Would you bring that up? (early stage)

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

thank you for asking. I'm felling better, I'm taking painkiller, and have to apply cream every 2 or 3 hours. I have another appointment in a specialized hospital on Tuesday. I was lucky I didn't burn my eyes.. but I guess I will have some scars on my nose, my right cheek and my shoulder who have been burned more severely. I was shocked and afraid when it happened. But I feel more relaxed now. 

I'm so glad you're doing a little better.  I had -likely first degree burns -many years ago from an accident and I know how scary that is!! - Cream is great. I know it's a pain to reapply in your situation but it is so healing.  I also like -in addition -what we know as Aquaphor here -basically specially made petroleum jelly -very healing.  Feel Better!!!

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Aquaphor

yes, we also have it here.. I will try it thank you. Its weird but the second degree burns look awfull with listers but they hurt less that the one first degree on my arm. 

[rainbowsandroses]

OMG, Sindy!  I'm glad you're okay wow.

What the heck happened with the pressure cooker, was it defective?  I've always been afraid of them, and I see now my fears are justified.

Your boyfriend sounds like an utter dream, very nurturing which I happen to love in a man, probably because my dad was despite being a tough-as-nails stoic US Marine! 

It's a great combo of "alpha" and "beta," ugh for lack of better terms.

Your wounds will heal and you may not even have scars if you take good care.  I've had burns on my face and various other places caused by not being careful with curling and flat irons, the stove, oven, my bathrobe caught fire once while cooking and had to be rushed to hospital.

I have no visible scars.

Anyway, that was quite a harrowing story and so glad you're okay, good thing it wasn't oil or grease.

Please take good care and allow your boyfriend to be there for you.

It's hard letting someone "in" sometimes and requires some vulnerability but from the little you've shared, he sounds quite special.

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I had a little accident. I was cooking and my pressure cooker exploded. I had hot sauce all over my face, my arm and my shoulder. I had to go to the hospital, I hard first and second degree burns.

Sindy, I am so sorry you went through this.

Wishing you speedy healing and holding you in my thoughts.

[boltnrun]

Sorry about your accident. That had to be terrifying in addition to being painful.

And your gentleman friend handled it like a dream. He sounds like a real gem.

BTW, a friend of mine had second and third degree burns on her chest and abdomen due to cooking naked (!). She has healed completely. 

[Sindy_0311]

19 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

was it defective?  I've always been afraid of them, and I see now my fears are justified.

Yes it was. its the first time I used it, I received it from an old lady someday, so I guess it already had made his time. OMG I will definitely never use a pressure cooker again. My kitchen was so horrible, with sauce up to the ceiling. My dad has been cleaning it all while I was at the hospital. My parents are so precious. 

I hope I won't have scars, but even if a do, not a big deal. 

21 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Please take good care and allow your boyfriend to be there for you.

It's hard letting someone "in" sometimes and requires some vulnerability but from the little you've shared, he sounds quite special.

Yes I think I have to let him do, and just try to relax and be more open to welcome his help. 

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I don't care if you look ugly or smell bad or have no makeup on, I just want to be with you tomorrow.

Spoken like a gentleman. Think you've found one of the good ones. When you really care about someone, they are beautiful no matter what.

Sorry that happened to you Sindy. Take care of yourself and hope you are feeling okay.

[Wiseman2]

I had an uncle who used to wear his toupee in the swimming pool and to the beach 🙄.

Be yourself whoever you are and wherever you are. 

[Cherylyn]

19 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

The truth about what? 

With whatever concerns she has.

[Sindy_0311]

My guy came today. he cooked me a meal, helped me fix my phone and we spent the afternoon together (mostly in bed sleeping or cuddling and more...) 

I tried to relax but still felt a bit uncomfortable about my face,. Oily cream and plasters, no makeup, my hair was a mess because I washed it in the morning but didn't style it because I can't use the dryer, its too hot.

But he was very kind. When he arrived I told him joking  "welcome to Frankenstein's" to what he replied, I told you yesterday that I don't care about how you look.
Usually when we see each other he always compliments me on my looks, saying that I look beautiful, but today nothing... oops.
He maid one compliment though. He brought up the lower part again, and again asked why I was hiding it, or if I was ashamed of hit. I told him that I don't think it is something esthetically beautiful in general. He told me again he likes it and to him it was perfect and beautiful.
At one moment I had to stand up to get something in the kitchen, I forget to put on my trousers and frankly my leg was no big deal anymore. 

Now I just hope my physical appearance didn't turn him off.  We will see... (but to be honest I feel very insecure right now... )

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Now I just hope my physical appearance didn't turn him off.  We will see... (but to be honest I feel very insecure right now... )

By this point he has assured you multiple times he finds you beautiful.

Please don't fall into the trap of asking him for reassurance over and over and over. Or making self deprecating comments. At some point he might ask himself "Why doesn't she trust me?" And that could be an attraction killer. Not your physical appearance.

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

By this point he has assured you multiple times he finds you beautiful.

Please don't fall into the trap of asking him for reassurance over and over and over. Or making self deprecating comments. At some point he might ask himself "Why doesn't she trust me?" And that could be an attraction killer. Not your physical appearance.

Yes thank you, I didn't say anything about my appearance outside of the joke when he arrived. I tried to act normal. But still, I feel insecure now. 

I won't bring it up. 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Yes thank you, I didn't say anything about my appearance outside of the joke when he arrived. I tried to act normal. But still, I feel insecure now. 

I won't bring it up. 

Just keep in mind your insecurity is yours to manage, not his.

Also remember it's totally normal to feel insecure about your appearance while you're recovering from an accident that altered your appearance even temporarily. I know if I ever start dating at some point my abdominal scar will be visible. And I have to accept that some men might find it a turn off, but then again that would show me they're not right for me. 

But your guy has handled everything with kindness and grace. He finds you beautiful; try to enjoy that. 

[Sindy_0311]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

And I have to accept that some men might find it a turn off, but then again that would show me they're not right for me. 

This is exactly how I'm thinking. that's why I won't jump to conclusions now or bring it up.... only time will tell. Yes he has been very protective, cooking, asking if I wanted some grocery, wash my hair or anything. I appreciate him a lot for his kindness and I will tell him in his goodnight text later. 

[kim42]

Sorry about your accident, Sindy. Hope they'll take good care of you in Switzerland 💕

[Sindy_0311]

A little update... 

I "broke up" with the "good" guy this morning. 

These last days I addressed the fact that I never went to his place, and that I needed that to move things further. He explained that his 13 years old could come anytime and that he wanted to protect her environnement. He said that his ex wife and her guy were arguing a lot lately and therefore his daughter was coming to his place a lot... I said that that I understand but I cannot give more of myself if my need for seeing his environment isn't fulfilled and this point. He didn't say he was willing to adjust or try to make it for me to be able to come to his place at some point, so I told him I prefer leaving it at that.  (also have to mention that I observed things that were suspicious during the time we were dating... )

So that's it. it lasted 9 weeks, he wasn't my guy. I'm greateful I listened to my intuition once again. 

Wishing you all a beautiful weekend!!! 🙏

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

A little update... 

I "broke up" with the "good" guy this morning. 

These last days I addressed the fact that I never went to his place, and that I needed that to move things further. He explained that his 13 years old could come anytime and that he wanted to protect her environnement. He said that his ex wife and her guy were arguing a lot lately and therefore his daughter was coming to his place a lot... I said that that I understand but I cannot give more of myself if my need for seeing his environment isn't fulfilled and this point. He didn't say he was willing to adjust or try to make it for me to be able to come to his place at some point, so I told him I prefer leaving it at that.  (also have to mention that I observed things that were suspicious during the time we were dating... )

So that's it. it lasted 9 weeks, he wasn't my guy. I'm greateful I listened to my intuition once again. 

Wishing you all a beautiful weekend!!! 🙏

I'm glad you stuck to your personal standards.  How are you feeling (meaning from your accident).  I'm curious as to why you dated him in the first place - but it sounds like this arguing is a recent situation so maybe in the beginning he thought he could arrange for you to see and spend time at his place. Also sounds like this conversation reminded you of things that didn't seem right.

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm glad you stuck to your personal standards.  How are you feeling (meaning from your accident).  I'm curious as to why you dated him in the first place - but it sounds like this arguing is a recent situation so maybe in the beginning he thought he could arrange for you to see and spend time at his place. Also sounds like this conversation reminded you of things that didn't seem right.

I’m getting better… going back to work next week. As to why I dated him at the first place, i need to analyze the situation, the “red flags” I didn’t see, I will think about it today. I need to process this, and some things are already coming to my mind. I do thing that the conversations we had this week brought up many things that weren’t right after all. I’ll think about it and post a bit later. Thank you for your support @Batya33

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I’m getting better… going back to work next week. As to why I dated him at the first place, i need to analyze the situation, the “red flags” I didn’t see, I will think about it today. I need to process this, and some things are already coming to my mind. I do thing that the conversations we had this week brought up many things that weren’t right after all. I’ll think about it and post a bit later. Thank you for your support @Batya33

I'm glad you're healing! I'm sure you're constantly putting cream on your skin (we have a product here called Aquaphor which to me is magical for healing -dry skin person here -it's basically fancy petroleum jelly with a few other ingredients - greasy but -works!)

Post if it helps!

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

So that's it. it lasted 9 weeks, he wasn't my guy. I'm greateful I listened to my intuition once again. 

 

I am not saying you made a mistake because for all we know, you didnt. Just dont think his reasoning warrants a break up after 9 weeks. Ofcourse he would want to protect his kid first. Has there been other "red flags" aside of that?

Are you sure you arent just scarred because it was going good? Because it seems way too abrupt to go from something that went pretty good to just breaking up in a few days.

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I am not saying you made a mistake because for all we know, you didnt. Just dont think his reasoning warrants a break up after 9 weeks. Ofcourse he would want to protect his kid first. Has there been other "red flags" aside of that?

Are you sure you arent just scarred because it was going good? Because it seems way too abrupt to fo grom something that went pretty good to just breaking up in a few days.

I don’t think I was just scared. I told him clearly that I needed to go to his place someday, he didn’t make any adjustments to let me go, even for a few hours… and there were others signs… he wouldn’t sleep to my place, even if he was working close to it (he only sleeped once on a Saturday) I noticed his phone was on “not disturbing” mode yesterday when we were together, he didn’t spend valentines evening with me. He came to my place offered me some flowers after his work, stayed one hour and then left pretexting he had to go to his mom giving her flowers and go back home to stay with his daughter. He did message me a lot throughout the evening, but hell, even a married guy can massage. If I told him I needed that to go further, why wouldn’t he try to make some adjustments? Now he is still texting me, saying he’s got nothing to hide, pretending he was falling in love with me, that he doesn’t understand what’s going on. But I told him clearly that if I canot go to his place I cannot pursue… ball was in his court… he didn’t correct it… I move on.. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I don’t think I was just scared. I told him clearly that I needed to go to his place someday, he didn’t make any adjustments to let me go, even for a few hours… and there were others signs… he wouldn’t sleep to my place, even if he was working close to it (he only sleeped once on a Saturday) I noticed his phone was on “not disturbing” mode yesterday when we were together, he didn’t spend valentines evening with me. He came to my place offered me some flowers after his work, stayed one hour and then left pretexting he had to go to his mom giving her flowers and go back home to stay with his daughter. He did message me a lot throughout the evening, but hell, even a married guy can massage. If I told him I needed that to go further, why wouldn’t he try to make some adjustments? Now he is still texting me, saying he’s got nothing to hide, pretending he was falling in love with me, that he doesn’t understand what’s going on. But I told him clearly that if I canot go to his place I cannot pursue… ball was in his court… he didn’t correct it… I move on.. 

You are entitled to your personal standards for sure -no one has to date or continue dating.  I was broken up with because of my personal standards like not having sex until a certain point in the relationship, and I ended things but often earlier based on alcohol or drug use I found concerning (but others might not have), firm plans to live abroad for a year or relocate to that extent where I wasn't good with long distance that soon and a guy who wanted me to be comfortable -in the near future -staying at his place even when he had his kids (we went out two times before he told me that -this was a dealbreaker for me).  

It sounds like one of the reasons you wanted to see his place and be there was because you did not trust he was single/dating others (although I don't recall if you said you two were exclusive).  Maybe I'm speculating.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 I addressed the fact that I never went to his place, and that I needed that to move things further. 

Sorry this happened . You made the right decision. Not seeing where someone lives after over 2 months is a huge red flag. It's probably rightfully been brewing for a while and perhaps the recent events helped you finally address it. His excuse, and that's what it is (where's his child when he's with you, for example?) doesn't matter when he's been enjoying your hospitality. Trust your instincts. 

[Sindy_0311]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It sounds like one of the reasons you wanted to see his place and be there was because you did not trust he was single/dating others (although I don't recall if you said you two were exclusive).  Maybe I'm speculating.

He asked for exclusivity on the 3rd date… I agreed (now I regret it). I told him that for me it was important to see his place, as I wanted to have a whole picture of him, and also said that he knew a lot about me and I was willing to discover his world too… after a few days, I dropped the fact that I don’t even know if he really lives alone… he used to ask me to be transparent, and ask questions about who I’m seeing, whether I’m entertaining other people, we both agreed in the beginning that we had to speak about our doubts. He got cheated in the past and needed that reassurance, and I always tried to reassure him that I was seeing only him. And the moment I asked for some reassurance that he was single or living alone, he couldnt respond with action by inviting me over. So I guess he’s got something to hide… and even if he really lives alone, it doesn’t work for me anyway… 

[Sindy_0311]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

over 2 months

Sorry I made a mistake. We are one moth and a half in. We met on 2nd January and kissed on the 3rd January.