Just needed to say this to someone

[indea08]

Hello ENA community, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and are doing well.

I don’t have the emotional capacity to get into the details…but I wanted to acknowledge that I’m depressed. I don’t feel like I can share my feelings with my husband, and as a result, my heart isn’t in my marriage right now. There are a handful of events I just can’t get past.

Most of the people in my life don’t have any experience with empathetic communication, and I’m tired of dismissive responses so I feel most okay when I’m completely alone. I can soothe myself more easily than I can deal with how others receive and react to my feelings. I’ve reached out to 4 therapists, all of which have either cancelled last minute, aren’t taking new patients, or haven’t responded. But I’ll keep trying.

I miss who I used to be, and I just wanted to put this in writing, so I don’t have to carry it by myself into the New Year.

Be safe, and be well.

Happy New Year.

[Jibralta]

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this tough spot. How frustrating about the lack of sympathy, the lack of empathy, and the itinerant therapists.

It's ok to be depressed. Feel free to reach out if you need to get things off your chest.

[Kwothe28]

Are you depressed or just "bummed" by some events in your life?

You have to understand that the depression is a very serious state. Where you are practically incapable of doing anything. Think of a person who lies in bed whole day. Having no will of doing anything. No will of going to work, no will to do anything around the home, no will to live, no anything. That is why I dont like self- diagnosis. Because most people dont understand the severity of the issue of depression.

In no means I wish to minimize your experience and suffering. But for the diagnosis, I would wait for the licensed therapist and not self- diagnose. I am sorry that you are having troubles finding therapist. They say the number of people seeking therapy incereases during holidays due to stress. So maybe that is an issue. I do hope that you would find some good therapist soon. So you could be diagnosed and possibly treated for your state.

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this tough spot. How frustrating about the lack of sympathy, the lack of empathy, and the itinerant therapists.

It's ok to be depressed. Feel free to reach out if you need to get things off your chest.

All the same from me.  I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. Wishing you all the best and a speedy recovery.

[catfeeder]

6 hours ago, indea08 said:

I’m tired of dismissive responses so I feel most okay when I’m completely alone.

I hear. I've gone through periods when I seem to hit a wall of those at the wrong time.

Have you considered searching for helplines to speak with someone?

[indea08]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

I hear. I've gone through periods when I seem to hit a wall of those at the wrong time.

Have you considered searching for helplines to speak with someone?

I’ve been searching for a therapist but no luck so far. I will continue searching until I find someone though. 

[indea08]

Thank you all. ❤️

[dias]

Sorry to hear this Indea. Feel free to vent here but you can also write on your personal diary. Write down your feelings, it's a good outlet. 

Yes keep trying with the therapists, you will find someone, it might be more difficult now due to Christmas time. In the meantime, maybe take a walk, talk to a neighbor/stranger in the park?

I like reading your posts. You seem a strong person, you will recover, it will take a bit of time but you will. 

Take care and Happy New Year 🙂

 

 

[jul-els]

I think I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve felt similar to what you describe pretty much my whole life, and I’m now 55 years of age. It is certainly a tough row to hoe, but I’ve also learned many things from it. One of the most important is being my own best friend and advocate.
 

From a social standpoint, we can’t survive in a vacuum, but we can be selective about who we let into the home that is one’s heart. Keep your “house” clean and well cared for, and only let people in who will respect and appreciate it. In turn, you respect and appreciate yourself, and that is something that’s invaluable.

 

Continue your search for an acceptable therapist, if it’s something you feel you need and don’t give up. You will find someone who you find suitable to help you get your feelings sorted out. 

[Starlight925]

Thank you for your openness and honesty.

As for therapists, you can look outside your area.  Most therapists will do Zoom therapy, and many will do phone calls and/or texts as well.  

And keep searching until you find one who clicks.  It's fair to have a session or two and move on.

I can so relate to your statement:

22 hours ago, indea08 said:

Most of the people in my life don’t have any experience with empathetic communication, and I’m tired of dismissive responses so I feel most okay when I’m completely alone. I can soothe myself more easily than I can deal with how others receive and react to my feelings.

This is all too common today.  It's called Toxic Positivity, where the person is dismissive by being positive, thinking that they're helping by saying something positive just to brush you off.

You might say to a friend that you're feeling blue, and they respond with all the great things you have going for you.  Or they launch into stories about the times they've felt blue, or this one friend they know, and pretty soon, the conversation has veered off into completely different directions.

Sooooo frustrating, and I hear you.

[bluecastle]

So sorry to hear this, and big hugs. Universal as such feelings can be—I've felt my versions, my share of times, and spent a good chunk of Covid feeling deeply unmoored from whatever it is I define as "me"—it doesn't decrease the sting, that sense of vanishing into an abyss.

To share a little thought I've had plenty in recent years: I think we humans require a pretty large circle of contact in order to feel, for lack of better word, understood. Friends and family and spouses, of course, but just as critically: random people, brief, seemingly trivial interactions. These were cut off for most of us by the pandemic for the past two years, in one form or another, and I think one byproduct of that was more pressure on our smaller circle—and, when that circle came up short, on ourselves. Whether that resonates with you or not I don't know, but just wanted to share it... 

Anyhow, if you think it would help, do know that you've got some willing ears here for listening—my ears, other ears—if you want to parse through some of the specifics. In the meantime, sending you all the good vibes.