Trying to Understand my (Ex)Girlfriend

[Danny76]

My (ex) girlfriend and myself have been having some issues the last couple of months. She has told me she was unhappy with our relationship. I have been inconsistent with making her happy all the time. Let me say that she has told me over and over that she has never been treated as good by any guy like how I have treated her. She has said numerous times that she would never do any better. She knows how good I am for her and her son and tells me that.I have my issues and quirks that I can see why she's not happy all the time. She has told me many times the last few months that she was not happy and she needed to keep focusing on her side business-which does require a lot of work-and raising her son. I always said I would step back and let her do what she has to do and I would deal with my issues as well. What ever happened after that who knows. She sets plans all the time and would be upset that I never did but the reality of it was I did have plans with my life. I told her of my plans and she was impressed with it and seemed surprise I never told her. So anyway, I wanted to make her happy so I planned a trip overseas and we went. She loved it but as soon as she got back she got rid of me. I told her how that would make her look bad. I do have some physical issues as well-some she knows about, some not and sometimes she insults me when I do something minor and klutzy not knowing of my physical issues (not that telling her would change her mind). Anyway, we got together for Christmas and she said that she loved spending Christmas with me and it was the best one she had in a long time-and even told co-workers this. We spent NYE together and we had a wonderful time staying at home with her son and play board games. Now she's telling me that she wants never to speak to me, come by, etc. She says she get anxiety now if I do (she wasn't getting anxiety when I was pulling out my credit card to pay for trip though-but don't criticize her on that). She wants to move on. I say she's upset with the fact that after having a wonderful time for holidays and making her happy, she's disappointed that I could never do that all the time. If she removes me completely from her life, she can try to forget her feelings for me. Thats my hypothesis. Of course I never bother her and we've been texting before this revelation to help me with my side business. Now she wants to completely remove me.  I always back off and never pressure her to get back. Its pointless to pressure her to get back and work it out or do something nice for her to hear her go "AWWW". Let her do her thing and let me deal with my issues-albeit minor. She said she would text me next week to help me with my business. I know I'll run into her again too. Opinions and thoughts on this?

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Danny76 said:

she needed to keep focusing on her side business-which does require a lot of work-and raising her son.. Now she's telling me that she wants never to speak to me, come by, etc. 

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? Where is the boy's father?

It sounds like she's an overwhelmed single parent.

 It seems she's been thinking about the incompatibility for a while and after deliberating decided to pull the plug.

All you can do is step back and move forward.

[Lambert]

Why are dealing with nonsense?

She's your ex but you're spending holidays together, treating her like a girlfriend, only to be told she loves it, but you won't keeping doing it. What the heck? 

How can you win in this situation? You can only live one day at a time. You can't change the past or her hang ups.

You changed your behavior. That was enough. It has to be- for you to know you did your best, but she has her own issues to deal with. 

Remove her from your life and business for good. Take care of yourself. 

Meet someone emotionally available to you. That works with you.  That sees you trying and tries, too.

You deserve better. You will find it.  Don't allow yourself to be jerked around and treated like this. 

[Kwothe28]

I think you should avoid flackiness in general. Spending holidays together and then just saying that she doesnt want to see you ever, is not something that you should have to deal with. Its not your job to make her happy all the time. Your job is to be a viable partner. If she doesnt think that, OK, let her go to find somebody better. But then you shouldnt play family together for holidays or ever again. 

[SooSad33]

I didn't see any mention of how long you two were involved.

But, as you said, she seemed over joyed when you pulled out your credit card - so what's that tell you?

You feel worthless?  Like you don't 'measure up' to her standards.. I think this is it.  And if a woman is only 'happy' when treated like a queen, then this isn;t for you!

And for a relationship to be successful, a couple needs to communicate and work things out, not pull away or push your partner away all of the time.  ( you kept bowing down and leaving her alone to 'deal with her stuff').

I see a few issue's with this woman.  I think you've bent over backwards plenty and it needs to just stop now!

Be strong and do not reach out anymore, at all.  She does not deserve you by messing you up this way.  You need to learn your own self respect and not be used.

I have learned over time to respect myself, I don't chase or beg for attention and I am just fine being on my own.  I have never used someone and won't let someone use me.

 

[Danny76]

If anyone wants to know, almost 2 years together. BTW, she does need to take meds as well. When she does take her meds, she's sweet and lovable. She promised me she would take them all the time back on Thanksgiving and do her behavioral therapy course but she didn't do that. She did wind up texting me several times later in the day to discuss podcasts about side businesses and stuff. so much for not texting me anymore

[Andrina]

I never recommend being with someone who doesn't stay the course the managing their mental health. In what you write, I don't see love, and you're lacking in her eyes. 

There's a great quote from the movie Juno, when the father tells his teen daughter when they are talking about her dating life: "The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out of your ass."

After going no contact, it'll likely take 4 to 6 months for you to stop thinking of her daily.  Start today. A new year, a new beginning, freeing you to be able to eventually find  someone who matches that quote.

[gamon]

On 1/6/2022 at 8:34 AM, Danny76 said:

 I wanted to make her happy so I planned a trip overseas and we went. She loved it but as soon as she got back she got rid of me. I told her how that would make her look bad.

This is a rather odd statement. If she breaks up with you she'll look bad? To who? Why does it matter what others might think of her decision to break up with you? Seems like a rather manipulative thing to say. Did you intend to try to guilt her into staying with you even though she clearly wanted out, just because you went on a vacation together? There's something wrong with that way of thinking.

[Seraphim]

One thing that REALLY stuck out for me, “ she said I didn’t make her happy all the time” Here is a news flash- NO ONE is happy all the time and people are responsible for their own happiness. She is going to be one unhappy individual with a lot of failed relationships until she figures this out. 
 

Please avoid her she is an 8 year old masquerading as an adult. 

[Wiseman2]

56 minutes ago, Danny76 said:

When she does take her meds, she's sweet and lovable. and do her behavioral therapy course but she didn't do that. 

Being noncompliant with treatment and sabotaging her mental health Is part of who she is.

[Seraphim]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Being noncompliant with treatment and sabotaging her mental health Is part of who she is.

I agree this is a non starter. Never get involved with someone like this.