Did I get played??

[anotherday29]

So for the last 7 weeks I've been dating/relationship with a persian girl, who was absolutely beautiful, she's 25, turning 26, I'm 31, turning 32, we both met at a little take out restaurant, I told her she was beautiful asked for her number an it went from there, we met up on several dates, I took her to great restaurants, texting back an forth she eventually stayed at mine about a week later, I cooked for her, bottle of wine, and we slept together, and as the weeks went on she introduced me to her friends and family via facetime, as they don't live in the UK,  we was calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend getting all excited for Christmas, as Christmas got closer i spoilt her so much, luxurious gifts and presents, talking about planning a Christmas get away, spa break or small trip somewhere nice, and she slowly became distance, so I asked if I could bring her presents to her on the 23rd December, so I did, then Christmas I was trying to make plans for us to meet my friends have drinks etc, but she was being super difficult, and cold, so I asked her how serious are you about this relationship? Because we did open up about our past relationships she said she's had a rough time so have I, so we both said at the start we want a good relationship.. so I was surprised how she changed so quickly, she told me she's not interested anymore, works tiring her to much, even though we live 5 mins away from each other, she blocked me on all forms of contact except WhatsApp, literally killed all communication between us, I've tried asking to talk an see what's wrong, but she actually become nasty, telling me I'm disturbing her🙄 even though I've been extremely polite an gentleman like towards her, 

I've asked can we talk over food, or maybe just have a casual date, an the doors been completely slammed shut... I asked if we could talk or meet today an i said why block me every where but here, an her response was out of respect for you, i can block you if you want, an my response was "darling I just want to see you, if you want to block me that's up you"   and yeah she blocked me 

I'm like shocked beyond words,  a few female friends of mine, have said "she may be a player" or gold digger. 

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, anotherday29 said:

 she eventually stayed at mine about a week later,  and we slept together, she introduced me to her friends and family via facetime, as they don't live in the UK,    but she was being super difficult, and cold, so I asked her how serious are you about this relationship? she told me she's not interested anymore,, she blocked me on all  she actually become nasty, telling me I'm disturbing her 

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately it seems like too much too soon and a bit overwhelming. She doesn't seem like a "golddigger" or that she "played" you. 

Perhaps you overinvested in the relationship and maybe came on too strong and smothered her a bit.  Is it possible her family would prefer she date men from her culture? 

All you can do is step back and let her be. Maybe in the future try to take your time and pace yourself. 

[anotherday29]

Her mom was super excited for us, like she was saying we look so great together..

Her family are Christians, but Persians, I'm white english, Christian. I don't think it was culture related tbh

The girl herself was actually telling me she was having talks with her mom quite regularly about me, and she's happy.. so I'm still kinda speechless 

[anotherday29]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately it seems like too much too soon and a bit overwhelming. She doesn't seem like a "golddigger" or that she "played" you. 

Perhaps you overinvested in the relationship and maybe came on too strong and smothered her a bit.  Is it possible her family would prefer she date men from her culture? 

All you can do is step back and let her be. Maybe in the future try to take your time and pace yourself. 

Her mom was super excited for us, like she was saying we look so great together..

Her family are Christians, but Persians, I'm white english, Christian. I don't think it was culture related tbh

The girl herself was actually telling me she was having talks with her mom quite regularly about me, and she's happy.. so I'm still kinda speechless 

[anotherday29]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately it seems like too much too soon and a bit overwhelming. She doesn't seem like a "golddigger" or that she "played" you. 

Perhaps you overinvested in the relationship and maybe came on too strong and smothered her a bit.  Is it possible her family would prefer she date men from her culture? 

All you can do is step back and let her be. Maybe in the future try to take your time and pace yourself. 

Just too add,

I stay around hers during the week some nights, I'd cook or she would, and her apartment was complete electric, so she would struggle to pay to keep the heating on, so my attitude was "my girl" isn't going to struggle if were together an she's my support aswell I'm hers, so i would pay like 40 pounds on to her electric metre so the apartment was warm an cosy so she didn't have to worry or struggle warming the place when I visited 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, anotherday29 said:

I stay around hers during the week some nights. i would pay like 40 pounds on to her electric metre so the apartment was warm an cosy so she didn't have to worry or struggle warming the place when I visited 

That was very kind especially if she was hosting you a lot, but if she were "using" you as your friends insinuated,  she wouldn't have ended things.  Sorry it didn't work out. The only thing that jumps out is too much too soon. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Sounds like what other poster said. 

Fast and furious. Especially around this time of year. 

 

[anotherday29]

I work in construction, an I hurt my shoulder quite bad the one week an I couldn't drive so she would pick me after work an we would go back to hers, cuddle up, kiss, if she helped me I'd help her, I'd say babe let me top your fuel up, I acted like a gentleman to her, so like I say I'm speechless 

 

Her excuses was, she's too tired for a relationship an her heads not right.

[boltnrun]

You went way overboard with the money and gifts. Like, WAY overboard. Love comes naturally, you don't have to "buy" it when it's right. Yes, yes, you did those things because you wanted to help, you care about her, etc. etc. But it comes across as pushy and invasive when you do too much too soon. Especially when it hasn't even been two months dating.

Slow your roll next time. Don't get overly excited. 

[anotherday29]

17 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Sounds like what other poster said. 

Fast and furious. Especially around this time of year. 

 

Yeah could be. But a small bit of communication could of slowed it down a bit, I work 84 hours a week day to day, I work 7 x 12 hours a week, then 4 days off

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, anotherday29 said:

I'm like shocked beyond words,  a few female friends of mine, have said "she may be a player" or gold digger. 

Did she asked for gifts? Nothing you described really means she is a golddigger. I mean sure you paid her electric bill but she hasnt asked you for it. OK you also took her to nice restaurants, but still from description she doesnt seem like some luxurious woman wanting a sponsor. I mean she didnt had for electric bill lol

Some people are just not relationship material. Whether she just moved on somebody else or felt you were going fast, her blocking you on everything means that she just doesnt want any contact. So respect that. Also, try to slow your rolls on some next woman. If you dont want to feel used, dont "go big" and pay their bills and take them to luxurious restaurants.

[anotherday29]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You went way overboard with the money and gifts. Like, WAY overboard. Love comes naturally, you don't have to "buy" it when it's right. Yes, yes, you did those things because you wanted to help, you care about her, etc. etc. But it comes across as pushy and invasive when you do too much too soon. Especially when it hasn't even been two months dating.

Slow your roll next time. Don't get overly excited. 

If it wasn't Christmas, I'd of acted differently, yeah I'd help with basics if we're sharing, but the gifts was more excitement, my last relationship was very abusive, my ex would make me walk on egg shells an demand everything, I really liked this new girl I was really trying to be a gentleman 

[anotherday29]

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Did she asked for gifts? Nothing you described really means she is a golddigger. I mean sure you paid her electric bill but she hasnt asked you for it. OK you also took her to nice restaurants, but still from description she doesnt seem like some luxurious woman wanting a sponsor. I mean she didnt had for electric bill lol

Some people are just not relationship material. Whether she just moved on somebody else or felt you were going fast, her blocking you on everything means that she just doesnt want any contact. So respect that. Also, try to slow your rolls on some next woman. If you dont want to feel used, dont "go big" and pay their bills and take them to luxurious restaurants.

We sat on the sofa the one night an I was asking her what would she like for Christmas, as it was supposed to be our first, I was trying to be romantic an loving, 

So she told me what brands an stuff she likes so I surprised her with it all, she loved it tbh, she was super happy, giving me kisses an affection. She even phoned her mom when I gave her presents to her to show them off 

[Lambert]

I think its a case of too much, too soon. It became overwhelming and turned her off.

It's like eating too much candy. you're loving it and then you're sick of it. There is no slowing down.

The lesson here is to slow down. Even if you are crazy about the girl and she seems crazy about you.

Relationships are like plants they need sun light, fresh air, water etc. but go overboard and you kill it.

It's a disappointment for sure.  I'm sorry. ((hugs))

[boltnrun]

53 minutes ago, anotherday29 said:

I was really trying to be a gentleman 

By bombarding her with gifts and money?

Did your abusive ex demand you buy her things? 

Next time calm down. You don't need to smother a woman with money and gifts to get her to love you. She'll get there on her own if she's the right woman for you and if you are respectful, loving and affectionate. 

[anotherday29]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

By bombarding her with gifts and money?

Did your abusive ex demand you buy her things? 

Next time calm down. You don't need to smother a woman with money and gifts to get her to love you. She'll get there on her own if she's the right woman for you and if you are respectful, loving and affectionate. 

I only bought her Christmas gifts, I asked what she liked an what she would want, 

My ex just crapped on all my efforts, we was together 4 years, I took her on holidays, restaurants, treated her for birthdays Xmas, and I was there for emotionally and physically but it didn't work

[anotherday29]

35 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I think its a case of too much, too soon. It became overwhelming and turned her off.

It's like eating too much candy. you're loving it and then you're sick of it. There is no slowing down.

The lesson here is to slow down. Even if you are crazy about the girl and she seems crazy about you.

Relationships are like plants they need sun light, fresh air, water etc. but go overboard and you kill it.

It's a disappointment for sure.  I'm sorry. ((hugs))

Do you think its worth reaching out maybe in a few days, I do have a work phone, maybe drop her an apology, or ask for just a chat, or send her a card?

 

She would text me Good morning and goodnight, and i miss you daily, so I hope we can sort things out

[lostandhurt]

I am going to tell you something that in time will be of some comfort to you.

 It doesn't matter why she changed her mind, all that matters is that she did.  Any excuse, reason or justification will not undo the ending of your budding relationship.

Did you come on too strong?  Maybe.  Did her ex find out how happy she was with you and circled back for a second chance and she gave it to him?  Only she knows for sure or sometimes they don't have something that they can put their finger on so they bail.  Getting an answer may make you feel better in the short term but in the end it is still over.

 Slowing down a little would probably be good for you for the future.  It allows you to absorb everything and keep your vision clear so you do not miss flags along the way.  Her reasons were just a polite way of ending it, they weren't the real reasons.  Leave her be, lick your wounds and learn from this.

 She isn't the only woman out there

 Lost

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, anotherday29 said:

as Christmas got closer i spoilt her so much, luxurious gifts and presents, talking about planning a Christmas get away, spa break or small trip somewhere nice,

 

1 hour ago, anotherday29 said:

so i would pay like 40 pounds on to her electric metre so the apartment was warm an cosy so she didn't have to worry

That doesn't sound like you just bought her a couple of Christmas gifts. 

A quality woman will not expect you to bombard her with luxurious gifts or for you to pay her bills for her. 

Please, for the next woman, slow down with the gifts and money.

And please do not keep asking to see her. When a woman blocks you it usually doesn't mean "keep trying to contact me".

I understand it's disappointing, but we've all been through breakups and while they are no fun we usually come through it fine with time. 

[anotherday29]

8 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I am going to tell you something that in time will be of some comfort to you.

 It doesn't matter why she changed her mind, all that matters is that she did.  Any excuse, reason or justification will not undo the ending of your budding relationship.

Did you come on too strong?  Maybe.  Did her ex find out how happy she was with you and circled back for a second chance and she gave it to him?  Only she knows for sure or sometimes they don't have something that they can put their finger on so they bail.  Getting an answer may make you feel better in the short term but in the end it is still over.

 Slowing down a little would probably be good for you for the future.  It allows you to absorb everything and keep your vision clear so you do not miss flags along the way.  Her reasons were just a polite way of ending it, they weren't the real reasons.  Leave her be, lick your wounds and learn from this.

 She isn't the only woman out there

 Lost

I know it was only 7 weeks, but it felt special, I know there's plenty of woman out there in this world, and i dont struggle to gain female attention all honestly, I've  got a sports back ground, im quite successful at work, I've contacts in other countries so i can travel with ease so i know i can bring a lot to a relationship  i just like the way we met, it wasn't on a dating app or a night club, we was both just innocently getting food and we couldn't stop looking at each other, a smile came so I approached her...

Speaking of exs, she did says only 3 months single from a years relationship so quite possible there was an ex in her ear, or vise versa 

[Batya33]

Agree with all the others. Get to know someone at a reasonable pace over a much longer period of time. Many people change their minds after only 7 weeks of dating.

[rainbowsandroses]

To answer your thread title, no you did not get played. 

I know you thought she was special but it was only seven weeks! That is less than two months. It was WAY too much too soon, and it sent the wrong message.

I also realize you wanted to "do" for her and "buy" for her, but you need to be cognizant of how your actions and all your attention come across to a woman, the message it sends, especially during the early states.  

In this case, the covert message all your attention, money, gifts etc. sent her was that you were trying to "buy" her love, that you don't think enough of yourself as a man and human being to simply bring yourself, just as you are, without all the externals.

She is actually the opposite of a golddigger as a golddigger would have stuck around for all those externals.

Of course I don't know her so this is just my take but I have experienced such behavior from men and it's borderline repulsive and it's one of the biggest turn offs there is for me and many other women I associate with. 

It spells too "thirsty" (not necessarily sexually) in many women's minds which is most likely the exact opposite of how you intended to come across.

I know many people scoff at 'self-help' books as a resource to learn but one I recommend you read is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover.  Please don't be misled by the title.  

It offers insight into why men struggle to maintain healthy relationships and live fulfilling lives while showing them how to break free from the "white knight" syndrome and create the life they want.

I am sorry it didn't work out.  Please leave her be and consider this a huge lesson learned for next relationship.

 

 

 

[Lambert]

4 hours ago, anotherday29 said:

Do you think its worth reaching out maybe in a few days, I do have a work phone, maybe drop her an apology, or ask for just a chat, or send her a card?

 

She would text me Good morning and goodnight, and i miss you daily, so I hope we can sort things 

I'm so sorry. I would wait. 

When someone says they want space. give them space. It is a respectful and caring thing to do. 

It will be helpful for you too. Do you have interests, friends, family? Try to  focus on those things. Maybe she did you a favor.

Don't settle for someone that thinks they're better off without you. I honestly feel that way about someone right now. They think they can do better.  let them. lol.

So it's ok to move on completely. you deserve better.

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, anotherday29 said:

Do you think its worth reaching out maybe in a few days, I do have a work phone, maybe drop her an apology, or ask for just a chat, or send her a card?

I would not reach out, she knows how to reach you. I'm so sorry, and I know this hurts. Too much, too soon has a suffocating effect. It's like reaching a boiling point that suddenly feels like overkill. It's important to give the people you're dating enough time apart from you to process and regroup after a date. Otherwise, too much time together can turn grating and annoying, even if they appear willing at the time.

If someone reaches that point, it would be counterproductive to reach out to her. Time without you is your friend. She might reflect and eventually miss you, or she's oversaturated and reaching out to her would only compound the problem.

As a go-forward, make it a point to avoid over-saturating someone no matter how much they appear equally invested. You'll thank yourself in the long run.

[anotherday29]

8 hours ago, Lambert said:

I'm so sorry. I would wait. 

When someone says they want space. give them space. It is a respectful and caring thing to do. 

It will be helpful for you too. Do you have interests, friends, family? Try to  focus on those things. Maybe she did you a favor.

Don't settle for someone that thinks they're better off without you. I honestly feel that way about someone right now. They think they can do better.  let them. lol.

So it's ok to move on completely. you deserve better.

I just thought we was good that's all, I really liked her, we live so close to each other, she would pick me up from work on her days off, we would cuddle an watch tv together... if I knew it was to much I'd of backed off a bit, if someone tells you good morning, an asks how your day is going an they miss you, it easy to get caught up in love bombing or being too available. I'm quite guarded when it comes to relationships, I told her this, an she actually said "don't worry, I won't hurt you" I really like you an I wanna be with you. 

Because in the first couple of weeks I wasn't to emotionally available, I was actually going the gym, an saying not tonight darling, tomorrow..  but its just strange you give people what they want, then they change....

Her final txt yesterday was pretty cruel, I asked if we could talk or just meet up, 

And I asked why she hadn't blocked me on whats app, an her response was "out of respect for you" 

It left me more confused why leave X amount of communication blocked an some communication available. And she responded I'll block you if you want me too..

 

My response was noo, I wanna see you but if you wanna block me it's up too you..  then boom, blocked !!!... such a gut wrenching feeling when you've been apart of someone's life the last how many weeks