My boyfriend broke up with me

[TheCrow]

At the end of the day, it's all about finding yourself in the right place at the right time.. next to the right person, physically or digitally. Which won't happen on a  break from dating. 

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, mylolita said:

if your goal is to be married and have children, surely all men, especially men you date, you will view under the scrutinising eye of “potential husband?” 

Exactly, the men you date. So it's important to weed out those who don't meet your criteria and not to waste time going on multiple dates with them. The criteria shouldn't be "guy who texts me" or "guy who half-heartedly agrees to be exclusive but cancels on me regularly".  

[mylolita]

47 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Exactly, the men you date. So it's important to weed out those who don't meet your criteria and not to waste time going on multiple dates with them. The criteria shouldn't be "guy who texts me" or "guy who half-heartedly agrees to be exclusive but cancels on me regularly".  

Completely agree! 
 

If anything shady or lukewarm or off happens even before the first date, even on the first meet, or first conversation, I would say, trust your gut and stop it there! 
 

I don’t even know if you need to really date anyone for very long to know if they are going to be a good match for you or not! A half hour long conversation is enough to rule out/weed out 95% of men - the other 5%, explore! 
 

How do you hone your bs detector?! That is a hard thing to navigate, develop or explain! 
 

x

[mylolita]

I think, even at 16, or 25, or 35 - we can’t have this feeling that we have “all the time in the world” to discover ourselves. 
 

What’s that quote? Life is not a dress rehearsal? 
 

I feel maybe a bit dramatic and melancholy to say this but, time goes by, and fast. You blink and 10 years is gone. No one has time to fritter and waste, and if you keep wasting it, even at 16, soon you are 28 and freaking out just like the rest of us. I don’t think anyone can afford to sit back. I think life requires participation and action! Sometimes we can think ourselves into not doing anything - I have been there and I do it to this day myself! 
 

You don’t want to repeat your same mistakes but, the key is to learn fast and not repeat them! That’s the goal. It isn’t that you made one mistake, that is inevitable and essential to learning, but the mistake and fault is only true if you keep making that same mistake over and over again. 
 

I have a friend who has been married 5 times, and wonders about women and has nothing good to say about them. Maybe, in my eyes, he kept picking the exact same type of woman, and he was exactly the same type of guy, every time! He’s 85 now and I’m sure when he was playing around with his models and hook ups felt as if he would live forever. He had a stroke recently and was completely alone. 
 

I am not trying to be dooms day about this but - time is absolutely essential. The most valuable thing alongside health. Health is just time, anyway. Longer to live. Time is the thing no one can buy or claw back. Use it wisely. You must have that ticking clock in your ears daily to some extent, to remind us our time is precious - make decisions wisely! Use it, wisely! Don’t give it away to people who don’t deserve it! 
 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

To fall in love is to truly be vulnerable, to truly need the other person, to have them need you. To love, and be loved in return - the greatest thing - quote Nat King Cole! 

Even with all my talk about "detach from the outcome" yadda yadda,  I 100% wholeheartedly agree with this ^!!

 

[beyourown]

 

I am sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. Give yourself as much time as you can to try to get rid of her remembering memory.

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I think, even at 16, or 25, or 35 - we can’t have this feeling that we have “all the time in the world” to discover ourselves. 
 

What’s that quote? Life is not a dress rehearsal? 
 

I feel maybe a bit dramatic and melancholy to say this but, time goes by, and fast. You blink and 10 years is gone. No one has time to fritter and waste, and if you keep wasting it, even at 16, soon you are 28 and freaking out just like the rest of us. I don’t think anyone can afford to sit back. I think life requires participation and action! Sometimes we can think ourselves into not doing anything - I have been there and I do it to this day myself! 
 

You don’t want to repeat your same mistakes but, the key is to learn fast and not repeat them! That’s the goal. It isn’t that you made one mistake, that is inevitable and essential to learning, but the mistake and fault is only true if you keep making that same mistake over and over again. 
 

I have a friend who has been married 5 times, and wonders about women and has nothing good to say about them. Maybe, in my eyes, he kept picking the exact same type of woman, and he was exactly the same type of guy, every time! He’s 85 now and I’m sure when he was playing around with his models and hook ups felt as if he would live forever. He had a stroke recently and was completely alone. 
 

I am not trying to be dooms day about this but - time is absolutely essential. The most valuable thing alongside health. Health is just time, anyway. Longer to live. Time is the thing no one can buy or claw back. Use it wisely. You must have that ticking clock in your ears daily to some extent, to remind us our time is precious - make decisions wisely! Use it, wisely! Don’t give it away to people who don’t deserve it! 
 

x

Like my dear friend. Made the mistake of telling her best friend and classmate she was into him. He was married and older than she. He said the same. For years they had an on and off affair. He actually had another child with his wife. She finally ended it. Now she was late 20s. She met a really good guy on Match. I always knew she loved him but not in a thrilling or exciting way. He was over the moon about her.
 

Tjeyw  got engaged when she was 31. Planned a wedding for about 8 months later. He also was same age. They both wanted a family. A couple months after getting engaged she got diagnosed with late stage breast cancer. She had surgery before the wedding then a European honeymoon. Then 2.5 years of multiple rounds of chemo. Of course they didn’t have kids.  She died many years ago. 
I don’t share this at all to criticize her choice to have an affair. It’s the point made about wasting time - you never know. She definitely wanted to marry and be a mom. My goodness what a great mother she would have made. I loved her so and I still do. 

[kim42]

43 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I think, even at 16, or 25, or 35 - we can’t have this feeling that we have “all the time in the world” to discover ourselves. 
 

What’s that quote? Life is not a dress rehearsal? 
 

I feel maybe a bit dramatic and melancholy to say this but, time goes by, and fast. You blink and 10 years is gone. No one has time to fritter and waste, and if you keep wasting it, even at 16, soon you are 28 and freaking out just like the rest of us. I don’t think anyone can afford to sit back. I think life requires participation and action! Sometimes we can think ourselves into not doing anything - I have been there and I do it to this day myself! 
 

You don’t want to repeat your same mistakes but, the key is to learn fast and not repeat them! That’s the goal. It isn’t that you made one mistake, that is inevitable and essential to learning, but the mistake and fault is only true if you keep making that same mistake over and over again. 
 

I have a friend who has been married 5 times, and wonders about women and has nothing good to say about them. Maybe, in my eyes, he kept picking the exact same type of woman, and he was exactly the same type of guy, every time! He’s 85 now and I’m sure when he was playing around with his models and hook ups felt as if he would live forever. He had a stroke recently and was completely alone. 
 

I am not trying to be dooms day about this but - time is absolutely essential. The most valuable thing alongside health. Health is just time, anyway. Longer to live. Time is the thing no one can buy or claw back. Use it wisely. You must have that ticking clock in your ears daily to some extent, to remind us our time is precious - make decisions wisely! Use it, wisely! Don’t give it away to people who don’t deserve it! 
 

x

The last sentence is very true! I've realized that as I'm getting older🙈

[mylolita]

26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Like my dear friend. Made the mistake of telling her best friend and classmate she was into him. He was married and older than she. He said the same. For years they had an on and off affair. He actually had another child with his wife. She finally ended it. Now she was late 20s. She met a really good guy on Match. I always knew she loved him but not in a thrilling or exciting way. He was over the moon about her.
 

Tjeyw  got engaged when she was 31. Planned a wedding for about 8 months later. He also was same age. They both wanted a family. A couple months after getting engaged she got diagnosed with late stage breast cancer. She had surgery before the wedding then a European honeymoon. Then 2.5 years of multiple rounds of chemo. Of course they didn’t have kids.  She died many years ago. 
I don’t share this at all to criticize her choice to have an affair. It’s the point made about wasting time - you never know. She definitely wanted to marry and be a mom. My goodness what a great mother she would have made. I loved her so and I still do. 

Oh my goodness Batya! This is heart wrenching! 
 

We are all so flawed, and all so, so mortal. Every day is a gift. Don’t wait for the true things - life is to be lived! 
 

I am very sorry to hear this x

[mylolita]

2 minutes ago, kim42 said:

The last sentence is very true! I've realized that as I'm getting older🙈

I still don’t practice it personally either Kim! We all know what we should be doing! 
 

To be human is to be flawed, and, sadly - LAZY! Ha! 🤣

 

Lazy in love as well! 
 

x

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, mylolita said:

Oh my goodness Batya! This is heart wrenching! 
 

We are all so flawed, and all so, so mortal. Every day is a gift. Don’t wait for the true things - life is to be lived! 
 

I am very sorry to hear this x

Thank you. It’s been many years. But - And ? She is so missed. She also was a psychologist. Helped so many. Her late husband remarried about 3 years later and they have 3 kids under 13 or so.  I’m really really glad he remarried. He was so young and can you imagine how good a person he was to - marry her - then be her caretaker- her hero - while she faced terminal cancer. So I hope his wife knows how amazing this is. It was hard for her I’m sure. To know his love for his late wife. 

[mylolita]

Sorry to go on, I realise Alex you are no longer reading or replying, but I just have to blurt! 
 

In dating, and love; I find so common, people beat around the bush, hold their cards close to their chests, and idle forever playing games and guessing and wondering which what and when! 
 

Lay your cards down! Show your hand, for Pete’s sake! Just reveal yourself! If you are nervous, just say it! Dorky, shy, scared - whatever! Speak what you mean and say it out loud. 
 

You lose nothing by saying it by date 2 or 3 than holding it back until you’re living together a year later, or broken up two years after that. Be honest and open. Let them see you!!! Then they will feel more comfortable to be honest and open to you, too! 
 

Being yourself is catching! 
 

x

[mylolita]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Thank you. It’s been many years. But - And ? She is so missed. She also was a psychologist. Helped so many. Her late husband remarried about 3 years later and they have 3 kids under 13 or so.  I’m really really glad he remarried. He was so young and can you imagine how good a person he was to - marry her - then be her caretaker- her hero - while she faced terminal cancer. So I hope his wife knows how amazing this is. It was hard for her I’m sure. To know his love for his late wife. 

This is such a heart breaking story Batya! You tell it well and I can hear it is from the heart!

 

I don’t think love is ever lost. I think it exists like an energy between two people and kind of gets passed on. She lives on in you and her husbands heart I’m sure! 
 

I have a little observation and I don’t know whether this holds true but, for those that have maybe been married a decent length or a very long time (like @Seraphim !) you get this strange, assured in synch ness with your spouse? And you don’t ever second guess it? 
 

I remember speaking to a friend of mine (who is now 69!) and her married neighbour was 55 at the time. She has been with her husband since she was 15. They were talking about divorce and she said, “Me and Brian, we’re a sure thing.” And my friend, who was divorced said, “How can you ever know that?” And Jane repeated, in her matter of fact way, “Cath - we’re just a sure thing.”

 

And I get that. When you find the right person, her sentence 10 years ago now rings truer than ever to me. That, you just become “A Sure Thing”!

 

x

[Capricorn3]

Thread has run its course.