Shocked by bfs instagram messages

[Reddarcy10]

I officially started dating my current boyfriend about three months ago in November, but we had been going out since early September. Everything was going well until recently when his ex-girlfriend reached out to me online, trying to warn me about him. My bf explained their past and her extreme jealousy issues so I brushed off her messages. However, last night, she messaged me again, claiming to have hacked into my boyfriend's Instagram account. She shared screenshots of messages between him and multiple other women.

These messages included two from our non-official dating phase, where he complimented his ex-friend with benefits and tried to hook up with her and flirted with another random Instagram woman. The other two were from when we were in a committed relationship. One involved him flirting with another random Instagram girl, calling her babe and baby with kissing emojis on the day of him asking me to be his gf! The second was him messaging another girl, complimenting her gorgeous photos and asking where she's from. That one was from 1 month into our relationship.

Confronting him, he became defensive, insisting that the messages were innocent. He explained away the compliments, downplaying the significance of his interactions. He claimed that his ex-girlfriend's only goal is to break us up and argued that half of those messages occurred when we weren't officially together. He also said that when he said “gorgeous photos” to that one girl he meant her non-selfie pics, but she only has 1 non selfie and he likes all her selfies lol. Despite his apologies and declarations of love, I am deeply hurt and uncertain about how to proceed. He has always liked these women’s selfies on Instagram and I had always been weary about it, but these messages really confirmed a lot for me. I told him I have to think about this.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you don’t trust him. How did his ex have your contact info? Without trust I don’t see the point of continuing to date him. And too much drama and lack of common sense on his part. I’m sorry you’re upset !

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Reddarcy10 said:

, she messaged me again, claiming to have hacked into my boyfriend's Instagram account. She shared screenshots of messages between him and multiple other women.

Sorry this is happening. How well do you know him? Why would an exgf have your contact info.? 

Whether this woman is an unhinged psycho or scorned or whatever, you may want to reflect on this much drama in just 12 weeks and consider cutting your losses.  Whatever the case your BF seems involved in a lot of messes. 

[Coily]

Put a fork in it, this relationship is done.

Also his CREEPY Ex got exactly what she wanted,  to hurt him and you. His hands aren't clean per se; but this ex of his will dog his footsteps no matter who he dates. You just happened to be the first one she got to.

Given that she hacked his account, she could have done all sorts of things that he wasn't aware of as evidence to you. But the trust is gone, so let him go and block this ex of his. Given the lengths she's gone to so far, I wouldn't be shocked if she stalks him or the women he dates.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How well do you know him? Why would an exgf have your contact info.? 

Whether this woman is an unhinged psycho or scorned or whatever, you may want to reflect on this much drama in just 12 weeks and consider cutting your losses.  Whatever the case your BF seems involved in a lot of messes. 

Agree and I second the question in bold.

And how was she able to hack into his account? 

Something sounds off, perhaps the OP will return and clarify? 

 

[ShySoul]

8 hours ago, Reddarcy10 said:

Despite his apologies and declarations of love,

What apology? A sincere apology would not involve him being defensive and blaming someone else for his actions. Even if half were when you weren't official, that still leaves half that were. And if I was asking someone to be my girlfriend, I wouldn't be sending some other girl a kissing emoji. Rather then take responsibility for his actions, he is using the ex as shield to absolve himself of blame.

A person isn't who they are in the last conversation you had, they are who they've been in the entire relationship. So who is he? I'm seeing a person who has flirted with multiple women while he was with you and downplays it despite your concerns. I'm seeing a person who made a woman so angry she would hack into his account. And I'm seeing you as having always had doubts and worries about him. Maybe these are all signs that this is more stress then it is worth?

[MissCanuck]

Nah, I'd be done. 

His ex sounds completely nuts, but she also doesn't sound wrong about your boyfriend. He was being inappropriate with other women, and now you know.

It's not going to be worth it. 

[Kwothe28]

Being that he doesnt deny it, it is the truth. I dunno why you are shocked though. You knew he is a "horndog" by your own admission and that he likes random women Instagram photos. Are you really shocked that he messages them and flirts with them as well? One goes with the other.

"Crazy ex" is an other red flag. Always remember that, no matter how crazy she is, your boyfriend has been with her. That should have been a warning by itself. Being that you now even know that he openly flirts with other women, just dump the guy. This will continue, no matter if his ex is in the picture or not. He will still like other women selfies and send them DMs. MOs of people like that never change. Dont fall for him claiming how he loves you and stuff like that. He doesnt love you. Otherwise he wouldnt do stuff like this.

[smackie9]

Excuse me??? How to proceed? Think about this? OMG Dump this SOB.

[catfeeder]

Do you want to proceed being this man's next woman scorned, or didn't his admission of these messages tell you all you really need to know?

Does the future you envision with a partner include a constant struggle to believe that he can be loyal?

I'd skip him.