Advice please

[Laura45]

Hi all,

 

I need some advice please

I have  2 photo albums in my bedroom wardrobe of my two boys when they were babys from their first scans till they were about 5 or 6 years old. My oldest son is 22 years old so that's how long I've had them and there's pictures in there with them with their dad holding them growing up. We are no longer together but ive always kept the albums as there are because one day I'll give them to the boys. Now my partner of 3 years is going mad about it saying I shouldn't still have the albums with their dad in and I shouldn't be still holding on to them because of this he has been verbually abusive and calling me a *** he hates me and that I still love my ex thats why I keep them (which is not the case) we been split up for 17 years..hes since blocked me and told me we are done I have to pick him or keeping the photos...please tell me am I wrong in keeping the albums in my wardrobe in my bedroom is he right...he says he's told people and they have said im wrong. It's escalated from someone liking my picture on fb from my work place to him snap shoting people from my friends list to this thing about my albums I've had this all week.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Laura45 said:

Now my partner of 3 years is going mad about it saying I shouldn't still have the albums with their dad in and I shouldn't be still holding on to them because of this he has been verbually abusive and calling me a *** he hates me.

He's abusive. What was he doing snooping through your drawers?

Tell him to F himself and delete and block him and change the locks.  Tell trusted friends and family about the abuse and do not get isolated. 

Are your adult sons living at home? 

[Laura45]

Hi wiseman,

1 of my sons live at-home the other one has left home he didn't snoop but my mum came over and said can u bring the baby albums down so I did and he saw the pics then and then I took them back to my room he didn't say anything then that was months ago but he has started this week and it's really stressed me out because I never thought it would be an issue.

[Smile4me]

This is not about you or your intentions, this is his jealously and control coming out. If you got rid of the albums it would be something new next week. I would keep the albums and get rid of the partner.

[SooSad33]

45 minutes ago, Laura45 said:

Now my partner of 3 years is going mad about it saying I shouldn't still have the albums with their dad in and I shouldn't be still holding on to them because of this he has been verbually abusive and calling me a *** he hates me and that I still love my ex thats why I keep them (which is not the case) we been split up for 17 years..hes since blocked me and told me we are done I have to pick him or keeping the photos.

This is ridiculous behaviour! 😕 

No one should be going at you about what you have or choose to hold on to!  These are pics of them with their 'father'.  I also have pics of my ex... and yes, of him with them.  It's part of our lives.. our past.  Just because we're done, their father was part of THEM.

AND, He's been verbally abusive towards you?  Now, with threats of him or those pics?  Kick his butt to the curb.. totally rude & disrespectful. ( I am assuming he's got no kids or a past?).

 

 

 

[Laura45]

I know this Is what I keep telling him but he won't have it...hes telling me I can keep the pics but he is gone..honestly this whole thing is stressing me out...

[greenfox4]

Why would you want to be with someone like that anyway? He sounds controlling, paranoid and insecure.

[Wiseman2]

43 minutes ago, Laura45 said:

1 of my sons live at-home the other one has left home.my mum came over and said can u bring the baby albums down so I did and he saw the pics then and then I took them back to my room he didn't say anything then that was months ago but he has started this week and it's really stressed me out because I never thought it would be an issue.

Does he live with you? Give the albums to your sons for safe keeping. He is displaying many abusive behaviors. Research "Red flags for abusive/controlling relationships".

[Laura45]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does he live with you? Give the albums to your sons for safe keeping. He is displaying many abusive behaviors. Research "Red flags for abusive/controlling relationships".

No he doesn't live with me (thank god) but ur right about the abusive behaviour part I'm seeing it alot now.

[Andrina]

He's toxic, calling you a horrible name and saying he hates you, etc. My husband's never once said anything about all the family photos from my first marriage in countless albums. Grown kids sometimes take a while to be on their own and having space in their new homes for those momentos. I've given my daughters some photos, but am still trying to sort them into new albums of what I want to keep and what I want to give to them.

You should feel anxious spending one more second with the jerk, not about getting rid of him or the albums. Sounds like your self-worth needs boosting, because I have a feeling this wasn't the first time his true, ugly nature hasn't reared its ugly head, and subconsciously you thought this man was all you deserve in life. Believe me, you can do far better. 

[smackie9]

simple keep the photos and lose the BF.

[Laura45]

Thankyou so much everyone im sorry but I had to ask the question because he's been making me suffer all week and making me think I'm in the wrong ive been really stressed...hes ignored me..hung up on me...talked over me...called me nasty, a ***...he hates me...he's done and he's blocked me and everyone he has spoken to said I was wrong...

[waffle]

You've been with him three years?  Can we correctly assume this isn't the first time his controlling and abusive nature has come out?

Even if he's been amazing and wonderful prior to this, be aware that this is a hint of things to come with this guy if you stayed with him.  Be thankful he made the decision to leave so you don't have to deal with him anymore.  Something tells me he'll be back to harass you further, though. 😞

Anyone ever telling me they hate me, the relationship is over right then, no negotiation.  Bye. 

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Laura45 said:

Thankyou so much everyone im sorry but I had to ask the question because he's been making me suffer all week and making me think I'm in the wrong ive been really stressed...hes ignored me..hung up on me...talked over me...called me nasty, a ***...he hates me...he's done and he's blocked me and everyone he has spoken to said I was wrong...

Throw the big baby out with the bath water....

[1a1a]

Joining the chorus of dump this mfa 

[catfeeder]

8 hours ago, Laura45 said:

he has been verbually abusive and calling me a *** he hates me

I would ditch the guy, he's a dangerous mess.

I'd let him tell people whatever he wants, because when he opens his mouth, it speaks of him, not you.

It might be smart to contact your local hospital, women's shelter or domestic violence organization to request a counseling session to ensure that you are safe from this guy.

He has serious problems, and he could be harmful to you.

[MissCanuck]

I am going to bet the farm that this is not the first time he's been abusive with you. Correct? 

[Laura45]

Verbually No...its everytime there is an argument he will shout at swear down the phone. When I'm talking he will talk over me then hang up then ignore me or block me. If I speak to anyone then I'm accused of talking to them behind his back and I'm called a narsty a B**ch he hates me etc he's done it in front of his friends to and they told him to stop. So yeah it's been like it for a while he's never apoligised ever and no it seems to be getting worse and he's going from one thing to another.

[MissCanuck]

Gently, why on earth are you still with this horrible man?

He's verbally and emotionally abusive. This has zero to do with the damn photos - it's just an extension of his abuse. 

Do you really want to continue this? Do your sons see how he treats you? 

[Laura45]

If you keep hearing it long enough you start to then think is it right or wrong what I'm doing  and he's telling me that people have been telling him I'm in the wrong and he's saying I'm sick etc that's why I came here to ask the forum...the thing is I havnt spoken to the kids dad he's now got a new family and lives in a different city and the bf never met him he's not been around at all and he's saying that I have broken his heart that he's gone because I have chosen my ex over him hes not going to be 2nd ...they are old pictures in an album!!!!...its madness!

[MissCanuck]

Laura. 

This is not about your ex. Or the photos. It is pointless to try to explain that to him, because it really has nothing to do with that. 

It's about your boyfriend's abuse. You need to get away from him. Have you got any supportive friends or family near you? Do they know how he treats you? Are you able to seek some professional counselling to help you navigate your feelings and improve your self-worth? 

This man is horrid but I am more concerned that you are here seeking advice about convincing him that you're innocent rather than how to get out of this bad relationship. 

[Laura45]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Gently, why on earth are you still with this horrible man?

He's verbally and emotionally abusive. This has zero to do with the damn photos - it's just an extension of his abuse. 

Do you really want to continue this? Do your sons see how he treats you? 

The boys havnt seen it but they know about it and they have told me to leave him...yesterday when all of this was going on I came home from work upset because I was drained trying to talk to him and him keep hanging up the phone my son could see it and he knew it was him that made me upset and said mum this is ur chance now to get rid of him its stupid what he's going on about..to be honest I've thought about ending it for a while but sometimes I question myself is it actually me causing it...but after talking with you all in the forum I'm more clear now and I wont continue with it.

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Laura45 said:

sometimes I question myself is it actually me causing it...but after talking with you all in the forum I'm more clear now and I wont continue with it.

That is very good to hear. 

You are not causing this. You have simply chosen a man who is abusive, and abusers will pick fights about anything and everything as a means of controlling you and continuing the cycle of abuse. This is about him, not you. And it is never going to get better. 

Please, do right by yourself (and your sons) and get out of this immediately. Prove to yourself what a strong woman you can be. 

[Laura45]

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Laura. 

This is not about your ex. Or the photos. It is pointless to try to explain that to him, because it really has nothing to do with that. 

It's about your boyfriend's abuse. You need to get away from him. Have you got any supportive friends or family near you? Do they know how he treats you? Are you able to seek some professional counselling to help you navigate your feelings and improve your self-worth? 

This man is horrid but I am more concerned that you are here seeking advice about convincing him that you're innocent rather than how to get out of this bad relationship. 

I have no friends and family around me really but i talk to them on the phone they all say the same thing to get rid....its hard to find councilling at all especially since the covid and most places have a long waiting list the only councilling I have found is the ones online that you pay a lot of money for but I'd like to go to someone and talk with them...

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Laura45 said:

The boys havnt seen it but they know about it and they have told me to leave him... and said mum this is ur chance now to get rid of him 

Listen to your family.