How can I fix things between me and my boyfriend of 6 years?

[CourtneyMichelle]

We've been together for 6 years, he's 27 and I'm 26. We've been on a relationship break for almost 2 months. It was his decision, he said he wasn't happy anymore and that we haven't been getting along. He felt like I got upset too much and treated him badly because I couldn't control my emotions. I've been trying to work on myself this entire time we've been apart and I gave him space and respected his wishes. 
We've recently started reconnecting again, hanging out and texting every day. Saying I love you and he's been staying the night over the weekend. We've also been having sex together as well.
We share an apartment together but since we've been apart he's since moved out and has been living with family. It seemed like we were doing well and rebuilding our relationship again. Well this Monday I found out that he's been talking to his dad telling him that he hasn't been staying with me, that he's been staying at his brother's place instead over the weekends. Here's some context. His dad has a girlfriend named Angie of 5 years and she has a daughter named Maddison around me and my boyfriend's age. His name is John btw. Well for some reason, John, his dad and Angie and her daughter Maddison are all in a group chat on Facebook together. Maddison used to date one of John's brother a long time ago, and I've always felt like she had an attraction towards John too. Well he's been staying down at his dad's over the weekend when he wasn't staying with me, and going over there through the week as well. His dad lives way down in Piedmont which is extremely far from where John works and where he's been staying at. Apparently he messaged everyone in the group chat asking if he could come down this Monday and that Maddison girl joked with him saying no you can't come here. And he joked back with her saying ohhh man I knew it. Something along those lines. We've always had a very loyal and committed relationship with no history or cheating or lying. He had told me he was spending the night at his uncle Brad's house who he works with. Brad lives across the street from where they work, it's an auto shop. Well I have access to his Facebook account and logged in and saw that he was actually going to stay down at his dad's. He messaged his dad around 7 saying he's coming down now. Whole time he's talking to me telling me he's at Brad's. Around 9:00 at night he said he's getting ready to watch a movie and then we texted goodnight and I went to bed. When I woke up the next day and checked his Facebook that's when I found out he lied to me. It freaked me out and upset because i thought that we had been doing good and I didn't understand why he would rather drive all the way down to his dad's instead of staying with me. Unless there's a reason why he would rather go down to his dad's. I messaged him and said I'm not doing too good and that I would like to talk in person about some things. He basically refused to talk in person, stating that he's busy after work and can't stop by. As a reminder we've been sleeping together and hanging out and a few weeks ago he stopped by after he got off work and we had sex. So it seems like he has time to come over for some you know what but doesn't have the time to see me when it's important. I also want to mention that he was in the hospital last week with a kidney stone and had to have it removed. I tried my best to be there for him and show him how much I love and care about him. I did visit him and bring flowers and a card. He seemed to really appreciate it and we talked while I was there about our rent and he told me to keep my head up and that things are going really good between us. Well back to what happened that caused him to get so angry with me. When he refused to see me in person and talk i told him that I would just rather wait until he was able to see me so that we wouldn't have any miscommunication talking about this over the phone or through text. He told me that now since I didn't want to tell him what was going on that our plans to have him spend the night with me Saturday were soured and he didn't want to come by now. He said he wasn't trying to be hurtful but it unsettled me that he was pretty much threatening me to tell him or else he's not coming over 
I called him and said that there have been some things that you haven't been completely honest about. He told me the reason why he didn't tell me he went to his dad's was that it was a last minute decision. Remember that it was 9 something at night when he texted me that he was at Brad's watching a movie. He had work the next day so why would he drive an hour down to his dad's that late at night? He didn't, his Facebook messages show that he went down to his dad's around 7. He got upset with me on the phone because I was asking why he wouldn't just stay with me and why has he been telling everyone that he isn't in contact with me at all when we talk every day and see each other every weekend. He said it was because he doesn't want everyone to know his business about me and him before hes sure about us getting back together. Meanwhile in the group chat he's messaging everyone telling them to watch out for me because I'm starting more drama with him. He made it seem to them like I've been causing him problems this whole time we've been apart. It's been the exact opposite of that. He's the one that's been in control of the future of our relationship and he's the one with all the power. I want to be with John and work things out, it's him that doesn't seem to be ready to come back to me. 
He hung up on me and texted me and said don't contact me anymore I'm done. I never lost my temper when I was on the phone with him, did not cuss or use any profanity at all. I was as respectful as I could possibly be. He now will not talk to me at all, I've sent several messages trying to explain my side and apologize to him. He got even more upset because he found out I messaged his mom and asked her if he was okay because he wasn't responding to anything I said. He then messaged me going off on me telling me to stop going behind his back and causing more drama for him. He's more pissed off than ever at me and I have no clue what I should do now. I know I messed up and shouldn't of texted his mom I was just feeling extremely hurt and desperate. I'm completely heart broken and I can barely function or go to work or do anything. Please I just need some insight on this and a different perspective on things.  I'm sorry if I didn't explain everything that well or I didn't make sense at times. I'm trying my best here and I'm just reaching out for help because I have no idea what else to do at this point. I love him with all of my heart and I just want the chance to fix this and resolve this. If I could explain my side and my feelings on things, and listen to what he has to say as well, I think we could find a way to work through this and get back on track to repairing our relationship. Any advice, suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.  I'm so lost right now I feel like I'll never see the light at the end of the tunnel again

[spinstermanquee]

Dear CM,

Please kick this guy to the curb.  Stop chewing on the whys and wherefores.  He is trying to have his cake and eat it too, only using you for sex and manipulating you with the "you make trouble or question me, no more d."  Get a guy who values you, not treats you like an unpaid sex worker.

Yah and please get out of his FB account and stop stalking him.  He's SO not worth the trouble.

For all y'all this was my first post trying out voice of WMII, if you know who I mean 😉

[boltnrun]

I don't understand why you apologized to him. For what? For calling him out on his lies? 

26 minutes ago, CourtneyMichelle said:

He's the one that's been in control of the future of our relationship and he's the one with all the power.

Why do you allow this? "Because I LOVE him!!" is no reason to give up your sense of self worth. Also, acting like a doormat and apologizing unnecessarily isn't sexy or attractive. It makes people lose respect for you and once the respect is gone there is no love.

29 minutes ago, CourtneyMichelle said:

we've been sleeping together and hanging out and a few weeks ago he stopped by after he got off work and we had sex. So it seems like he has time to come over for some you know what but doesn't have the time to see me when it's important.

Again, why do you allow this? He's demoted you to uncommitted casual sex partner, but you let him. 

You are better off without him. You are engaging in unhealthy and self-defeating behaviors and that's not good. Please end this permanently and consider seeing a professional to work on getting your self esteem back. You don't need to settle for a relationship like this. Know your self worth so the next guy who comes along will see you're a strong, healthy woman. That is sexy and exciting.

 

[smackie9]

He's avoiding telling you anything he is doing because he knows it will lead to an argument from you. And that's why he doesn't want to talk to you....he's tired of the arguments. Also stop having sex with him. He's just using you as a stop over. He's not working on your relationship. You can't force or make him do anything to be better...that has to be his choice. Kick him to the curb. 

 

 

[DancingFool]

I'm sorry you are hurting, but I can't help but echo the above posters. This guy is not worth your anguish.

First is accept that this is a break up, not a break. Second, realize that he dumped you because he is busy testing out waters with some else and using you as a crutch/back up girl/free sex worker in the meantime.

Third.....you say you've been loyal and honest with each other....that you know of, however, honest people do not so easily come up with the sort of deliberate lies that he is using on you. Honest people do not seek to annihilate your character to make themselves look good or even worse to make themselves look like a victim. On that note, don't ever apologize for calling someone out on their lies no matter how big of a tantrum they throw at you. Liars don't like to be called out and will rage or gaslight you or both. Rather than trying to argue and confront, make note and walk away. You deserve better.

Please stop talking to him, stop sleeping with him, and stop trying to fix anything here. Please realize that nothing here is worth fixing. This guy is not a keeper by far. Step away from this toxic mess completely for awhile so you can clear your head and see for yourself that he is being a tool and not the sort of a person you want to be with. The way he is treating you, he is giving you every reason on earth to walk away and never look back.

I know you love him and it hurts, but you are better off without him and eventually you'll see it. In the meantime, cut contact. Start figuring your own life and living situation in terms of what to do with the apartment. Lean on your friends and family and stay away from him and his. Time to focus on you. I kind of get the feeling that a lot of your unhappiness and arguing were rooted in his sh$tty treatment of you. Learn how to stop arguing and walk away for good.

[spinstermanquee]

BTW my dear, I didn't have to read but a third of the way down the original post before knowing what was going on.  Sorry if you are hurting, hugs to you (((((((  )))))))  and you got this!  Let yourself wallow a tad and then get back on your path.  He was just a crappy bus stop on your big wonderful life journey

[Andrina]

I really only read the beginning. The fact alone that he bailed instead of remaining a couple while attempting to improve things, not that he was worthy of you, shows he doesn't care about you. 

People who break up and need breaks are willing to lose you forever. 

When you get time and distance away from this mess, you will realize he did you a favor by breaking up. Go no contact. Be alone a good long while and work on your self esteem so that you won't attract, nor be attracted to, emotionally abusive men. Take care.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, CourtneyMichelle said:

We share an apartment together but since we've been apart he's since moved out  she has a daughter named Maddison around me and my boyfriend's age.. I found out he lied to me. while I was there about our rent. he doesn't want everyone to know his business about me and him before hes sure about us getting back together.

Sorry this is happening. What were the arguments about and what was the breakup about? Do you have different goals about family/commitment?

How long have you lived together? Are you both on the lease? Is he still paying rent on the apt? Is his stuff still there? 

Are you implying he's interested in his step-sister? Does he drink heavily or use drugs?

He seems checked out and deceitful. Don't beg him to come back or allow a drive-by hookup situation.

You seem sincere so take time to reflect if someone more committed and honest would be a better match.

[DarkCh0c0]

Oh girl, you don't need that man. Stop nagging or trying to get him to be someone he's not. He's not going to change. He is what he is.

It's best to distance yourself away from him and cut contact. Don't let him get the benefits of having a gf like you without lifting a finger. And stop settling for his breadcrumbs. Nowhere here have I read about how he gives to you, romances you, supports you, and treats you right. And no, love is not enough to keep a relationship. It's much much more than that.

Go no contact and start healing. At some point you still start seeing how toxic this is and that you deserve better.

[Kwothe28]

Oof. I read all. You are indeed pulling way too much weight for somebody that

- broke up with you

- sleeps with you but doesnt want to even say you got back(because in his mind you didnt got back)

- presents you as a drama queen to his family

- possibly sleeps with his future step-sister(or so Ive gathered you suspect)

You should have never taken him back. When after 6 years he broke up. And now just apparently wants sex and is actively lying to you where he is and where he sleeps. Its a tough one after 6 years together. But this guy doesnt appreciate you. At all. Otherwise he wouldnt do what he does now. Breaking up is one thing, people are allowed to go find hapiness elsewhere. But his whole behavior toward you afterward is disrespectful. He wont listen what you say because he doesnt care. You talking to him is like talking to a wall. You need to respect yourself and come to terms that you are way better without somebody like that. Because like this you will only waste time. On somebody who doesnt deserve your time of day. 

[bluecastle]

Sorry about all the hurt in your heart right now. 

Echoing much of what's been said, I think the most generous view of things is that what's happening here is what happens when two people who no longer get along, who have outgrown each other, and who no longer bring out the best in each other, struggle to be honest about all this. What soured, in short, has gone toxic.

His (first) way of not being honest was going on a "break" rather than "breaking up," and not having the respect and maturity to own that truth in him as opposed to blaming it on you. Yours was flying into "fix it" mode, thinking that if you could quickly "work on" yourself, or contort yourself into what he wanted, you could stave off the pain of losing him. Sleeping together again may have felt like progress, for a moment. But without any boundaries, and with emotions still all over the place, it generally just leads to more turbulence, like getting drunk to deal with a tough day. Now he's lying and you're snooping and respect on all sides is out the window. 

Take a breath and a few steps back—which is, I know, so very hard—and I think you'll see that who both of you are right now is not who either of you want to be. A very hard pill to swallow, that. Hugs. But I think the path you're currently on is even harder, as you're basically squeezing the blade of the knife to cure a wound. Look at the past few days—the past few months, maybe longer?— as a lesson in how that never works. Give yourself real time, and real space, to process this and I suspect you'll come to see that so much of the pain you feel is not wanting to admit that you two stopped working a good long time ago.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry, OP. 

You can't fix something by yourself. He has to want to fix it too, and he's making it very clear that he doesn't want to fix this anymore. 

It's time to do the hard thing, and see the reality that this relationship is over. 

[CourtneyMichelle]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I don't understand why you apologized to him. For what? For calling him out on his lies? 

Why do you allow this? "Because I LOVE him!!" is no reason to give up your sense of self worth. Also, acting like a doormat and apologizing unnecessarily isn't sexy or attractive. It makes people lose respect for you and once the respect is gone there is no love.

Again, why do you allow this? He's demoted you to uncommitted casual sex partner, but you let him. 

You are better off without him. You are engaging in unhealthy and self-defeating behaviors and that's not good. Please end this permanently and consider seeing a professional to work on getting your self esteem back. You don't need to settle for a relationship like this. Know your self worth so the next guy who comes along will see you're a strong, healthy woman. That is sexy and exciting.

 

Thank you for all of your input and perspective on things, it's really made me think and open my eyes to a lot that I've been overlooking. I've been such a heart broken mess that all this pain and sadness has been clouding my mind and rationale. I still haven't heard from him at all, I feel like he's just tossed me to the side like a piece of trash. I'm just so lost at this point I have no idea how to get back to a normal place of thinking and feeling. I just want to be happy again. I'm gonna try my best to pull myself together and try to get my life back on track. I just can't believe the person that I've been with for 6 years is a heartless liar who never cared for me in all actuality. It's a really tough pill to swallow. We've been living together the entire time we've been in a relationship, never spent a day apart. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out and now I'm just floating around in life with no clear direction or purpose. I'm just wondering how I should respond if and when he decides to reach out to me. I can't thank you enough for all the advice and help you've been me. Complete strangers have shown me more kindness and compassion than the person I've spent the last 6 years of my life with. 

[boltnrun]

Of course it's going to hurt for a while. I won't lie to you about that. It's going to take time.

But one thing I always say is, you can't look to the person who hurt you to be the one to make you feel better. It doesn't make sense. 

You are a person of value. The right guy would never dream of hurting you or lying to you. This guy apparently can and does. But he's not the right one.

If he reaches out for sex, tell him you're not available. And stick to it. You have value, remember that.

Please be kind to yourself. Spend time with friends and family. And forgive yourself if you feel like crying. I promise it won't be forever.

[reinventmyself]

In the meantime google gaslighting.

His lies caught up with him and if he had any integrity he'd take responsibility.  Instead he chose to flip you on the mat and make this all about some mysterious character flaw that you have.  Your reaction to being gaslit is pretty textbook because now you're the one who feels guilty and is apologizing. 

Take a deep breath and step back. Do you now see how twisted that is?

[CourtneyMichelle]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. What were the arguments about and what was the breakup about? Do you have different goals about family/commitment?

How long have you lived together? Are you both on the lease? Is he still paying rent on the apt? Is his stuff still there? 

Are you implying he's interested in his step-sister? Does he drink heavily or use drugs?

He seems checked out and deceitful. Don't beg him to come back or allow a drive-by hookup situation.

You seem sincere so take time to reflect if someone more committed and honest would be a better match.

The arguments were always over little stupid things. Like not helping around the house, not pitching in when it's time to clean, letting little things upset me. We have the same goals as far as wanting a family and children and wanting to be in a committed relationship. We've lived together the entire time we've been in a relationship. We lived with my parents at first until we were able to save up and get our own apartment. We both are on the lease and he has not helped me pay the rent since he's left. He's given me no money for any of the bills. He makes a lot more money than me and he knows that. He took mostly all his stuff when he first left but he did leave a lot of his clothes and other things. Mostly he already took all his stuff.

And I'm not sure about him being interested in his step sister but he seems to always want to go down to his dad's and it didn't used to be like that. Maddison is his dad's girlfriend's oldest daughter. She lives with them down there and has a 6 month old baby. John, his dad, his dad's girlfriend Angie and her daughter Maddison are all in a group chat on Facebook called the first born club (John is his dad's first born and Maddison is Angie's first born) they all message on there and send memes and stupid crap. That Maddison girl actually dated one of John's brothers years ago and John always told me that he would never go out with any of his brother's ex's. Just the way John always wants to go down to his dad's so much always seemed strange to me. And I found out about a month ago while we were apart that John went down to his dad's to stay with Maddison while his dad and Angie went out for a while. Angie has younger kids that live with them as well so Maddisoj stayed so she could watch her younger siblings and her baby. John's dad asked him if he would come down and stay with her while they went out for a while. He agreed so I'm assuming he was hanging out with her while his dad and Angie were gone. He never told me any of this and still doesn't know that I know. I found out by logging into his fb and checking his messages. 

And lastly no he's not on any drugs or drinks at all. Neither of us do any of that, but we do smoke marijuana. 

I'm sorry I'm trying to give as much info as I can, there's so much to go over my mind starts going all over the place. Thank you for all your input and advice, everyone on here as been SO kind and so helpful to me. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I really needed to hear these things. 

[CourtneyMichelle]

34 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

In the meantime google gaslighting.

His lies caught up with him and if he had any integrity he'd take responsibility.  Instead he chose to flip you on the mat and make this all about some mysterious character flaw that you have.  Your reaction to being gaslit is pretty textbook because now you're the one who feels guilty and is apologizing. 

Take a deep breath and step back. Do you now see how twisted that is?

Yes you're so right, I actually googled gas lighting last night and was reading articles about it. I felt like I was reading about my own personal situation, it rang so many bells with me. It really hurts you to your core when someone you loved and thought loved you can turn around and treat you like that. I just never expected John to be like this, it's impossible to get through to him. It's like talking to a brick wall, like that one person said. I can't help but wonder if and when he'll try to reach out to me. And what I should do or how I should feel. I know that I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore and I want to start treating myself better. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply to this post, it truly does mean a lot to me. Everyone on here has been extremely sweet and helpful, I never expected the outpour of kindness and compassion I've got. It's definitely helped me a lot.

[bluecastle]

Questions: If you look at how you're feeling right now—anxious, panic-stricken, that you are in the wrong, that you must make it right or else—is it a feeling you had often during the relationship? I'm just trying to get some sense of your overall history and dynamic prior to these days when everything has gone sour and topsy-turvy.

Breakups really, really sting, and they can lead otherwise decent people to behave indecently. Hugs again. Your hurt jumps off the screen, and reminds me of my own, when I've been there. Know, hard as it is to believe right now, that there is another side to this and that you're getting there.

Do you have a good support group you can lean on right now? 

 

[spinstermanquee]

1 hour ago, CourtneyMichelle said:

I can't help but wonder if and when he'll try to reach out to me.

Hmmm.  Might not be a good idea to engage further if you are serious about keeping yourself safe from further abuse

[maew]

Oh jeez OP I feel this in my soul…. the beautiful thing about being human is that we have free will… the challenge is that we need to accept the consequences that go with our choices, good bad or indifferent.

The consequences you are experiencing are the result of your choice to stay in a relationship that is one sided. 
 

Believe me I get it… have done it multiple times.. and been in a world of hurt and confusion as a result.

Let’s put it this way… in my experience, if the guy really wants to be with you, you will never be confused or wonder where you stand or have to beg him to spend time with you, he will make it very clear by his words and his actions that he wants you in his life.

 

[CourtneyMichelle]

22 minutes ago, spinstermanquee said:

Hmmm.  Might not be a good idea to engage further if you are serious about keeping yourself safe from further abuse

I know, you are absolutely right. It's just extremely hard losing someone that I care so much about. I thought that maybe he would reach out to try and fix things but no, I've heard nothing from him. Yesterday and the day before I sent several messages, ranging from apologies, begging and pleading, to pouring my heart out. Nothing I do or say works at all. No amount of crying, or apologizing does anything. He shows no empathy or any will or want to resolve things between us. I know that I'm only hurting myself by doing all of that extra crap, I'm only making myself look like a desperate fool. I can't help it, that's exactly how I feel. But I know that's getting me absolutely no where. I just need to try and hold myself up, stop over thinking everything and focus on getting back to a healthier state of mind. These past couple months have taken a huge toll on my physical and mental health. I've lost so much weight, terrible bags under my eyes and horrible sleep patterns. Whenever I start to doubt myself and feel weak, I need to push myself to remember all of the advice I've received. It's really opened my eyes to a lot, and all the people that have commented on my post seem so genuine and experienced with these kind of things. I don't really have any friends or people I hang out with, I lost all of that a long time ago. I've isolated myself so much from everything that I don't even know how to be a person just being on my own. That's why I posted here, since I don't really have anyone to talk to about any of this expect my family. And that's what I've been trying to do, surround myself with family that I know really love me and care about me. I definitely have a lot to think about. I'm just amazed at how wonderfully kind and helpful everyone has been to me on here. Strangers taking time out of their day to offer advice to someone they've never even met. It's touched my heart and has really mde me think about how I'm being treated. 

I just hope and pray the future brings me peace and happiness, I'm going to try my best to stay strong. 

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, CourtneyMichelle said:

I can't help but wonder if and when he'll try to reach out to me.

Then don't let that happen. Be proactive. Text him, because he doesn't deserve more, that you will be going no contact for closure. And don't even wait for his reply. Block his number.

And then you will really start the process you will have to go through--the various stages. The mourning stage will include sadness, and then the anger will begin to override that. And then you will begin to think of him less and less until you reach the point where you will no longer think of him daily. To reach this goal, you will have to go no contact, because every time you communicate, it will be pulling the scab off the wound, and you will have to start the process all over again.

That happened to me with a one year relationship I was in, with someone wrong for me. Nine months after he broke up with me, I met my future husband, who I appreciated all the more since he was a million times better than Mr. Wrong.

Take care and pamper yourself. It's the year of the tiger, so start acting strong like one.

[spinstermanquee]

Read Andrina's tag line:

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~ C.S.Lewis

[CourtneyMichelle]

21 minutes ago, maew said:

Oh jeez OP I feel this in my soul…. the beautiful thing about being human is that we have free will… the challenge is that we need to accept the consequences that go with our choices, good bad or indifferent.

The consequences you are experiencing are the result of your choice to stay in a relationship that is one sided. 
 

Believe me I get it… have done it multiple times.. and been in a world of hurt and confusion as a result.

Let’s put it this way… in my experience, if the guy really wants to be with you, you will never be confused or wonder where you stand or have to beg him to spend time with you, he will make it very clear by his words and his actions that he wants you in his life.

 

I know, accepting the fact that a huge part of my life is gone is something I can't even begin to process. Even though it's been 2 months of us on a break, I started to feel like things were going okay again when we started talking and hanging out. I wish I wasn't so stressed so I could find better words to explain myself lol

It's like he pulled me back into a false hope of security and reconciliation. Sending me good morning beautiful texts, telling me how much he loves me and wants to be with only me. That he would never do anything to hurt me or betray me in anyway. Wanting to spend the night with me, telling me he wants to continue working on things between us and rebuilding our relationship. We had originally planned on him coming over this Saturday to spend the night again. I was planning on bringing up our relationship this weekend and asking him how much longer he needs until he's ready to finally come back. This whole time I've not once asked him anything of the sort, I've tried to steer clear or serious relationship talk and only keep things light and cheerful between us. It seems like he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity for him to have a reason to truly get rid of me for good. I know I haven't been perfect and I've said things I didn't mean and gotten angry when I shouldn't have. Basic emotional things that everyone deals with, especially if you're a female. But I've never been deceitful, I've never cheated, never hurt his family or loved ones, never tried to break his things or steal from him, I've never done anything that serious to warrant the kind of treatment and behavior I've been having to deal with. Just last week during this time I was visiting him in the hospital and making plans to see him again. I don't understand how a person can go from one extreme to another. Especially over what happened, the moment I bring up anything about him or what he's been doing it all gets flipped on me and I'm the bad guy for bringing anything up and "causing more drama" like he said. I'm not allowed to question anything or have a right to express my feelings? I never cussed, never used any profanity or a hostile tone when speaking with him. He just immediately shut down the moment I brought up his dishonesty. Deny, deny, deny. That's all I got, and then I'm the one someone apologizing and feeling like the f up. 

After I confronted him about lying to me his whole personality changed. He went from super sweet and loving, to extremely hurtful and caulless. I can't help but be a confused mess, it's mind boggling how he can flip a switch and completely shut down on me.

[boltnrun]

Whenever I tried to talk to my ex about the other women I suspected he was seeing he would say "Why are you trying to ruin our relationship?" Putting it on me so I'd feel guilty and stop asking questions. Turns out, he was indeed seeing other women behind my back.

Yes, it's going to hurt for a while. You'll go over and over it in your mind. But please, please do not contact him and definitely do not cry, beg, plead, apologize or offer to do anything, just anything, if he'd just come back to you. He is not worthy of your love and devotion.

Time apart will help you see more clearly. But it needs to truly be time apart. No texts or calls, no "hanging out" and absolutely, positively no sex. He doesn't get to enjoy your body if he can't even be honest with you.

I do have a question though...why don't you have any friends? Did you give them all up to focus on him?