Did I really screw this up or he just not interested , please help I need advice

[Evami]

Hi everyone, little over 2 months ago I got on a friends making app and met a guy. Initially I was just talking to him briefly but he was so much into me and then the more I knew him the more I find him to be very interesting , as if he was what I imagine a perfect guy for me to be .

but little by little out conversation became shorter and shorter. Sometimes our conversation will be going for few days in raw and he is so sweet and nice  and then he will just disappear and then text me back about the last topics we left off like a week ago and be .

the thing is that I feel like I like him but I can’t say anything to someone I never met in person and to make sure i don’t chance him I don’t double text him and I wait until he replies even if it takes a week or more .

the last time I think I screwed up , we talked last about him helping a friend in his painting his house and and send me some pictures of their work and i told him they took amazing and how skilled he is .

couple days ago ( 1 week later ) he replied and he found me really sick I have bronchitis and migraines etc and he said and quote “ I just help my friend but it’s not as professional as it would be with an actual painter … I hope you having fun 🙂

and i replied with this exact 2 text :

“you did your best and helped your fiend that’s what matter most :)”

but i added this second text and i thinks i missed up ” i m having so much fun with migraines , fever and coughing my way to vomiting , it’s a real party! I hope you days as entertaining as mine “. 
it was very sarcastic but I did it because I kinda got mad when he answered a week later about the last things where we left . And I was really in bad mood and after that he never replied or even bother to ask if I’m a live or no 

what should I do ? How bad really is Text ? How can fix it , I don’t want to loose contact with him. I don’t know if I should reach out or just wait .  I know this is just online but I’m starting to like him , but I’m not  sure lot  maybe he thinks I’m not untested since I don’t chase him and don’t double text ….  and not sure what to do and this is stressed me so much additionally to the fact I’m really sick . Please help ..Thanks 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Evami said:

 I feel like I like him but I can’t say anything to someone I never met in person ” i m having so much fun with migraines , fever and coughing my way to vomiting , it’s a real party! I hope you days as entertaining as mine “. 

Sorry this happened. It's good you recognize that the text was a bit snarky and TMI.  As you mentioned you never met in person and perhaps expected too much from a friendship app.

Please let the dust settle and perhaps he'll contact you someday, but step back for now. 

Please consider getting a good profile and pics on quality paid dating apps and start talking to and meeting local real-life available men in person. It seems you would like a relationship.  

[Evami]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

's good you recognize that the text was a bit snarky and TMI.  As yo

I screw up but what should I do to fix it , do you think I should text him and say sorry or what should I do ? Please help 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Evami said:

 How bad really is Text ? How can fix it , I don’t want to loose contact with him. I don’t know if I should reach out or just wait .  

Please step away. He has your contact info. If wants to continue contact after that remark he can text you. 

[Evami]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

continue contact after that remark he can text you

Do you think he will never contact me again ? I know I missed up but at that moment I was annoyed that it took him one week to reply 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Evami said:

what should I do ? How bad really is Text ? How can fix it

There is nothing to be sorry about. Your text, albeit not very fun and engaging, isnt bad and malicious so you need to apologize for it. The guy just fizzles out of it. Nothing you can do about that, we cant force people to talk to us. If he wants to, he will contact you again.

Also, why are you seeking partners on friends app?  Dating apps are for that, friends apps are for friends aka people to talk and do activities. And seems like you cant do neither with this guy.

[Evami]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

There is nothing to be sorry about. Your text

This make me feel a bit better , I wasn’t seeking relation or friends app , initially I got friends app because I only wanted friends but when I started taking to hiM to be so intresting  and have many things in common , I didn’t meet anyone like that in so very long and I start to like him but I try to keep it cool , we agreed that we will meet in. Few months and I just want to keep things going until then ( we lived in 2 different sides of country )

[smackie9]

When it comes to men, if they really want you, there is very little that would deter them. This guy was lukewarm at best. You did nothing wrong. 

[Evami]

31 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

This guy was lukewarm at best. You did nothing wrong. 

Yeah he is very sweet and when we talk is nice but then he takes for ever and I feel like I can’t get to know him or have along conversation when someone answers days or a week later .

when we first stated talking he told me he has a mild Asperger’s syndrome but at the time I didn’t ask any questions and now I wonder is that has something to do with this weird dynamics and breaking communication ? I want to bring that up to get to known him more but not sure how ,? As it’s a sensitive subject . 
I just find it to be weird that someone tells you they are really sick and you won’t even ask if they are okay ! I would ask everyday how he is doing and even offer to send him meds .. if it was him the sick one, and i know my text was very sarcastic but it hurt me that he didn’t even bother to say are you okay ? And now it’s been 3 days since I send him that stupid text 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Evami said:

 i know my text was very sarcastic but it hurt me that he didn’t even bother to say are you okay ? And now it’s been 3 days since I send him that stupid text 

Please reconsider things. You seem to be putting too much time energy and effort into someone you've never met and are not dating or in a relationship with. He's not a BF and really doesn't owe you anything.  You seem to depend on strangers too much.  Frankly why would he bother replying to a rude text? 

[Evami]

24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

really doesn't owe you anything.  You seem to depend on strangers too much.  Frankly why would he bother replying to a rude text? 

I know and understand he doesn’t owe me anything and I didn’t want to be rude to him, but I actually do expect him to answer maybe because that a very simple human gesture , the same say you and all this nice people here are answering me and taking their time to help me figure something out .

this guy and I agreed on meeting in few months he told me he is going to take me out and show me around ans all the things we are going to do together and he talked multiple time how he wants to feel our FRIENDSHIP  AND TRUST  when we meet . So yes I did expect “ hi how are you ? “ I asked people that I don’t even know l their  first name is they are okay . 

[Andrina]

You haven't even met yet, and yet this cyber friendship is already stressing you out. Isn't that a signal you should make an exit from something that will never go in the direction you want? You're seeking a fantasy world where you probably imagine you will meet and it will evolve into a fairy tale romance where one of you will be uprooting to live in the other's town. Romances that start as long distance have an extremely high risk of failure because there are too many cons in LDRs.

Why have you sought a cyber friendship with a long distance person? Usually people who do this have scared away local people for friendship or romance because of neediness, and have resorted to cyber fantasy as being better than nothing. Or, they have secrets to hide that a far-a-way person won't immediately be turned off by. Or, they have emotional baggage and believe actual in-person dating is too scary and keep distance, at least for a while.

What is your personal life like locally? Do you have any friends? Hobbies? A good career? What is your relationship history? 

Your expectations of this guy is unreasonable. He is not obligated to reply to you in a particular timeline. You choose your friends and keep them if they meet your friendship needs, which hopefully are reasonable. If you don't believe a friend is making as much effort as you, let them fade away. I've never acted snarky to a friend if I felt like I was being used, manipulated, neglected. I merely stop reaching out to them for get-togethers, etc. That leaves one time for friends who make equal efforts.

[LootieTootie]

51 minutes ago, Evami said:

I know and understand he doesn’t owe me anything and I didn’t want to be rude to him, but I actually do expect him to answer maybe because that a very simple human gesture 

Hi Evami, 

Unfortunately even tho it's a small simple human gesture, doesn't mean people will give it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, and if they don't, you shrug and move on. You are going to run into people who are like this, especially online. They will try to sell you this image of them, and then go lukewarm on you... maybe a few weeks/months goes by, and they're back into selling again.

In friendships, people come and go, so you need to accept that friends can go cold. In situations where it seems more about dating or signs of interests in dating, people who come in hot whenever they feel like it, are not relationship material. They are looking for an ego-boost.

Not sure how old you are but please be careful falling for people online when you have not met them yet.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Evami said:

This guy and I agreed on meeting in few months he told me he is going to take me out and show me around ans all the things we are going to do together and he talked multiple time how he wants to feel our FRIENDSHIP  AND TRUST  when we meet .

This seems like string along talk perhaps giving you unreasonable expectations. You seem to want a BF/relationship and this isn't the way to go about it. Please let go and date locally. 

[smackie9]

You don't waste your time on someone that doesn't give you consistent communication or meaningful interaction. This guy isn't doing it.  you shouldn't have to fix, train or make someone treat you the way you expect to be treated. First impressions count. If this guy acts flaky, he just a flaky kind of guy. He isn't going to change. 

This is what I always say, date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. 

[catfeeder]

The thing about making contacts for messaging is that everyone who meets a new one is excited at first. They write their best stuff for a while, but over time, real life and real people tend to take priority, and their own writing bores them.

Consider meeting friends who are more local, so you can integrate them into your real life.

[rainbowsandroses]

8 hours ago, Evami said:

but i added this second text and i thinks i missed up ” i m having so much fun with migraines , fever and coughing my way to vomiting , it’s a real party! I hope you days as entertaining as mine “. 
it was very sarcastic but I did it because I kinda got mad when he answered a week later about the last things where we left . And I was really in bad mood and after that he never replied or even bother to ask if I’m a live or no 

2 hours ago, Evami said:

when we first stated talking he told me he has a mild Asperger’s syndrome but at the time I didn’t ask any questions and now I wonder is that has something to do with this weird dynamics and breaking communication ?

@Evamireading the above quotes, I agree your message was sarcastic and also a bit snarky in my opinion.   Admittedly, you were hurt and angry by his lack of concern for your health and your words and the tone of your message (through sarcasm) conveyed that.

My take on this is given that he's autistic combined with this being an online interaction where communication can be ambiguous and hard to "read" sometimes anyway, he may have been confused by the tone of your message, he doesn't understand sarcasm (many people without autism don't understand sarcasm) and didn't know what to make of it and has backed off as a result.  Just my read on it.

I think if you want to continue your interaction, it's up to you to reach out; however I DO agree with the other posters, it sounds as if he may have been stringing you along and also may have many women he's chatting with online, you're just one of many.

This happens sometimes when you choose to interact online with someone who lives a distance away, and there are many people on line who have no interest in meeting in person, they simply enjoy the online chat.

IF you are able to have no expectations of ever meeting him in person and are able to simply enjoy the occasional online chat, nothing more nothing less, then reach out, apologize for the tone of your last message (you were sick after all it's understandable) and see what happens.

If he doesn't respond, let it go.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[Evami]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

he doesn't respond, let it go.

Thank you for all the good advice , He actually just RESPONDED , he texted me that he is sorry that I’m sick and he wished he was here with me to take care of me and make sure I stay hydrated and that I just need to stay strong it will pass this one too . 
this is makes me feel better , I know this is crazy but I don’t want to lose contact with him especially we already planned to meet in person . 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, Evami said:

I know this is crazy but I don’t want to lose contact with him especially we already planned to meet in person . 

Others may differ, but I don't think it's crazy at all!  I am the last person to call anything crazy, lol and I'm glad he finally responded!

It's possible he ran your message by a few his friends and they sort of interpreted it for him, hence his words conveying caring and kindness.

Oh I don't really know, I am only speculating of course.  But it can be very tricky communicating with a person with even mild autism, plus it's on line which can add another layer of ambiguity.  

My advice moving forward is try and stay away from any sort of sarcasm or teasing disguised as a "joke" that may be hard for others to read and interpret on line.

Have fun and good luck! 🤩

[Evami]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

an be very tricky communicating with a person with even mild autism

Yes you are right , thank you so much and I’m going to stay away from any sarcasm or anything they may end up like this time , but I don’t want to let his mild autism Be in the way of getting to known him, I know is difficult and sensitive but I really like him . Thank you 

[Batya33]

I’ve had an online pen pal for a few years now and we text almost every day. Rarely miss a day. We first connected through an FB group and she then sent me an invite to a great group for readers and writers. We both love books and we both have done some writing. Here’s why it works. First - yes - if I ever come to her city I’d love to meet her in person. It’s doubtful she’ll travel to mine. I have family sort of near her. More importantly a very very long time ago we confirmed that - we absolutely don’t offend easily AND no ghosting. It was put in a very positive context on both ends. My expectations though are that despite actually texting about very deep and or personal stuff I know my role in her life is absolutely not the same as a real in person close friend. We also have never spoken by phone. Partly because of logistics and slight time zone difference. But it works because we trust each other to take things positively by default and also to be loyal, consistent and reliable penpals. We always - always - inquire after each others health especially on my end - she has some health problems. If she didn’t respond I’d worry so much about her ! And I likely would send someone in her family an FB message (we are connected on SM). It’s - odd - but we click and we really enjoy keeping in touch but it’s that level of trust and consistency over years now that is why I am happy to invest the time and maintain this friendship.  I’m sure if there was a romantic component it would be far far too complicated though. I’d continue to treat this person platonically 

[lostandhurt]

When are you meeting in person?  Where?

[Evami]

21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

despite actually texting about very deep and or personal stuff I know my role in her life is absolutely not the same as a real in person

I would like to get closer to him ans talk more about personal and deep things , but I’m not sure how to do it ? Maybe I should be more open about my life and past and be more vulnerable even if s really hard for me .

and I want to bring up his Asperger’s syndrome again but not sure how to talk to him about and bing it up , I want to get to know him more and understand him but this is a very sensitive subject and not sure how to start it. But I also have PTSD and anxiety from a really traumatic events happen in my life , I really want to get close to him .

we agreed to meet in few months , I have work to do in his city and we agreed to meet and go out..

[Evami]

4 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Where

I have work in his city in few months and we agreed to meet , I only need to be there  for work for coupe days and I will stay weekend too . 
but it’s not for another 5 months and I need to keep communication to that Long .

[lostandhurt]

For your own mental sake could you move up the meet?  Is he super far away that you couldn't meet half way for a date?

Dragging this out for 5 months does not sound like a good idea.

Lost