My boyfriend broke up with me

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Jaunty said:

But, clearly you were a person who was absolutely capable of assessing a man and / or a relationship you were involved with / in for their realistic potential to provide you with what you were looking for.  On top of that, you knew without any doubt what you were looking for.  

No. I wasn't.  That's the point.  I often got in my own way.  I had my list for sure.  It wasn't too long and matched what I was offering on my end.  So when I made bad choices/got in my own way especially in my 30s I did not take breaks.

I think there are many who desire a child or more children and it doesn't work out. I don't see that as relevant to Alex taking a break to be more effective at dating.  Also many people who desire to be parents are specific about wanting to have the child biologically or only adopt an infant, etc.  Which is totally fine but obviously lessens the chances of being a parent for certain people.  Likewise looking only to partner with one's own gender makes it more challenging to become a parent. 

It's quite possible after ending my 7 year on and off again relationship in early 2005 that if I'd taken a year break I wouldn't be married or a parent now as I reconnected with my future husband that July and he'd have been geographically distant -and very likely involved in another relationship -he was ready to marry and start a family too at age 38 - so in that way too timing is so crucial and is why I give the input I do here.

[Batya33]

28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to rethink things and be more flexible. It's nice you have your own place but you seem to be somewhat rigid about it.

You seem to want someone who fits in your life your way on your terms more like installing a Ken doll in your Barbie house.  Someone who'll move in and play insta-husband doing yardwork and helping pay bills, eating your homemade meals, etc. 

Have you considered that if you do meet someone, eventually you may have to move? Perhaps this is why the last guy was appealing. Broke, needed a decent place to stay, helped you around the house with honey-do stuff. 

I thought of this too and recall on a different thread a discussion where she said -I think? - she wouldn't want to relocate away from family and/or wanted a particular kind of home in a particular kind of area.  I get that many people do but the extent to which she's focused on her home and what it means to her might be something she wants to think about as far as decreasing her options here.  

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I was thinking about my ex husband and his new girl yesterday. She agreed to move in a new apartment with him after only 2 month of relationship, and this is something I just can’t understand. For having dated guys, I know that after a few month, things change, you realize who is the person you have in front of you. This happens after the infatuation stage of a new relationship which is often caused by stress and has in fact nothing to do with real feelings. 

My ex husband conveyed to me at that time that he kinda liked her and that it was convenient (bigger appartement, a nanny for his son, he can spare money…) Now here they are after 7month, already living together. She is controlling, extreme jealous, they fight etc… they already have issues because they rushed it… to bad… (especially for my son) 

My point is, I would never move in with a guy after 2 month because I have boundaries and need time to trust someone… if they want to be part of my life, they have to earn it, by action and consistency through time. So Alex please, don’t give guys so much from the start… be skeptical. Always. Protect your heart. 

I never moved in with a guy before marriage except for 2 months (the first time I was engaged to my husband, shortly before our cancelled wedding) and I don't see moving in as presumptively more serious.  It depends why the couple is sharing living space.  A woman who can easily move out/afford to lose her current place or rent it out -no biggie - and some people like playing house or like the convenience -it depends what the living together means.

I know of several happily coupled people -married as well who made up their minds right away about their person and married very quickly whether or not they moved in before marriage.  It depends. I never would have.  I know of many couples who moved in together and got married after years of cohabiting then quickly divorced.  Unfortunately a bit of a crap shoot.

With Alex I do like the Barbie-Ken analogy -the insta relationship -all of a sudden even though he had his own place he was at her place a lot, she was pet sitting for free -all that stuff when she knew from I think the second date when he flaked on her with a tummy ache then spent days rescheduling despite being well enough to go out with his friends that this was not a loyal or reliable person even at the first impression stage.

[Crawfords Wine]

Alex, your haste is so detrimental to evaluating and deciding what is good for you and your life. 
If you continues on the same path, you run a real risk of getting pregnant by another unsuitable duffer who you slapped the boyfriend/husband label on, and railroaded into a relationship.
When that inevitably crashes and burns, the consequences will be far graver than an injured foot, some tears and a few days of entirely justified  wallowing in self-pity.
Regardless of how bad the relationship ends up being, he'll always be in your life in some capacity as the child's father. 
If you tether yourself to another human being like that for the rest of your days, you really owe it to yourself to  ensure it's a solid choice, a good pick, a keeper. For your sake as much as the child's.

I'd encourage you to take a short break from dating, to get your emotions back on an even keel and not to end up pity-fishing, which is what you were doing with your friend's son.
He is the epitome of an unsuitable duffer.
He may well be a really nice guy, but he's lightyears behind you in life and unlikely to catch up anytime soon, if ever. Do not go there.

I'd also encourage you to look into taking some assertiveness training. Not online, from the comfort of your own sofa, but out there n the real world.
This benefits you in several ways; you get to go out, and meet new people. You get to learn and put in practice how to better stand up for yourself, both in personal and professional settings. 

It'll help build up your confidence, so you won't have to revert to putting on an act of 'cuteness' and the like. 
You are not a little girl, you are a 32 year old woman. 'Cute' is very much not cute. 
Be charming, as long as it's authentic to you. Otherwise it'll just come across as fake, put on and not something you can maintain long-term.
Be helpful to others, but be humble about it. Else it comes across as inauthentic, fake and transactional.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You alone walk your path. Others walk theirs, and each one is different.

Make some new friends. The ones you have you barely seem to tolerate, and you all have outgrown each other in one way or another.

Last, but very much not least....your family, specifically your mum.
Distance yourself. Physically, geographically, emotionally, all of it. 
I have a mum a fair bit like yours. As soon as I was able to, I moved away. To a different country. 
Best thing I ever did for my sanity, self esteem, self image and general joy in life.
Maternal expectations can be a heavy burden.

[Sindy_0311]

37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I never moved in with a guy before marriage except for 2 months (the first time I was engaged to my husband, shortly before our cancelled wedding) and I don't see moving in as presumptively more serious.  It depends why the couple is sharing living space.  A woman who can easily move out/afford to lose her current place or rent it out -no biggie - and some people like playing house or like the convenience -it depends what the living together means.

You saying it's no biggie surprises me a little. When there is a kid involved it's a biggie in my opinion. Don't you remember, when I suggested the guy I was dating to meet my son after two month you said it was to early and we all conveyed this. Now if the relationships fails, his dad will not be able to afford this expensive apartment alone, he will have to move out again, and in my city, you don't find apartments that easily... it often take more than 3 month to find something. But as I know my ex husband, he will stay with his girl even if they don't get along well. (He did the same with me during 3 years until I decided to go). Just wanted to clarify, but not my thread, so I'll leave it there. 

I don't think Alex just wants a Ken in her Barbie house... If she wanted a man to provide for her, help her with her house or pay her bills, she would never have dated a broke guy. She would look for a more financially reliable guy. The reason why she invested in this guy and overlooked all the red flags in the beginning is because of her strong physical attraction to that guy IMO. When you are highly attracted to someone, it's easy to look past the flags. I think we all have been there at least once. I see her relationship with this guy more like a teenagers love story. You are all in, naive and rushing things because of your hormones and physical attraction. But intellectual and emotional compatibility aren't that important. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Crawfords Wine said:

Alex, your haste is so detrimental to evaluating and deciding what is good for you and your life. 
If you continues on the same path, you run a real risk of getting pregnant by another unsuitable duffer who you slapped the boyfriend/husband label on, and railroaded into a relationship.
When that inevitably crashes and burns, the consequences will be far graver than an injured foot, some tears and a few days of entirely justified  wallowing in self-pity.
Regardless of how bad the relationship ends up being, he'll always be in your life in some capacity as the child's father. 
If you tether yourself to another human being like that for the rest of your days, you really owe it to yourself to  ensure it's a solid choice, a good pick, a keeper. For your sake as much as the child's.

I'd encourage you to take a short break from dating, to get your emotions back on an even keel and not to end up pity-fishing, which is what you were doing with your friend's son.
He is the epitome of an unsuitable duffer.
He may well be a really nice guy, but he's lightyears behind you in life and unlikely to catch up anytime soon, if ever. Do not go there.

I'd also encourage you to look into taking some assertiveness training. Not online, from the comfort of your own sofa, but out there n the real world.
This benefits you in several ways; you get to go out, and meet new people. You get to learn and put in practice how to better stand up for yourself, both in personal and professional settings. 

It'll help build up your confidence, so you won't have to revert to putting on an act of 'cuteness' and the like. 
You are not a little girl, you are a 32 year old woman. 'Cute' is very much not cute. 
Be charming, as long as it's authentic to you. Otherwise it'll just come across as fake, put on and not something you can maintain long-term.
Be helpful to others, but be humble about it. Else it comes across as inauthentic, fake and transactional.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You alone walk your path. Others walk theirs, and each one is different.

Make some new friends. The ones you have you barely seem to tolerate, and you all have outgrown each other in one way or another.

Last, but very much not least....your family, specifically your mum.
Distance yourself. Physically, geographically, emotionally, all of it. 
I have a mum a fair bit like yours. As soon as I was able to, I moved away. To a different country. 
Best thing I ever did for my sanity, self esteem, self image and general joy in life.
Maternal expectations can be a heavy burden.

Best post!  I hope Alex has a chance to read. 

[kim42]

34 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

You saying it's no biggie surprises me a little. When there is a kid involved it's a biggie in my opinion. Don't you remember, when I suggested the guy I was dating to meet my son after two month you said it was to early and we all conveyed this. Now if the relationships fails, his dad will not be able to afford this expensive apartment alone, he will have to move out again, and in my city, you don't find apartments that easily... it often take more than 3 month to find something. But as I know my ex husband, he will stay with his girl even if they don't get along well. (He did the same with me during 3 years until I decided to go). Just wanted to clarify, but not my thread, so I'll leave it there. 

I don't think Alex just wants a Ken in her Barbie house... If she wanted a man to provide for her, help her with her house or pay her bills, she would never have dated a broke guy. She would look for a more financially reliable guy. The reason why she invested in this guy and overlooked all the red flags in the beginning is because of her strong physical attraction to that guy IMO. When you are highly attracted to someone, it's easy to look past the flags. I think we all have been there at least once. I see her relationship with this guy more like a teenagers love story. You are all in, naive and rushing things because of your hormones and physical attraction. But intellectual and emotional compatibility aren't that important. 

I didn't have the impression that she was strongly attracted to him, but maybe I don't remember all the details that well.

I think she tends to get too 'excited' when she meets someone, and too carried away with the whole texting thing. I can relate to this to a certain extent but I also know it can be changed, if you work on yourself.

I truly hope the advice in this thread can help her.

[boltnrun]

Alex, I didn't get that you were ignoring red flags because of your extreme, irresistible attraction to your ex. It was more an extreme attraction to the thought that "Yay, I FINALLY found a boyfriend! Hopefully he'll propose marriage and I'll finally have a husband like all my friends do". It wasn't HIM, per se. It was "husband", a male human who would marry you. Never mind if you two were right for one another. You needed to say you loved him because if you didn't it would mean he was just a figurehead rather than the man who checked off all your boxes and was the legitimate love of your life. You were in love with the idea, not the man. At least, that's what it seems like to me. 

Some time and distance will clearly show what this really was and you'll be relieved it didn't go any further. You're now free to think about what you really want and to find ways to meet the right man for you. 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I see her relationship with this guy more like a teenagers love story. You are all in, naive and rushing things because of your hormones and physical attraction. But intellectual and emotional compatibility aren't that important. 

@Sindy_0311are we reading about the same situation?  

That wasn't how it was at all when they first began dating and for months afterwards.

He flaked on her more times than not with flimsy excuses, and would only spend 2-3 hours with her at her home watching a movie once or twice a week and was out the door by 8:00 p.m.

It took him a long time to even kiss her and he also had sexual issues when being sexually intimate with her.

That is not a love story nor infatuation imo at least not for him.

I DO believe Alex was very attracted to and infatuated with him. She would write how "masculine" he was, how he smoked cigars and how she felt that was so "manly."

She was attracted and created stories in her mind that he was as well when from the beginning I didn't get the sense HE was much into it at all.

That's why I recommended time on her own, introspecting and learning how to deal in reality versus this fantasy version she created/creates for herself.  Among other things.

Otherwise these unhealthy patterns will continue, she will continue choosing the wrong men for the wrong reasons and wake up in ten years exactly where she is now.

Apologies Alex for speaking about you in the third person.

 

 

[Sindy_0311]

41 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@Sindy_0311are we reading about the same situation?  

That wasn't how it was at all when they first began dating and for months afterwards.

He flaked on her more times than not with flimsy excuses, and would only spend 2-3 hours with her at her home watching a movie once or twice a week and was out the door by 8:00 p.m.

It took him a long time to even kiss her and he also had sexual issues when being sexually intimate with her.

That is not a love story nor infatuation imo at least not for him.

I DO believe Alex was very attracted to and infatuated with him. She would write how "masculine" he was, how he smoked cigars and how she felt that was so "manly."

She was attracted and created stories in her mind that he was as well when from the beginning I didn't get the sense HE was much into it at all.

That's why I recommended time on her own, introspecting and learning how to deal in reality versus this fantasy version she created/creates for herself.  Among other things.

Otherwise these unhealthy patterns will continue, she will continue choosing the wrong men for the wrong reasons and wake up in ten years exactly where she is now.

Apologies Alex for speaking about you in the third person.

 

 

I meant the way she is dating, she somehow acts like a teenager. Also sorry for speaking in the third person… 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

You saying it's no biggie surprises me a little. When there is a kid involved it's a biggie in my opinion. Don't you remember, when I suggested the guy I was dating to meet my son after two month you said it was to early and we all conveyed this. Now if the relationships fails, his dad will not be able to afford this expensive apartment alone, he will have to move out again, and in my city, you don't find apartments that easily... it often take more than 3 month to find something. But as I know my ex husband, he will stay with his girl even if they don't get along well. (He did the same with me during 3 years until I decided to go). Just wanted to clarify, but not my thread, so I'll leave it there. 

I don't think Alex just wants a Ken in her Barbie house... If she wanted a man to provide for her, help her with her house or pay her bills, she would never have dated a broke guy. She would look for a more financially reliable guy. The reason why she invested in this guy and overlooked all the red flags in the beginning is because of her strong physical attraction to that guy IMO. When you are highly attracted to someone, it's easy to look past the flags. I think we all have been there at least once. I see her relationship with this guy more like a teenagers love story. You are all in, naive and rushing things because of your hormones and physical attraction. But intellectual and emotional compatibility aren't that important. 

For sure it’s a biggie with a child involved. I forgot about that part sorry !
Very unfair in most cases IMO.  I don’t think she was that attracted to him to the extent she overlooked that he wasn’t anything she claims to be looking for.
I think she dated a broke guy for the same reason she dated a flaky guy. She was settling and trying to rationalize and remake him and make lame excuses for him. 
I don’t see Alex introspecting in any way that would be meaningful especially if she tells herself she’s doing that as an excuse to stay home more and bake more and not get out there in a productive meaningful way. I think for example if she did volunteer work where she interacted with other volunteers and made a contribution to her community or church or library or the whole darn world she’d end up being just as introspective based on a new and meaningful experience like that and bonus would be meeting new people. Or volunteer back stage community theater since she’s so good at decorating - so set design or costume design or kind of input on how the set should look even if she doesn’t climb ladders or work with wood. 

[boltnrun]

Baking skills would be welcomed at a soup kitchen. And there are likely community minded men involved in these organizations. 

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Baking skills would be welcomed at a soup kitchen. And there are likely community minded men involved in these organizations. 

For sure that as well. Alex you have a variety of crafting and cooking skills that would complement a number of volunteer opportunities 

[Jaunty]

7 hours ago, kim42 said:

I think Alex should continue going on dates but she should be more picky and not waste time with men who don't make effort to see her, or just want to text forever without meeting up. 

We all think that,  even Alex.  But she doesn't seem close to being prepared to change anything on her own end.

[Jaunty]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I don't see that as relevant to Alex taking a break to be more effective at dating. 

I wasn't really looking at it that way.   @Alex39 - I apologize in advance for talking about you rather than to you - so I will aim this at you, if you are still reading.

I've posted in many of your threads and probably the ONLY one about dating was this one.  The rest are able your very bitter relationships with your "frenemies" and your mother, your general state of jealousy and judgemental tendencies about other people and how they do their lives, and a "keeping up with the joneses" type of approach to goals.  And unrealistic perfectionism directed at yourself.   These things are hurting you.  And they are all within your own power and control if you chose to access those.

So ... I just think that "dating" when all of these things are the real issues is not likely to get anywhere close to a healthy relationship. 

 

[Jaunty]

4 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 

I don't think Alex just wants a Ken in her Barbie house... If she wanted a man to provide for her, help her with her house or pay her bills, she would never have dated a broke guy.

Personally, I am rolling with the "ken and barbie" analogy.   It's fantasy land.   A man with his sh** together who could actually bring something to the table is not going to conform to @Alex39's preconceived picture of "how things should be," what would make her mom happy, and make her friends envious.  

So a guy with nothing going for himself will be a reasonable "ken" stand-in, and Alex is hopeful that with her "sweetness" and passive persistence she will be able to force him into the mold. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

Someone I know was also tired of being single. So she found a homeless man (not kidding, although at the time he was living in a shelter) and went on two dates with him. He moved in with her after the second date. He said he really liked her condo and thought she had a nice lifestyle. She gave him a car to drive and bought him clothes and paid for his teeth and skin to be treated. And she was delighted. Finally she was part of a couple! She introduced him to her family. Sounds great, right? Except...very soon after he moved in he "lost" his part time job. He then proceeded to "lose" one job after another. She ended up having to support him on her salary. He was virulently bigoted and went on loud rants inside her condo (which her neighbors, who were not Caucasian, could hear). Last I heard she was frantically trying to find a way to get him to move out because he was refusing to leave. 

This is just one extreme cautionary tale of what can happen when someone is so overly anxious to "get a boyfriend". 

Alex, please don't be so overly anxious to find someone that you disregard warning signals or red flags or try to force a relationship. 

[TheCrow]

Alex could spend all of next year volunteering at soup kitchens and community theatres whilst at the same time analysing, introspecting and 'getting to the bottom of'. Or she could give herself a few weeks, dust herself down and see what else is out there. There is an option many seem to have omitted in their responses - Alex might just meet a decent man who will fall in love with her  and want a  long term relationship  with her just as she is, warts and all, both as a woman and as a person.  Without self-help books, therapy and making herself into something she is not. And the feeling could be  mutual. If we all waited to become all around perfect and  'healthy' -  with self-love spewing out of our every pore -  before venturing out to look for a partner.. the word would soon become extinct. 

[boltnrun]

I don't think anyone advocated for Alex herself to "change". I advocated for her to change her approach to dating. Instead of instantly viewing every guy who messages her as her future husband she should vet each one to determine if he has potential to be the right partner for her. And if obvious red flags or signs of indifference are shown she can eliminate that one as a possibility and focus on those men who meet her criteria and who she's legitimately interested in and attracted to.

I also don't think anyone said she needs to be "perfect" in order to date. That's an impossibility for anyone. 

[Batya33]

32 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't think anyone advocated for Alex herself to "change". I advocated for her to change her approach to dating. Instead of instantly viewing every guy who messages her as her future husband she should vet each one to determine if he has potential to be the right partner for her. And if obvious red flags or signs of indifference are shown she can eliminate that one as a possibility and focus on those men who meet her criteria and who she's legitimately interested in and attracted to.

I also don't think anyone said she needs to be "perfect" in order to date. That's an impossibility for anyone. 

Yes. I agree with this totally.  I don’t think acting like a doormat when faced with a potential date is a wart or flaw. It’s a reaction she can learn to change so she doesn’t act like a doormat and settle for scraps. By contrast yes a man should accept that Alex likely will be a person for whom a slim physique might not happen or might be very challenging to attain - if she wants that. He should accept that she likes nice things and nice vacations - without seeing it as too “materialistic “ and he should accept that she won’t have years to wait to start a family. For example. 

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes. I agree with this totally.  I don’t think acting like a doormat when faced with a potential date is a wart or flaw. It’s a reaction she can learn to change so she doesn’t act like a doormat and settle for scraps. By contrast yes a man should accept that Alex likely will be a person for whom a slim physique might not happen or might be very challenging to attain - if she wants that. He should accept that she likes nice things and nice vacations - without seeing it as too “materialistic “ and he should accept that she won’t have years to wait to start a family. For example. 

Well, yes, that's part of "vetting". Two of my brothers, for example, do prefer curvier women. They would not be attracted to a woman who was a size two, for example. But more importantly,  shared goals like children, where to live, religion, general politics and views on social issues, etc. should be talked about. And things that might seem unimportant but can destroy relationships are spending habits and cleanliness/neatness. 

Someone who would rather hang with his buddies and who has financial issues that affect his ability to enjoy activities and events and who isn't particularly interested in marriage and children anytime in the next five years or so wouldn't be compatible. 

[LootieTootie]

Alex,

Either you choose to date or not to date, it's totally up to you. We are all different, and everyone's journey is different. I do think you have way too many voices and too many people in your life, including this forum, telling you what you should do and how you should do it. When there's too much noise, you can't hear yourself. You start thinking there's probably something wrong with you - let me be clear. There's nothing wrong with you.

I think a lot of who we are starts when we are young and been conditioned by our parents expectations of us, and if you are from a close community or in your case, from a parent that is super critical and overbearing, it's sometimes ingrained into you. You also don't realize that you have a voice because other people tell you what should be and how it should be. So, listen to that voice inside you. That's the voice that Alex needs to assert herself when it comes to any relationship. Don't be a pushover and don't go along with your friends opinions when they tell you that your standards for a man are too high. I sometimes wonder if your dating habits/patterns are a product of your direct/indirect influences of friends and family, and not a product of Alex's keen assessment if this guy checks out on "her" list.

Whatever you do, please know that you own your next chapter. Everything you do is on you and nobody else because it's your voice that is taking the wheel.

 

 

 

 

 

[LootieTootie]

I think we should stopped talking about Alex. This is her thread, talk to her. 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Instead of instantly viewing every guy who messages her as her future husband she should vet each one to determine if he has potential to be the right partner for her. 

Bolt, recalling her posts back when she got back on the apps and started chatting with her now-ex, she posted that she had been chatting with several guys who showed FAR more interest in her than her now-ex. Had more going for themselves as well.

But she didn't like any of those guys, she rejected them.  She was fixated on her now-ex and wanted HIM.

Because again he was "masculine" and "manly."  She posted that!   She was utterly enthralled with him!

Honestly I don't think it's so much about her finding a 'boyfriend' necessarily because if that were the case, she would have gone for any of those other guys who showed far more interest in her than her now ex.

She wanted HIM but for the wrong reasons; I mean he wasn't giving her much attention at all. She was always begging for it. 

Her picker is WAY off.

Alex, I asked in an earlier post why you chose him given he had/has none of the qualities you seek in a partner. 

Have you thought about that?  That's what is meant by introspection and I think it's important to think about these things as you move forward.

[mylolita]

I think I must be in the minority here but…

 

…if your goal is to be married and have children, surely all men, especially men you date, you will view under the scrutinising eye of “potential husband?” 
 

I was 18 and I wasn’t going to go out with anyone or have a boyfriend who I thought wasn’t The One. Why waste your time? Unless you want casual relationships or short term hook ups, every member of the opposite sex you meet is potentially Mr Right, right? 
 

And I don’t think it’s over the top or bunny boiler to think that way! 
 

You have to be ultra selective, know what you want, and make sure you let the things that don’t matter slide, but really hold fast to your principles of what you do really need, and desire. 
 

Love is an obsession. We all need someone. What use is a soul mate if you don’t really need them, and you’re so independent and solo that if they leave tomorrow, you go unaffected because your life is all that without them? We are highly social animals, we need to rely on people, and we like people to rely on us! We need social responsibility! We almost need the chains of love! No one can be an island.

 

To fall in love is to truly be vulnerable, to truly need the other person, to have them need you. To love, and be loved in return - the greatest thing - quote Nat King Cole! 
 

It’s one of the biggest things you can ever do - one of the most magical, amazing things to be blessed with, and when once found, shouldn’t be let go! 
 

I don’t think anyone should give up hope, or stop the search! 
 

You don’t need breaks to find yourself. You need to be brutally honest with yourself, alone, for a day, get your head together; and get back out there. Start making changes if you need too along the way - learn as you go, and we all fall, all the time, but hopefully, sometimes, you can do it in style! 
 

Pick yourself back up and start again - there is someone for everyone. 
 

I think you know deep down Alex your weaknesses and maybe can acknowledge the times you settled because you wanted to be in a relationship. I think you can go forward with a fresh pair of eyes and start feeling good about yourself! You know what to do! 
 

x