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How can I fix things between me and my boyfriend of 6 years?


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The guy lies to everyone about where he is at any given time, so it's no surprise that he's shut down getting called on that.

People who are skilled at lying are also skilled in deflecting by turning the tables.

He is not trust-worthy. Even if he were begging to get back with you, you'd have won the battle but lost the war. He's already proven a willingness to mistreat you, and for nothing more than the crime of recognizing that you can't believe a word he says.

And, you can't trust him the moment your back is turned. Who wants to live like that?

Of course, dis-illusion-ment is painful. My heart goes out to you. Continue surrounding yourself with family, and consider best ways to manage yourself out of a lease you can't afford. 

If you can gain a new start from the comfort of your family's home, you will also gain the perspective to not only view this guy through the right lens, you can make it your private goal to surprise everyone--including your Self, with your resilience and your ability to bounce back to create a fabulous future for yourself. One step at a time.

Take baby steps. Reward yourself for small movements in the right direction. Honor your grief, but speak to yourself with an inner voice of an encouraging coach rather than a harsh imaginary judge or jury. 

We all learn from living, and you are learning that your unique value is intrinsic rather than assigned to you by someone who's too cowardly to be honest with you.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

 

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3 hours ago, bluecastle said:

Questions: If you look at how you're feeling right now—anxious, panic-stricken, that you are in the wrong, that you must make it right or else—is it a feeling you had often during the relationship? I'm just trying to get some sense of your overall history and dynamic prior to these days when everything has gone sour and topsy-turvy.

Breakups really, really sting, and they can lead otherwise decent people to behave indecently. Hugs again. Your hurt jumps off the screen, and reminds me of my own, when I've been there. Know, hard as it is to believe right now, that there is another side to this and that you're getting there.

Do you have a good support group you can lean on right now? 

Yes it is. Whenever we had arguments he would usually give me the silent treatment or cold shoulder. Taking multiple days up to a week to get over being upset.

I will admit, I'm a very emotional person (I'm a cancer ️) and often lose my cool or let little things bother me. It mostly stems from insecurity and self pity I think. If I had the money I would be more than willing to go to therapy or counseling of some sort. I've always wanted to that anyway, I've had a lot of turmoil in my life starting early on in my life.

Most of the reasons he gave me for leaving was that I get angry too often and take it out on him. He said he's tired of feeling like a punching bag and being treated like sh$t. 

I know I've messed up in the past and haven't handled things in the best way I could but I've always stuck by his side and wanted to be with him no matter what. 

There's been other instances before in our relationship about his dishonesty. Lying about losing his job, lying about his money and paychecks. Each time it was an explosive argument and I NEVER could get to the bottom of anything. He always came up with an excuse and a way to turn it around so I was the one who felt bad for even questioning him. 

I do have a good support group but it's a very small one. It's basically just my mom and dad, and a couple of good family friends. I stopped being social a log time ago, I guess I just get a lot of social anxiety and I'm very self conscious about myself. I wish I did have actual friends though, I wouldn't even know where to begin on how to make friends again. I basically go to work, come home and spend time with my family and then go to sleep. 

I really appreciate what you said, I guess I'm in so much anguish and heart ache right now it's apparent even through text. I am pouring my emotions out and trying to explain things the best I can, my mind is all over the place these days. But talking about it and getting it all out there has helped me in ways I didn't even know about. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, even if it's a shattered torn mess right now. Sending you hugs as well, even if they're virtual it definitely feels good to feel some love ❤️

 

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Why have you isolated yourself from everyone to the point that you don't have any friends left, OP?

It doesn't sound like this was a particularly healthy relaitonship. You have been attached at the hip from the beginning, it appears, and made the mistake of revolving your entire life around him. Living together immediately is never a good idea, and it seems as though it set the tone for your emotional dependence on him in the relationship. 

Reading between the lines, you give a lot more than you get and this was very lopsided. 

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10 hours ago, CourtneyMichelle said:

. We both are on the lease and he has not helped me pay the rent since he's left. 

He's responsible for his portion of the rent.  Tell him you're changing the locks and throwing his stuff out. You can't be responsible for his things and since he basically moved out without paying, you don't have to be a free storage unit. You need to tell the landlord that he broke the lease.

You have a lot of legal and financial problems to worry about. Take care of those.

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