My stubborn boss

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You've posted many times about going on girls trips, vacations, being a bridesmaid at destination weddings with multiple events...I would imagine all of that puts a dent in your finances.

Now, of course you should have the ability to relax and do some recreational things. But if they're contributing to your debt it might be a good idea to dial some of that back. 

As for this side job, your descriptions sound almost frantic. Like you're barely holding on by your fingernails. I can't see how that reduces your stress.

If you're only being paid minimum wage, I would imagine you can find something that pays the same without the added stress. And while you're working as a barista or in a small retail shop or a fitness studio as a receptionist or bookkeeper you can look for a better side gig. 

Or...you can keep doing what you've been doing. Maybe it serves you to always feel victimized or disregarded or treated as an afterthought. I hope not. 

I plan on getting a less stressful job. For minimum wage, I can work a cash register somewhere. This job is a lot of brain power, skill, and stress. It isn't worth it. I see that. 

[Alex39]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You've posted many times about going on girls trips, vacations, being a bridesmaid at destination weddings with multiple events...I would imagine all of that puts a dent in your finances.

Now, of course you should have the ability to relax and do some recreational things. But if they're contributing to your debt it might be a good idea to dial some of that back. 

As for this side job, your descriptions sound almost frantic. Like you're barely holding on by your fingernails. I can't see how that reduces your stress.

If you're only being paid minimum wage, I would imagine you can find something that pays the same without the added stress. And while you're working as a barista or in a small retail shop or a fitness studio as a receptionist or bookkeeper you can look for a better side gig. 

Or...you can keep doing what you've been doing. Maybe it serves you to always feel victimized or disregarded or treated as an afterthought. I hope not. 

I do not go on trips, girls things, I rarely ever eat out. I budget groceries. I was in a few weddings, where my mother was kind enough to buy me the dress and I used some tax money to go on the bachelorette's. I had to budget. I haven't been on a general vacation in years. I maybe do one or two nice activities in a year. That's it. I don't buy morning coffee or breakfast. I don't go out for drinks. I'm very frugal. That's why I don't join fun groups or activities that regularly cost money. 

[catfeeder]

14 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I'm transporting it, which is fine, but I have to run tons of programs on it for her business, which is making my computer lagging and causing extreme time use. It's my personal computer. I might use it 5 hours a week for myself. Now using it for her, I'm using it a good 10 to 15 hours more and running lots of programs and tabs. I've noticed changes since I started. My computer is slow, needs constant charging. I was even charging it so much, that I had to buy a new charger, with my own money. Her outlets at the fitness studio aren't great and my charger gets hot plugged into the wall, burning them out. Where, at my house that doesn't happen. Because I am typing a lot, I've had to buy special keyboard covers because the keys are getting worn out. All from using it for her work. That wasn't happening when I just used it for personal use. 

You don’t ‘need’ to do any of this, you voluntarily do it, and then you complain about it. Two other options would be to tell her she needs to supply the equipment, or you could quit and find more suitable employment.

Stop framing yourself as a victim of the stuff that you—and only you—AGREE to do. That’s the very first step you must take in changing your self-defeating behaviors. It will be miraculous how quickly your attitude will change when you stop feeding yourself the faulty and inaccurate stories.

[Jaunty]

17 hours ago, Alex39 said:

.  My feelings are hurt. I actually liked this job before the woman became rude towards me.  I know it sounds like I'm complaining and complaining.  I'm hurt. I plan and know I need to leave. My pride is hurt, my ego is hurt, my feelings are hurt.

Come on, Alex.  You are a grown woman in your 30's.   It's understandable that you have emotional responses to what goes on in your work life but seriously, you would be completely unfit for life in more dynamic business environments if this woman's little situation has you completely unmoored.

Get a grip girl!  STOP WHINING about things that you actually have control over.  You don't have to run tons of cumbersome programs on your laptop.  Just DON'T.  Frankly, I wonder what kind of programs you are running, since I can run our business on my Macbook Air (2020) no problems.

You don't have to participate in any discussions that involve personal attacks on you.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK THERE!  Where I live, Taco Bell is paying over minimum wage.   Starbucks is paying better than that.   

Also STOP WHINING about things you do NOT have control over.  I'm talking about how she runs her business and what her priorities are.   

It's your job to HELP HER do what SHE is trying to do.   She is not supposed to be catering to your ego and feelings.  

Come on, Alex, time for the self pity party to shut down.   

[Kwothe28]

18 hours ago, Alex39 said:

My feelings are hurt. I actually liked this job before the woman became rude towards me.  I know it sounds like I'm complaining and complaining.  I'm hurt. I plan and know I need to leave. My pride is hurt, my ego is hurt, my feelings are hurt.

Again, that is all in the line of the work. There is really no need to involve egos and feelings. Clients are not your friends, they are business acquaintances. That means that you have a business relationship. If they are not happy with your work or you feel that you are in any way satisfied with how they treated you, you can break up that business relationship.

I am saying you this because business world is pretty harsh sometimes. You are here one day and not there the next one. And you are alowed to be hurt by it. But if you are going to take multiple clients and work with people, you need to be way stronger then this. This kind of stuff is frustrating but something that happens fairly often in a freelance world. Again, just leave this one and find another client. But dont take all of this so personally because you need to move to next client, and next after that, and next after that. And it shouldnt bring you down like this if you are going to do this kind of work for multiple people.

[Jaunty]

11 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

This kind of stuff is frustrating but something that happens fairly often in a freelance world. 

And let's not even get started on the corporate world.  

[Seraphim]

Business is business and never mix friendship with money. Business is a hard game . You get a tough skin or get taken advantage of. 

I have clients try to take advantage of me but I have learned to put my foot down and assert myself . They will ALWAYS do what is best for them and I do that too. 

[Alex39]

My boss sent me an email today. Saying how she's been thinking since we last spoke - the awkward conversation. 

And how essentially she wants her business structure exactly back to the way it was before I started. (Back when she made no money, $3000 less monthly than she is now,  and complained how poor she was every single day to me) 

So I am putting her business back exactly how she wants. 

She wants me to add back in her million rules and regulations for her customers to follow, and all these strict fees, deadlines, and payment structures put in place. But then adds how she wants the vibe to be relaxing, easy,  welcoming, and how if people want to better their life, they must come constantly to see results and she wants that to be clear that customers must come a lot. And I need to make people understand that they need to be coming in regularly. - real welcoming and easy, rolling my eyes

I can't force people to come all the time if they don't want to. 

Then she accuses me of changing too much stuff on her and then says she appreciates my education.  

She's like jekyll and Hyde. 

This is the type of stuff that confuses me and has from the beginning. Hired me as a manager, telling me to be the manager and she just wants to be a fitness teacher- her words. I manage. I manage and sales go up. She loves the money. But doesn't like me managing.  So she takes back over and manages herself, sales go down. She doesn't get it and freaks out. 

I've explained that when sales are going up, we should stick to those methods, as they are working. She does the opposite and they go down and she gets mad. She sabotages her own business. 

She says she wants her business to be relaxing and an easy place to come to, but then makes me slap a list of rules on the front page of her website and wants me to constantly send rules to her clients as a reminder. But doesn't understand why people don't come back. And she has people ghost her all the time trying to evade her rules. And she calls and emails people when they don't come back asking them why and harassing them. 

It's essentially- you should come here and relax, but only if you follow this long list of rules. It's confusing. 

So I send her a very professional and clear email back, explaining to her my point of view. I tell her how I never changed anything without her permission, and always got her okay, to change things such as prices etc, which is 1000% true. I always asked her. She always said okay. 

And then I even mentioned a date and time that's listed on my phone where she herself okay'd a bunch of stuff,  before I did it, in an interaction we had. And that I've always done what she's asked. And I mention all things I did that she asked. Proving that I always did what she said was okay and things she wanted. 

And even reiterated that I'll go in and put her business back exactly how it was for her. 

I then told her that I was offended by her comments about my level of experience. And I then proceeded to list my work experiences to her in detail. Then told her that I am sorry if my work doesn't meet her standards, and I strive to make every business I work with successful, and her sales since I started do reflect more success.  So I did my job effectively.  

I then told her if she would feel more comfortable getting someone she thinks has more experience,  then she has to do what makes her most comfortable and I respect that. 

But if she would still like to work with me I will be happy to assist her, but would appreciate it if she is considering giving some employees pay raises, that I be included in that too. As she was the one that equated experience to pay and I clearly have the experience as my resume is stated above. 

And then I added in some figures from other local businesses, telling her how the going rate for a Target employee is $18-20 an hour and a hostess at a local pub is $17 an hour and how I'm making under that for high quality, mentally challenging work. 

[Alex39]

The local gym I go to is hiring paying the same as her. All I have to do is stand and say hi to customers, manage their accounts, and not use my own computer, and Spritz cleaning solution on machines. I applied for that today. 

As well as a bunch of other jobs. We'll see what happens. I'm doing all she wants me to do until I can bail and find another gig. 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 essentially she wants her business structure exactly back to the way it was before I started.  I am putting her business back exactly how she wants.then she accuses me of changing too much stuff on her 

That's excellent. She needs to keep her business model how she prefers it and it seems she finally confronted you about overstepping the boundaries.  After you undo whatever you did she can let you go and you can find something else. 

It's great you're already applying to other jobs. But please don't take jobs you feel are underpaid or pretend you are hired as a CEO. 

[MissCanuck]

39 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

The local gym I go to is hiring paying the same as her. All I have to do is stand and say hi to customers, manage their accounts, and not use my own computer, and Spritz cleaning solution on machines. I applied for that today. 

Good idea. 

It is obvious that your current boss doesn't see you as the right fit for her anymore, and clearly the reverse is true for you too. It's just not a match for either of you. 

But you really need to learn to regulate your emotionas. It will serve you well to approach your next job with more emotional maturity and humility. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Good idea. 

It is obvious that your current boss doesn't see you as the right fit for her anymore, and clearly the reverse is true for you too. It's just not a match for either of you. 

But you really need to learn to regulate your emotionas. It will serve you well to approach your next job with more emotional maturity and humility. 

Yes and now that you vented behind a computer screen to your boss I'd do the right thing and walk away - this is way too much for both of you -she shouldn't have to have her assistant sending her venting/over the top emotional emails that are all about how offended you are -she's trying to run a business as best as she sees fit whether you agree with her view or not.  This was not time for a vent-fest especially in writing - you want her to send that to a future employer? It's a small world even if you don't use it as a reference.  Let her find someone who will do her bidding -and she will IMO- and yes pursue other more structured part time jobs and hopefully even at a higher hourly rate.

[boltnrun]

How do you expect her to respond to your lecture? With an apology and by giving you a free hand to do things your way and giving you a raise? 

Most business owners will not respond well to being lectured, especially when they're paying you. 

I hope you do get a different job soon. Because this one is a really bad fit.

[Seraphim]

Wow, you put that in WRITING? You just shot yourself in the foot with that AND gave her a hint of where you will apply next. Never use her as a reference ,like ever. She has all she needs to sink you for every job you ever apply for . 

[Wiseman2]

On 1/11/2024 at 11:44 AM, Alex39 said:

It's running a local fitness studio. . She's disorganized, overbearing, and knows absolutely nothing about business at all. 

This part was interesting that you believed you were "running the business" and the owner herself doesn't know how to run her own business. It's good this is ending. 

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Wow, you put that in WRITING? You just shot yourself in the foot with that AND gave her a hint of where you will apply next. Never use her as a reference ,like ever. She has all she needs to sink you for every job you ever apply for . 

I don't need her as a reference and I don't need her at all. I have plenty of professional references under my belt to use. 

[Seraphim]

5 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I don't need her as a reference and I don't need her at all. I have plenty of professional references under my belt to use. 

Burning the bridge with actual evidence can bite you in the *** when least expected . Never discount that happening. 

[Alex39]

47 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This part was interesting that you believed you were "running the business" and the owner herself doesn't know how to run her own business. It's good this is ending. 

I truly do believe her business skills are poor and she's running her business into the ground. I think she's a great fitness instructor. A great one. But that doesn't constitute running a business.

She hired me telling me how she doesn't want to manage, told me she didn't like doing all the management stuff and wasn't good at it, and she wants to just focus on doing fitness everyday and not run it anymore. She said those things when I was being hired. 

So yes, I thought I was being brought on to manage the business. In the last month, she's been saying to me regularly how she thinks she will go work elsewhere and will let me run the business without her, because she sees how quick, efficient, and good at it I am. She works at other fitness studios teaching currently on the side still, because her own studio isn't doing well. 

 

[Seraphim]

Girl, the right now you are all bravado and ok whatever a lot of people blow that at that age but watch it doesn’t bite you . 

[Alex39]

Just now, Seraphim said:

Burning the bridge with actual evidence can bite you in the *** when least expected . Never discount that happening. 

I didn't burn myself or her. I was very professional with my email. I was professional and factual. I didn't down her. I acknowledged that she wants things a certain way and I will get right on doing that for her. I acknowledged facts that I have asked her every step of the way about changes and made sure she okay'd them before I did them. 

I did mention that I was offended. Because she was cruel when we spoke. And her saying that I know nothing about business is not true and I reiterated my direct experiences. 

[rainbowsandroses]

38 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I don't need her as a reference and I don't need her at all. I have plenty of professional references under my belt to use. 

If I've learned anything during my time on this Earth it's never burn bridges with current or past employers.  Especially someone like her.

If you're not happy working at any job, you leave graciously even IF you don't need as a reference.  Why?  She may know someone where you may be applying, she may be friends with a potential new employee, people talk!!

You certainly should NOT put your gripes in writing.  She could post that on social media, or forward to a friend in the industry who knows a potential employer, anything she wants, I mean she sounds unhinged anyway. 

Alex, you behaved very unprofessionally throughout.  It would appear you still blame HER for your misery when in truth, you caused your own misery by choosng to remain working at a place you were unhappy working at, and now sending this "venting" email that she's got on record, to do whatever she damn pleases with including using it to defame you as a "difficult" employee to whomever including future employers.

Did you at least send in PDF format so she couldn't doctor it up to further defame you? 

Please don't be so naive to think shyt like this doesn't happen, cause it does! 

Oh well what's done is done.  Moving forward, work on managing your emotions better.

In business you won't get anywhere by allowing emotions to steer your ship which is exactly what you've done here unfortunately.

 

 

[boltnrun]

She could screen shot your emailed lecture and post it on Yelp or Google Reviews. You will have a hard time getting any more consulting jobs if that happens.

You didn't need to send that email. I don't know, maybe you feel better or feel justified and self righteous or something. Maybe it's worth it, although I'm still curious what kind of response you're expecting. 

[Starlight925]

So she asked you to undo everything you did, indicating that she found nothing you did of value....

And you responded by asking her for a raise?

Are you kidding me?

I agree with everyone else:  You should never have put this in writing.

DO NOT put anything else in writing!!

And I don't care if you think she's the worst person in the universe, at the risk of sounding like an echo chamber:

Do. Not. Ever. Burn. A. Bridge.

[Seraphim]

In my business sphere I see people defaming people ALL.THE.TIME. and it is NASTY. We are talking calling government agencies on people etc etc for absolutely nothing other than standing up for themselves . I NEVER erase a message or email from anyone , EVER…, why ? Because I know people are a**** and emotional. 
 

I have a daily 🍿just seeing this play out daily on SM. 
 

I know I am a little long in the tooth for you but seriously I see it EVERYDAY where someone stabbed someone’s character or business or whatever for no more reason than they are vindictive today. 

[reinventmyself]

Oh boy. . .I hope when you look back that this is life lesson for you.

You are battling someone for control.  Problem for you is - she is your boss, she does own the company and if she sets it all on fire you have absolutely no say in it.

I reflect on my career where I rarely agreed with my boss's vision or decisions.  But I knew my place.  You will find this dynamic wherever you go.   You need to know your place or you will continue to be miserable.