she looked like, etc, which is when he pulled out his phone to show me her on Hinge, and it was at this point when he saw her profile and said 'oh sorry dude, her names not Chloe it's Brittany'. What is even more odd is he had only met my gf twice, and both times in group settings, so it's not like they talked a bunch/knew each other well. 

 

This made me feel weird and odd, but chalked it up to maybe just a weird mistake, as we had just been talking about my gf prior to this name mix up. I kind of forgot about it, until maybe a month later I was at dinner with a bunch of friends, and he was there too. I asked him what he had gotten up to this past week, he replied 'Oh just spent most of it with Chloe'. He didn't even realize the mistake, I had to call him up on it, he then did it again that same night in conversation which is when I said 'why do you keep doing that dude?', and he said 'sorry man haha, want to switch?' He said this in a joking way and not serious, he didn't seem flustered or upset/anxious, etc, but it still made me feel bad and I didn't like it. 

 

That was the last time he ever made the mistake, and he stopped seeing Brittany (the girl he was actually seeing who he kept calling my gf) shortly there after. I guess where I get really anxious is where my brain tries to conjure up scenarios of why he made these mistakes, could my gf be involved?, etc. I have no reason to believe she would be involved, we have always spoken about how trust and honesty are so important to us, and she has/had never showed me 'red flags' or weird behavior. I never brought these issues up with my gf when they happened, but have since spoken about his behavior to her, and she agrees it's really weird and odd, and unless she has deleted messages between them, I know they have never spoken over text/phone as since then she has showed me. 

 

One time a few months after these name incidents she even told me how one night at a party she thought he was really 'intense'. When I inquired what she meant, she said that whenever she would look his direction, he would lock eyes with her and this happened a few too many times to be a coincidence. I asked if she ever felt weird before this with him, and she said yes once at another social event (around the time of the name mix ups) where she was sitting next to me with her arm around me, and he came up to her and sat next to her really close, when there were other seats available. 

 

Months and months later (I don't know why it took me so long to start bothering me, but it did) I eventually asked my friend if there was anything behind his behaviour. He said, that there was honestly nothing behind it, and probably just his dyslexia that made him say the wrong names. 

 

So what do you think? Just weird behavior on my friends behalf? Nothing weird or odd has ever happened since with him, and I can't stress enough how much of a saint my gf is, and has never given me a single reason to think she would do something to hurt me, so maybe he could have just had a crush on her? Like I said I just think the name mix up's are especially odd as he barely knew my gf at the time, yet used her name in place of the girl he was casually seeing multiple times. The only thing I can maybe think of is that all the times he made the name mix up, we had just been talking about my gf prior, so her name would have been on his mind.  

 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, widdL97 said:

 Just weird behavior on my friends behalf? 

What does your GF think of this friend? Please try to distance yourself from this clown. He's not a good friend just a sort of egotistical prankster. 

[widdL97]

Well she has agreed his behavior is strange, and agrees with me that it is odd. Whenever we are around him she is polite and whatnot, but she never acts weird and/or strange around him. I even asked her if I should talk to him about his behavior and she said it might be a good idea because she doesn't want me to lose a friend if I don't have to/nothing malicious behind his actions. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, widdL97 said:

. I even asked her if I should talk to him about his behavior and she said it might be a good idea 

You could try talking to him, but a jokester like this gets a kick out of what he's doing so he may not change his tune. 

[widdL97]

Well yeah I did end up talking to him, which is when he reassured me that there wasn't anything behind it, and might just be his dyslexia for the name mix-ups. To be fair as well, since these events he hasn't done anything else to raise my suspicions, apart from the occasional reaction/comment to a story my gf might post on Instagram, but these might be completely innocent as he is the type to also just be very friendly/talkative. 

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, widdL97 said:

 my gf might post on Instagram, but these might be completely innocent as he is the type to also just be very friendly/talkative. 

Please ask your GF if she is willing to mute, delete or block him. There's no reason for her to allow him access. He's not her friend. 

[widdL97]

I know if I asked my gf this, she wouldn't have an issue with it. I don't think I want to ask her to do that now however, as it has been months and months since any weird thing/issue has arisen, so to block him now might actually create more drama considering we still see him at social events as well as are in the same sporting team, etc. I think I just wanted to get opinions on if this is purely a 'him' problem/issue, could there be some non-malicious explanations (such as the dyslexia one he offered), or should I start looking into my gf's behavior at that time to see if there was anything more to it? 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, widdL97 said:

 he hasn't done anything else to raise my suspicions, apart from the occasional reaction/comment to a story my gf might post on Instagram, 

So it is ongoing. It's sad you seem almost under a Svengali-like spell with this guy. He's a prankster. Please stop putting him on a pedestal.

He's not even a good friend but and I think you already know the dyslexia story is BS just like everything else this clown does. Please consider a better class of friends. 

[widdL97]

Okay so you keep saying he is a 'prankster', why though? What would be his intentions for saying the wrong name on purpose? To get under my skin? Did he want to steal my gf off me? Why would he do what he did as a 'prank'?

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, widdL97 said:

What would be his intentions for saying the wrong name on purpose? To get under my skin?

Yes, this. 

He doesn't sound like a good friend. Some people are just like this. Distance yourself from him, and stop fretting over why he behaved this way. He can't "steal" your girlfriend unless she is a willing participant, and she evidently is not. 

What steps have you taken to otherwise address your relationship anxiety? I strongly get the sense it's not just about this one guy, so you need to get at the root of that if you hope to find peace in your relationships. 

[Kwothe28]

I dont think you have to worry from your girlfriends side. But your friend is weird. Its common with that kind of types to behave in a toxic ways. For example, him going after her has complete sense given that he probably views this as some sort of a challenge and her as a prize. And that he probably likes her because you have her and he doesnt. Its a bit demeaning to your girlfriend, but he probably views it in that exact way because he is like that. Very bad friend with bad intentions. I would cut contact as much as possible.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, widdL97 said:

Okay so you keep saying he is a 'prankster', why though? Did he want to steal my gf off me? Why would he do what he did as a 'prank'?

You asked for outside opinions, that's why. He can't "steal" your GF. Please focus on improving your relationship with your GF and trying to feel more confident. It's unclear why you allow this clown to dominate your mind and relationship. 

[widdL97]

Quote

You asked for outside opinions, that's why.

I wasn't asking why you were saying that, I was asking for clarification on why you think he would do that as a 'prank', how does it benefit him, etc? 

Also, I'm always working on improving my relationship with my girlfriend, and with myself, like I said in my original post, for the most part everything is amazing, always room for improvement however. 

[Andrina]

11 hours ago, widdL97 said:

One time a few months after these name incidents she even told me how one night at a party she thought he was really 'intense'. When I inquired what she meant, she said that whenever she would look his direction, he would lock eyes with her and this happened a few too many times to be a coincidence. I asked if she ever felt weird before this with him, and she said yes once at another social event (around the time of the name mix ups) where she was sitting next to me with her arm around me, and he came up to her and sat next to her really close, when there were other seats available. 

It's really insulting to your gf to even consider she's done anything wrong when she's obviously been faithful for a solid 2 years. And here, with what you're written in the above quote, you're the one responsible for putting her in this situation where she has to be regularly subjected to someone who has a major screw loose.

His use of her name could either be part of his mental fetishes of obsessing over women as sexual objects, or that he was being passive aggressive because he's living an angry life, perhaps because of a dysfunctional childhood.

If you choose to remain friends with someone causing you to question the sanctity of your romantic relationship, at least make sure your gf is never around the man again. Let her know you are totally okay with her deleting him from social media. His feelings about the matter and awkwardness are not good reasons for doing what's best for your gf.

What you're doing to get rid of your trust issues isn't enough. Step up to a higher level of achieving that goal, because a partner deserves not to pay the price for a crime she never commited.

[TeeDee]

You have been dating your GF for 2 years / 24 months.  Your buddy mixed up somebody else's name 18 months ago & over time your GF told you this buddy gave her an intense vibe.  You are obsessing about this now?  You have to stop.  

1.  Your GF is faithful to you & knows there is something off about the buddy.  She's going to steer clear.  She has solid boundaries.  Trust her.  

2.  Him mixing up the name was a brain fart but it got in his head & stuck.  I have done that.  I think somebody's name is one thing (Chloe) & even though it's really something else (Brittany) in my head they will always be the wrong name.  It is not an indication that he wants to lure her away from you.  You talked & he told you as much.  If you think he was lying, stop being friends with him.  

If you focus on this long ago non-problem your anxiety & obsession will end up destroying the relationship.  Just give this guy a wide berth.  Stop letting anything he does or says matter.  Trust your GF.  Enjoy your relationship.  You are giving this guy too much power.  Once you stop you will feel better. 

[smackie9]

Breakup with your friend. If you have out grown his shenanigans, then you have out grown the friendship. I myself have walked away from friends, or social groups when I felt I had out grown them/no longer fit in my life. There is nothing written anywhere you have to keep your friendships forever. 

[catfeeder]

Somebody mixed up names over a year ago. What, exactly, is causing you to obsess about it today?

[tattoobunnie]

16 hours ago, widdL97 said:

So what do you think?

Sounds like a processing disorder to me.  You both sound neurodivergent to me, and you are going through a whole hyper-fixation, rejection dysphoria moment.

[widdL97]

I suppose I just found it odd he kept 'accidentally' calling the girl he was seeing (who I imagine he would be quite familiar with) my gf's name (who he isn't overly familiar with). Didn't know if it could just have been a genuine, albeit, repeated mistake, or like some people are suggesting, a conscious decision to do so. Thanks for everyones replies. 

[Andrina]

So what's your plan of action?

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, widdL97 said:

I suppose I just found it odd he kept 'accidentally' calling the girl he was seeing (who I imagine he would be quite familiar with) my gf's name (who he isn't overly familiar with). Didn't know if it could just have been a genuine, albeit, repeated mistake, or like some people are suggesting, a conscious decision to do so. Thanks for everyones replies. 

But why would this concern all this time later? What caused the sudden focus on this?

[widdL97]

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

But why would this concern all this time later? What caused the sudden focus on this?

Honestly, I don't really know. I do admit I have OCD tendencies, which coupled with my relationship anxieties can cause me to hyperfixate on things, even from the past. I remember at the time when these things happened, I was obviously weirded out and thought it was strange, but eventually got on with it. At some point, maybe because everything else is going well in my life and relationship, my mind has chosen to go back and almost 'figure' these events out.

I understand it's not healthy, and to answer the other question on what I'm doing to help it, I try and journal regularly, as well as practice mindfulness tecnhniques, and talking with trusted people in my life to help provide their takes on situations can help too. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, widdL97 said:

, I try and journal regularly, as well as practice mindfulness tecnhniques, and talking with trusted people in my life to help provide their takes on situations can help too. 

Please understand that what you are doing could damage the relationship.

Please see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified licensed therapist for ongoing support.

Mental health is not a do it yourself situation.  Clearly what you're currently doing isn't helping anything.

There are excellent therapeutic treatments that would make your life a lot less tormented and less tormenting for those around you.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, widdL97 said:

I try and journal regularly, as well as practice mindfulness tecnhniques, and talking with trusted people in my life

This clearly isn't working for you, though. You wouldn't be here otherwise. 

If you have anxiety and OCD tendencies, it is time to reach out to a professional. Constantly going back over these things in your mind and discussing them with your girlfriend is going to ruin your relationship, as she will start to believe you don't trust her either.