GF (22F) didn't invite me (24M) to the bar with friends

[csmith257]

To start, no I'm not mad because she didn't invite me to one bar with her friends. This has been an on going thing where she tends to have a lot of "girls nights out" where I'm not invited. We live about an hour from each other so our time is limited, and sometimes I feel that I'm the second, third, or fourth choice in the relationship. Last week she had plans to go on a Vegas trip with her friends to party for three days, in which she later invited me solely because she needed help to pay her hotel room, and then once she found girls that would help pay for the hotel, she uninvites me. This really hurt me and i felt used and like i was just for there her convivence. Well we have been in a rough patch since that day and decided we need to have a heart to heart at the end of the week on Friday. Well i think she missed me and didnt like how i was not texting her so on Wednesday she called me crying looking for support because her roommates were being mean to her. Despite me being upset, i made sure to talk to her on the phone till she calms down. She was incredibly thankful, calling me babe, and inviting me to Dave and Busters with her sister that night and saying how much she missed me.

Well carrying on to the next day, Thursday, she told me she had plans to have therapy and then go to a turtle race bar with one of her old roommates and one other girlfriend. She bailed on therapy that night because she told me she was mentally drained and said she still might go to the turtle racing bar. I didnt really like the idea of her going to a bar and bailing on therapy but i thought meeting up with an old friend is a great way to de stress, and a turtle racing bar sounds like so much fun. I didnt expect an invite because it was her friends who invited her and it would have been just her and two other girls. Well once she gets to the bar i found out that she isnt going to a turtle racing bar, shes going to a club with her roommates where one of them brought her brother (so its not just a girls night).

I was incredibly hurt again for not being invited again. She keeps claiming that she didn't invite me because we "were on the brink of our relationship" and that she "didn't think i would want to come". She claims we were on the brink of a relationship yet that didn't seem to stop her from callingme and asking for support, inviting me to Dave and Busters with her sister, calling me babe, texting me how much the support meant to her, and weren't fighting the day she went out we were just having a normal conversation. Am I missing something? She claims i am in the wrong for this and I'm truly lost right now.

Even if she did think we are on the brink, is going out getting drunk with friends the thing to do? Iv been trying to put in effort, talking to my therapist, looking for articles online to help us. I have not been partying or drinking or any of that.

 

TLDR: GF didn't invite me to the bar with her friends because we are "on the brink of a relationship", yet called me for support the night before, called me babe, and invited me to Dave and busters with her sister.

[Batya33]

I think her actions show she likes the benefits of telling people she has a boyfriend and wants you there at her convenience but is not available to have or build a relationship with you. Also brink of sounds like it's the brink of something bad or restrictive not exciting.  She's excited to party with her friends, not at the prospect of building a serious relationship with you.

I'd tell her "I'm going to bow out -I see that we are in different places right now and that's fine but I plan to look for someone with similar goals and lifestyle to me. Have fun!"  

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she seems like a bit of a party girl. What types of things do you two do together for dates? You kept saying "invited me", but what plans do you make for the two of you?

[SooSad33]

49 minutes ago, csmith257 said:

Well carrying on to the next day, Thursday, she told me she had plans to have therapy and then go to a turtle race bar with one of her old roommates and one other girlfriend. She bailed on therapy that night because she told me she was mentally drained and said she still might go to the turtle racing bar. I didnt really like the idea of her going to a bar and bailing on therapy but i thought meeting up with an old friend is a great way to de stress, and a turtle racing bar sounds like so much fun. I didnt expect an invite because it was her friends who invited her and it would have been just her and two other girls. Well once she gets to the bar i found out that she isnt going to a turtle racing bar, shes going to a club with her roommates where one of them brought her brother (so its not just a girls night).

So, it sounds like she's likes to party & drink.  Is she in college?  Some do 'act out' this way with all the new found freedom 😉 .

Thing is.. is she capable of having a decent relationship.  IMO, she isn't that into it.

I also wonder if she's got problems with alcohol.  And is especially concerning if she is in need of therapy ( and cancelling that isn't doing her any good...).

I suggest you give this another little while.  See IF she agree's to having a decent one on one date.  Just you & her.  Yes, a healthy relationship requires some 'give & take'.  She needs to give a little more.

I'd only take this behaviour for so long. 

[Kwothe28]

I read something pretty good today. The reason why nice people attract the worst people imaginable is because nice people are the only people who will tolerate this kind of behavior. I mean, she goes to Vegas and does who knows what, goes out every day without you and rarely invites you when her friends are around to party. Any other guy would already be done with her or just use her for sex. Because, with all due respect, that is what "party girls" are for. But not you. You think you can somehow fix her. So you allow her to treat you like garbage. To cry to you over phone when "roomates are mean to her" and then when you are rightfully upset for not being included to tell you how you are "on the brink of the relationship". How much you want to bet that is what she is telling the other men at the club? Because I can almost guarantee she does.

Dump her and let her live her party life. And dont look back.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, csmith257 said:

Iv been trying to put in effort, talking to my therapist, looking for articles online to help us.

This is a complete waste of your time, OP. 

This girl is clearly not into you the way you're into her. No online articles are going to fix that. Her interest level is just not there. 

It's time to read the writing on the wall and end it. 

[smackie9]

Sounds like she's got the attitude of a 15 year old. She's childish, immature and selfish. Like most 15 year olds they think the world revolves around them... and this applies to your GF. She maybe hot, but the way she treats you is not...right. You are just being a doormat, time to boot her to the curb...any self respecting guy would. 

[Cherylyn]

She's too immature and deceitful.  Her social life of bar hopping is reminiscent of a single woman who likes that scene very much.  Both of you are mismatched and incompatible.  You need to find a normal replacement. 

[sislee20]

this was some what sad ro read but this is the world we live in where others use others for convenience. And that is what she is doing my friend souly just using you at the time being. She knows when she calls you are going to pick up and be there for what ever she may need at that time. She is way to immature and isnt ready for commit to anything. You kinda need to cut ties with this one for your own mental well being. 

[WalterSobcha]

On 1/20/2023 at 7:00 PM, csmith257 said:

Last week she had plans to go on a Vegas trip with her friends to party for three days, in which she later invited me solely because she needed help to pay her hotel room, and then once she found girls that would help pay for the hotel, she uninvites me.

You are right to feel hurt and unimportant when you are treated this way (I quoted the part that shocked me the most, but this applies to the rest of your post too). Leave this woman ASAP.

[spinstermanquee]

On 1/20/2023 at 1:00 PM, csmith257 said:

she had plans to go on a Vegas trip with her friends to party for three days, in which she later invited me solely because she needed help to pay her hotel room... [then uninvited me]

This is plain rude, whether you do it to a girlfriend or boyfriend, even when romance is not involved.  Her word is worth nothing and she does not value you.  You deserve better.  All the best to you csmith!

[Coily]

She sounds quite awful to be honest. She has no respect for you or your time, you were just a wallet option for her Vegas trip, barely a thought when she goes out clubbing doing who knows what. You don't deserve to be a doormat for this unpleasant girl.