Nervous for a date

[Alex39]

I'm in USA- in the Midwest

He came to get me around 10:30am. He asked me about movies, we settled on a time and he bought the tickets. 

He drove us and we got some lunch. It wasn't fancy or anything. Then we went to the movies. 

After the movies he asked me if I wanted to go to this fun game place. I said sure. We were driving through some towns and then he asked if I wanted a tour around the town he grew up in. So he gave me a driving tour and even showed me the house he grew up in. This lasted long. Then we hit some traffic and it got later and later. He then said he really had to use the restroom. Finally, we were sitting in so much traffic that he was dying to use the bathroom. He finally said- Hey, I wasnt going to take you to my place today, but it's nearby and I really need the restroom. So he took me to his place. It wasn't bad. Typical guy apartment. But it wasn't messy or dirty,  just small. 

He kisses me a bit there. Then we head out to the game place, but it was late by then, so we pass a restaurant and decide to eat dinner instead. So we eat. And we flirt and chat. 

The whole day was comfortable. We again had no issue talking or in silence and I feel comfortable with him. He treats me well. Pays for everything. I mean he easily probably spent $100 today. I offered to help, he refused. He's a gentleman. He's very considerate and kind to me when we go out. 

Then at dinner he asks me if I'm free one specific weekend that is a month from now. I say yes. He asks if I'd like to go camping with him. He's going and meeting up with his brother, wife, and child, and his mom is going too. He says he'll bring us a tent and bed, sleeping stuff. He says he'll bring most everything we need. I asked him some questions and let him know I'd never camped before. But I agreed to go. It sounded fun. So it's in a month. I'm excited. Just hoping he doesn't forget this plan like he has with other meet ups. 

We go back to my house and we cuddle, kiss a lot, and watch a show briefly. There is definitely physical chemistry there. He even admitted to checking me out today. I think we definitely could have had sexx if I okay'd it. But I stuck with making out a bit and he was really respectful asking me if he could put his arms around me and stuff. I want to wait a bit for sexx. I guess though if we do go camping we'll be sleeping in a bed together- he asked me if this was okay or he'd get me a separate one for the tent. I said it was fine. Maybe we should have sexx before this? 

I mean neither one of us are virgin angels. But should we make it a special moment or just do it in one of our beds? 

He brought up that he was so happy we talked about exclusivity and I opened the door, because he said he wasn't sure how I felt.

Maybe I'm not very clear?

Then he leaves and we have plans for Sunday. 

I had a great great day. I feel like we're so compatible and just at ease together. 

[Starlight925]

Glad you had a great day!  Sounds like a perfect day date.  

I also like that he didn't pressure you into sex, even though you could have had it today.  

Are you seeing him over the weekend?  Or just Sunday?  Does he have other weekend plans?

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 he was so happy we talked about exclusivity and I opened the door, 

That's great news. Glad you saw his place and the date went well.  Maybe you're finding a pace that works. 

[Alex39]

4 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Glad you had a great day!  Sounds like a perfect day date.  

I also like that he didn't pressure you into sex, even though you could have had it today.  

Are you seeing him over the weekend?  Or just Sunday?  Does he have other weekend plans?

I have a girls trip on Saturday, so I'll see him when I come back Sunday. 

It was a great day. He wasn't pushing me into anything and was extremely respectful. 

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 I'll see him when I come back Sunday. 

It was a great day. He wasn't pushing me into anything and was extremely respectful. 

Does he prefer to play things by ear? Not everyone is a planner and as long as you are easy going as far as just taking it as it comes, it may work out. Some people view plans as sort of commitments they don't want to be tied to.  He also seems open to your suggestions so that works.

[LootieTootie]

Sounds like a great date.

Its too early to tell what's going on with him except that he's been unreliable and forgetful.

I work with guys around his age (26-30) and from what Alex described this guy, he kind of reminds me these guys I work with and have worked with. Right now I actually supervise 2 of them. I don't know if its something with this age group, but they sort of have ADD, I mean probably just immaturity. They're spacey, can't really stay focus long, everything is 'not a big deal' persona and so when I ask for something, they will give me are always some pieces of what I asked for even if I gave them a checklist. To them, "well the checklist was too long so I might have scanned thru half of them." OR "Oh you emailed me a checklist? I didnt see it. I just wrote down my own checklist from what you told me verbally." These guys are not on drugs or have any diagnosed health or mental issues. They're attention span is just very short and since nothing is big deal, they take things so lightly that they forget things and respond nonchalantly. Is it frustrating, yes. But I've learned you can't make someone motivated or care. You just gotta take notes.

Saying that I do have another guy who I supervise, and he's 29, and he isn't like this. He's always on top of everything, motivated, and has a memory like an elephant even tho he's constantly inundated with tasks.

 

 

[LootieTootie]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

 Maybe we should have sexx before this? 

I mean neither one of us are virgin angels. But should we make it a special moment or just do it in one of our beds? 

 

I think you are overanalyzing about sex here. The more you think about when to have sex, you will put all types of pressure on you and on him (even if you are not mentioning it to him.)

Just enjoy the dates and if during one of the dates, you feel comfortable in going 4th base, don't think he has to make the move just because he's the "man." You can be the first to initiate that contact. But you have to be comfortable and he has to be comfortable. You're a grown woman and can make those choices and own those choices.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Saying that I do have another guy who I supervise, and he's 29, and he isn't like this. He's always on top of everything, motivated, and has a memory like an elephant even tho he's constantly inundated with tasks.

My friend's son in law is 29 - he's a married father of 3 sons under 8 years old, barely finished high school, has been working full time for 15 years first for family business and the last 7-8 years he started his own successul business -same industry.  Travels all over to grow the business, takes care of his kids when he is home, helped my friend buy her home -she lives nearby and babysits when she can. 

My other friend's son is 31, married, attorney, always been on task in that sense.  Another friend has a son in law who is in his early 30s, blue collar worker, married father of 3 young kids and has had to hustle to find appropriate jobs to make a good living to support his family (wife is home but also works part time whenever she can).  None of them can take anything this lightly nor do they seem to wish to do so.  I have other examples -at least 4-5 in this age range (all sons of my friends). 

I think some people mature faster -and probably girls faster than boys? But I don't think most people go with social media trends describing "this generation" etc - they are individuals, with individual situations and I think often parents have at least some impact on the person's work ethic/reliability, etc.  (Mine sure did, my inlaws sure did on my husband and we provide that to my son -he seems to take to what we say -and moreso how he sees us interacting with the world/at work- more or less....)

Alex it sounds like a lovely date in every way.  I would simply keep an eye on the momentum -if he keeps up this consistency, follows through on the camping plans (obviously with others involved he's not in total control of the planning but you know) and I'm glad you chose not to have sex if you weren't comfortable yet -good for you for listening to yourself!

[Alex39]

28 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My friend's son in law is 29 - he's a married father of 3 sons under 8 years old, barely finished high school, has been working full time for 15 years first for family business and the last 7-8 years he started his own successul business -same industry.  Travels all over to grow the business, takes care of his kids when he is home, helped my friend buy her home -she lives nearby and babysits when she can. 

My other friend's son is 31, married, attorney, always been on task in that sense.  Another friend has a son in law who is in his early 30s, blue collar worker, married father of 3 young kids and has had to hustle to find appropriate jobs to make a good living to support his family (wife is home but also works part time whenever she can).  None of them can take anything this lightly nor do they seem to wish to do so.  I have other examples -at least 4-5 in this age range (all sons of my friends). 

I think some people mature faster -and probably girls faster than boys? But I don't think most people go with social media trends describing "this generation" etc - they are individuals, with individual situations and I think often parents have at least some impact on the person's work ethic/reliability, etc.  (Mine sure did, my inlaws sure did on my husband and we provide that to my son -he seems to take to what we say -and moreso how he sees us interacting with the world/at work- more or less....)

Alex it sounds like a lovely date in every way.  I would simply keep an eye on the momentum -if he keeps up this consistency, follows through on the camping plans (obviously with others involved he's not in total control of the planning but you know) and I'm glad you chose not to have sex if you weren't comfortable yet -good for you for listening to yourself!

It wasnt that I wasn't comfortable. I wanted to. I just felt that we just became exclusive a bit fast, so I wanted to wait a bit to see how things go from here. I really like him and excited to meet some of his family members. 

[Alex39]

I mean sounds to me like he really likes me and he's making future plans with me and to meet some of his family. 

I hope he can see that I feel the same, because I do. 

[Sindy_0311]

Hi Alex! Glad for you the date went so well! 

It's a good thing if he is talking about future plans and introducing family members. But even better if he sticks to his words... So try to not think too much about it or take it as a granted sign until it really happens... 

I agree on taking your time to have sex. You both rushed for commitment, so maybe you should take more time with physical intimacy. When the right time will come, you will feel it, naturally. No need to plan those things IMO

Can I ask you what astrological sign your guy is? 

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I hope he can see that I feel the same, because I do. 

Why would you worry about this? What makes you think otherwise?

You had a great date. You'll meet each other's people in due time. Try not to accelerate that. As far as intimacy, why worry about that? You're two adults and when the time is right, you'll know.  

You could be a lot more comfortable if you get rid of the rule books and checklists about milestones. 

Exclusive talk... ✔️

Meet family.... ✔️

Please discontinue this type of anxiety for yourself. You are getting to know each other and yesterday you had a good date and the opportunity to do so. 

Try to focus on your dating style and what works. For example neither of you seem to like planning or plans so maybe you two are the off the cuff types. Whatever the case, as long as it's not chaotic and you actually get together and see each other without  chronic last minute cancellations.

[dias]

34 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Can I ask you what astrological sign your guy is? 

Finally a serious question. If he is a Sagittarius he is cool, if not then...good luck.

[Sindy_0311]

7 minutes ago, dias said:

Finally a serious question. If he is a Sagittarius he is cool, if not then...good luck.

I beg he is gemini or any air sign... 

[Alex39]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I beg he is gemini or any air sign... 

He's a Leo, I'm a Pisces 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

It wasnt that I wasn't comfortable. I wanted to. I just felt that we just became exclusive a bit fast, so I wanted to wait a bit to see how things go from here. I really like him and excited to meet some of his family members. 

To me that means you weren’t comfortable yet. You wanted to and you weren’t comfortable acting on that desire for personal reasons. 

[Alex39]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

To me that means you weren’t comfortable yet. You wanted to and you weren’t comfortable acting on that desire for personal reasons. 

Yes, I just thought it was a bit soon. We just started kissing and making out. So I didn't want to jump to 100% right after. I mean he said I was a great kisser and that he could kiss me all night. We got cuddly and much closer touching and stuff. More holding each other and stuff. I enjoyed every minute of it. 

[MrMan1983]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Can I ask you what astrological sign your guy is?

Oh god 😂 I hope you don't base any decisions on astrological signs 🚩😜

[Alex39]

Just now, MrMan1983 said:

Oh god 😂 I hope you don't base any decisions on astrological signs 🚩😜

I don't hold too much weight on that. Leo and Pisces aren't naturally compatible,  but he and I are very compatible and more so than other guys I've dated. So I don't think it matters. 

[Alex39]

This is honestly the first time I've been my full self dating. In the past, I was always compliant but also trying to just be this perfect person that I lost my personality. This time around I'm being my quirky, sexy, fun self. And I own it. And he makes me feel comfortable to be myself. 

[Alex39]

So his birthday is in a week. I asked him what he wanted and he said nothing. And he's going on a pre-planned vacation with his family days after. He made it like things will be busy around then and such. He's going to a concert the night before his birthday. 

I don't think I should go crazy with gifts or anything. But we spoke one day about cookies and he told me his favorite kind. I can bake well, so maybe bake him his favorite cookies. Any thoughts? 

[boltnrun]

Baking him cookies is a nice idea. I presume he doesn't get much home cooking these days. 

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So his birthday is in a week.  he's going on a pre-planned vacation with his family days after. He made it like things will be busy around then and such. He's going to a concert the night before his birthday. 

Will you be seeing him around this time? He seems pretty booked up. With plans that don't include you, so definitely don't do too much. If you do get together cookies are fine. 

[Alex39]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Will you be seeing him around this time? He seems pretty booked up. With plans that don't include you, so definitely don't do too much. If you do get together cookies are fine. 

Yeah his response was a bit odd. Almost like he was too booked up and we may not see each other. 

But then he's asking me to go camping with his family, so I didn't take it personally about the birthday. Just that he's very busy. 

[Alex39]

My cousin invited me to a family BBQ in a few weeks at her house. It would be my aunt, uncle, cousins, their spouses, my parents and family. 

I don't know if I should invite him, or not. Since it's kind of a big meet the family, everyone at once kind of thing. Is that too soon?