should I tell him this on our fourth date??

[SilverOrca95]

I (28F) have just recently started going out with this guy (29M) that I matched up with on Hinge. We have been talking for over a month now, texting each other, and have been on 3 dates. The first date was a dinner, the second was a hike, and the third date was a walk/stop at a dog-friendly brewery. I'm starting to like his company more and more. He is a little shy, but takes initiative at the same time. We did hug right after the second date and we briefly kissed after the third. It wasn't a full make-out session, just a cute peck. It was a tad awkward since I have not kissed anyone in a long time, however he didn't seem to mind. I got home with a smile on my face!

Anyway, as I said before I haven't kissed anyone since high school, but I've never had an actual boyfriend. I've only been on a few dates here and there, but not as genuine/serious as this one. I do want to make a point to him saying "I just want to let you know that this my first time really going out with someone that I enjoyed my time with. I enjoy being with you and this won't change anything between us. But I wanted to let you know, since I can get really shy and nervous, especially around someone that I like" I feel like the fourth date, whenever that would be, would be good to say this afterwards.

How do ya'll think that sounds? I feel I have to tell him, since it'll be stuck on my mind and it's already giving me anxiety...

Thanks!!!

[Starlight925]

Don't say any of this.  It simply isn't necessary.

Enjoy your time together, and continue to do fun things.  Let things unfold organically.  

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Starlight925 said:

Don't say any of this.  It simply isn't necessary.

Enjoy your time together, and continue to do fun things.  Let things unfold organically.  

I agree. I mean sure you can tell him like a meet-cute story once you’re engaged or married. Own your shyness /nervousness even if you have to fake it till you make it. Be a person who acts in a reasonably confident way , show up on time look nice and be nice and be a fun date. Pretty simple !

[Jibralta]

3 minutes ago, SilverOrca95 said:

I feel I have to tell him, since it'll be stuck on my mind and it's already giving me anxiety...

I totally understand that you have anxiety about not having a boyfriend or kissing. But I assure you that this is not as big of a deal as you think it is. I don't think that telling him will benefit you in any way. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, SilverOrca95 said:

 "I just want to let you know that this my first time really going out with someone that I enjoyed my time with. I enjoy being with you and this won't change anything between us. But I wanted to let you know, since I can get really shy and nervous, especially around someone that I like" .

It seems to be going very well. Just enjoy your dates and getting to know him. Try to scale back on "constantly texting".  Please don't let anxiety disrupt things.

What you're saying is very confusing and seems almost like you don't want to date or aren't ready to date or to damaged to date or need kidglove treatment or some type of warning.

You don't need disclaimers or revealing your history or any other type of TMI. Why mess up a good thing? Pace yourself relax and enjoy getting to know each other. 

[rainbowsandroses]

44 minutes ago, SilverOrca95 said:

I do want to make a point to him, saying, "I just want to let you know that this my first time really going out with someone that I enjoyed my time with."

I think it's fine if you want to say this^ but leave the rest out. 

What's important is to be genuine.  Real. 

Versus pretending to be someone you're not (like having tons of experience) and holding back on sharing something about yourself with him, within reason. 

That's how you build intimacy, by sharing parts of yourself which in turn gives him permission (so to speak) to do same, without judgment.

Naturally and gradually not all at once. 

Jmo but if a man were to reject you because you expressed to him he's the first man you've truly enjoyed spending time with, then good riddance. 

I don't think that will happen though, most men would be flattered by that.

 

[Batya33]

41 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I think it's fine if you want to say this^ but leave the rest out. 

What's important is to be genuine.  Real. 

Versus pretending to be someone you're not (like having tons of experience) and holding back on sharing something about yourself with him, within reason. 

That's how you build intimacy, by sharing parts of yourself which in turn gives him permission (so to speak) to do same, without judgment.

Naturally and gradually not all at once. 

Jmo but if a man were to reject you because you expressed to him he's the first man you've truly enjoyed spending time with, then good riddance. 

I don't think that will happen though, most men would be flattered by that.

 

I don't think she has to pretend anything.  That she has tons of experience.  Or make any deal about it.  She's had experience having friends, doing activities like the ones she'll do with him, she is attracted to him and he to her so far as appropriate for getting to know each other. No need for making this some sort of "confession" because then he's likely to wonder why the oversharing and what else is lurking there. Who cares if she doesn't have tons of experience.  I know of women who married young and never really dated then are suddenly single so they share they were married but no need to also share that they only dated their husband as some big confession especially that early on.  

[rainbowsandroses]

22 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Who cares if she doesn't have tons of experience.

Precisely my point..

And as such, there's no reason to hide it by holding back telling him he's the first man she's enjoyed going out with. 

It's genuine, it's real, it's who she is.  She should own it and be proud of it. 

I wasn't sure at first when I began reading your post but I'm pretty sure we're on the same page about this.  :)

 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

I think it sounds corny.  Don't get all dramatic with your long winded explanation.  Just have a good time and go with the flow.  Let each date define how the next date will go.  Don't explain because it's unnecessary.

You're getting anxious over nothing.  Enjoy being with him and see where it takes you!  🙂

[Andrina]

Sounds more like something you might discuss with a girl friend. In my experience, guys don't like this psychological, in-depth delving into your issues. My husband would've rolled his eyes if I'd said anything like that. If he asks about your romantic past, keep it simple, such as: I was concentrating on my career and dated here and there but nothing long term. Figured the right person would arrive at the right time.

Now's the time for light and fluffy, keeping topics on positive things like if he has siblings, pets, places he'd like to travel in the future, bands he likes, and you share the same. 

Just as you see his personality, he sees yours and is just fine with it. Have fun!

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Precisely my point..

And as such, there's no reason to hide it by holding back telling him he's the first man she's enjoyed going out with. 

It's genuine, it's real, it's who she is.  She should own it and be proud of it. 

I wasn't sure at first when I began reading your post but I'm pretty sure we're on the same page about this.  🙂

 

 

 

I think it's genuine, who she is, she can own it be proud of it and choose not to blurt it out to this man she just started dating -to me that's oversharing and TMI.  Also it's not who she is at an essential level -she's a person who's not dated much -doesn't need to define who she IS and if it does to that extent perhaps she should wait to date -sounds way too intense a focus on what's not a biggie.

She can do both and choose to have a filter and let him get to know her over a reasonable period of time unwrapping the layers of a package. I agree with the others.  

I definitely had big stuff I needed to get out there early on -my desire for eventual marriage and kids in general, my religion and it's place in my life, my educational values, values related to drugs/alcohol.  If we didn't match on those big things I didn't want to waste anyone's time. I had a first meet with a guy who told me he hadn't dated much and listened to audio self help books in the car about dating.  The fact he chose to tell me all that was a red flag.  Other things he said/overshared solidified that impression.  Very odd person.  Not in a good way.  The TMI was part of it for sure.  

[lostandhurt]

You are assuming that you need to put a disclaimer on yourself which is totally incorrect and could do the opposite of what you want.

There is an old saying "If it aint broke don't fix it"  You are not broken, just excited and nervous probably just like he is so please leave the admissions out of this and just be yourself even if yourself is a little nervous.

  He went on 3 dates with you without a disclaimer so he obviously likes you.

Have fun practicing kissing with him!

Lost

[shouldhavelearned]

Wouldn't go this deep

Just say something to the effect that  you had a good time on our date and can't wait to see where you take me next time 

[catfeeder]

I think it's premature to say this

Nothing wrong with it, just a bit heavy for new dating.

[Kwothe28]

12 hours ago, SilverOrca95 said:

How do ya'll think that sounds?

As others have said, tiring. 

He doesnt need to know your history. I mean, in time he will at least find out about one part if you become sexual. But you dont need to overexplain how this is your first time really going out with somebody. 
It creates uneccessery questions that might spoil what you have for now.

[boltnrun]

I was my husband's first girlfriend and his first sexual experience.  He didn't announce it to me or anything.  I mean, I kind of knew because he wasn't smooth at all!  But it didn't bother me one bit.  And if he had made some kind of announcement about it, I would wonder, why did he feel the need to?

Things are going well, so just enjoy!  He wouldn't keep asking you for dates if he didn't like you 🙂