My stubborn boss

[Seraphim]

9 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

It happens a lot that people aren't 100% in communicating what they REALLY want and flip flopping around. That's something you need to learn to navigate too. 

The biggest thing I'm seeing is that you have trouble simply acknowledging a mistake and changing course. Instead you double and triple down. 

Maybe try only focusing on your area you control. What could you have done differently? What can you do differently now?

Have you ever read any of Stephen Coveys books? I got a lot from it and you might like it as it is business orientated but relates to life as well. He talks a lot about circle of influence - what you control, what you don't, working as efficiently as possible. You are wasting so much energy focusing outside what you control and it will wear you down! 

Yup, I was like Alex for so long fight and fight to control what I couldn’t . Now in my late 50’s I am struggling for energy and probably helped to bring on some diseases I have. I knocked myself out trying to help anywhere and everywhere . I did manage to help those most important to me, but I am spent as a person and don’t have a lot left energy wise for the next 25-30 years. 
Don’t knock yourself out , Alex, it is coming . Save your energy for when it is most effective and most of all you need to find a way to stop the Saviour Complex. 

[itsallgrand]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Yup, I was like Alex for so long fight and fight to control what I couldn’t . Now in my late 50’s I am struggling for energy and probably helped to bring on some diseases I have. I knocked myself out trying to help anywhere and everywhere . I did manage to help those most important to me, but I am spent as a person and don’t have a lot left energy wise for the next 25-30 years. 
Don’t knock yourself out , Alex, it is coming . Save your energy for when it is most effective and most of all you need to find a way to stop the Saviour Complex. 

I'm definitely guilty of it too. Wasted so much time and energy worrying about all the things I couldn't do anything about anyways! So I hope Alex will get something from our sharing. 

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I do hang on in stuff too long because I don't want to be a failure.

So let's say I'm in Vegas, gambling.  I lose $100.  Should my solution be to put another $100 into the machine?  When I lose that, should I put in another $100?  Just so I won't be a "failure"?

Yes, that's a flawed comparison.  But my point is, putting good time in after bad isn't success.  It's actually the opposite.

It's not required to have a perfect life in order to provide advice and suggestions.  None of us on here are perfect or have all the answers.  But I'm taking about what's best for YOU.  Instead of focusing tons of time and energy pointing out what others are doing wrong, you could focus that time and energy on doing things that help YOU get what you want.  You're excellent at listing others' faults, but so far it seems you haven't directed any of that toward improving whatever it is in your life that is unsatisfying. 

[Alex39]

Not to get off topic. I am reading all of your advice and feedback. 

Now this lady just told me she wants me to start coming in here and there for a 1/2 hour before classes, to get the room ready and clean. And I will be paid for a 1/2 hour and then I can take the class for free, no pay, and then can meet all her most popular clients. 

So I'll make $7.50 to drive 20 minutes and a free workout class for an hour. Is this worth my money and time? 

 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Not to get off topic. I am reading all of your advice and feedback. 

Now this lady just told me she wants me to start coming in here and there for a 1/2 hour before classes, to get the room ready and clean. And I will be paid for a 1/2 hour and then I can take the class for free, no pay, and then can meet all her most popular clients. 

So I'll make $7.50 to drive 20 minutes and a free workout class for an hour. Is this worth my money and time? 

 

She's paying you SEVEN FIFTY AN HOUR???  Or $15 an hour?  

Alex, why did you agree to this insulting wage?  A business manager with an MBA gets paid way more than that.

She responded the way she did to your email because she could see you don't want to quit.  And now she's taking advantage of you by trying to bribe you into being her cleaning lady with a few measly dollars and a "free class".  Ludicrous. 

When I did freelance work I had a four hour minimum.  I don't drive across town for a half hour of pay.  Again, ludicrous. 

[Jaunty]

We've already explored your situation with this job and this woman to its fullest possible extent.  What do YOU think?

Don't go into anything about her.  We all get it, certainly you do.  

What do YOU think?  How will doing this serve you?

[Kwothe28]

10 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So I'll make $7.50 to drive 20 minutes and a free workout class for an hour. Is this worth my money and time? 

 

Something I discovered is that its far better to be doing something else that is more profitable then to be doing remedial jobs where you would spent most of that money traveling or even paying for some other stuff like food(if the job is more hours and need to buy meal). For example you need to drive 40 minutes(considering you also need to go back home). That means you have to pay to have gas for that trips. You are literally losing money with that deal if she pays you only 7.50$ for a trip there.

[Batya33]

I've never heard of someone being hired to redesign a business model and also sweep floors. Business owners often have to be jack of all trades but they make the profits.  Asking an MBA marketing and business development guru to - sweep floors?? You two have very different visions of your role.

Oh and I have never wanted to own a private house- why do you assume every one of your friends would like to?  I could purchase for cash right now. I don't wish to.  But, I paid off my grad school loans in approximately 3 years - I graduated at age 28.  And started investing over 20 years ago in a big way so by the time I married at 42 I basically didn't have to work and could live off my investments if I desired to.  Absolutely it's an accomplishment to be a homeowner if you can afford that and it's lovely to be talented at upkeep/interior decorating/design.  That's your path.  Stop assuming please others have those desires or interests and getting all judgey and superior.  It's not a good look - interior decorate yourself maybe?

I also don't think you're a bad person at all -I agree with all the others!

[Alex39]

24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

She's paying you SEVEN FIFTY AN HOUR???  Or $15 an hour?  

Alex, why did you agree to this insulting wage?  A business manager with an MBA gets paid way more than that.

She responded the way she did to your email because she could see you don't want to quit.  And now she's taking advantage of you by trying to bribe you into being her cleaning lady with a few measly dollars and a "free class".  Ludicrous. 

When I did freelance work I had a four hour minimum.  I don't drive across town for a half hour of pay.  Again, ludicrous. 

$15 an hour so that cut in half for a 1/2 hour 

[Starlight925]

Is this the same woman or this new job you were talking about?

Sorry, I get confused between all the pages of you telling us how wonderful you are, and how awful all these other people are.

 

[Alex39]

She really wants me to come, open the studio for her and she's been begging me since the begging to get to know her regular customers and take classes for free. 

I will add, she lives upstairs above the studio in an apartment. She doesn't live far. And if I wanted to workout, I am a member of a gym 3 minutes from my house. 

[Batya33]

Also if you do use her as a reference the person will realize you worked for minimum wage and also cleaned the gym -will make your role look a bit -vague?

[Jaunty]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I've never heard of someone being hired to redesign a business model and also sweep floors. Business owners often have to be jack of all trades but they make the profits.  Asking an MBA marketing and business development guru to - sweep floors?? You two have very different visions of your role.

I'm pretty sure that this business owner really just wants an ASSISTANT who can fill in gaps and do whatever needs doing at any given time.   "Girl Friday" type of thing.

She hit pay dirt when OP with an MBA applied for the job and probably was excited to explore possibilities.   

I doubt she ever intended to abandon all of her own vision for that business.  Since she and @Alex39 evidently had a reasonable communication recently, it's likely she now thinks that she has the assistant she was needing.

I started a business when I was young, I was skilled at something and was able to grow that into a business but really had no clue how to run it.  The growing pains when i first started employing people to "help" were actually quite painful, both for me and them.  I was a terrible manager.   

For sure this woman was not looking for a CEO when she took on a part time employee at minimum wage.

And, @Alex39, no way could you realistically have expected to be treated as a CEO when you accepted this gig.

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I see what people could be.

Nah, you see what you think people should be. 

Your posts about your "friends" are some of the most judgmental, catty, and self-aggrandizing I have ever read on this forum. Your posts about this boss have the same snarky, self-important undertone. 

Try extending the same compassion you demand to the people you look down your nose at. 

 

[boltnrun]

44 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

$15 an hour so that cut in half for a 1/2 hour 

Who the heck pays their workers by the half hour???

For the life of my I can't fathom why you're staying in this situation.  Except, after reading many of your threads you do almost always choose to stay in situations that don't serve you or that make you anxious or unhappy.   I can't figure out if it's due to low self-worth or because you enjoy having things to complain about.  Maybe it gives you something to do.

https://youtu.be/GpBFOJ3R0M4   Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage

If you do choose to be Cleaning Lady for $7.50 I hope you don't come back to complain about how she's taking advantage of you and doesn't respect your knowledge and experience and education.  Because YOU would be deliberately choosing to do this.

Personally?  I would not only say no, I'd say no and present my resignation.

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Who the heck pays their workers by the half hour???

For the life of my I can't fathom why you're staying in this situation.  Except, after reading many of your threads you do almost always choose to stay in situations that don't serve you or that make you anxious or unhappy.   I can't figure out if it's due to low self-worth or because you enjoy having things to complain about.  Maybe it gives you something to do.

https://youtu.be/GpBFOJ3R0M4   Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage

If you do choose to be Cleaning Lady for $7.50 I hope you don't come back to complain about how she's taking advantage of you and doesn't respect your knowledge and experience and education.  Because YOU would be deliberately choosing to do this.

Personally?  I would not only say no, I'd say no and present my resignation.

I plan on leaving and have been applying to other side jobs elsewhere. I get a good $600 a month from her. So I need to stick it out until I can easily re-cooperate that money elsewhere. It's helping me pay off my student debt faster. As soon as I get another gig, I am going to leave. But $600 a month is a lot. I purposely try to work 40 hours a month for her to make that money. She'd be happy if I worked less. Originally she told me 20 hours a week, and that dwindled down quickly to 10 hours because of her. So I am going to make my money and then leave, but need to be sure I have a backup job waiting when I do. 

I was just curious if you felt it was worthwhile for me to go in for a 1/2 hour and then take a free class for an hour? She's teaching the class.  She wants me to mesh with her existing clientele, so they get to know me at the studio, and know they can contact me for help with stuff. 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

I was just curious if you felt it was worthwhile for me to go in for a 1/2 hour and then take a free class for an hour? She's teaching the class.  She wants me to mesh with her existing clientele, so they get to know me at the studio, and know they can contact me for help with stuff. 

No, she wants a cleaning lady she only has to pay $7.50.  Do you think she could get a real cleaning service for that amount?

As I said I would tell her no and include my resignation.  I'm fairly certain you could get another minimum wage job within a week or two.  Restaurants and retail stores are screaming for applicants.

[Seraphim]

Just now, boltnrun said:

No, she wants a cleaning lady she only has to pay $7.50.  Do you think she could get a real cleaning service for that amount?

As I said I would tell her no and include my resignation.  I'm fairly certain you could get another minimum wage job within a week or two.  Restaurants and retail stores are screaming for applicants.

Agreed . I am not sweeping anyone’s floors for $7.50. The only floors I sweep are my own. 

[Kwothe28]

56 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

$15 an hour so that cut in half for a 1/2 hour 

She wants you to drive 40 minutes to clean for her for 7.50 US dollars? Again, you do know that you are losing money with that deal?

[Jaunty]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Who the heck pays their workers by the half hour???

I think it's normal for minimum wage part timers to be paid for fractions of hours.  This is a job that the OP accepted.

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I think it's normal for minimum wage part timers to be paid for fractions of hours.  This is a job that the OP accepted.

But not only a half hour.  It's usually something like 4 1/2 hours or 6 1/2 hours.  Not just "come in on Saturday for a half hour".

10 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Agreed . I am not sweeping anyone’s floors for $7.50. The only floors I sweep are my own. 

I don't mind sweeping floors.  But I'm not going to drive 40 minutes round trip to just be paid $7.50. 

I had a job where I was basically an office manager and part of my job was to clean the bathroom.  Since I was being paid a good wage it didn't bother me at all. 

[Alex39]

Just now, Kwothe28 said:

She wants you to drive 40 minutes to clean for her for 7.50 US dollars? Again, you do know that you are losing money with that deal?

She really wants me to take her classes for free and create community with her clients. I don't want to not be a team player. But I don't love the 1/2 hour just to open the door, turn on the lights, light some candles and swiffer the floor. 

At one point she posted an ad online asking for people willing to volunteer to clean her studio for free with potential for pay in the future. One guy showed up thinking he would get paid, and she offered him to clean for free and he can take free classes. We never saw him again. 

[Alex39]

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But not only a half hour.  It's usually something like 4 1/2 hours or 6 1/2 hours.  Not just "come in on Saturday for a half hour".

I don't mind sweeping floors.  But I'm not going to drive 40 minutes round trip to just be paid $7.50. 

I had a job where I was basically an office manager and part of my job was to clean the bathroom.  Since I was being paid a good wage it didn't bother me at all. 

I normally work for 4 to 6 hours at a time for her, so it's worth my while. 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I normally work for 4 to 6 hours at a time for her, so it's worth my while. 

But didn't she ask you to just come in for a half hour to clean? 

[itsallgrand]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

Not to get off topic. I am reading all of your advice and feedback. 

Now this lady just told me she wants me to start coming in here and there for a 1/2 hour before classes, to get the room ready and clean. And I will be paid for a 1/2 hour and then I can take the class for free, no pay, and then can meet all her most popular clients. 

So I'll make $7.50 to drive 20 minutes and a free workout class for an hour. Is this worth my money and time? 

 

No. 

And just say No. 

And enjoy your coffee at home in the morning knowing you didn't make things worse for yourself.