Girlfriend weirdly pressuring me to let her insane sister watch my cat?

[guyguy420]

I am 19 and will soon be moving out of my parents, but am going to stay with my father for a few months to get more work sorted out, help with financing, and looking for a place. During these few months, I need someone to watch my cat because my Dad doesn’t allow cats in his house.

I have gone through some options, close friends and other family, but all are either too occupied with their own animals (2-3 each) or just do not have the environment for a feline to be in. My girlfriend has tried helping me, offering both of her parents as options, which I reluctantly told her to keep on the table. I did this because admittedly, I love my cat and am a bit protective- I would like him to be somewhere I know he’s going to be safe and have fun. 
 

Her fathers I was iffy about as her father already hates me, has threatened me, and talked about sending people to harm me when I’m not around, but most of all, he has a dog that is 100-and-something pounds of tortured, ANGRY muscle. The dog has scarred her and him multiple times, and needs to be locked up any time anyone is walking around the house because it’s unstable and violent, sprinting and screaming to attack anyone who isn’t her dad the second it gets a chance. Gotta love Pitbulls! Needless to say, I am a little iffy about the chance of my cat coming home as chili meat. 
 

Her mothers, while better, is still an iff for me. Her mother and step father are recovering addicts, no issue with that, many in my family, but they are also manipulative and combative. They also have an autistic daughter, who they get into screaming matches and arguments with and who has frequent temper tantrums + attacks people. She, despite having been told not too, constantly grabs, hits and even bites me to this day and I have watched her attack her tutor, who they have because her mom admits she doesn’t want to deal with her and would rather pay someone else to! I don’t think she’d be able to do much to my cat, even if she could catch him, but the though if him being hit, kicked, tail pulled, or even chased around all day by someone trying to do those things, sounds horrible. Best case scenario he is unscathed and just gets this girl in a lot of trouble. 
 

Despite this, my girlfriend seemed pretty open to the idea of having him stay at one of these places. But suddenly, when I start to ask her if it’s still an option, she is very unreceptive and tries very hard to steer the conversation towards having him stay at her sisters house, getting angry at me for disagreeing. Her sister lives an hour away on farm land, with her son, husband, and step son. Over my entire relationship, all I have ever heard about this woman is that she disappeared one day, and is extremely manipulative, lies about everything, and treats her autistic son like an animal while praising her neuro typical step son, in addition to a myriad of unkind, bad things. 
 

I told her I am not comfortable having my cat stay with an abusive mother that I have never met and who lives an hour away, to which she responds with telling me “it’s not like she abuses animals,” which is the only non-bad thing I have ever heard about her sister in over a year, and I feel like it’s a low bar.

[SooSad33]

Then don't even think twice on sending your cat to anyone on her side.

What about your friends?  Is anyone able?  That, or a shelter maybe.  My parents have a dog kennel and they take on boarders.  Plus there's a section for other pets like cats.

But, I think you do have a good mind on not sending kitty to anyone unstable or unknown.  Should really not be too much of an argument. It's your cat.

[boltnrun]

None of the above.

If you love this cat, contact rescue agencies to see if a family or person can foster the kitty until you have your own place. Offer to pay for food, litter and vet visits. Make sure the kitty is "fixed" and fully litter box trained. Have a microchip implanted. And make sure you visit Kitty while he or she is being fostered. 

[smackie9]

Don't stay at your father's place, find somewhere else and keep the cat with you.

[Wiseman2]

Why can't the cat stay where it is now? Where's your mother? Who are you currently living with?

[itsallgrand]

Chili meat lol. 

Seriously though, please do not send the cat to any of her people nor with her. She doesn't have the interests of the cat at heart. You'd never forgive yourself if anything happened to your lil guy.  It's not worth it.

 

[Seraphim]

Don’t send your cat to any of these people, and not because the sister is Autistic. My son is Autistic and would never harm a person or animal. A lot of it is how the Autistic person was treated and not well by the sounds of it . Rehoming your cat is better . 

[LotusBlack]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why can't the cat stay where it is now? Where's your mother? Who are you currently living with?

^ I second this. 

[catfeeder]

I’d contact local animal organizations to present my case and learn whether a vetted foster family can home the cat.

These agencies and groups are invested in preventing animals from being abandoned or mistreated, and they have cultivated networks of people with the same investment.

Thank you for being caring enough to consider the best solution rather than the most convenient one. Your cat is lucky to own you!

[Cherylyn]

I don't like any of the options mentioned in your post.  I agree with @boltnrun and @LotusBlack.  Where is the cat staying now and would it be possible for the cat to reside with your mother?   If not,  brainstorm alternate locations for your cat to stay somewhere safe and treated with TLC (tender loving care 🐱 🐈 💗 ) 

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, guyguy420 said:

my girlfriend seemed pretty open to the idea of having him stay at one of these places. But suddenly, when I start to ask her if it’s still an option, she is very unreceptive and tries very hard to steer the conversation towards having him stay at her sisters house, getting angry at me for disagreeing

This says a lot about your girlfriend. She doesn't have any sense what a healthy home environment is. It sounds like she grew up in utter chaos and doesn't understand exactly how dysfunctional it all is. 

There is no way on this earth that I would send the cat to live with any of these people. I would not care if this makes your girlfriend angry. Tough cookies. I will echo the suggestions of those above who suggest looking into foster care for the time being. 

[poorlittlefish]

13 hours ago, guyguy420 said:

I am 19 and will soon be moving out of my parents, but am going to stay with my father for a few months to get more work sorted out, help with financing, and looking for a place. 

Get all this stuff in place and THEN move out.  Your cat doesn't need the upheaval while you sort your life out.  Let him stay where he already is.

[LotusBlack]

1 hour ago, poorlittlefish said:

Get all this stuff in place and THEN move out.  Your cat doesn't need the upheaval while you sort your life out.  Let him stay where he already is.

I agree with the above - line all your ducks up before moving out, otherwise the move is premature and makes things unnecessarily complicated. I know, at your age, there feels like a real urgency to do something, but bide your time until you have things sorted out, then you'll be able to move a lot more seamlessly to the next stage of your life and it will be a much less anxious and trepidatious process.

[Cherylyn]

9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This says a lot about your girlfriend. She doesn't have any sense what a healthy home environment is. It sounds like she grew up in utter chaos and doesn't understand exactly how dysfunctional it all is. 

 

I agree,  the girlfriend is really messed up.  Beware.  🥴

[guyguy420]

On 7/22/2023 at 5:47 AM, LotusBlack said:

I agree with the above - line all your ducks up before moving out, otherwise the move is premature and makes things unnecessarily complicated. I know, at your age, there feels like a real urgency to do something, but bide your time until you have things sorted out, then you'll be able to move a lot more seamlessly to the next stage of your life and it will be a much less anxious and trepidatious process.

 

On 7/22/2023 at 4:11 AM, poorlittlefish said:

Get all this stuff in place and THEN move out.  Your cat doesn't need the upheaval while you sort your life out.  Let him stay where he already is.

 

On 7/21/2023 at 5:47 PM, Cherylyn said:

I don't like any of the options mentioned in your post.  I agree with @boltnrun and @LotusBlack.  Where is the cat staying now and would it be possible for the cat to reside with your mother?   If not,  brainstorm alternate locations for your cat to stay somewhere safe and treated with TLC (tender loving care 🐱 🐈 💗 ) 

 

On 7/21/2023 at 4:35 PM, LotusBlack said:

^ I second this. 

 

On 7/21/2023 at 3:23 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Why can't the cat stay where it is now? Where's your mother? Who are you currently living with?

Hello everyone! I actually have good news concerning this issue. 
 

to answer some questions: 

-Relocating my cat was very sudden and urgent because our apartment complex got bought out by people who doubled our rent and evicted us, I had a month to find somewhere for him but most every one of my friends and family already have 2-5 animals in their homes.

-He could not stay with my mother as she is moving in temporarily with an older friend who can’t have cats in the home.

-I am going to live with my father for a few months to save the last bits of money I need to move out on my own, and could not bring him with me because my dad has two dogs and generally dislikes cats. I know, lame, but he’s doing a lot for me right now in his old age so I don’t want to press it. 
 

If I was at all able to choose when I was moving out or where I could put him, trust me I would do that first, I’m just in a position  very very suddenly where everything has to come first so I can grow up and move on, though I appreciate the sentiment that he should be put first. 
 

The good news is he’s going to stay with my old step father, who despite being a man child, is not violent, super mean, own any murder animals, or have an odd home. And my cat knows him and is a bit fond of him, so very luckily, our boy is going to be staying with his Dad who he actually knows and will be safe with!

 

[guyguy420]

On 7/21/2023 at 3:19 PM, smackie9 said:

Don't stay at your father's place, find somewhere else and keep the cat with you.

Simply not possible. Can’t force people to let me live with them lol. He has found a safe place to stay with someone I know and am quite confident won’t harm or stress him.

[Cherylyn]

On 7/30/2023 at 2:32 AM, guyguy420 said:

The good news is he’s going to stay with my old step father, who despite being a man child, is not violent, super mean, own any murder animals, or have an odd home. And my cat knows him and is a bit fond of him, so very luckily, our boy is going to be staying with his Dad who he actually knows and will be safe with!

 

👍