Would you bring that up? (early stage)

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I would maybe have changed my mind if he had invited me over and had not gone back on the dating app… 

Well, you would not have broken up with him had he invited you over, correct? 

He said he would wait for you, so my question pertained to that.  If you might have changed your mind at some point?

Anyway, this is all water under the bridge now.

You ended it, it's done and you're moving on.  So is he or trying to. 

It's all good imo. It just wasn't meant to be. 

 

[Sindy_0311]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Well, you would not have broken up with him had he invited you over, correct? 

Correct

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I didn’t send anything rude. And didn’t mention his profile. 

 

As I explained, I think it’s disrespectful from him to be back on the dating app after pretending he would wait for me a bit longer in case I change my mind. If you want to move on, you don’t say to OP that you will wait in case they change their mind. It’s common sense to me… 🤔

He can be waiting - if you change your mind he can stop pursuing or dating. Or after he said it he changed his mind -so he was supposed to text you "hey after you ended things I know I said in the moment I'd wait for you but on second thought - I've changed my mind, k?" I mean -you ended it so what purpose would that serve "in case you didn't mean to end it and in case you think you have time to change your mind -you don't" - you two dated for 7 weeks or so.  Very very short term -that also factors in. If he'd texted you to warn you you'd see him on the app so forget about him waiting -that would be incredibly tacky too.

[rainbowsandroses]

13 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Correct

I don't mean to keep challenging you, but you were quite adamant that him not inviting you over to his was a big red flag and dealbreaker.

So under what circumstances might you have changed your mind and wanted to continue dating him?  As you just stated in your previous post? 

Just curious and feel free to not answer, I realize some of these questions can become overwhelming and burdensome.

But I am curious.

[Batya33]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't mean to keep challenging you, but you were quite adamant that him not inviting you over to his was a big red flag and dealbreaker.

So under what circumstances might you have changed your mind and wanted to continue dating him? 

Just curious and feel free to not answer, I realize some of these questions can become overwhelming and burdensome.

But I am curious.

I thought she said there were other suspicions too?

[rainbowsandroses]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I thought she said there were other suspicions too?

My question was in response to this:

27 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I would maybe have changed my mind if he had invited me over and had not gone back on the dating app… 

 

[kim42]

50 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

In one of his last texts on Saturday he said that he would wait for me for a while in case I change my mind, so I found it disrespectful of him to be back on the app after only 24 hours… but again just not how I operate… 

I can understand you might feel upset about this but I don't think it's disrespectful.

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

My question was in response to this:

 

Yes. I agree. And she posted earlier there were other suspicions. But maybe she’d figured if he invited her over she’d continue to overlook the suspicions. 

[catfeeder]

21 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I didn’t send anything rude. And didn’t mention his profile. 

Yeah, sorry, Sindy, I had not caught the rest of the thread before I responded. I was immediately concerned about you harming your own pride with such a hostile reaction to a man who is perfectly entitled to resume his dating life after getting dumped.

Quote

...I think it’s disrespectful from him to be back on the dating app after pretending he would wait for me a bit longer in case I change my mind. If you want to move on, you don’t say to OP that you will wait in case they change their mind. It’s common sense to me… 🤔

I think everyone has their own definition of waiting. In your case it means analyzing whether the person who just dumped you may somehow be offended by your desire to resume the dating profile you've already invested the work in creating. In his case, it may mean that he'll keep his door open if you have a change of heart, and THEN he'll respond to that accordingly. 

As for not wanting you to travel 40 minutes to his place during the time he's shielding his children from his dating life, I'd like to comment about my Dad's behavior during my tumultuous time with my Mom. I had a key to his place. There were times when I just let myself in. Or I stayed with him for weeks while campaigning to make it permanent. He was dating at the time. He did not bring women home, and I never walked in on him entertaining a woman. I was such a mess then, it wasn't the kind of gasoline he was willing to add to my fire.

I'm not saying that this applies to your ex's situation, but do you feel confident that you discussed this issue enough to learn about his reservations and determine whether they were valid or not? If so, you did the right thing.

Head high.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, kim42 said:

I can understand you might feel upset about this but I don't think it's disrespectful.

Same. She broke up so he really doesnt owe her anything including him staying off dating apps.

Though I do agree after hearing more about it, that its good they broke up. 

[Sindy_0311]

20 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'm not saying that this applies to your ex's situation, but do you feel confident that you discussed this issue enough to learn about his reservations and determine whether they were valid or not? If so, you did the right thing.

Just wanted to respond to this. His reservations were valid, I told him that I understood his daughter being a priority (I have a kid too). Still I don't get it that you can't invite someone over even for one or two hours during her school time or If she's staying with a friend at her moms, which she often does. I had doubts about the fact that he was hiding something. Also because I noticed other signs (like not sleeping over at my place and his phone on "no disturb" mode once, etc... )

I told him clearly that since I can't go to his place, I'm not willing/able to open up more to him. It would feel stuck in an emotional "cul-de-sac". My trust in him couldnt grow, and so couldn't our relationship... 

I think he clearly understood it but he sticked to his principle.

20 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't mean to keep challenging you, but you were quite adamant that him not inviting you over to his was a big red flag and dealbreaker.

So under what circumstances might you have changed your mind and wanted to continue dating him?  As you just stated in your previous post? 

If I could have gone to his place and notice by myself that there was no issue, like woman stuff, or a messy place, or even just be able to see that he lives alone and not at his parents for intense - there are many reasons why a guy wouldn't a woman to come over, outside of living with someone else -then I would have been reassured.   

But without going to his place, theres no chance I would have changed my mind. 

Anyway, it's all blocked now and we will both move on. I usually give myself three days to overcome a disappointment. Now I'm done. 

I had two new matches today... on another dating app. Already feeling exited to meet new people. 

Thank you all for your different insights on my issue. As always it helped much. Thread, and case, closed. 🙌

[Batya33]

So do you think he got the sense that you wanted to go to his place -even for just an hour -to check up on him/test whether what he told you was true?

[MrMan1983]

Hmm having read it all it does feel like it could of been a bit hasty with it being such early days before pulling the trigger, some people are quite principled with their family space however I can also see where you were coming from if it was triggering your spidey senses or that he may of had something to hide (granted spidey and gut is not always right). For all we know he could have a house with a dungeon or lived in a caravan with his Mum, but that's pure speculation.

I know it's probably water under the bridge now either way but was it made clear to him that the situation about his place was becoming so make or break eg. 'I'm sorry Bob but I'm getting really bothered that you won't invite me to yours, I get that you're shielding your daughter but from my perspective it makes me question things.....' etc? Guys are pretty rubbish at reading between the lines often, I get the impression he was cruising along happily not realising it had become so critical before *poof* it's ended, but I could be wrong and if you had made it loud and clear then fair one.

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I had two new matches today... on another dating app. Already feeling exited to meet new people. 

Onwards and upwards either way 😂 Gives us more date rundowns in the absence of the daily Whirling D updates 😆 When is the first one?

[Kwothe28]

4 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

For all we know he could have a house with a dungeon

Well she is living in a Switzerland so there is always a possibility that he holds his daughter in a dungeon while forcing her to father his 7 babies. 

Sorry Sindy, but its probably most famous "true crime" case from Europe. 😆

[MrMan1983]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

Well she is living in a Switzerland so there is always a possibility that he holds his daughter in a dungeon while forcing her to father his 7 babies. 

Sorry Sindy, but its probably most famous "true crime" case from Europe. 😆

Wasn't that Austria?

[Kwothe28]

1 minute ago, MrMan1983 said:

Wasn't that Austria?

Just checked, yes, my bad lol

[kim42]

15 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Just checked, yes, my bad lol

Switzerland is too organized for dungeon adventures 😁

[Sindy_0311]

49 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

but was it made clear to him that the situation about his place was becoming so make or break eg. '

these are two texts I sent him (it’s google translate so pardon my English)

on Wednesday:

There are many things that I don't know about you and that don't help me move forward...I don't know where you live, you've never invited me to come to your house. I don't even know if you really live alone. I'm missing important pieces of the puzzle, and without these, I very much doubt that I can give more of myself even if that's really what you want. You told me about your doubts and your fears, so I'm opening up and explaining to you what I need at this stage to be able to move forward. I think you can understand that if you really care about me. Again, you didn't do anything wrong but I have a hard time understanding why you don't want to share your world with me.

on Saturday: 

You have discovered my world, you know where I live, you know that I live alone, you know where I work, you know everything I do... and as I explained to you, if you don't have the possibility to invite me to your house once to give me confidence, there is a problem... I prefer to cut things off rather than letting things drag on. I have needs at the start of a relationship, I told you about them, you don't have the opportunity to respond to them, so I have no choice but to listen to my intuition and move on. 
 

My communication couldn’t be clearer… 🙌🏻

[Sindy_0311]

54 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Gives us more date rundowns in the absence of the daily Whirling D updates 😆 When is the first one?

Please always tag @Whirling D when you mention him 😆

[MrMan1983]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

these are two texts I sent him (it’s google translate so pardon my English)

on Wednesday:

There are many things that I don't know about you and that don't help me move forward...I don't know where you live, you've never invited me to come to your house. I don't even know if you really live alone. I'm missing important pieces of the puzzle, and without these, I very much doubt that I can give more of myself even if that's really what you want. You told me about your doubts and your fears, so I'm opening up and explaining to you what I need at this stage to be able to move forward. I think you can understand that if you really care about me. Again, you didn't do anything wrong but I have a hard time understanding why you don't want to share your world with me.

on Saturday: 

You have discovered my world, you know where I live, you know that I live alone, you know where I work, you know everything I do... and as I explained to you, if you don't have the possibility to invite me to your house once to give me confidence, there is a problem... I prefer to cut things off rather than letting things drag on. I have needs at the start of a relationship, I told you about them, you don't have the opportunity to respond to them, so I have no choice but to listen to my intuition and move on. 
 

My communication couldn’t be clearer… 🙌🏻

Yep true couldn’t of been any clearer in that case, I agree 👍🏻 

[Sindy_0311]

42 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Yep true couldn’t of been any clearer in that case, I agree 👍🏻 

Thank you so much for your support. Didn’t I already tell you that I like you 😍😁