Men with attractive girlfriends, how do you deal with the attention she gets?

[Mikejames0314]

So let me say that my girlfriend is very attractive. She gets hit on by guys every time she goes out with her girlfriends. We've been dating for two years now and I battle with finding the attention she gets annoying while it also makes me appreciate what I have.

My girlfriend is taking a trip to Vegas for the first time with her girlfriends and the dresses she's shown me will turn heads. I'm feeling kind of insecure about this trip - not because I don't trust her, but I just don't trust all the random guys that could be approaching her at pool parties, clubs, bars etc.
I'm trying to be level headed about this because I know she's dressing up cause she's on vacation and with her girlfriends and they'll be going out to restaurants/bars/clubs - it's what you do, but her being in Vegas is kind of throwing me off.

How do you guys deal with the attention your significant other gets?

[Cherylyn]

I'm not a man but I'm not considered an unattractive lady.  Feel secure knowing she is your girlfriend and she'll come back to you.

You can turn this around on you.  If women were gawking,  ogling or hitting on you,  how would you behave and how would your girlfriend feel?  🫢

Both of you are taken and spoken for.  🙂

You can't control what strangers do especially when both of you are not with each other in public settings. 

Know she rejects other men and accepts and loves you.  💗 

As you say,  appreciate her all the more and be grateful.  🙏 

[Mikejames0314]

11 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I'm not a man but I don't think I'm an unattractive lady.  Feel secure knowing she is your girlfriend and she'll come back to you.

You can turn this around on you.  If women were gawking,  ogling or hitting on you,  how would you behave and how would your girlfriend feel?  🫢

Both of you are taken and spoken for.  🙂

You can't control what strangers do especially when both of you are not with each other in public settings. 

Know she rejects other men and accepts and loves you.  💗 

As you say,  appreciate her all the more and be grateful.  🙏 

Thanks for your response! I take comfort in knowing she chose me, but in an environment like Vegas it makes me feel weird...

[Cherylyn]

14 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

Thanks for your response! I take comfort in knowing she chose me, but in an environment like Vegas it makes me feel weird...

Yes,  she chose YOU.  🙏 💗 🥰  You're the one in her heart.  💗  Other men do not have her soul.  It's all for you! 

[lostandhurt]

So I have been very fortunate to date women that are very attractive, still not sure why but that is another story...

 My now ex wife worked at a retail store in the men's clothing department, then she worked at an auto parts store as a cashier, then a receptionist at a gym.  Needless to say there was a constant stream of men hitting on her everyday.  I knew what was going on because hey I am a man but she never threw it in my face that this guy or that guy was trying to chat her up or get with her.  Knowing what you can control and what you cannot control is key in all this.  I couldn't run around trying to shoo these dudes away or try and fight them all so I had to accept that she chose to be with me as I chose to be with her and if she allowed one of these guys to get close it was her choice and not something I did. 

 There have been several other women I had no business being with that turned heads way more than my ex wife and a few times guys would disrespect me and try and chat them up with me there.  I am a pretty confident guy so I would just smile and look to her and let her handle the jerk.  This turned out to be the best thing ever because I saw what they did when I wasn't around.  Your girl is hit on or chatted up but she handles it no matter what city she is in right?  Let her handle her business.

 I am not saying your feelings are not valid and I had them too but letting go of the feeling you can somehow control what happens when you two are apart is a gift for yourself.  Stay busy, don't pester her on vacation and let her be the girl you love.

I know you trust her but don't trust other men but remember it takes two to tango and she will shut them down because she loves you and wouldn't hurt you.

 Lost   

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Mikejames0314 said:

So let me say that my girlfriend is very attractive. She gets hit on by guys every time she goes out with her girlfriends. We've been dating for two years now and I battle with finding the attention she gets annoying while it also makes me appreciate what I have.

Bolded, I'm curious how you know this?  Does she tell you?  

I'm considered quite attractive myself and get approached often while out and about, by myself or with girlfriends.  Heck I have gotten hit on while with my boyfriend or ex-husband when I was married. 

When in a committed relationship I don't encourage it nor do I tell my boyfriends about it.

Why would I?  I handled it myself; no need for them to know every Tom, D*ick or Harry that comes on to me. 

My advice is trust your girlfriend, trust that she knows how to handle herself appropriately in such situations. 

If she is telling you about it, gently tell her it's not necessary to tell you every time she gets hit on, that you trust her to deal with it. 

Then drop the subject and enjoy what you have together and your relationship.

[Batya33]

It all boils down to whether you trust her?  When I was 42 and in my 8th month and wearing an engagement ring a man ahead of me on the line to get popcorn at the movies flirted with me, very obviously. I've never looked like a model but for whatever reason I have a very approachable face lol so I've always gotten a lot of attention.  So it's not just hot looking women.

If you trust her it doesn't matter.  If she plays with fire- like by dressing provocatively AND getting drunk and going to a strange man's room that's different but simply looking a certain way and getting attention -that's life and either you trust her or you don't.

[itsallgrand]

Do you trust her judgement?

[Mikejames0314]

42 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

So I have been very fortunate to date women that are very attractive, still not sure why but that is another story...

 My now ex wife worked at a retail store in the men's clothing department, then she worked at an auto parts store as a cashier, then a receptionist at a gym.  Needless to say there was a constant stream of men hitting on her everyday.  I knew what was going on because hey I am a man but she never threw it in my face that this guy or that guy was trying to chat her up or get with her.  Knowing what you can control and what you cannot control is key in all this.  I couldn't run around trying to shoo these dudes away or try and fight them all so I had to accept that she chose to be with me as I chose to be with her and if she allowed one of these guys to get close it was her choice and not something I did. 

 There have been several other women I had no business being with that turned heads way more than my ex wife and a few times guys would disrespect me and try and chat them up with me there.  I am a pretty confident guy so I would just smile and look to her and let her handle the jerk.  This turned out to be the best thing ever because I saw what they did when I wasn't around.  Your girl is hit on or chatted up but she handles it no matter what city she is in right?  Let her handle her business.

 I am not saying your feelings are not valid and I had them too but letting go of the feeling you can somehow control what happens when you two are apart is a gift for yourself.  Stay busy, don't pester her on vacation and let her be the girl you love.

I know you trust her but don't trust other men but remember it takes two to tango and she will shut them down because she loves you and wouldn't hurt you.

 Lost   

Man reading this post really put things in perspective. Letting go of things I can't control seems like something I'm always stressing about.

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, Mikejames0314 said:

and the dresses she's shown me will turn heads.

Why would she do this? Do you think she enjoys your jealous, unsettled reaction if she regularly does this along with telling you about all the attention she gets when you're not around? I'm sure she knows how upset you get about the attention she gets from other men, so why is she punishing you by waving around these sexy clothes in front of your face?

If this, in fact, is happening, perhaps it's immaturity and insecurity on her part, as in, "You better stay on your toes, because I can easily find a replacement if you don't."

I'm trying to figure out if you feel like your foundation feels like sea sand instead of concrete is due to her behavior, or your unfounded insecurities.

Because after two years, haven't you witnessed how she's handled these situations? You say you trust her so you must be happy about how she handles flirtatious men. Does she enjoy this, or get annoyed? How does she handle it?

You don't make any sense when you say you don't trust the men. What does this mean? What is the scenario you're fearing the most? What do you think will happen that has never happened in the last two years?

Have you two ever discussed relationship rules? Are you two in agreement about them? 

 

[Mikejames0314]

3 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Do you trust her judgement?

Yes absolutely.

[Mikejames0314]

1 minute ago, Andrina said:

Why would she do this? Do you think she enjoys your jealous, unsettled reaction if she regularly does this along with telling you about all the attention she gets when you're not around? I'm sure she knows how upset you get about the attention she gets from other men, so why is she punishing you by waving around these sexy clothes in front of your face?

If this, in fact, is happening, perhaps it's immaturity and insecurity on her part, as in, "You better stay on your toes, because I can easily find a replacement if you don't."

I'm trying to figure out if you feel like your foundation feels like sea sand instead of concrete is due to her behavior, or your unfounded insecurities.

Because after two years, haven't you witnessed how she's handled these situations? You say you trust her so you must be happy about how she handles flirtatious men. Does she enjoy this, or get annoyed? How does she handle it?

You don't make any sense when you say you don't trust the men. What does this mean? What is the scenario you're fearing the most? What do you think will happen that has never happened in the last two years?

Have you two ever discussed relationship rules? Are you two in agreement about them? 

 

I mean it's a very nice dress. It's a Vegas kind of dress - nothing too crazy but what I meant was my girlfriend's figure, with makeup, and that dress...it would turn heads. 

[itsallgrand]

3 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

Yes absolutely.

Great!

Next question, does she dress up like that ever when you two go out?

[MissCanuck]

To be blunt, I've never  lacked for male attention. This holds true also now at 42. I'm still approached by men, even though I don't seek out or invite such attention. 

I can tell you that when I'm in a relationship, it doesn't matter who approaches me. They are going to be shut down.  Unless you think these guys are going to do something against her consent, it doesn't matter how much you trust them - it boils down to whether you trust her. 

A guy could be the biggest pig in the bar but it she is rebuffing them and not inviting inappropriate attention, you have nothing to worry about. 
 

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

I mean it's a very nice dress. It's a Vegas kind of dress - nothing too crazy but what I meant was my girlfriend's figure, with makeup, and that dress...it would turn heads. 

If I may ask, so what?  

Attractive beautiful women turn heads, that's a given.  

Again, trust that SHE knows how to deal with it appropriately in a committed relationship, by discouraging it/shutting it down.  Out of respect for you and your relationship.

Without that trust, you're relationship is doomed.

[MissCanuck]

How does she respond when guys approach her, OP? 

[Mikejames0314]

7 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Great!

Next question, does she dress up like that ever when you two go out?

She definitely dresses nice when we go out. She has very good style so dressing nice comes naturally. She had said before that one of the reasons she dresses nice (outside of doing it for herself) is that it makes me look good being with someone who dresses nicely. 

[Mikejames0314]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

How does she respond when guys approach her, OP? 

Depends on what the situation is..if someone uses a pickup line she'll probably smile and say "That was nice, but I'm not interested" if someone offers to buy her a drink she'll politely say no thank you etc.

[boltnrun]

Vegas will not turn a faithful girlfriend into an unfaithful one. 

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

Depends on what the situation is..if someone uses a pickup line she'll probably smile and say "That was nice, but I'm not interested" if someone offers to buy her a drink she'll politely say no thank you etc.

I'll ask again, is she telling you this?  

Or is this her response when she gets hit on in your presence?

I have a hunch there's more to this.  Like perhaps there's a part of you that doesn't fully trust she will shut these guys down.  Which is why you feel so insecure and possibly threatened. 

JMO, but the discomfort you're experiencing is not because of other men hitting on her, but rather it's because of your girlfriend.

A trip to Vegas, sexy dress, I dunno, I'm all for taking trips with girlfriends when in a committed relationship but don't think I'd be choosing Vegas unless it was to see a show or something, nor would I buy a special sexy dress for the occasion.  I save that for trips with my boyfriend.

Your gut is trying to tell you something; my advice is listen to it.

JMO.

[lostandhurt]

51 minutes ago, Mikejames0314 said:

Man reading this post really put things in perspective. Letting go of things I can't control seems like something I'm always stressing about.

Read my signature below.  It has helped me stay focused on what really matters and what I can control in my life.  I read it often and have it framed sitting on my dresser.

 You are doing just fine so relax and be the guy she fell in love with but just more secure.

 Lost

[NighttimeNightmare]

All of my gf’s have been well above average. One is an Instagram influencer, one owns a successful wellness clinic and travels around hosting wellness events - very fit, the most recent looks like a hotter Jillian Michaels and has a private practice personal training biz.   They all constantly get hit on, but the thing is, even “unattractive” women will get hit on.  The answer lies in (1) how well you trust yourself and (2) how trustworthy she is.

 

My initial 2 gfs were completely trustworthy and had no desire to cheat or play around.  The third? She was living a secret double life.  She’d tell me about all the men who hit on her, I just thought it was funny and so brazen of them — but, behind the scenes she would engage it and sleep with whoever.  There were signs she was an untrustworthy person but I didn’t trust my own judgement enough. 
 

is this the first woman you’ve been with who has received this amount of attention? Otherwise why is it so startling to you? Do you feel like she’s way out of your league? 

[bluecastle]

Since you asked it this way, I'll answer this way, shallow and boasty as it sounds: I am a man with a very attractive girlfriend, and all of my girlfriends have been very attractive by conventional metrics.  

How I deal with the attention: I honestly don't care or think about it because (a) date people who handle themselves well; (b) who I trust; (c) I trust myself to handle whatever comes in life, especially what I can't control; and (d) I am pretty secure in my own skin.   

Applied to you, and this moment: I'd take a moment to check in on where this is all coming from.

Like, if your girlfriend has a habit of letting you know that dudes are giving her attention, checking her out, hitting on her—well, while that can be saucy and interesting for some, or for a stretch, it's generally the kind of stuff that doesn't stoke a ton of security since it plants seeds for certain spiraling thoughts to blossom. 

On the other hand, if you are in the habit of slyly, or not so slyly, questioning her about whether or not she received male attention in your absence and/or how she responded to that—well, that's generally a sign that certain spiraling thoughts had already blossomed and now your partner is stuck getting caught up in your weeds.

So, echoing a few others: I'm curious as to how you know about all this attention. Does she relay it to you? Or are you asking needling questions as a way to seek reassurance?  

 

[Cherylyn]

It is flattering to be hit upon.  However,  a lot of women aren't dumb.  A smart woman knows who the high quality man in her life is and he's YOU.  This is what you need to cherish and focus on because having a woman's heart and soul is priceless.  Be secure knowing you got her and no one else does.  Sure,  they can look and try to garner her attention to no avail.  You are the one who won her and those other men lost.  Think about it.  😉

[rainbowsandroses]

45 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

A smart woman knows who the high quality man in her life is and he's YOU.  This is what you need to cherish and focus on because having a woman's heart and soul is priceless.  Be secure knowing you got her and no one else does. 

JMO but I think this may be something the OP may be trying to determine - if he truly does have her heart and soul. 

Just because she's dating him does not necessarily mean HE is the "the one."  That he has her heart and soul.

Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't but there have been questions asked the OP has not answered, specifically how he knows of all this attention she receives.

If SHE has been the one telling him, that imo is a red flag. For reasons stated by myself and others. 

The Vegas trip with her girlfriends, buying a special sexy dress for the occasion and telling him about it. 

Are these loving acts of kindness a woman fully committed to her boyfriend would do and share with her boyfriend?

Not imo.

But I'm willing to be open and hearing OP's response to the questions after which my opinion may change, or may not.