My (24m) boyfriend (20m) and I seem to get upset with each other daily over small things

[Alex Kelly]

Ill start off by saying that my boyfriend and i are temporarily in a long distance relationship, and that this will continue for about another 3 months.

This morning I upset my boyfriend, and he has been really mad at me all day, as he says this is a pattern and he is being upset with my regularly.

This morning I overreacted to him forgetting to tell me that his old fwb sent him nudes, and basically I got upset and snapped at him for all of the times he has forgotten to tell me information. It's not to say he never tells me, he just never remembers in the moment and mentions it a few hours to days later. Other times include not telling me for over an hour that his best friend made a move on him, or not mentioning until the next day that he had planned to meet a guy who had a crush on him.

The thing is, I get annoyed that he doesn't tell me straight away, but in the end he always tells me. I feel like I overreacted (because I 100% trust that he won't cheat or anything, I just don't like the lack of communication), and as a result I upset him. He is upset because he says that I get upset too easily and ruin his day basically everyday.

So please, if anyone has any advice on how to let the little things go, or any coping mechanisms that I can use to learn to avoid overreacting or becoming too emotional. please let me know. Thank you all

[Batya33]

How are these small things? He seems to have recurring situations where he is in contact with -or allows contact from men who want to have sex with him and who make that clear in one way or another. 

Also why should he tell you at all? I've been contacted by ex boyfriends who've written things that are potentially crossing the line, I've been contacted by random men on social media apparently wanting to see if I'm available -I don't tell him that stuff -why would I? I take care of it appropriately - I end the contact in one way or another, block as needed.  It happens rarely.  Maybe it happens to my husband to -he has a twitter account for example as part of his career - but I don't know -can't some random woman or an ex contact him there? I've never checked -no need to.  I trust him.

I don't buy that the issue is the timing.  And if the timing is the issue it's the issue because he is not comfortable when he knows he has behaved inappropriately -who cares if he actually has sex - he's crossing lines all over the place - unless -is it ok with you?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alex Kelly said:

 i are temporarily in a long distance relationship, and that this will continue for about another 3 months.

 

It seems like the distance is stressing both of you out.

Ask him not to brag about all these others supposedly into him. Don't ask. Focus on each other, not who's sending nudes or who's being hit on, etc. That's an unnecessary conversation rife with conflict.

[Cherylyn]

You're both upset at each other which doesn't make for a normal, healthy relationship.

Something is very off with your boyfriend receiving an old fwb's nudes whether he forgot to tell you or not and the fact that you have to feel upset over this in the first place.  It shouldn't be an issue yet it does which is a source of contention. 

Then the other issue which shouldn't be an issue is his best friend making a move on him.  I'm assuming his best friend knew your boyfriend was already in a relationship?  Then to top that off, your boyfriend planned to meet a guy who had a crush on him?  And, why is this boyfriend your boyfriend again?  The real question is for you:  Why are you still with him?  These aren't the type of problems you want in a relationship.

Don't get annoyed that he doesn't tell you straight away.  Be annoyed that you're with a boyfriend who has all of these issues with you to begin with.   Normal,  healthy relationships generally don't have the type of problems you've described.  Normal, healthy relationships have loyalty and devotion between two people minus deceit off to the side.

You're not letting "little things go?"  These are big things not to let go.  These are major red flags.  You either have to accept your boyfriend as is or get out.  He will not change for you.  He is who he is.  Take him or leave him.  Tolerate him and endure how these conditions are or have enough and dump him.  No, you're not overreacting.  If anything,  you're holding onto a farce of a relationship.  You're just wasting your time and energy on a floundering relationship.

[boltnrun]

How does he say he responds to these people who send him nudes, make moves on him or who want to meet up with him?

Do you ask him to report these things to you?

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, Alex Kelly said:

I 100% trust that he won't cheat or anything

Maybe you need to rethink that:

8 hours ago, Alex Kelly said:

he had planned to meet a guy who had a crush on him.

He is not behaving like a man with your best interests at heart. Why is he meeting another guy who likes him? Whether he tells you immediately or not, there are apparently some boundary issues here. He is absolutely part of the problem. 

But when you're at each other's throats all the time, the relationship is dysfunctional and best left in your past. It's not working anymore, OP. 

[smackie9]

Maybe it would be best to limit conversations with each other. Request to keep things light and simple and then go about your own business. It's best to find things to do to keep your mind off of things. 

[Andrina]

17 hours ago, Alex Kelly said:

he had planned to meet a guy who had a crush on him.

That, especially, is dealbreaker activity in my book. He's someone who lacks decent relationship boundaries.

And let me guess--he didn't block the past FWB.

He likes the intrigue and excitement off all this attention. As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

[SooSad33]

22 hours ago, Alex Kelly said:

This morning I overreacted to him forgetting to tell me that his old fwb sent him nudes, and basically I got upset and snapped at him for all of the times he has forgotten to tell me information. It's not to say he never tells me, he just never remembers in the moment and mentions it a few hours to days later.

First of all, I doubt he 'forgets', lol.  And as for it being hours later, I don't see a problem with that.

The problem is their interaction.  Like why would he be still dealing with her at all?? 😕 .  How long have you two been involved ( and how long after they were?).

 

22 hours ago, Alex Kelly said:

because I 100% trust that he won't cheat or anything, I just don't like the lack of communication), and as a result I upset him. He is upset because he says that I get upset too easily and ruin his day basically everyday.

He may be right here.  For all the times people may 'flirt' around with us, is really up to us on how we deal with it.  If anything, I'd avoid telling my partner anything, in order to continue to have things run smoothly.  Ever hear of too much info?

As for you,  maybe think on this ... why is this a problem basically every day?

IF you do truly trust him, then stop going at him about all of this.  If you do continue, it WILL cause a wedge between you two.  

As for him, he best smarten up and remove his EX, totally from now on!

You two need to work through this kind of thing & let some stuff go, before it does ruin this relationship.