Does my ex still miss me?

[Fairy1111111]

Hi

I was dating this guy back when we were both 19 years old and we are now both 26 years old. I was his first ever girlfriend, dated over a year. We broke up because I was so immature at the time, and I was two timing (cheated on him) which I am not proud of and have definitely learnt from my mistakes. It broke his heart a lot as he told one of my best friend that I was his first love and thought I was the one for him but he is very much traumatised from this experience. 
After we broke up around like 21 years old at the time, we were going back and forth on and off. He would constantly drunk call me and vice Versa and when we meet we can just literally talk about anything for hours. He would tell me that I'm the only person who knows him better than him. After we broke up 1-2 years after, he had a girlfriend which they have now broke up. However, whilst he had a girlfriend at the time he would still call me and drunk message me at times saying that he can't stop thinking about me and that if I never cheated on him we would still be together. Fast forward, I got into a new relationship (a very toxic one) dated him for about 3 years and have not spoken to my ex (the ex that I am referring to my question) for the past 3 years. And out of no where he requested to follow me on instagram which is very weird as he is a very shy person and never makes the first move. A week before he followed me, he asked one of our mutual friend if I still live at my old pace etc. 

i accepted his request and initiated the conversation and he just said that he is sorry for popping out of no where, as he just wanted to talk about work related question (which I believe that was an excuse). However, after a week after he drunk messaged me again and then we stopped talking and I initiated the conversation again if he wanted to hang out and now he hasn't even see my message over a week (which most likely he read the previews). I've also heard recently that after a week of when he followed me - he actually got fired from his workplace because he was not performing. 
I'm so confused as to what he is thinking. Like why would he need to follow me after 3 years of not talking/seeing nothing? 
also, I am unsure if he not really being responsive now because he got fired and potentially lost his confidence? 
I'm not going to be reaching out to him anymore that's for sure. But I just feel like there's no closure for some reason. I still think about him ever since the day we broke up, even when I'm in a new relationship. I genuinely thought he was my soul mate the moment I met him. 
 

Please help! Or any advice of how to handle this situation moving forward? 
i definitely do want to rekindle this relationship! 
 

Thank you!! 

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like you both finally need to leave this in the past. 

Lots of exes follow each other on social media, and it often speaks to curiosity rather than a desire to get back together. I would also caution you not to assume that rekindling is even a good idea anymore - it's been 3 years since you last spoke. You don't know what may have changed in that time for him, if you two would mesh well anymore, and so on. 

Be careful not to let nostalgia guide your ship. He will reach out if there's any further interest on his part, but I would advise you in the meantime to focus on moving forward. 

[Kwothe28]

I imagine that you are not really a priority right now as he was fired. 

Also, leave it alone. If he wanted something serious he would at least answer to your message to hangout. Exes reach for a variety of reason. And in lots of them its not about us.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

he just said that he is sorry for popping out of no where, as he just wanted to talk about work related question....

..... I've also heard recently that after a week of when he followed me - he actually got fired from his workplace because he was not performing. 

WOW--what kind of advice did you give him??

[Wiseman2]

Whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own reasons. They're lonely, horny, just got dumped, bored or want attention.

What have you been doing for 7 years with your life? That's a long time to stagnant like this and get involved in all this gossip and hearsay about him.

Just move on if all he's offering is a drunk text now and then.

[Batya33]

I'd ignore the social media behavior and not over analyze.  Also remember he chose to get drunk and send you suggestive messages while he was dating someone -do you have a strong stomach? -if you dated him wouldn't you be wondering who he was texting like that? My ex and I got back together after 7 plus years. We did this by being up front and direct -after seeing each other in person to catch up over dinner -twice - we realized there was still a spark -did not act on it until the third time when he asked me to get back together. 

Yes, there was some "hmmm is he interested" on my end at least those first two times but not because I was overanalyzing whether he clicked like on a post (hypothetical - neither of us was on social media at the time). 

Also we were both single, in stable situations in our lives, had not had baggage in the past involving cheating or drunken messages, and our conversation the third time left nothing to imagination - in three minutes he asked me to get back together, I said yes, and we discussed what we both wanted out of that (potential marriage and family). 

It's really that easy when two people are on the same wavelength and communicate in person and clearly -and sober- because people who want to be together want it to be 100% clear to avoid any misunderstandings and the other person potentially meeting someone else in the meanwhile.  

If you want to know for your ego if your ex still misses you -I mean - he might but clicking on something or following someone -anyone's guess whether he misses you or he's bored and distracting himself from having been fired.  And if he does it doesn't mean he wants to be with you.  I miss certain former friends and won't reach out because the downsides outweigh the benefits.

Good luck. 

[SooSad33]

12 hours ago, Fairy1111111 said:

I'm not going to be reaching out to him anymore that's for sure. But I just feel like there's no closure for some reason. I still think about him ever since the day we broke up, even when I'm in a new relationship. I genuinely thought he was my soul mate the moment I met him. 

Sorry but I see a few problems in all of this....

1) IF he was your true 'soulmate', maybe you would not have two timed. Yeah, you were young and still learning, growing up etc.

2) What closure?  You two broke up years ago... and yes, is common for your 'first' love/relationship to leave a deep impression.

3)  he's always been 'drunk messaging' you?  This is a huge red flag if you ask me.

People change over time... I really don't see him as anything stable.  If he's needing to drink to keep himself together, somewhat.. What if this is why he lost his job? 😕 

Is maybe just time to stop all of this.  No more contact and leave this all alone.

Work on getting over these 'thoughts & memories'.

 

 

[jul-els]

If you want to rekindle it, then the onus is on you to take the initiative. That’s just the way it works. That being said you might want to stop ask yourself why you want him back and if those reasons are valid or reasonable. 99.9% of the time, exe’s are exe’s for a reason. Or sometimes several reasons. 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/24/2022 at 12:51 AM, Fairy1111111 said:

 we are now both 26 years old.  after a week after he drunk messaged me again - he actually got fired from his workplace 

i definitely do want to rekindle this relationship! 

To be honest, this doesn't seem worth rekindling.