Yays and Nays

[boltnrun]

"Suzy Sunshine" types really grate on my nerves.  You can tell them "I caused a major car accident where I totaled my car and the other person's, my cat needs major surgery that I can't afford and I just got fired from my job" and these types will say "I'm sure everything will be fine soon!!!!!"  

[boltnrun]

You know that old saying "no good deed goes unpunished"?  I don't subscribe to this belief, but holy cow!  I've been providing support to someone close to me.  They asked for advice, I gave it.  They chose not to follow that advice.  That's fine, advice isn't a subpoena or a court order.  But then they continue to complain about the situation, even though THEY CHOSE not to do anything about it.  And then they do something that egregiously violated my personal privacy.  Yes, I got upset and told them so.  They apologized.  Fine.  Then they continue to complain about their initial bad situation.  Again, they CHOSE not to do anything about it.

I'm being polite and responsive but I'm not offering any more advice even when asked.  I just say "do what you think is best" because I know they're not going to follow advice even when they ask for it.  So why should I get myself riled up or annoyed about it?  I won't.  I'm still a bit annoyed about the violation of my privacy but I'll get over that eventually.

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I've been providing support to someone close to me.  They asked for advice, I gave it.  They chose not to follow that advice.  That's fine, advice isn't a subpoena or a court order.  But then they continue to complain about the situation, even though THEY CHOSE not to do anything about it.

Drives you crazy, right? If they really wanted to fix something, you would think they would take steps to fix it. But no, they just want to complain and be the victim. I'll never understand what people get from that behavior. Address the problem so it goes away or learn to live with it. Constant complaining doesn't solve anything and just makes you and everyone you complain to feel worse.

[Seraphim]

On 2/2/2024 at 10:32 AM, boltnrun said:

I don't like it when I go into the office and it's obvious someone has been using my desk. Ours is not a "hot desk" setup (thankfully) and there are plenty of open offices and cubicles. There's absolutely no need for anyone to be using my stuff. 

I took this afternoon off. My brother is dealing with something extremely upsetting. I don't want to get into it here because it's highly personal but I wanted to be available to him in case I need to go to his home which is an hour away without traffic.

I am so sorry, I hope he is ok. 

[boltnrun]

Thank you. It's not OK. It's not going to be OK unless something is done about the situation. Unfortunately, another party is involved. And he is more concerned about not upsetting the other party than anything else. So, nothing changes or gets better. 

I'm not saying it's "easy". Drives me crazy when people say "it's not that easy!!" Most things that are worthwhile or important are difficult but we do them anyway because they're worthwhile or important. And sometimes they're literally life changing or life saving. 

[Seraphim]

I am sorry he won’t speak up and do what he has to. 😓Sometimes people don’t understand it actually solves their issues rather than creates ones . 

[boltnrun]

20 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I am sorry he won’t speak up and do what he has to. 😓Sometimes people don’t understand it actually solves their issues rather than creates ones . 

And in many cases NOT saying something actually can be dangerous. Unfortunately he tends to either dither endlessly or he buries his head in the sand "hoping" the problem will just go away on its own. It's strange because he's quite decisive in his business interactions but in his personal life he's extremely hesitant. Add to this his extreme distrust of the medical profession as a whole and you end up with a bad situation that remains bad.

It's hard to watch. His indecision and reluctance to say anything is affecting someone else we both love. And I can't actually do anything except listen. So it's been tough.

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry, that sounds so difficult. 😞 

[boltnrun]

He's complaining again about how bad things are. I won't give anymore advice. If things are bad but he refuses to do a single thing to try to improve them I can't help. 

[reinventmyself]

20 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I had an appointment with a new therapist scheduled for tomorrow.  TODAY she messaged me saying she is cancelling and will be unavailable for a month and she's looking forward to seeing me when she returns!  I politely told her to go eff herself and scheduled with a different therapist.

How unprofessional.

Oh no  . . that's not right!

[boltnrun]

One of my coworkers just sent an email that said "it said that on the spreadsheet Boltnrun created so it's probably an error". What a C U Next Tuesday. It is NOT an error, lady. 

[Seraphim]

Wth. That is sooooooooo rude. 

[boltnrun]

I'm cranky today. I need a pic of that cranky old lady from the greeting cards. That's me. 

So he's sending me text after text complaining about how bad things are when HE CHOSE TO DO NOTHING. I don't understand what he expected would happen when HE CHOSE TO DO NOTHING. 

I can't keep repeating "I'm sorry" but I'm not going to waste my time offering any more advice. It's pointless. 

The other person involved is also someone I love, so it's difficult. But again, HE CHOSE TO DO NOTHING. 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Wth. That is sooooooooo rude. 

I was able to prove my data was correct with screenshots. 

That woman has been trying to undermine me recently. I think she resents that I was designated to lead a meeting that assigns her and her team tasks. But my manager gave me that assignment and if she doesn't like it she can take it up with him. Fortunately the lady she sent that email to gave me a very positive and pleasant response. 

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I was able to prove my data was correct with screenshots. 

That woman has been trying to undermine me recently. I think she resents that I was designated to lead a meeting that assigns her and her team tasks. But my manager gave me that assignment and if she doesn't like it she can take it up with him. Fortunately the lady she sent that email to gave me a very positive and pleasant response. 

I would keep all screen shots and email about her behaviour. These people sink themselves. I am glad the other person was nice . 

[boltnrun]

58 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I would keep all screen shots and email about her behaviour. These people sink themselves. I am glad the other person was nice . 

I keep everything. My work motto is "CYA". I was able to do this  earlier when I was told to completely reverse a task that had taken me several days to complete. I proved that someone else instructed me to do the task and I was reassured it wasn't my fault. Interestingly the person who assigned me the task didn't respond to any of the emails asking why this was allowed to happen. He's a nice guy but he really screwed the pooch on this one. 

[boltnrun]

My friend T is a lovely person. Wouldn't hurt a fly. Loyal. Not a malicious bone in his body. Supportive. But for the life of me he cannot remember anything I tell him. For example, we had talked nearly every day for two months about how I had applied for a promotion, was selected to interview, got offered the job and how I would be relocating to my home state to accept the promotion. Talked about my apartment search. Then when the pandemic hit, talked about how unnerved I was about moving. Talked about how our mutual friend M had very generously agreed to come with me to help me move. Talked through the move. Then for two straight months we talked about the new job and how upset I was about how the company was doing nothing to protect their employees and how I became so anxious I sought professional help, went out in an LOA and was seriously worried about how I would continue working at this job. So we literally had several months of almost daily communication with multiple detailed messages. And, I kid you not, two months after I'd moved he messaged me "so, when do you think you'll hear if you got the promotion? Will you have to move if you get it?" I was flabbergasted. My mouth literally dropped open. I thought, he must be making some kind of joke. So I told him yes, I moved two months ago. And he said "OMG, you already moved? When? That's so exciting! How's it going? Do you love your new job?" Again, my jaw dropped open. I didn't even know how to respond. I don't remember what I replied, but apparently he literally didn't remember the four months worth of almost daily messages we'd exchanged. 

And today I messaged him about this intense rain my area has been getting and how I was fortunate that although there's been flooding the water level hasn't reached the inside of my apartment. And he said "you're lucky you don't live on the ground floor!" Um, we've talked numerous times how I live in a single story duplex. He's even seen my apartment in person when he vacationed here last year. But now he thinks I live in a multi story building? 

I don't expect him to memorize details about my life but when it's something we've discussed at length? 

I've realized this is just a quirk of his. He just doesn't retain things we talk about. It's like Groundhog Day every day with him lol. But he's a sweet person and a lovely, supportive friend so I just have to accept this quirk of his. 

[Seraphim]

Hahahaha this sounds like my husband. It IS astounding what gets in the brain and what escapes. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My mouth literally dropped open. I thought, he must be making some kind of joke.

As I read your recounting of this that's exactly how I would have reacted/thought.  Has he ever mentioned to you that he's got a bad memory and/or that others have called him out on it? I like how  you recognize what a good person he is.  And it's also very tolerant of you.

[boltnrun]

He just kind of goes "haha oops" if I do remind him. Or he says "oh yeah, that's right!" His job requires him to remember a lot of details and I'm sure he's doing a good job. I think he's just kind of living in his own world so he doesn't retain what I tell him. Even if there are literally dozens of messages about the topic.

I don't really consider it being tolerant. It's just his quirk. If I value him as a friend I just need to accept it. He's been flaky in the past about things such as when he offered to come feed and spend time with my cat while I was away and he forgot. So I just didn't accept his offers to help anymore. I wouldn't rely on him for a ride to the airport, for example, but I know I can rely on him to be supportive and loyal and caring. Those things are important. 

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Hahahaha this sounds like my husband. It IS astounding what gets in the brain and what escapes. 

Is he able to retain details at work? My friend seems to be able to. It's just things I tell him that seem to fall out, so to speak. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

He just kind of goes "haha oops" if I do remind him. Or he says "oh yeah, that's right!" His job requires him to remember a lot of details and I'm sure he's doing a good job. I think he's just kind of living in his own world so he doesn't retain what I tell him. Even if there are literally dozens of messages about the topic.

I don't really consider it being tolerant. It's just his quirk. If I value him as a friend I just need to accept it. He's been flaky in the past about things such as when he offered to come feed and spend time with my cat while I was away and he forgot. So I just didn't accept his offers to help anymore. I wouldn't rely on him for a ride to the airport, for example, but I know I can rely on him to be supportive and loyal and caring. Those things are important. 

Yes. I understand you don’t need to be tolerant of this quirk. It depends on how important it is to you and on balance. It’s not that important to you. I was projecting. I’d need to be tolerant or simply have boundaries and not tell him anything I’d feel upset about him forgetting. That’s just me ! It’s hard to find supportive and loyal and caring friends. 

[Seraphim]

17 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Is he able to retain details at work? My friend seems to be able to. It's just things I tell him that seem to fall out, so to speak. 

Not always successfully, it depends on the job and how stressed he is ect. His medication now for ADHD he has done so so much better . At home the medication is starting to wind down and he is more inclined to let things go so to speak and be his natural self. But he has always had trouble holding onto details he sees as “ unimportant “ but not because he is malicious but just not part of the tangle in his mind. Yet he can remember the intricate detail of almost any weapon ever made, or plane  or whatever or war but can’t keep straight some of the most simple things or remember what I said 5 minutes ago. I think it’s because once he’s heard it, he’s like whatever and gone back into his mind again sifting through things that he thinks about. 

[boltnrun]

That's interesting. 

My former boss had an autistic brother and he could remember everyone's birthday, even people he'd met one time twelve years ago, for example. He would look at the person and state their birthday. And he was always correct. He was pretty much non verbal except for telling people their birthdays. I'm not sure he knew my name but he knew my birthday after only being told once. It was remarkable. I mean, I can't remember my niece and nephew's birthdays and I've known them their entire lives!

I'm not sure if my friend has ADHD. He can remember work things with no issue even when they're constantly changing. I just figure he's in his own little world and anything outside just doesn't register. I don't doubt for a minute he truly cares about me because it's obvious. And he feels bad when he forgets stuff. But his character overrides any irritation I might feel when he keeps forgetting things. In the grand scheme of life it's not that important. Now, when he forgot (twice!) to feed and provide water for my cat I did get upset because when I got home her water dish was completely dry and she had no food. But I just decided to never accept his offer to help anymore. Solved that problem. 

[Seraphim]

I think sometimes about somethings people are a bit scatterbrained.