Yays and Nays

[boltnrun]

20 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I think sometimes about somethings people are a bit scatterbrained. 

I agree. He is definitely not being malicious or deliberately obfuscating. Sometimes when I remind him he says "Oh yeah, that's right!" I think he sometimes just doesn't stop to think before he sends a message. 

However I have no explanation for the four month long message trail memory wipe lol!

[Seraphim]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I agree. He is definitely not being malicious or deliberately obfuscating. Sometimes when I remind him he says "Oh yeah, that's right!" I think he sometimes just doesn't stop to think before he sends a message. 

However I have no explanation for the four month long message trail memory wipe lol!

My best friend is exactly like this . She forgets and when I remind her she says oh yeah , I forgot . She isn’t trying to be mean or forget. Her brain just doesn’t work like that. 

[boltnrun]

I have my first online appointment with a new therapist today. She seems promising based on her bio and the messages she's sent me. 

Oh, and it's a video session and I have a small hive on the tip of my nose. I look like Mrs. Claus who just came in from being outside in the snow 😄

[boltnrun]

After initial session psychologist believes I am definitely presenting as OCD in addition to anxiety. This doesn't surprise me. It's not just wanting things to be lined up exactly. It goes far deeper than that. So we have work to do.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

After initial session psychologist believes I am definitely presenting as OCD in addition to anxiety. This doesn't surprise me. It's not just wanting things to be lined up exactly. It goes far deeper than that. So we have work to do.

It sounds like you like this therapist -maybe a blessing in disguise the one who acted unprofessionally did so. 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

It sounds like you like this therapist -maybe a blessing in disguise the one who acted unprofessionally did so. 

Yes, I wasn't crazy about that other therapist even before she cancelled on me. 

[boltnrun]

How did I never hear of "Fast Car" before this? Amazing. Gives me chills. 

[boltnrun]

I told my brother about my OCD diagnosis.  He said "oh yeah, I know exactly how you feel.  I like to be in control too."  And I explained that OCD has nothing to do with "liking" things to be a certain way.  With OCD I literally cannot function unless things are a certain way.  It's not a preference but a pathological necessity. And he repeated "I know!  I know what you mean, I like control too!"  Ugh...

So the other day I was contemplating how so many public figures (actors in particular) as well as everyday folks often have so many cosmetic procedures done they don't resemble themselves any longer.  They actually make themselves look worse IMO.  So I was driving today and compiled a list in my head of men (again, these are actors) who are aging well and IMO look better than when they were younger. 

My list:

Jensen Ackles, Idris Elba, Timothy Olyphant, Common, Robert Downey Jr. (which is a mystery given his history of extensive substance abuse), Patrick Wilson, Jason Lee.  I believe the youngest of these men is in his mid-late 40s.  And all of them are aging what appears to be mostly naturally and they all look fantastic.  For the older ones I'd add Chad Everett, Paul Newman and (not an actor) Pete Carroll (who I dislike but acknowledge is an attractive man at age 72).  Hubba hubba. 

Ahem. 

And there's my brother's all-time favorite actress, who he regards as practically a goddess, Sophia Loren.  He loved her at any age.  He says she is the most beautiful woman ever.  He also loves Sofia Vergara.  Must be something about the name Sophia/Sofia.

[boltnrun]

I'm having to work in a tedious project at work. One that I already completed, but since no one communicates I have to reverse everything I already finished. And I'm salty about it (because, why wouldn't you communicate before assigning me this huge project???) so I'm just picking at it a little at a time. 

[boltnrun]

The words "merit raise" were spoken during a team meeting today at work. I hope it happens because this new pay schedule has been a tough adjustment.

[boltnrun]

I never liked the manufactured "holiday" called Valentine's day. It's not that I'm a bitter single woman. Even when I was married or in a long term relationship I thought it was BS. But it is cute that some people enjoy it. 

A few years ago there was a young woman who worked in the accounts payable department (at a previous job). She was a plain looking young lady, with not much of a figure and dark acne scars on her face. And yet she received a huge bouquet of red roses and a box of candy and a teddy bear delivered to her office from her boyfriend with a handwritten card that read "Will you be my Valentine?" I thought it was the cutest thing ever. And that is partly why I strongly refute the belief that only the most attractive people "get" boyfriends or girlfriends. Her relationship was an example of proof that concept is false. Her boyfriend obviously loved her. 

So for those who think it's a thing, enjoy the day. 

[boltnrun]

This is a "nay".

AGAIN last night I dreamed about my toxic ex. Probably because I've mentioned him on here a few times. In the dream I met up with some of his friends (which would never happen IRL) and they took me to his house to wait for him because he was out. And he did something similar to things he would do when we were allegedly in a relationship, which was find some other women to hang out with. In the dream he said he was bringing these women to his house. So I said I was leaving and left. I was staying at a hotel for some event (weird) and I was planning to go to my room but people were milling about so I decided to go to the shopping and dining area nearby to see if there was anything I wanted to buy. And that's where the dream ended.

Annoying. 

Here's a "yay". The weather is lovely although windy. Sky is blue with a few white clouds. I have to go into the office tomorrow but hopefully this weekend I can get outside before the next rainstorm starts. 

[boltnrun]

So far I really like this new therapist. She and I have covered more ground and made more progress in two sessions than with my previous psychologist in over two years. Too bad I can only afford two more sessions.

[boltnrun]

My new therapist also complimented me and said I am doing really well. Nah, I'm just a really good actor.

[Seraphim]

I am hoping this really helps you. 

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I am hoping this really helps you. 

Thank you!

I cried in front of my new therapist.  Kind of embarrassing for me as I was raised to never, EVER cry.  I got spanked if I even looked like I might cry.  But we were talking about someone very dear to me who passed away and I just couldn't hold in the tears.  This person was my world (other than my kids, of course) and losing them was devastating.  I haven't recovered and probably never will.

OK!  Enough of that.  I'm glad it's Friday because a woman at work is trying everything she can to get me into trouble with my manager.  Fortunately he has assured me he does not agree with her perspective, so that's nice.  I love this job and want to do a good job.

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, boltnrun said:

OK!  Enough of that.  I'm glad it's Friday because a woman at work is trying everything she can to get me into trouble with my manager.  Fortunately he has assured me he does not agree with her perspective, so that's nice.  I love this job and want to do a good job.

It's situations like those that I hope for karma.  What is wrong with people?

[Seraphim]

It is ok to cry. It is healthy in moderation like everything. But a deep hurt it is plenty ok. I know our generation was taught crying was bad and you got something to cry about if you did cry. 
My mom almost never ever hit but she wasn’t adverse to saying I will give you something to cry about if you were crying for “ perceived nonsense”.  

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's situations like those that I hope for karma.  What is wrong with people?

She tried to get me to do something that was far out of my scope of work and responsibilities.  So I checked with my manager and he sent her an email advising her it was not my responsibility.  Apparently she's very angry about this.  Ever since then she has been copying my manager any time she thinks I've made a mistake or when I do make a mistake (which I legit did this time and I admitted it and accepted responsibility and corrected the mistake).  But when I go out of my way to help her department she mysteriously doesn't thank me OR copy my manager 🙄 .  I won't make a big drama out of it but my manager and I have a meeting next week to discuss. I'll keep doing my job and maybe she'll give up at some point although it's been six months and she's still mad.

41 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It is ok to cry. It is healthy in moderation like everything. But a deep hurt it is plenty ok. I know our generation was taught crying was bad and you got something to cry about if you did cry. 
My mom almost never ever hit but she wasn’t adverse to saying I will give you something to cry about if you were crying for “ perceived nonsense”.  

Yeah, my mother strongly believed in spanking.  When my son was born I told her I would not be spanking him.  I am vehemently opposed to spanking as I believe it teaches children that if someone does something you don't like you should solve it by hitting them.  And my mother mocked my husband and I, saying in front of people "They don't believe in spanking" complete with mocking laughter and eye roll.  No, we don't.  At least, we didn't believe it was a good thing to do.

I seldom cry, probably because of my upbringing.  I don't think it's bad for others to cry (as long as it's not at work!) but it takes a LOT for me to break down and cry.  And in front of others?  Yeah, no.  But I couldn't hold it in during my therapy session.

[Seraphim]

My mom is very anti spanking as well and so am I . I will admit to doing it once . My son broke my glasses, he chewed the arms off. I couldn’t afford new ones at the time and I can’t drive without them. I seriously lost my shyte. My mom spanked me once when I disappeared for 14 hours and they had to call out the police and fire depts. She was so so beside herself. Other than that I wasn’t hit and I only did it once as well. I am certainly not proud of myself for sure . 

[boltnrun]

My mother took pride in saying her children were frightened of her.  She mistook fear for respect.  She would proudly tell people how terrified we were of her.  I, OTOH, want my kids to feel love from me and to feel comfortable climbing into my lap (not anymore, obviously LOL) and expressing affection.  We said "I love you" dozens of times a day, literally.  I can only remember a handful of times when my mother hugged me and I certainly didn't feel welcome to climb into her lap!  As for "I love you"?  I think maybe when I went away for college.  And maybe over the phone when I would call from college. 

I have mommy issues. 😜

[Seraphim]

I still tell my son multiple times a day how much I love him . He used to climb in bed with me in the morning want want to cuddle all the time .🥰 I loved those days . It sad those days are gone . 
 

Yeah my parents were terrified of their parents . My husband was too .  It is sad . 

[boltnrun]

So someone mentioned that if someone attends protests it is a red flag, the person is a fanatic and is someone to be avoided.  I feel the opposite; if someone is passionate about social issues I would be attracted, not repulsed.  I have participated in at least a dozen protests.  Made signs.  Attended rallies.  Marched.  Chanted.  Donated.  My feeling is, if I don't speak up, if I sit and do nothing, I am part of the problem.  I participated in my first protest when I was about 19 years old and continue to do so.  I also "vote" with my wallet.  I will not patronize businesses that make donations to certain politicians and I will not patronize businesses that have policies I find offensive.  That's my right.  I can spend my money wherever I choose.  And I will continue to participate in protests.  Yes, I am passionate.  Some might even say "fanatical".  Cool.  They can paint me with red flags and avoid me.  That's their right. We still have the freedom to choose who we associate with. 

Now, if I met a man who supported completely opposite causes and had completely opposite opinions I would not date him.  Some people enjoy debating with their partner.  I do not.  I want to have fun and I don't consider arguing fun.  I respect differing opinions but I don't have to associate with people whose opinions are diametrically opposed to my beliefs.

One of the things my husband and I conflicted over is he wanted me to just keep quiet about social issues.  He was worried about what the neighbors might think.  I couldn't care less.  I won't keep quiet just because someone I don't even know might be offended.  I won't post huge signs or shout my opinion from the rooftop because that's unnecessary and not being a good neighbor.  But I will hang a rainbow flag at my front door or post a small sign in my window.  And I will march with like-minded people in public places.

[Seraphim]

Protest is our constitutional right and responsibility. If you stand for nothing that is who should be avoided. 

[boltnrun]

Exciting morning!

My apartment is full of spiders. Mainly "daddy long legs" but a few others.  They tend to stay in corners although frequently I wake up with spider bites on various parts of my body.  But they're mainly harmless.

I have a shoe rack in my eat-in kitchen area (which I use as my office).  I ALWAYS check my shoes for spiders, especially the pair I only wear once a week to go grocery shopping.  When I reached for the shoes I felt spider webs.  So I put my hands inside the shoes.  Nothing came out.  So I reached in again and felt around.  This time something bit me.  Oof.  I carried them to the door and set them down on the outside stair.  Next thing I know a medium sized brown spider with a white belly came running out.  Guess I know what bit me.  It ran down the side of the shoe.  I shook the shoe and it dropped to the ground with a string (or whatever you call what they use to drop down with).  I was mad at it for biting me so I squished it.  I normally let them live but not this time.  So hopefully it wasn't any kind of poisonous spider.  So far I don't feel sick and the spot where it bit me isn't itching or red or anything and it happened about two hours ago.