Isn't what's mine is his and what's his is mine?

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Or, else!  I'll retaliate if you do!  Just you wait and see and watch me!  Oh,  you'll be sorry!  I'll see to that! 

Can you please quote where the OP said her husband said any of that? I've scoured her posts and haven't found any of these threats you're attributing to her husband. 

[Snowed23]

My husband and I have our own things.  He has his SUV that he picked out and paid for just like I have my car I am paying for.  We never co-mingled funds for major purchases like that.  Long before we were married but it was on the horizon we had discussed purchasing a car "together".  We both had old clunkers that ran but weren't shiny new things.  His thought was that we'd go in together and purchase a really nice car for road trips and things like but but we would continue to drive our own cars to and from work or just around town on errands.  He said we'd use the new car to go to church together with or to take road trips on.  My thought process was that with the new car I could park my old beater car and just drive the new one.  He said he didn't want to put a lot of unnecessary miles on the new car so soon.  Guess what, we never got the car together.  Since then we both have bought and paid for various cars down through the years but still to this day never made a purchase together.  No we don't share everything.  He doesn't use my toothbrush simply because I don't want to use my own.  He doesn't use my cell phone because he just doesn't want to go get his.  He doesn't sleep on my side of the bed at nights because he's tired of his side and I don't wear his clothes because I want to feel closer to him.  

 

If I want to go to the store and the Honda is sitting right there why can't I just grab the keys and go?

[Seraphim]

If you guys don’t share expenses or things why share this ? 

[boltnrun]

It baffles me that you are bringing this subject up now, when his mother is alive and apparently not expected to die soon. 

Hopefully his mother will live another ten years or more and you and your husband will have moved past this trivial matter.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Snowed23 said:

My husband and I have our own things.  He has his SUV that he picked out and paid for just like I have my car I am paying for.  We never co-mingled funds for major purchases like that.  Long before we were married but it was on the horizon we had discussed purchasing a car "together".  We both had old clunkers that ran but weren't shiny new things.  His thought was that we'd go in together and purchase a really nice car for road trips and things like but but we would continue to drive our own cars to and from work or just around town on errands.  He said we'd use the new car to go to church together with or to take road trips on.  My thought process was that with the new car I could park my old beater car and just drive the new one.  He said he didn't want to put a lot of unnecessary miles on the new car so soon.  Guess what, we never got the car together.  Since then we both have bought and paid for various cars down through the years but still to this day never made a purchase together.  No we don't share everything.  He doesn't use my toothbrush simply because I don't want to use my own.  He doesn't use my cell phone because he just doesn't want to go get his.  He doesn't sleep on my side of the bed at nights because he's tired of his side and I don't wear his clothes because I want to feel closer to him.  

 

If I want to go to the store and the Honda is sitting right there why can't I just grab the keys and go?

Here is what I would do -set ground rules but casually - once he gets this car  - simply say casually -hey hon if you're not going to use My Dream Car today is it ok if I do? (Because that way you check on whether he actually might be using it or has planned to let someone else borrow it- and it's just courteous -sort of like if my husband has to go to work I ask him before i hop in the preferred shower whether I can since he has a tighter schedule than me.  Just --- common sense.

[itsallgrand]

Do you get how your approach to this may come across not the best ? You are worrying about a car he doesn't even have, that would be a result of his mom's death or disability, it comes across vulture like in my opinion. Not trying to be mean. You may be coming across mean to him though. 

[Snowed23]

18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Here is what I would do -set ground rules but casually - once he gets this car  - simply say casually -hey hon if you're not going to use My Dream Car today is it ok if I do? (Because that way you check on whether he actually might be using it or has planned to let someone else borrow it- and it's just courteous -sort of like if my husband has to go to work I ask him before i hop in the preferred shower whether I can since he has a tighter schedule than me.  Just --- common sense.

Oh trust me, he'll never let anyone borrow it.

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

 why can't I just grab the keys and go?

Please wait for the body to be cold before you keep asking such incredibly insensitive questions. It must be hurtful for your husband to listen to you go on about this.

[bluecastle]

23 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

You are worrying about a car he doesn't even have, that would be a result of his mom's death or disability, it comes across vulture like in my opinion.

With respect, I encourage you to read this sentence ten times in a row. 

I get that maybe you have been carrying around some unprocessed anger at your husband, perhaps connected to the joint car that ("guess what") never made the transition from fantasy to reality. And I get how such things, seemingly trivial, can become jagged little pebbles that get lodged in the boot of a marriage, making the daily trek less than scenic. 

But still. 

To immediately call "Dibs!" on something connected to his mother's death or demise is highly unlikely to be met with a harmonious response.

Is that not yet registering as a possibility in all this?  

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

Oh trust me, he'll never let anyone borrow it.

Oh I see.  That was posed as a hypothetical. I really don't like the vibe -well vibes from typed words -I'm getting here. Here's my take -you have taken up this cause with an agenda in mind -you want to show him how selfish he is in general, you are going to fight for this "cause" because this is a car you covet so it's worth all this -ok admit it honey -you're not a team player- you're not a spousal unit with me...... right? I mean heck you won't even let a best buddy borrow a used Honda accord and wow you'd rather have it sitting there unused than let your wife borrow it??

Buy your own and be the bigger person -act in a very matter of fact way that this used accord you saved for and you purchased is another family car not "yours" -maybe he'll see the light when you kill him with kindness.

Here's an example. Last year. I'm married with a young teenager. I have a favorite gym bag and it is MINE -in fact it was a gift to me from the organization I volunteer for. It is the perfect size for my water bottle, a sweatshirt if needed, and other items depending on where I am working out-  it fits perfectly on the treadmill arm at our gym.  It's opposite of fancy. 

My husband is most often asleep when I leave and it's hanging on the door near my sneakers.  Well he took our son for a weekend away and left, then realized son needed a bag to carry stuff.  I was in the restroom so they saw my empty gym bag and took it and proceeded to the garage downstairs.  And texted me. 

I ran after them and was very frustrated that he casually took my favorite bag without waiting for me to ask.  I took it back and gave him a different bag. 

Yes. It's "my" bag -it's a very personal item to me and no I didn't want to mess with a different bag then have to transfer everything back.  I also didn't trust my son not to lose it/ruin it.  Silly? I mean I likely could have found a similar bag on Amazon - not expensive -but it was a gift to me for my volunteer service and it's mine -not his- and I love it.  I'd share it for sure since I only use it for an hour a day - but grabbing it for 3 days without asking me -no.  Because it is mine.  I don't care if that sounds "selfish" - I'm entitled to my own personal stuff, too.

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

His theory is that when I went to the car lot to pick out my car I should be happy driving my car.  In the past year I've probably driven his SUV maybe 5 or 6 times and then that was only because I had to beg him.  He says that when the Honda is in the driveway this won't be a case of walking outside and then deciding which one to drive, my car or the Honda.  

Weird family beliefs, imo. But, I guess this is how they are....

I wouldn't even bother arguing about it.  He's after mom's car, just like sis is.  Then, so be it!

Why is it even worth any kind of argument?  You do have a car to drive, leave his little posession alone.  Not even worth it.  😕 

[Snowed23]

49 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Weird family beliefs, imo. But, I guess this is how they are....

I wouldn't even bother arguing about it.  He's after mom's car, just like sis is.  Then, so be it!

Why is it even worth any kind of argument?  You do have a car to drive, leave his little posession alone.  Not even worth it.  😕 

No one is technically after the car.  Like I said, the three other brothers all still live at home with mom and dad.  One brother never moved out like most adults do.  Plus he doesn't drive nor has he ever had a driver's license.  The other brother can't drive anymore due to legal issues so it makes no sense to leave the car to him.  The other brother, who tends to be very selfish, has his own SUV.  

 

In regards to the other siblings.  One sister has the Jeep Rubicon and also she took possession of dad's Silverado when he stopped driving.  The other two sisters are both married and already have multiple cars in their households.  My husband, being as close to his mom as he is asked her one day what her plans were with the car after she no longer needs it and she said he could have it.  She said because he's helped her out so much with it and other things in the past.  Again, my husband is the one who helped her get the car and the one who does any and everything he can for his parents.  One of the sisters who is married also said that no one else deserves it in the family but him.  Again, they're not vultures waiting on the parents to die so they can go pick at their bones.  They all know what they're getting upon the parent's death.  But no need to leave the car to anyone who, for whatever reason, can't drive it or to someone who already has 3 or 4 cars in their driveway.  

[boltnrun]

My husband's father left him his pickup truck when he passed away. I never, not once, asked why I couldn't drive it or accused him of being selfish for not asking me if I wanted to drive it. He admired his father and losing him hurt. I wasn't about to make the truck about me. 

I don't understand why you're making your husband losing his mother and inheriting her truck about you. 

[Snowed23]

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Weird family beliefs, imo. But, I guess this is how they are....

I wouldn't even bother arguing about it.  He's after mom's car, just like sis is.  Then, so be it!

Why is it even worth any kind of argument?  You do have a car to drive, leave his little posession alone.  Not even worth it.  😕 

Please tell me where you read that sis is after the car too?

[Snowed23]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My husband's father left him his pickup truck when he passed away. I never, not once, asked why I couldn't drive it or accused him of being selfish for not asking me if I wanted to drive it. He admired his father and losing him hurt. I wasn't about to make the truck about me. 

I don't understand why you're making your husband losing his mother and inheriting her truck about you. 

It's a car, not a truck and I'm not making it about me.  I just want to be able to drive it from time to time?

[bluecastle]

Just now, Snowed23 said:

It's a car, not a truck and I'm not making it about me.  I just want to be able to drive it from time to time?

Do you see how these two sentences are at odds with each other? I am asking this earnestly. 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Snowed23 said:

It's a car, not a truck and I'm not making it about me.  I just want to be able to drive it from time to time?

Car, truck , who cares that is just semantics either way the woman has to die for Hubby to get the vehicle , or be housebound and you are chomping at the bit to discuss this car. THAT is the point . 

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

It's a car, not a truck and I'm not making it about me.  I just want to be able to drive it from time to time?

Yes, it's a car, not a truck.😉

And you are making it about you. The woman is still alive and you're arguing with him about wanting to drive the car after she dies and gives it to him? I honestly don't understand why it's necessary to discuss this now. 

[Batya33]

32 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Yes, it's a car, not a truck.😉

And you are making it about you. The woman is still alive and you're arguing with him about wanting to drive the car after she dies and gives it to him? I honestly don't understand why it's necessary to discuss this now. 

Also you - OP -wanted to ask him to have you on the title -that's not just driving it from time to time.

[Wiseman2]

49 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

No one is technically after the car.  

Except you? Why not  spend more time working or maybe a part-time job and buy yourself whatever you would like?  It's a lot better than badgering your husband about this. 

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

I just want to drive the car from time to time.  I that too much to ask?  I could understand if someone was giving him a classic car or something of great value but this is a used Honda Accord.  

Why don't you stop hovering around things that you might or might not get your hands on after your mother in law finally croaks?  Worry about who drives the freaking Honda after she's 6 feet under.  

It's kind of shocking to imagine a person thinking about getting a car after somebody dies when they're still living a full life.  Who knows.  Maybe she'll sell it.  Or maybe she'll outlive you.

[Coily]

4 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

I'm sure when the time comes and he gets the car he'll most likely title it in his name and his name only.  Can he title it in both our names?  Would I be wrong to make that suggestion?

He can have it in your name, but that's his choice

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

If I want to go to the store and the Honda is sitting right there why can't I just grab the keys and go?

I mean sure, but you do understand that its still his car and you should really ask him before you take it? 

I would maybe understand it if you have no other option. But you literally have 3 cars. One of which is yours and only yours. I would maybe see your point if you somehow dont have your own car and that he now has 2 cars which he "hoggs" just for himself while you have to beg him to give you at least one so you could go, I dunno, to supermarket. But you do have your own car to drive. You literally dont depend on him and dont have to ask him for a car. Because you have yours.

Why so much obsession with Honda Accord? To the point you want to ask him to put your name with his on the ownership?

[shouldhavelearned]

What the mom wants is what the mom gets

 

If you want, go buy yourself a new car

[rainbowsandroses]

9 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

Here's the rub that I have.  I have my own car and my husband has his SUV.  When he told me he would be getting his mom's Honda at either her death or her inability to drive anymore I became very excited about it.  I told him I couldn't wait to drive the car.  He told me to "pump my brakes" so to speak because while he was doing all the leg work for his mom with the wreck and everything he said I could have cared less. 

Imo your husband's response has less to do with your actually driving the car after she passes and gifts it to him.

But rather it's more about your attitude, what's bolded/underlined above.  That you would be so cold to mention being excited about something after his mom dies.

It's his mom!  No doubt just thinking about her dying is painful but instead of being sensitive to that, you're excited because you can't wait to drive her car?

Giving you the benefit of doubt, I'm sure you didn't mean for your words to come off that way, but put yourself in his shoes and think about if the tables were turned, if it were your mom or dad who died or going to die and he made such a comment.  How would you have felt?

All this talk about what's mine is his and what's his is mine is a cover for something much deeper happening imo and why you would make such a statement.

Just my take.

Please think about it.