A little confused...

[MikeB12]

Hello, wondering if anyone has any advice or thoughts on this. 
 

Connected with a woman on a dating app about a month ago. Have had steady daily communication since, seen to have a lot in common etc. We have tried to meet up several times (we have not yet in person) but it has not worked out yet, mostly to her having work issues and whatnot, which is fine. Each time she has had to cancel she has been very apologetic and wants to reschedule. I told her to not be sorry at all as I know she has a lot going on  with work and family visiting etc (and she even mentioned that we matched at kind of a bad time because she's so busy) 

We have been talking every day but at this point I have not heard from her since Wednesday morning (appx 53 hours). We were going to get together yesterday afternoon before she had a big work dinner event. Last we spoke she had to cancel because the event was apparently bigger than she thought and she'd be busy with it etc. Totally fine. 
 

So here's where I'm a bit uneasy. Like I said, we have talked basically every day for about a month via text. I noticed on the app earlier this morning that she unmatched me. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, however, I'm a bit worried because this unmatching is in the midst of the longest communication drought we've had (albeit only a little over two days). We've had some conversations about how communication is important and how ghosting sucks, etc.

The ball is kind of in her court now. I don't want to message her and overwhelm her or anything. I know she had the big work event yesterday and she has family from out of state coming in at some point today so I know she's probably really busy. I'm just feeling a little uneasy that this communication lapse comes right during the time she unmatched me on the app. Again, we haven't talked on the app since we first connected about a month ago. The timing of it just seems a little odd.

Am I worried about nothing? Should I message her and try and get some clarity or let it play out because she is really busy? Thank you. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, MikeB12 said:

The ball is kind of in her court now. I don't want to message her and overwhelm her or anything.

Sorry this is happening. Good idea to pull back.  No one is "too busy" for what's important to them. Especially when she's on an app to find dates. 

Whenever someone won't meet in a timely manner it's a red flag. Could be a scammer, catfish, someone in a relationship, timewaster or just putting you on the back burner.  

Keep in mind on dating apps you're both still talking to and meeting others. Just move forward with other matches

. But do ask yourself why someone is active on a dating app but "too busy" to meet or date.

[MikeB12]

@Wiseman2 thank you for the feedback! Yeah it just seems weird. It's not so much that I haven't heard in a few days, it's that she unmatched me on the app so now I'm wondering if that means she's not interested. Or maybe someone else messaged her on the app and she was just "clearing out the queue" so to speak. 

[Kwothe28]

31 minutes ago, MikeB12 said:

I noticed on the app earlier this morning that she unmatched me.

She did it so you couldnt see that she is still on the app but somehow has no time to go out with you.

You shouldnt give her a pass based on her bussiness. If she was interested she would have found time for you. Quite frankly you have no idea anything she said to you is even truth or just one big convolated excuse. 

You are confused because she seems iterested, I get it. However, plenty of people would act in that way. But in a reality just maybe seek attention or keep you as a reserve in case some other combination doesnt work out for them. "Time wasters" are called like that for a good reason. Because they do give you hope but in a reality they just waste your time.

She already unmatched and went A-wall for quite  while so I dont think you should message her at all. Heck, I think you should have no contact there from now on and move on. Because again, this one just wastes your time for nothing.

[lostandhurt]

This is dating unfortunately.  People say they want to meet or that they are ready to date when they are not for what ever reason.

 How long does it take to send a text?  Seconds and yet she hasn't.  Anything we suggest is just speculation but I have to say this does not look good. Even if she is just that busy how on earth will you have any kind of dating situation when she cancels all the time. Not sure how many cancellations there have been so far but really more than one (unless there is a death in the family) is pretty much a really bad sign.

 Leave the ball in her court and stop being so understanding about being jerked around.  There are all kinds of strange people on dating apps that love the attention or the ability to manipulate others for entertainment so be mindful.

 Stop worrying since there is nothing to worry about really. You have never met and it sounds like you have never spoken on the phone so she isn't even real yet.  Get back on the app and keep looking and if she circles back play it cool and let her make the next move.  Next time if someone is too busy to meet fairly soon or doesn't want to talk on the phone they are probably not a good option.

 Lost

[rainbowsandroses]

44 minutes ago, MikeB12 said:

Connected with a woman on a dating app about a month ago. Have had steady daily communication since...

 

44 minutes ago, MikeB12 said:

We have tried to meet up several times (we have not yet in person) but it has not worked out yet, mostly to her having work issues and whatnot, which is fine. Each time she has had to cancel she has been very apologetic and wants to reschedule. I told her to not be sorry at all as I know she has a lot going on  with work and family visiting etc (and she even mentioned that we matched at kind of a bad time because she's so busy) 

I singled these two comments for a reason, specifically what's bolded.

Have you asked yourself why, since by her own admission she's "so busy" to meet and date anyone, she's on a dating app where the purpose is just that?

To talk, meet and date? 

What does this tell you?  What it tells me is that she's not on the app to meet and date.

She's on the app to chat.  To gather chat buddies to provide her with the validation she apparently needs without having to put forth effort to actually meet.

Since your purpose is to actually meet in person and if there's a ''click,' date, she's a waste of time. 

My advice is move on from this one, and seek other women who are interested in actually meeting you. 

Sorry mate.  😞

P.S.  I'm a woman saying this!  But there is so much BS on the apps from both genders, my advice is get off the apps and go outside.  Meet women that way.  🙂

 

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

I singled these two comments for a reason, specifically what's bolded.

Have you asked yourself why, since by her own admission she's "so busy" to meet and date anyone, she's on a dating app where the purpose is just that?

To talk, meet and date? 

What does this tell you?  What it tells me is that she's not on the app to meet and date.

She's on the app to chat.  To gather chat buddies to provide her with the validation she apparently needs without having to put forth effort to actually meet.

Since your purpose is to actually meet in person and if there's a ''click,' date, she's a waste of time. 

My advice is move on from this one, and seek other women who are interested in actually meeting you. 

Sorry mate.  😞

P.S.  I'm a woman saying this!  But there is so much BS on the apps from both genders, my advice is get off the apps and go outside.  Meet women that way.  🙂

 

 

 

 

I agree with this, but also don’t forget that a lot of scammers build online-only ‘connections’ to learn whether you might be a good mark to groom for a scam.

So skip the messaging, it’s all about fantasy-building. Use messages to screen for people willing to actually meet you in person—locally. If not, tell them to contact you if that ever changes, and move forward to set up a quick meet over coffee with the next person. Keep it local.

[MissCanuck]

She's wasting your time, OP. 

Whatever the real reason, this is a dead-end. In the future, don't message every single day with someone who keeps canceling on you and can't meet you in a timely fashion. You became her chat buddy but not someone she had a real interest in meeting. 

[Andrina]

Don't be surprised if the next time you hear from her, she tells you she went on a business trip abroad, calls you her future husband, and asks you to wire money to her so she can get out of a foreign jail so that you two can finally be blissfully together.

Even if that's not the case, as said, she's a poor candidate for dating. If a person can't meet within two weeks, no longer let yourself get invested with more communication with that person. When I did OLD, I followed that standard of meeting within a few weeks, and even when being hopeful because I'd liked his photos and the communication we had before meeting, 9 out of 10 times on the actual meet, one or both of us didn't want to meet a second time.

You sound like a kind person, but I hope you're not a people-pleaser doormat, letting another's bad behavior slide just because she's attractive. Because if you possess those traits, you will only attract sub-standard women. 

Try some Meetup.com groups to supplement the OLD. In that way, you'll know the woman actually exists and she has time to participate socially. Good luck.

[kim42]

It's better not to take people from dating apps too seriously until you meet them in real life, I believe there are many people who just want to talk but don't intend to meet up.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, kim42 said:

It's better not to take people from dating apps too seriously until you meet them in real life, I believe there are many people who just want to talk but don't intend to meet up.

I feel the same about meeting strangers when out. You have to get to know someone in person over a period of time to see if their actions match their words.

[SooSad33]

On 10/6/2023 at 3:01 PM, MikeB12 said:

So here's where I'm a bit uneasy. Like I said, we have talked basically every day for about a month via text. I noticed on the app earlier this morning that she unmatched me. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, however, I'm a bit worried because this unmatching is in the midst of the longest communication drought we've had

I say to leave it be & expect nothing.

You've only been chatting it up for abt a month, have yet to actually meet & haven't spoken in days.  Then just stop trying. ( And if it is her work that keeps her so busy, she may not be for you - she may be a workaholic).

Nah. move on.  I feel it's best for you.