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ONS Pregnancy - Paternity results are in. Update


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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

This guy could be there for a day and could be there for a few years or even forever. OP shouldnt be dependent on something like that. But to lead his own life. Him orbiting wont help him get the girl and would stagnate his own growth. If it happens in the future that they connect again, sure. But other than coparenting a kid, this is not something he should even entertain at least for now. 

I just had a chance to catch up with this thread and @RKO's first thread, both in their entirety and I agree with @Kwothe28.  His entire post but especially what is quoted above and the bolded.

"Orbiting" a woman and/or being her "white knight" showing her you are the "better man" never works out well for the man in my experience and opinion.  It's essentially "trying too hard to please" which reflects a bit of desperation which tends to be more of a turn off versus a turn on. 

@RKOshe's in a committed relationship and in love with another man.  As such, best to live your life including dating other woman and continue to co-parent and be the best dad to your kid you can be.  That's it, again my opinion..

I am curious how such feelings "came to be" given how you felt about her initially?  I mean it really sounded like you utterly despised her and had very little trust and respect for her at all.   And also because she has never reciprocated your feelings and is in fact in love with another man.

I think there may be a bit of context missing about what brought you to this place of feeling like you're "in love" with her now.

Can you clarify?   Was it observing her behavior with your child?  For example, is she nurturing, caring?  Is she breast feeding and if so have you ever observed her breast feeding?

I am not saying those are the reasons, I am simply seeking understanding because again given how you felt about her initially, the animosity etc, it's quite a switch.

That said, congrats!!   It sounds like you are and will continue to be a great dad!!  Enjoy your relationship and wish you and your son all the best!!!  💛

 

 

 

 

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On 6/10/2024 at 6:39 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

Can you clarify?   Was it observing her behavior with your child?  For example, is she nurturing, caring?  Is she breast feeding and if so have you ever observed her breast feeding?

I'd be shocked if this had any relevance. For sure I think seeing a mother nurse her child can bring out enhanced feelings of tenderness just like seeing your spouse/partner hold/rock/soothe/cuddle/feed strained peas your child 😉 trigger those feelings but I think it's extremely rare for a person who didn't have loving/romantic feelings to be turned on by seeing her naked breasts or the suggestion of it (many women cover up) and having that trigger passion/romance/

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21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'd be shocked if this had any relevance. For sure I think seeing a mother nurse her child can bring out enhanced feelings of tenderness just like seeing your spouse/partner hold/rock/soothe/cuddle/feed strained peas your child 😉 trigger those feelings but I think it's extremely rare for a person who didn't have loving/romantic feelings to be turned on by seeing her naked breasts or the suggestion of it (many women cover up) and having that trigger passion/romance/

I don't disagree Bat, I was just asking.  It could be anything, I was simply tossing it out as the OP literally gave us nothing to go on. 

On 6/10/2024 at 3:39 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

I am not saying those are the reasons, I am simply seeking understanding because again given how you felt about her initially, the animosity etc, it's quite a switch.

 He has yet to respond, hopefully he will or will give us an update!  😃

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It is so good to see you and your son doing so well. Wow how far you have come in such a short time really.  Kids will do that to you...

 The problem with carrying a torch for someone is that you usually get burned.  The best way to get over this (she has a bf so off limits) is to get out there and meet new people.  I would bet there are more than a few single moms out there that would think you are a pretty solid guy and a great father.

 Are there any single parent activities in your area? 

I feel like it would be best for you to see what is out there before you decide to sit and wait for her to see what a great guy you are.

Lost

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17 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'd be shocked if this had any relevance. For sure I think seeing a mother nurse her child can bring out enhanced feelings of tenderness just like seeing your spouse/partner hold/rock/soothe/cuddle/feed strained peas your child 😉 trigger those feelings but I think it's extremely rare for a person who didn't have loving/romantic feelings to be turned on by seeing her naked breasts or the suggestion of it (many women cover up) and having that trigger passion/romance/

Speaking as woman who burned all the photos of myself and my hubs (yes, I totally sounds nuts, and have done nutty things) when we dated briefly in our teens.  We've known each other for 30 years!! (did the math yesterday), and lots do happen. Love can and does grow from friendships. 

There truly was something my hubs did say one day when we started hanging out as friends again that made me look at him differently, and not in a I'm attracted to him way; it was I could picture a future with him way.

Play it cool.  And, I mean, hang out.  Really get to know each other as friends who spend time together.  If you are only motivated by whether or not you get to date her or bed her again, maybe you don't actually love her.  You just only want her when you can't have her. 

You were mean to her, dude.  The only way to get out of that is to be kind.  If you don't want to do the work, and think all good things should come easily, you will just find yourself back in the same situation that brought you here to enotalone in the first place with someone else.

True intimacy isn't created from magic spells.  It's from being there and being present with them.

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Just me personally I don't know if I could get past the father of my child not having wanted the baby, etc as happened here (even if it was from a ONS) - yes I know she refused the DNA etc but sometimes the emotional impact when it comes to being pregnant/giving birth etc outweighs the logical/ok I get why he had to do that -thing.  All hypothetical as it would have never really happened to me in that scenario.

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