Nervous for a date

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

.  Sure he might hook up with somebody from the bar nights out with his bois.

He likes junk food. He probably won't take women on vacation like a normal 30 year old grown man  would, but getting drunk and picking up floozies seems like a possibility for his "no girls allowed" boys nights out.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Yick. He sounds like a Madonna-wh*re whackadoo.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who suspects this...

[Jaunty]

24 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

What guy favors his guy friends over a hot date?

There are REALLY a lot of guys like this.   I suspect that guys who fulfill all their sexual needs with masturbation and probably porn are super likely to love hanging out with the bros, getting baked and whatever.  No need to bother with pesky women and their needs.   That can all be taken care of at home with the computer screen and their hand.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, Alex39 said:

Then we went back to my place. We cuddled up for a little, we fell asleep. He initially said he didn't want to get intimate, because he felt dirty and hadn't showered today, only yesterday.

I went back for a re-read and found this^, must have missed the first time. 

Alex, does this make sense to you? 

That he would not have showered this morning especially since he knew he'd be seeing you?

I mean nevermind the sex, who doesn't shower before heading out for the day?  Or before a date?  Sex or no sex? 

Please tell me your BS meter starting going off big time when he told you this.  

Man, he's getting more and more brazen with every lie and every cancellation.

I'm beginning to think this is all a big joke to him....

I truly TRULY hope you decide to dump him....

[waffle]

46 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I'm surprised at the ladies here who think that this complete drip  has enough wherewithal and organizational acumen to pull off something as ambitious as going on a vacation with a woman. 

I'd be seriously impressed if he were able to keep multiple women going.  Casa Nova he is not.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I went back for a re-read and found this^, must have missed the first time. 

Alex, does this make sense to you? 

That he would not have showered this morning especially since he knew he'd be seeing you?

I mean nevermind the sex, who doesn't shower before heading out for the day?  Or before a date?  Sex or no sex? 

Please tell me your BS meter starting going off when he told you this.  

He's getting more and more brazen with every lie and every cancellation.

I'm beginning to think this is all a big joke to him....

I truly TRULY hope you decide to dump him....

Yes. It’s insulting. He rescheduled the date. Knew he’d have limited time with you and didn’t bother to look his best ? Didn’t you ? The not showering thing is for when - your SO stops by last minute after being outside active all day - or both of you are all sweaty after a long day outside and one of you isn’t up for being intimate - yet - before you can shower so the moment might pass.

I’m big into feeling clean AND I put that to the side if we’re both in the mood -with not enough time to shower first - I will joke about it and my husband just smiles with some comment like it’s even more of a turn on lol. Only exception is if the gross feeling is because I’m sick or he’s sick - no spreading cooties lol 

really makes no sense  

 

[Starlight925]

The not showering thing is such a red flag, I can't even....

And if that's why he didn't feel clean enough to have sex with you (I get it), couldn't he have jumped in your shower?  It's like a 5-minute thing for a guy.

So he took you to run his errands while he spent mommy's money.  In a dirty body.  

Then, he leaves with a peck on the cheek to hang with his boys, before he goes on a week-long trip and won't see you.

To sleep in mommy & daddy's room with them.

And this is what you call a "good boyfriend"?

 

[Jibralta]

38 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

There are REALLY a lot of guys like this.   I suspect that guys who fulfill all their sexual needs with masturbation and probably porn are super likely to love hanging out with the bros, getting baked and whatever.  No need to bother with pesky women and their needs.   That can all be taken care of at home with the computer screen and their hand.

But surely there's more to female companionship than getting your rocks off? 

(Although.... I've gotten reprimanded before for believing this lol)

[rainbowsandroses]

Guy doesn't need a new wardrobe to masturbate to porn...

He may not be having sex with one particular girl, but to assume he's not attempting to pick up chicks at clubs while out drinking with his bros is a bit naive imo.

[Jaunty]

1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

But surely there's more to female companionship than getting your rocks off? 

(Although.... I've gotten reprimanded before for believing this lol)

Honestly, for a certain type of guy (a slacker, for example, like this fine fellow) having to interact with a woman is mostly full of pressure and anxiety.  

I'm sure you know some women who are married to guys who love to spend all their waking hours in their friends' MAN CAVE.  Maybe drinking beer, for some groups it would be getting high, sometimes they like to work on cars or bowl or whatever. 

Plenty of these guys still have a sex drive and interest in women but I think that the "porn addiction" is so rampant that many men who have this tendency are just fine living without real live women.  

And there are webcam girls available for those who feel like having some interaction with no pressure.

[NighttimeNightmare]

33 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

who doesn't shower before heading out for the day?  Or before a date?  Sex or no sex? 

A lot of people. We have no idea who Alex or this guy really are. We don’t know their mannerisms, hygiene levels, cleanliness, and so on 

some people are just gross and dirty (not saying either of you are, Alex, just making a point).  You ever watch hoarders, my 600 lb life, or hell any more mild reality show that lets you into peoples homes?  Hell, just go people watch at your local shady Walmart parking lot. Again, not saying I’m convinced this guy is absolutely disgusting, and I certainly don’t think he is some tailered Rico suave. He simply doesn’t care to put himself together for Alex, but he will for other  

 

I’ve suspected for awhile now that there’s another woman, possibly multiple, involved.  Women he runs after when they’re available and drops plans with his backup chick (Alex), women he shares hotels with, maybe even women who buy him things. 
 

he calls all of these people “friends” and “parents” in the stories he tells Alex, Or maybe Alex knows he’s seeing other women and these are the terms Alex chooses to use when telling the story to us. Either way, he showers before seeing them (whoever they are) and suddenly his stomach doesn’t stop him from spending days, hours, or weeks, with these people …  but the behavior changes monumentally when it comes to Alex

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Possibly but also there was a reason he told her mommy gave him money for clothes.

Grown men with high interest and attraction would never disclose that or even ask mommy for money in the first place! 

Jmo, but its possible he's setting the stage to eventually ask Alex for money. 

Alex, what was your response when he told you that?

 

Alex, would you mind answering the question in bold?  

What your response was after he told you he got money from his mom to buy new clothes? 

Did you offer him any money?  

Please tell us you did not....

[spinstermanquee]

4 hours ago, Alex39 said:

He said how we can do some good things when he comes back from his trip

Oh my, he dangles those breadcrumbs.  Just a reminder, breadcrumbs are not filling and relationship breadcrumbs do not satisfy a thirsty and hungry lass 🙂

[Alex39]

16 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Alex, would you mind answering the question in bold?  

What your response was after he told you he got money from his mom to buy new clothes? 

Did you offer him any money?  

Please tell us you did not....

I did not nor will I ever ever give him money. I don't have the money to give and that's a hard line for me. 

 

I really don't think he would ever do that. I've offered to help pay or to pay for lunches/dinners on numerous occasions and he says no. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I did not nor will I ever ever give him money. I don't have the money to give and that's a hard line for me. 

Thank you for responding and I'm glad to hear it!! 😂

Friend of mind got into a sitch like that with her new boyfriend who claimed to be broke.

She eventually dumped him but all total she was out around 2 grand when all was said and done.  

She was exactly your age too (31?) of modest means.   

It's not that uncommon.

You okay?  What are doing tonight?  

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I've offered to help pay or to pay for lunches/dinners on numerous occasions and he says no. 

How many times have you actually been out on a date with him that involves purchasing a meal? Maybe three or four? It seems most of the time you two are on your couch.

And for all you know his mother gives him money and that's how he was able to afford Chick-fil-A. 

Look, I am not trying to slam this guy. I just feel like you are twisting yourself into a mental pretzel trying to pretend this relationship is the one of your dreams. And that's a darn shame. 

[Batya33]

I usually wouldn’t comment like this and often I feel at least I can do the “a ha” this is what’s going on. But I can’t so I’m sort of left with. This doesn’t add up. Something - not just him - doesn’t smell right- and - really - with all these odd and off and even shady stuff - who cares what it is at some point. It just IS. 

Sometimes in dating - or even like on a job interview - something is - not right /off. So you walk away even if you’d love to know and definitively figure out what the IT is. 
He really doesn’t pass the smell test. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

Exactly. It’s weird. Something is off and it doesn’t matter what that thing is, the fact is she’s being d*cked around — whatever the reason doesn’t justify it or make it ok

 

but for Alex, it seems to. She’s said over and over “maybe it’s xyz and he didn’t mean it. He’s a good person. He thinks he’s a good bf.”  She’s “ok” with excusing the behaviors if the reasons behind them are acceptable to her, and if he supplies a text emoji chaser 

[rainbowsandroses]

38 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I've offered to help pay or to pay for lunches/dinners on numerous occasions and he says no. 

Well, with all the crap I've said about him, just wanna say now I think that was very generous and kind of him.  

At this point, I honestly can't say with certainty what's going on with him, hell I've even considered that he may be on the spectrum on some level and literally has no clue how to interact properly in romantic relationships, but that's probably a stretch. 

All I know is you're a beautiful and kind person inside and out and deserve to be cherished by the man you're dating!  

I truly hope you're okay after reading all our posts and hope you will continue posting, we all want what's best for you.  💛

 

 

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I did not nor will I ever ever give him money. I don't have the money to give and that's a hard line for me. 

I don't think he'll ask for money. That's not the point. The point is he doesn't have time for you. Not because he's working hard but because he's partying hard.

[Alex39]

I'm very touchy Feely. I like holding hands. I remember one of my ex's loved holding my hand while driving me in his car. I always loved that. I'm touchy Feely with this guy. Touching his shoulder. Rubbing his knee. Cuddling.

When we lay on the couch, I rub his chest and stuff. 

He'll cuddle when we are on the couch, but out in public he told me he isn't a big hand holder. He'll grab my back if we are walking occasionally.  But no hand holding, no real touching. But he said it's just not his thing. He doesn't think of it. 

He told me he loves cuddling with me and loves how cuddly and affectionate I am. 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

He told me he loves cuddling with me and loves how cuddly and affectionate I am. 

Then why does he keep cancelling on you or rushing out the door with flimsy excuses about pets, poop issues and not showering? 

Everything good you've told us about him is "he said, he said, he said" but what he DOES does not match his words. 

I presume he's out partying with his friends right now? While you're sitting at home wishing he was with you.

[Alex39]

He actually only went to dinner with them and now he's asleep. 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

He told me he loves cuddling with me and loves how cuddly and affectionate I am. 

Well you're a Pisces soooo..... 😉

I'm a Cancer (a water sign like you) and the same and yeah all my boyfriends and ex-hubs loved that about me too!

Not that I 100% believe in all that astrology stuff but maybe a little....  hehe

 

[boltnrun]

Alex, I can see you are determined to hold onto this whatever it is, making excuses for him and glossing over your disappointment and the times you've cried over him. I presume you just don't want to have to start your search over again, because even though this guy does not come across as a good prospect even with your attempts to sugar coat, you continue to try to hold on.

I just hope you know what it is you've signed up for and that you are legitimately happy.